User talk:Under user/Archive 16

Reap

--Sycamore (Talk) 10:47, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

21 minutes. By your standards, an ice age. --UU - natter 10:49, Mar 11

I heard they called you five minute UU;)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:53, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

It took me time and effort to achieve that distinction. That, and a can of "stud" delay spray. --UU - natter 10:59, Mar 11

Efficiancy is the name of the game as well as the ability to push forward the aims and goals of HMS Uncycshagatsea.--Sycamore (Talk) 11:06, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Seen those new delay condoms you can get, with a local anaesthetic on the inside to prevent premature ejaculation? Put one on inside out, and she won't even wake up... Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:31, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

'Lo

I notice that you appear to be starting work on a new article about spectacular fails. I found this picture online earlier - any use to you? :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:21, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

Er, that page is just my "quote of the day" template for my userpage, detailing any particular stupidity I see on the wiki. The line about green chocolate is my favourite. Thanks for the image, but no, it doesn't fit! --UU - natter 12:25, Mar 12

He can't be working on anything new, because 'WE STILL HAVE AN OPENED COLLAB! ~ 12:33, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, because you haven't started, written, finished, had peed and VFHed any articles in the time that collab has been open ;-) As I said somewhere else, my creative juices are very dry right now. I'm waiting for them to get sparked into life again, at which point I will do a Cajek impression and work on everything at once. Right now it's all I can do to think of stuff for the Signpost most weeks, and joke ban people. Speaking of which... --UU - natter 13:58, Mar 12

about sally acorn article

Look man, I didn't just put the same article that was deleted. I was in the process of editing it. Don't just glance at the article. If the article looks the same from a glance can't you just read the whole thing before taking it off? I really put a lot of new stuff on it. ----jupiterfox

Edit the version in your userspace to your heart's content, then put it back when it is done. You're still editing the article, and there's no chance it will be deleted while you do so. Most of us start new articles that way, and many of our best writers refuse to put articles in the mainspace until they're good and ready. You still have the page, you can work on it, just don't put it in mainspace until it's ready. What's the rush? What's the problem? --UU - natter 16:44, Mar 12

Also, I did a quick compare, and they looked the same to me. I have other stuff to do than look through for minute differences in the version you put in mainspace, especially when there's a version you can edit in your userspace. --UU - natter 16:46, Mar 12

yo man, i edited the sally article some.im still kinda stuck though.i feel that if i put too many true stuff, i will just be creating a wiki article.i know the article is random but if you still think its too random just look at the articles on here about malcom x(rapper) and the burger king.all information about those characters are random and fabricated. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Jupiterfox (talk • contribs)

OK, 1. Sign your posts please with the 4 tildes (~~~~). 2. We try to avoid random. Thing is, we have a lot of pages, and not enough users - there are some random pages out there, we know, but we try to do something about that with rewrites and deletions and colonisations and the like. Bottom line is random articles can survive, if they go un-noticed, but there's always the chance they'll get deleted. You can mainspace the article if you want, and it may well survive and thrive. But if it gets deleted, don't say I didn't warn you! I would counsel either patience, and a bit more userspace fixing followed by a pee review, or maybe a jump of ship to Illogicopedia, where they positively thrive on random, and therefore your kind of humour might fit in a bit betterer. Whatever you do, good luck with it. --UU - natter 09:39, Mar 13

'So, erm' revisited..

Hello again, UU! In your latest archive under the heading 'so, erm', I left a question or 2. I'd read the bit about posting at the bottom (!) but after reading your answer to the original question and not 'getting it' I thought directly underneath might be more suitable. I'm obviously jus' 7 shades of wrong, but you can rest assured that I'm self-flagellating in between keystrokes to atone for my ineptitude, so I shouldn't require further punishment. (Unless, of course, you'd actually enjoy it, in which case feel free..) Cheers dude. Codeye 03:04, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

ps- incidentally, why is my text in diddymode? I want big text like you have again!!! Codeye 03:06, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

Shh! He's sleeping... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 03:08 13 March 2009

Note to self: sweep bedroom for the camera Orian has installed. Anyway, yeah, it's always better to put new stuff on the bottom of my talk page, because I'm too much of a blinkered idiot to spot it anywhere else (see for example at the top of that archive, where it seems someone has a problem with me and Orian and MrN responded because I failed to notice. Ho hum. Anyway, article health is a complicated system for deciding how long articles stay open for voting on the VFHS queue - that link should show you all the current scores and health. If you think an article you've written is good enough, and you've had a decent review, you can nom it and leave it up to the community to decide. Be warned: this can occasionally be a chastening experience - I've had noms shot down in flames that I thought were hysterical but no-one else did. Don't worry about asking questions - I'm happy to answer if I can, and I'm still asking questions of the likes of Mordillo about stuff I don't know! As for enjoying punishment, I think Orian's your man there... --UU - natter 09:22, Mar 13

Also, whoring generally means asking someone to vote for your article directly on their talk page (or on IRC). Acknowledged masters of the art included Savethemooses and Ljlego, neither of whom are active right now, sadly. Orian and Yettie, when he's here, are probably their spiritual successors in that art. Some people like it, some don't. I don't, but I'm just that kinda guy. Cheers duck! -UU - natter 09:26, Mar 13

Mhaille is the master of whoring, and I'm his Vince Vaughn like apprentice. Mhaille whores at funerals; "I know its been a sad loss but there's this thing on VFH...". Of course I'd pay to be as good, but I don't have the money.--Sycamore (Talk) 09:39, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

So I hear, although I have never encountered Mhaille whoring - probably because I'm almost never on IRC. --UU - natter 09:43, Mar 13

He's the master all right that sod. ~ 09:45, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

I can ride my bike real fast though.--Sycamore (Talk) 09:51, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure I like all this bad-mouthing me. Ok so I'm into a little bit of light domination -- what's your problem? And what if I whore? It's the only way to get attention around here because you're all so homophobic -- I Just want to be loved! ...And not-loved... /cries ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:38 13 March 2009

P.S. You'll never find it. ;) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:38 13 March 2009

Thanks for that, I think I'm beginning to get the hang of it all now. How many votes does an article need to be 'approved' or otherwise, though?

