Indecisiveness
- Uhh. This article is about indecisiveness. I think you were looking for this, but I don't know.
Indecisiveness or indecision is the inability to decide. It's your decision to believe this. I'm not kidding. Or am I? This inability is experienced by all people but in different extents. As determined by numerous local studies, indecisiveness is encountered every hour by 65% of the North American population on mainly multiple choice tests, voting booths, 50% Off! shopping sprees, and when to check what time it is. Not all of the studies have come to the same conclusion. About 10% of studies show that indecisiveness is caused by an external factor, not contained to our minds.
History[edit | edit source]
Indecisiveness is described best by this author:
| “ |
Indecisiveness... well... it's... uh... how would you describe it? It's when you... erm... no, that's wrong. Suffice to say, I'll finish this article later. No, I'l do it now. No, tomorrow... perhaps. Which? Oh, do I finish this article now or later? Jesus this is hard. |
” |
Yes, it's that hard. Well, not that hard.
The first undecidable question[edit | edit source]
Scientists and theorists are currently studying the origin of indecision. They determined that the first occurrence of indecisiveness is during the times of the Stone Age regarding the famous invention, the wheel. When the first stone carvers made the round, circular stone wheel, they faced a problem. The scientific community posed a hypothesis that the carvers' question was:
| “ | Should we charge extra for installation? | ” |
Do you take Visa?
Ways to deal with indecision[edit | edit source]
“False. I mean true. I mean false.”
There are ways to deal with indecisiveness. Some ways include die-rolling, flipping toast, and picking coins out of a hat. Here are popular methods that have been found effective.
Two-sided die[edit | edit source]
The two-sided die is usually used to make a “yes or no” type of decision. This die is usually thrown in the air above someone's head. If the die falls on “heads,” then the result is “yes.” Otherwise, the result is “no.” When used properly, almost all of the indecisiveness is removed from the user's situation. However, without a die, indecision increases proportionally to time.
Asking on a website forum[edit | edit source]
A website forum is extremely useful for decisions that may have multiple outcomes. Someone with indecisiveness can simply browse the Internet to a forum and simply ask their question. Here is a short example (includes mouse-over tooltip notes on some parts):
| Teh leet fora
PLEASE READ THIS FIRST BEFORE POSTING | |
|---|---|
| nned help ha ha i neeb |
heys, i need help on something |
| TheLSkills Extreme Leet Hacker |
Read the top of the page before posting, thanks! Your friendly guides irc #leet “n00!” ~ SudoR00T |
| nned help ha ha i neeb |
i think i broke my floopy drive, where do i buy a new one |
| SudoR00T root admin# |
you are so in for a perma-ban!1 |
| nned help ha ha i neeb |
ok, im going to by a perma-band flopy drive then, thanks guys :) |
Another decision successfully made!
Win the lottery[edit | edit source]
This method requires purchasing some lottery tickets. A person using this method will think of a situation and several possible outcomes or decisions. Assign each outcome a number starting from zero. Purchase a ticket and wait until the the numbers are published. Next, match the number of winning numbers to your assigned outcomes. For example, if you have 4 of the winning numbers matching your ticket, then do outcome #4. Finally, discard the ticket (preferably into the recycle bin).
The Automagic Decider 1.0[edit | edit source]
The Automagic Decider is a recently developed technology that actually is able to pick what you think that you might like! Its advanced random number generator is totally biased and completely sane for everyday use.
- For purchase inquiries, please see your local unadmins “hi-techno” shop available in the intranetallic nodes of the intertube connectory listings.*
*Not available in all IP addresses
Print this out and check them off as completed
Today...
Page improvements[edit | edit source]
- You will improve this page: Click here for article
- You will stare at this File: Click here for image
- And as well, improve these pages since you have the time: article 2, article 3, and article 4
Meals[edit | edit source]
- Your breakfast will consist of: Fresh steak with a side of Mediawiki syntax sprinkled with HTML elements. Mmm! Delicious or mouth-watering? You call that a breakfast? Oh, my mistake. Uncyclopedia knows best...
- This meal is to be repeated when necessary. Uncyclo's orders!
Social[edit | edit source]
- Renew your friendship with that tense Shabidoo who disenchantingly assassinated your eyeball.
- Hey presto – that's tense!
- Go Warlock hunting today. Remember to bring plenty of halberds because that monster might be in human-sniffing state.
- Pour some white wine amongst your friend's orange skulls.
- Claim you sighted a Namekian in New Delhi to get some attention, but you didn't have your axe. (In actuality, all you saw was some bear in a dome of stars.)
Sleep[edit | edit source]
- You will prepare to sleep at: 8:10 PM
- Brush your teeth: No. Fresh steak breath.
- Wait 1 minute before jumping in bed
- Lights out after 7 minutes.
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