And, if I were to decide, hypothetically speaking, of course, that I should like some kind of award for my endeavours other than being featured on the front page, what should I do? It's just that I've seen everyone else seems to have some sort of accolade to speak of round these here parts and I'm jealous. (Sad, isn't it?!) Ta Duckeh. Codeye 03:38, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

An article needs to have more votes than any others in the queue at the time the featuring admin looks at it, which can be a somewhat arbitrary number. Generally speaking a score in double figures should see you home. Get a review and self-nom, or get someone nice and less busy than me to nom it for you, and see how it goes. As for winning the awards, theoretically it's just a matter of doing good work in the appropriate field - produce a few funny images or help out on UN:PIC for a PotM; revert vandalism, tidy up articles, vote and help out on VFD for a UotM; write a bunch of good articles and get 'em featured for WotM; produce a bunch of helpful, in-depth reviews for RotM... Have a look through Template:Awardpage, find one you think you could meet the requirements for, and go for it.

However, it's generally a good idea to get yourself noticed in order to get nominated (no self noms for awards). So get to know some of the folk around here, hang out on talk pages, contribute in the forums (the dump and BHOP), vote on VFH, that kind of thing. Once your name gets recognised, if you're useful, someone'll nom you sooner or later. And that's far more advice than I had time to give, so I have to get on with work before this teetering mound of paperwork crushes me. Laters! --UU - natter 09:39, Mar 16

I write funnies and do reverts. Give me an award. Please I'm gay, not giving me one is basically homophobia -- are you a homophobe, UU? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:48 16 March 2009

I don't specialise that much: I'm misanthropic - saves time. --UU - natter 09:51, Mar 16

Also... The best way I know to get people to notice you in a good way is by writing quality reviews over at UN:PEE. Also, also... Hi UU. /me ignore Orizn MrN 09:52, Mar 16

Oh you're misanthropic too! Let's be friends! :D ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:55 16 March 2009

/Me wishes 9001 was here, he's sooo dreamy. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:55 16 March 2009

UnSignpost 12th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

March 10th, 2009 • Issue 38 • Mucking up your talk page, one issue at a time

CONSPIRACY!!! By Gerrycheevers WE ARE DOOMED! Head for the hills, Uncyclopedia users, there's nothing that can save us now! As of this morning, we NO LONGER EXIST!!! Now, if you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "why, that Gerry fellow is quite mad. Since I am reading the UnSignpost now, then both I and Uncyclopedia must still exist." To this i say to you: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. Furthermore, it is also WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY THINK YOU THINK. Reactions were mixed today at the wiki. Some theorized that uncyclopedia.wikia.com was, in fact, sinking. In response to this, the women (all 3 of them) and children were loaded onto lifeboats and fired out of the lifeboat-cannon, in hopes that they would land far away enough from the landlocked Uncyc as to find a body of water. Other preparations included the Cajek string quartet playing rousing versions of traditional ship-sinking music. While it might seem rash for an official non-cabal-run periodical to endorse panic, the UnSignpost urges all Uncyclopedia users to abandon all reason and logic in an attempt to save themselves. The best course of action is most likely the one that involves the maximum amount of screaming, arm-flailing, and general insanity. The Uncyclopedia Store is likely to be looted quickly, so be sure to stop by early to maximize you chances at getting the best stuff. Count to a Million: Update By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians have continued their brave foray into the dangerous world of numbers, today reaching the long-awaited benchmark of 3,239. The constitutes nearly 1/300th of the total goal, meaning we are 0.32% of the way there! Users were overjoyed, confused, and generally apathetic about the achievement. Since its inception on February 20th, 2008, many different counters, or 'c-ters' as they refer to themselves, have contributed to the project. The content of the countup has varied greatly, from battleships to cartoon characters to road signs, and yet never deviating very far away from pornography. At any rate, it seems Uncyclopedia admin and Chair of the Committee to Investigate and Eliminate Needless Committees Spang's experiment to destroy the internet has not succeeded...yet. The project has advanced at a rate of 8.39 numbers per day, a respectable clip considering the enormous effort involved in adding the next number in the sequence. At this brisk clip, the project will reach completion at 18:45 UT on June 24, 2334. Until that day, Uncyclopedians can only hope, dream, and continue in the increasingly difficult task of adding one to a moderately large number.

Check out these pages! Silliness Pointlessness Eyerapeness From our logs: 23:47, 9 March 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.23.110.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking 'please don't delete this page'--my favorite part about that idea was how original it was.) 04:39, 10 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked CS SHITTY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE YOU MONGOLOIDS COMING FROM?!?!?!?!?!!?!) 16:08, 10 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.170.199.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("He who shall be an idiot shall be striked down with furious anger". Book of Mordillo, chapter one verse 3) 10:52, 11 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.89.227.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (we apologise for taking so long to ban you, but we get there in the end. also, I think you'll find it is you who loves the cock.) Biopic of the Week Guildensternenstein ~ With one of the hardest usernames to spell correctly (and not one that's hard but fun, like some users), Guildie has splashed upon the Uncyc scene with a gusto. Displaying a knack for writing humor (the main prerequisite to be considered "ballin'" by fellow Uncyclopedians), he also takes part in the current trends of Pee Review and Imperial Colonization, making him popular and, thus, cooler than you. Old-School Featured Article of the Week This is it. The big one. The greatest article in Uncyclopedia history...Bears. Yes, these foraging lunatics are masters of cryogenics, and will stop at nothing in their quests for honey, human flesh, and pic-a-nic baskets. Cajek ban of the week 15:14, 6 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (I am very troubled by the fact you were not banned in a while. Has the community given up on you???)

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9001(bot)  21:48, Mar 13

Edit of committee

Notice you undid it, I only edited it because I have done 2 more in-depth reviews and it only says you can edit if you know how (html is eeaasy) sorry if it was a mistake though. --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 16:36, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

Ahh, 'taint just the html though - reviews need to be checked by a SK first, and recorded on those large tables on the page before being added to the top 5 tables. Only checked reviews get added, and reviews get checked by SKs only. It gives you a bit of a headache, to be honest, which is probably why the SKs only do it if I specifically ask, or pretend they forgot all about it (lookin' at you Orian). So yeah - win RotM, and you can update it with my blessing, but not until. Appreciate you wanting to help though, I really do! --UU - natter 16:46, Mar 16

Oh you big flirt. *Camp hand* ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:14 16 March 2009

Well I'll have to win it eventually, eventually I "WILL" get it right. --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 17:34, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

UU da man!

Cheers dude, yer a bleddy good (U)un. More to all this than I thought - I've been lingering in the shadows at the far end of the car park of Uncyc, it seems.. Yer a bleddy bogger an all though. Y'are, yer a bogger yo are. Check my talk page, you removed some content I posted. The whole bit was supposed to be ironic around the theme of Uncyc being edit-able by any Don, Rick and Barry. No-one had really 'removed my funny ending to the joke', the whole point was made up and I wasn't trying to be offensive anyway. (I'm sure you already know that.)  ;~) Not that I'm bovvered anyway...(blub)!

Oh yeah, If Orion gets an award for being homosexual, I want one too. I almost always have sex at home (well, at somebody's home, at least), although I'm not gay. (I think my boyfriend might be, though!) I do have a cookie now to call my own at least, so we'll have to see how it crumbles.. Ta me duck. A cunta dun note abah' note wee-ah' yor 'elp annam rayt bleddy glad onnit, ayeyam rairlleh. Yon me Crissmuss Card liss, y'are! Guwwonn wi ya! Codeye 09:35, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

Aww meyte, no worrehs, job's a gudun, see yer dahn citeh some time! --UU - natter 09:40, Mar 17

It made sense up until he spelled my name wrong after that it was all Welsh. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:09 17 March 2009

I'm too lazy to make a template...

As you well know from various flirtations with the list! Anyway, thanks for the vote on Driving in Bucharest, it's really appreciated. (Also, I wasn't being modest, I really wasn't!) –—Hv (talk) 17/03 18:01

In Gratitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next sexual act to your honor. Thank you.

The following sexual acts are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Self-gratification Spousal coitus Purchased sex Casual encounter

NOTE: Only under limited circumstances will this act actually involve you.

`Lo

So how is Mrs. UU doing? All is fine? ~ 09:28, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, as predicted confidently by me she's fine. I am, of course, expecting many favours for being so supportive and understanding to her for the last few weeks ;-) --UU - natter 09:41, Mar 18

EWW!!! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:42 18 March 2009

Would that be an XBOX games budget? ~ 09:48, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

I suspect Orian's guess may be closer. --UU - natter 09:50, Mar 18

They hold us all by the balls the ladies. ~ 09:52, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

But in a good way, if you play your cards right. --UU - natter 09:53, Mar 18

EWW!!! Also any one got Resident Evil 5? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:04 18 March 2009

Hit me!

Hit me with your rhythm stick/ hit me! hit me!/ Hit me harder hit me quick!/ hit me with your rhythm stick.

Or not. I mean whatever's easiest. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:50 18 March 2009

Man, if you're that bored, you could always do a review... --UU - natter 14:52, Mar 18

But I'm going to die. I've just realised I'm actually gonna die, it could be any moment or a hundred years from now (well sixty, or forty even because there's a history of heart disease and nobody tires of telling me how much I look like grandfather George) but I'm gonna die and I need to do something about actually living first instead of this unending void that's occasionally interrupted by a birthday. Except I lack drive and social skills and suddenly it all seems so pointless anyway. I might be going insane. Thanks for this UU, I came here to be entertained and now you're just depressing me. ): well done you you. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:14 18 March 2009

Bot problems

Just so ya know. MrN9001 appears to be malfunctioning currently. I'm not sure what's happening with the paper, but I'm not going to be around today or tonight to give 9001 the usual talking to he requires. However, we did manage to hook up Mnbvcxz with a bot recently, so if the paper does become ready today maybe he could send it out. :-) MrN 11:50, Mar 19

No worries, although I may just let Gerry know that as well - I am struggling to find the time to write the Signpost at present. Do simple stuffs yes, write things no. --UU - natter 13:32, Mar 19

while we're on the subject UU, do you have any comments regarding the comically large bonuses given to the cheif editors of the Signpost? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:24, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

I don't think there have been any "comically large" bonuses paid out. There have simply been adequate contractual remunerations allocated to key staff to reward their loyalty and unstinting efforts. Every penny of these almost insignificant amounts is richly deserved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a large yacht and fill a swimming pool with cash to float it on. --UU - natter 19:34, Mar 19

UnSignpost 19th March

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

March 19th, 2009 • Issue 39 • Committed to both Bringing You The News and The Happywood Insane Asylum

Forum topic created; Modusoperandi posts witty response By Gerrycheevers At a certain point this week, a relatively green uncyclopedian posed a rather ill-advised question on one of the Forums quaintly known to patrons of this silly wiki as the 'Village Dump'. A few seconds after the aforementioned certain point this week, resident cheek-tonguer Modusoperandi responded by intentionally misinterpreting the meaning of the question, twisting the querist's words, taking advantage of some sort of delicious pun, or otherwise causing mischief in the usually serious, informative Forum. Reactions were, as usual, mixed in the community. Several anonymous users were outraged at the lack of tact and formality displayed by the wily Modus. "Uncyclopedia is serious business," said one pitchfork-wielding mob participant. "We would descend into total anarchy if it weren't for the court system, the press, the boron smelting plant, and the sanctity of our information distribution system." Other users seemed to support the flashing of rapier wit, claiming "if we can't laugh a little, then what's the point? Without humor, we'd end up in hell like all those poor souls who lived before Jesus invented comedy in 23 A.D." Modusoperandi himself declined to comment on the situation, only offering this brief reply to a query seeking a comment: "She told me that she was eighteen. She also told me that she human and was not, in fact, a bonobo. If you have any other questions, please direct them to my law firm; Alan, Whitcomb, Silverstein & Bonobo." It seems the elusive Mr. Operandi is free to continue in his forum havoc-wreaking, as nobody has stepped up to officially denounce his actions. All bonobos involved were unavailable for comment. UnSignpost Editors Under Fire for Bonuses By Gerrycheevers This week the Uncyclopedia community was outraged to learn that the UnSignpost, which recently received a Wikia bailout, will be giving hefty bonuses to the very dunderheads responsible for driving the periodical into the ground in the first place. The extremely active Uncyclopedia Senate has vowed that action will be taken against the editors set to receive the lucrative bonuses. It may be possible that they will be blocked from editing or even exiled to another wiki. Uncyclopedians were, for the most part, outraged. Popular user Mnbvcxz had an unrelated statement quote-mined by an UnSignpost journalist to produce the following comment:"I[...]is[...]finished," a possible indication that he will leave the site in protest of the bonuses. The founders of the newspaper refused comment, as they want nothing to do with it anymore, and true to that mission this reporter was chased off the the grounds of the Cajek mansion by bunnies wearing bee costumes. The current editors were hounded, with Under user having this to say: "I don't think there have been any "comically large" bonuses paid out. There have simply been adequate contractual remunerations allocated to key staff to reward their loyalty and unstinting efforts. Every penny of these almost insignificant amounts is richly deserved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a large yacht and fill a swimming pool with cash to float it on." Gerrycheevers was absolutely unavailable at press time.

Check out these pages! Windows sucks The ratings system sucks You suck From our logs: 11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.) 11:10, 17 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.124.60.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is a sharp pointy thingy up your ass. My finger. Don't worry, I washed it) 11:43, 18 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) moved Jon snow to Jon Snow ‎ (capital punishment) 11:39, 19 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insubordination) Biopic of the Week Savethemooses is one of the legends of Uncyc lore. Once the king of the featured article hill, his recent inactivity has allowed him to slip to seventh, despite having twenty-five features, which is more than you ever will. In fact, the only way you will ever come close to experiencing the glory that was STM's being is to go nominate several of his articles on VFH right now. Like, right now. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Pixellated Face Disease is a rare condition in which a person's face, caught on camera, will become blurred, or 'pixellated'. There is no known cure for the disease, and there are several associated conditions, such as Blurred Registration Plateism and Black Strip syndrome, the latter only affecting the eye region. Cajek Ban Joke of the Week In this week's uproariously funny UnSignpost issue, the second story misdirection-links the phrase "blocked from editing" to Cajek's userpage. Retraction of the Week The current editors of the UnSignpost have recently become aware of startling differences between the current Signposts and editions from early in the newspaper's history. We would therefore like to retract the following issues: #1, #3, #6-13, and #16.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MnbvcxzBot 05:41, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Sup Mr. User?

What's the procedure for getting an image deleted? -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:05, 20 Mar

Ohai Opty, I keep meaning to say it's nice to see you about the place again. Have I done that yet? I am getting on a bit, and my memory isn't what it was. Anyway, that image: If it's one of yours, purrit on QVFD, using the [[:imagename.jpg]] format. If it's not one of yours, and it's shock, do the same. If you just think we need to be rid of it, I have seen images listed in VFD using the same format in the nom box thingy. That help? Nice to see you about the place again, by the way. --UU - natter 15:09, Mar 20

Nice to be back; thanks. It's a shock image, but it's too old for qvfd. Should I put it there anyways? It's nasty, used to be on Bukkake (Unsurprise) but I edited it out and now it's orphaned nastiness. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:22, 20 Mar

If it's both shock and orphaned, put it on there with a comment to that effect, and we'll take care of it. --UU - natter 15:24, Mar 20

You're ignoring me again aren't you? :,( ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:34 20 March 2009

Did you hear that? Anyways, maybe it's not shock, but it's also not funny even in the context of the article and I think it's more suited to ED. It's far more graphic than anything I'd expect to see here. But whatever I guess. -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:45, 20 Mar

Hear what? --UU - natter 16:55, Mar 20

I'm not your friend anymore. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:09 20 March 2009

You're still my friend. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:17, 20 Mar

Aw, that's nice. Thanks Opty. What prompted that comment? --UU - natter 19:37, Mar 20

Dicks. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:48 20 March 2009

You Banned me!!!

I love you! That's all I wanted I'll leave you along to ignore me in peace now. have funs! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:24 20 March 2009

Wait, you banned him and not me? I thought we were friends! -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:03, 20 Mar

*Me snuggles into UU, showing Opty that he's mine.* ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:31 20 March 2009

Doesn't Orian normally appear on UU's talk page and say something about now? MrN 22:36, Mar 20

Penis. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:03, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

That first comment was mine I merely forgot to sign. anywhoo. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:24 20 March 2009

In gratitouille

 In gratitude for your vote  

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"   Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process. So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate the next time I hit myself on the head with a heavy object to you. Thank you. The following heavy objects are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to use in dedicating my head-bashing to your user name. Ball-Peen Hammer Four-Post Bed Golden Happy Buddha Mickey Rourke

hi

What do you think of The Woodburninator? It's for an article. --Docile hippopotamus 01:33, 22 March 2009 (UTC)

I think of all people the same way. I'm a misanthrope - I find it saves time. --UU - natter 09:53, Mar 22

I'm on a train to Brussels

And I wonder if when I get there, I'll see a small platform with a big sign on it saying:"Just kidding". ~ 09:39, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm into the third day of a headache that won't shift, and I'm starting to think that a train journey to Brussels would be preferable. What did you do to deserve getting sent there? ;-) --UU - natter 09:51, Mar 24

I had too much fun during the weekend. Was in Baden-Baden "So nice they named it twice" ~ 09:55, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Sounds dangerous. Maybe Brussels is sufficient punishment for such debauchery... --UU - natter 10:14, Mar 24

PLS judging

I'm sending you this because you are signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of doing so, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go, here are the instructions:

First, read all of the articles in your specified category. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). Post your top 5 articles here. Hit me up on my talk page for questions, comments, if these rules are not cognisant within you, or of you don't know what the word "cognisant" means.

Thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise!

Sorry for the impersonality, but laziness trumps all, as I say. –—Hv (talk) 24/03 20:34

I'll get to it. Can't do it today, work then football. Maybe tomorrow, depending on stuff (my parents are coming to visit for a long weekend, so I'm on best behaviour). If not tomorrow, it'll have to be monday, probably. can you stand the suspense? --UU - natter 14:51, Mar 25

You ageist shit!

Just because I'm too young to have seen The Young Ones is not grounds for a banning! This is abuse of power! It is, you, you fascist! Although it did give me the chance to find a free episode. and once it loads I'll see what all the fuss is about. Now if only you could force me to do something constructive... (I'm joking btw, I really can't be bothered.) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:33 25 March 2009

Videos, DVDs, endless repeats on cable channels, YouTube... What's age got to do with it, junior? The Young Ones is a bit of a marmite type comedy - you love or hate it. For me, it was a major influence on my sense of humour largely because it was so different to anything else on TV at the time (yes, back when there were only 3 channels on the telly). However Mrs UU has tried repeatedly, bless 'er, and still fails to understand why I'm laughing so hard. The very best episode is "Bambi" - if you watch that and still don't like it, we will have to agree to differ evermore. Now, if I can find time to do 3 reviews this month, I'm sure you can. Or I won't joke ban you for a month. --UU - natter 10:53, Mar 25

What's a YouTube? I don't have cable, and I can't programme my VCR anyway so the point is moot. anyway so far it seems odd. In an odd way. Kinda like that Bo Bornham guy, just on the cusp of being hilarious but failing, slightly. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:09 25 March 2009

I'm American, 17, and yet even I have seen The Young Ones. It is quite the humourous program. —Sir SysRq (talk) 13:29, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

American... Does not hate... Young Ones... Does not compute... *head explodes* --UU - natter 13:31, Mar 25

Haha yeah. I don't know, it's hilarious. Although I can't say I've ever eaten spilled lentil casserole on the floor. —Sir SysRq (talk) 13:51, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Sounds like the hygiene standards of students are improving then. My floor was never clean enough to eat your dinner off, but that didn't stop me on several occasions following alcohol-induced spillages. Living room carpet pizza was the best - all the cheap white wine we'd spilled on the floor over the years had a kind of marinading effect... --UU - natter 14:03, Mar 25

I wonder what would happen if I had pizza off my living room carpet. You'd probably end up pregnant. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:06, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Don't flatter yourself. Possibly mild food poisoning and nausea at worst. --UU - natter 14:19, Mar 25

I was really talking more about the large quantities of semen dried into my carpet. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:22, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

So was I. --UU - natter 14:23, Mar 25

Oh. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:25, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Of course, I only have Orian's testimony to base that on... --UU - natter 14:34, Mar 25

My mum didn't get that. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:46 25 March 2009

She did, however, conceive you after wearing a skirt and no underwear and then sitting on one of my chairs in my house. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:10, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Actually no we're just half brothers. yeah, I just called your dad a slut. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:32 25 March 2009

Yeah, I just called your mom a tramp who walks around in no underwear. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:46, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah... And your dad's a slut. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:47 25 March 2009

Thanks!

Neil thanks you for voting! Obviously by Neil I mean 'I' cos you know that people who refer to themselves in the third person like that actually tend to be kinda narcissistic and I'm not - well I mean I wouldn't say I was - so from now on I'll say 'I', I just had to say Neil so you knew that it was me and not somebody else. So I came here to say thanks for advertising my daily torment I hope that now more people will have a greater understanding of why I'm so dysfunctional. Thanks, did I say that?

And more anal than me in the sense that you're neater and more precise. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:40 26 March 2009

I presume that's also a thanks for giving you the impetus to write the darn thing in the first place? ;-) --UU - natter 13:47, Mar 26

Oh actually yeah! I'd forgotten sorry. You're awsome! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:00 26 March 2009

signpost

morning fellow editor-in-chief. the signpost is sadly still a blank template this week. i can work on it some today; are you able to also? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:39, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

That is the plan good sir. If this pile of "to do" stuff on my desk doesn't bury my computer I should be good to make a telling contribution. --UU - natter 13:48, Mar 26

well i should be able to finish up, but not until later tonight. do we have a mindless drone lined up for delivery? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:37, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh, you cheeky so and so. Might be better if Mnbvcxz delivers this one as I'm having trouble getting MrN's head through the door at the moment, but if Mnbvcxz can't do it I can. 9001(bot)  18:41, Mar 26

Have you seen this?

The Young Ones (TV series). It's shameful. Maybe I have forgotten how to use search, but we apparently don't have an article. MrN 01:10, Mar 28

I've never seen anything that parodies comedy turn out to be funny. But I'd be interested to see what you come up with. even though I've watched it now and it still isn't making me laugh (even though I recognise it is genius.) :( ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:44 29 March 2009

Oh yea? Baldrick is on VFH right now. ;-) MrN 23:50, Mar 29

Eh... Who? What? Is this something else I'm too young to remember or is it just a straight-person thing? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:53 29 March 2009

*holds head in hands and weeps for the future of this country* --UU - natter 09:32, Mar 30

Oh wait is he from Blackadder? That thing wot has that guy in it who presents Timeteam? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:09 30 March 2009

I'm attempting the Young Ones Article, the idea to do so not suggested to me in any shape or form by MrN9000 up there, nor did he tell me any of those secrets about you and that funny looking Spaniel. But if you wanted to add anything to it (because, by God does it need humourous content!) then, by all means, go for it! :) It has potential I feel. --Mykell 20:24, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

No but is he like? The guy that presents TimeTeam and wears a dress in that More 4 advert? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:13 1 April 2009

UnSignpost 26th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

March 26th, 2009 • Issue 40• Spooning the Soggy Vegetables of Truth from the Luke-warm Soup of the News

MrN's banstick stuck in "on" position By UU Popular admin, underwear enthusiast and raconteur MrN9000 has gone on a ban-rampage unprecedented in the recent history of the wiki. Seemingly keen to win his first bastard admin award, the conscientious custodian has already banned more people this month than all the other admins combined. The other admins rallied bravely, with even Spang being seen to ban someone (only his third of the year) as they tried to show they were not now completely surplus to requirements. However, even as this story was typed, MrN banned another 3 vandals, rendering their efforts ultimately futile. Speculation that he is trying to ban more people on an individual basis than Hinoa managed in one go when he banned the whole of Italy cannot be confirmed or denied at the time of going to press. When asked about his phenomenal spree, MrN said "What do all these buttons with "Ban" written on them do? I keep pushing them, but nothing appears to happen". Banning legend Mordillo, when asked for a comment on MrN's ban excesses, said "I believe the man is a menace, and danger to society. I believe he should be castrated, quartered, hanged, torched and his ashes should be scattered over France. I believe he should burn in hell for all eternity. What? Do I feel pity about all those who he banned? Fuck no, I didn't have anyone to ban because of the bastard!" Uncyclopedia now famous By Gerrycheevers In a totally unexpected development, Uncyclopedia has officially earned the worldwide recognition it has longed for since its inception. On the website digg.com, all internet content is sorted and ranked by coolness, similar to the process found in many middle schools. It seems Uncyc's page on spam has reached sufficient 'cool' status as to cause the rest of the site to become invited to the "cool kid's lunch table", along with theonion.com and cracked.com. Reactions were unusually mixed today in the Uncyclopedia break room. When asked what it's like to suddenly be cool, Optimuschris said, "shit, I'll let you know when I find out." Another user, DrStrange, was asked for a comment, and promptly responded "comment duly delivered!" Clearly, popularity has already gone to Uncyclopedians' heads, as such chippy responses are rarely seen. Uncyclopedians have become too cool for school. When asked for comment regarding adding a sentence to the end of this article to extend its length and make this week's UnSignpost look pretty, Gerrycheevers said, "bugger off."

Check out these pages! April fool? 24,000 articles and counting A welcome new feature? From our logs: 14:22, 26 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: UN:FAIL another victim of the Gay trap. Yep, this means that you are probably homosexual. Seriously, one day you will realise this yourself.) 01:24, 24 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Q.V. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (FINE!!!!! I'LL SUCK YOUR COCK!!!! GOD, I JUST LOVE THE SEMEN OF A RACIST!!!!!!) 23:28, 20 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Barton sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Whilst Barton does indeed suck, you're barely literate and tragically unfunny. Read HTBFANJS and try again later.) Biopic of the Week Continuing our series of biopics on Uncyc legends, Hardwick Fundlebuggy won Writer of the Month back in 2006, at a time when you were lucky to have an article survive VFD. His awesome writing style resulted in him being named Writer of the Year, of which there are only four so far. It's just unfortunate he had to go to jail... Old-School Featured Article of the Week Snopes is a website dealing with the delicious diversion that is rumor. Whenever you overhear there is a computer virus set to attack, whenever you hear that your favorite horse is actually a zebra, whenever you are told your girlfriend is a lesbian...Snopes will be there to tell you the truth...mostly. Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week 23:10, 5 April 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 67 seconds ‎ (That'll teach YOU to get a false sense of security!)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  01:59, Mar 28

Holy CRAP!

Just dropped into the wiki to read around, and I happened to notice you have 112 reviews. I want to congratulate you on breaking 100!

Anyway... see ya around. *rides off into the sunset* Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀20:16 March 28 2009 20:16, 28 March 2009 (UTC)

He's also an admin now. And I have 5 features! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:40 28 March 2009

Javascap! Good to see your sig and know that you're somewhere around on the interwebs still. Hope life is treating you well, wherever you are man! --UU - natter 09:33, Mar 30

Question

You told me its best to use userspace copies to work on. I'm just wondering if you can tell me how to make one. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Iwillkillyou333 (talk • contribs)

I gots this, as Sir UU is too powerful to answer the likes of a meager weakling like yourself. No offense I hope, UU is a bit of a dick. But if you want to make an article on cheese, instead of starting a page called [[cheese]] make it say [[User:Iwillkillyou333/Cheese]]. That's what I have always done and no one has stopped me yet. It will link to this: User:Iwillkillyou333/Cheese which, when you are done, you can move it to the mainspace. I hope I explained it right ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:08, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. --Iwillkillyou333 00:47, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

What Tagstit said, minus the bit about being too powerful and a dick, plus a bit about having rl stuff to do, and also a bit about the hilarious joke ban I'm about to give Tagstit for his helpful response. --UU - natter 09:28, Mar 30

Haha, you may have thought I learned. But I haven't! You dick. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 13:45, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

How about now? --UU - natter 14:02, Mar 30

UU's a dick with cherries and cream on top... mmmm, *Me eats UU* ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:10 30 March 2009

Tagstit? How about now? --UU - natter 14:26, Mar 30

Look out Orian...here comes Mrs UU...-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 18:07, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Psh, not likely, DIIIIIICKKKK! Here I will even draw what you look like: 8==>. (Portrait of UU, aka...a dick) ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 22:28, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Let's see who gets bored first... --UU - natter 10:48, Mar 31

Did my fiftieth review! Woohoo! =). And oh, my friend, it is on. It is on. Crap, I said friend, when I reallllly meant dick. And oh, my dick, it is on. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 13:18, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

That's funnny because it makes you sound like you have an erection. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:33 31 March 2009

Wow haha I actually laughed out loud there. But nevertheless...UU is a dick. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 13:48, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Ban it for the Zull

Wasn't he a character in one of the Ghostbusters films? ~ 12:16, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

I though he was the guy with the weird voice from Police Academy 2? --UU - natter 12:18, Mar 30

So it was him who stole the sausages out of my refrigerator... MrN 18:16, Mar 30

No, that was Orian. He's easily confused. --UU - natter 10:49, Mar 31

Oh. So those were't frozen knobs... Shit. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:24 31 March 2009

Part 2 of the great comedy exchange!

Right watch that. This is the sort of thing (or at least the writers of this show) is what has influenced my sense of humour (perhaps too much as Olipro pointed out). ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:24 31 March 2009

I am aware of Mitchell and Webb, and my opinion is that I really like Mitchell when he's just being himself on things like QI, Mock The Week etc, but I'm not so fond of him in his other shows. Like you with The Young Ones I guess, I can see why people like it, but it's so not my kind of thing. I am very bad with cringe comedy, which Peep Show especially is. I really find it all but unwatchable, although I can appreciate how well done it is. I like some ideas a lot, mind, such as the snooker commentators and Angel Summoner or whoever. Guess we're just different people - who'd'a thunk it? --UU - natter 09:22, Apr 1

Actually I do prefer Mitchell over Webb (especially in things like QI), but I guess we do have to agree to differ because for me Peep Show is the very best of comedy. but either way we both seem to like each other's stuff, so it all works out. :) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:43 1 April 2009

in case ya missed it... This guy appears to be knocking out all the British classics which we are sorely missing. MrN 14:47, Apr 1

Oh yeah, I did notice him (How could I not with an ass like that? (Bet it's now that I find out he's like twelve or, worse, straight. Well actually not worse but it's less convenient -- actually no! That really isn't what I meant at all. But imagine it, you see this fit girl (or bird or whatever slang you choose) and then you find out she's actually this analogy isn't gonna work is it? Because that sort of turns you people on doesn't it? Anyway the short of the long is I'm am not a paedophile (Is that spelled with one "l" or two? see I can't be; I don't even know how to spell it))) He seems like a good new user! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:10 1 April 2009

I saw, I just didn't have time to take a look or give a proper response. Still don't really, but I'll have a look and chip in if I can. I'm more concerned about Orian and what kind of people he thinks I am - very little turns me on, Orian, being (as I have vouchsafed elsewhere on this very page) a misanthrope. --UU - natter 18:55, Apr 1

Not even when I do this? -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:13, 1 Apr

I used to sort of be misanthropic. I probably wasn't, I think they all hated me more than I hated them but I just liked using the word because their stupidity amused me. And I think you're a pretty cool person, Although I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to tell if you're joking when you ban me for FIFTEEN MINUTES! Down there, I wasn't talking about anybody's mum! It was just a very clever joke and the bit above this was just more awkwardness from Neurotic. I do apologise. I'm sorry. :S ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:17 1 April 2009

Well, how much football can you watch if I ban you for two minutes? You did follow my suggestion, didn't you? Rooney's started OK, hasn't he? Not sure about Crouch, mind, but what alternative did we have? And fifteen minutes isn't a big deal - if Tagstit is persistent, he'll be getting 20 minute joke bans before long. Honestly, you complain when admins don't joke ban you, you complain when we do... --UU - natter 19:24, Apr 1

Yeah but no right because you see I thinks it's like he actually had a better season last year when he was well when he was younger, and, you know? and then there's that useless Couch shit. He's basically not good at all, I mean there are players better than him obivously but he could be better than those and yeah you get what I'm saying don't you? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:33 1 April 2009

Took his goal well though, didn't he? ;-) --UU - natter 19:36, Apr 1

And what a goal it was! but no you're right he's a very modest man that Rooney, although I remember when the sport was real and they got paid in Tens of pounds if they were lucky. That was true modesty. Not like that Roony cunt boasting as he does. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:43 1 April 2009

this week's signpost

i've completed most of it, and even managed to screw up the date yet again (i blame your switching to the silly day-month-year system). do you think you'll have time to write an article in the next day or so, or should i go ahead and wrap it up? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:18, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Gerry you are a legend, and if I am hugely wrong and it turns out there is a heaven, you are assured of your seat alongside the angels. I plan to spend this evening getting my PLS judgifying dealt with ahead of what promises to be another packed weekend. If you have the time to finish it off, then go ahead, and I look forward to seeing it (I particularly liked your "old school Cajek ban joke of the week" last time out). I should have more time free soon to crack on and nail a few issues again very soon, hopefully starting with the next one! --UU - natter 18:50, Apr 1

Euuugh. You want to nail a paper... Is that to make your willy black so mummy will like you more? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:53 1 April 2009

jolly good. i had an idea for a second article, and it was a winner, but i forgot what it was in the last hour...oh well, it'll come to me. there haven't been any cajek bans lately, because the admins around here are lazy and useless, so i had to dig one up, but i don't think i'll be making a habit out of it as most of his older bans are real and will probably only stir up old drama. anyway, i'll make something up for the remainder and send it to a robot tomorrow. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:39, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the nomination and the vote

Although its a silly template, it means a lot to me, so big thanks. /me awkwardly man hugs--Sycamore (Talk) 20:09, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 2nd April 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

April 5th, 2009 • Issue 41 • In the fashion of Illogicopedia, the only Newspaper that will dehydrate a cartoon!

EVIL WIKIA DICTATORS SHUT DOWN UNCYCLOPEDIA By Gerrycheevers Due to high operational costs and "the community being a bunch of gits", the nefarious Uncyclopedia overlords at Wikia shut down the comedy wiki yesterday. This resulted in much confusion, outrage, and blundering about in the dark. When asked to comment about the situation, Orian57 said, "No, because you'll actually put what I say into the paper, and last time you made me look really stupid. Although it is a tad inconvenient. And what do you mean 'Cabal'?" It should be noted that Orian is both exceedingly intelligent and unbearably attractive, and there most certainly is not a cabal of any kind. Other users seemed to have been expecting this for some time. Necropaxx had this to say: "Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for Wikia to do this. We Uncyclopedians have been total jerks for far too long. I suggest we all go to Wikia and give Jimbo Wales a nice big "We're sorry" and hope he's feeling generous." This editor took this advice to mean that we should vandalize Wikipedia furiously, and redirected their page on Karma to Coincidence. At press time, Uncyclopedia still did not exist, and many in the community expressed doubt that the Wikia Council would ever reinstate the site. With the recent drama over the domain change, and the promise of ads descending swiftly into every corner and crevasse of our wiki, we seem to be simply too much trouble to be bothered with. This reporter considers it to be good while it lasted, and offeres up a toast to the good old days of Uncyclopedia. Image of Dog Holding Paper, not used in UnSignpost for over Nine Months, Makes Glorious Return to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This reporter is proud to say that, after being absent from the UnSignpost for over nine months, our lovable mascot "DogNewspaper" has returned to grace this periodical once again. DogNewspaper made his debut in the second issue of the UnSignpost, which covered such stories as 'UnSignpost created' and 'Uncyclopedia is the worst'. After bringing you the second story in issues 2 through 5, DogNewspaper was promoted to "top dog", and accompanied the lead story for four issues in June 2008. DogNewspaper took an extended hiatus after Issue 9 to "see the world" and, more urgently, "sniff the world". After many exciting adventures, our mascot is back to stay, and will likely be used many more times in the coming months in what editor Gerrycheevers referred to as "blatant space-filler. DogNewspaper can take a story and squish it to the left side of the page, extending its length. Now get off my lawn!" DogNewspaper declined to comment, but did wag his tail enthusiastically before rolling over in an effort to have his belly scratched.

Check out these pages! Fabulous! Jimbo is here...? Modus and nostalgia...again From our logs: 00:52, 27 March 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.91.59.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I can't write anything for this ban reason. The amount of true doucheiness cannot be described.) 09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.) 12:57, 31 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Isaacjew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wrong, he's not a Jew loser. I'm the Jew - and you lose) 05:05, 1 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Dawg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6247 seconds ‎ (REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED VIA BANSTICK) Biopic of the Week Ljlego is another one of those 'lost legends' of Uncyclopedia. One of the ones who you don't really believe existed, but you're not so sure, because your Grandpa told you stories about him when you were little. And even after reading some of his works, you still don't believe. Maybe there's something wrong with you. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Kill two birds with one stone is a thrilling documentary describing the many ins and outs of avian massacre via large rocks. Many methods, tips, and tricks are mentioned in the cover-all guide. It is also noted that killing three birds with two stones is not any easier than killing two birds with one stone. Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week 00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  18:06, Apr 2

Thanks!

-Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 20:43, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

For your vote...

The Great Potato Massacre of March 2009 Thank you for supporting Sonje in her ruthless campaign for Potatochopper of the Month A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed in your honour.

--^Dame 22:16, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Staten Island Ferry

Would you mind putting the source for that page somewhere on my user page or a subpage and linking to it? I'd like to work on it. Rickyrab 04:37, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

Touchiness

WELL SORRY! MY SISTER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO DO THAT! THAT WASN'T ME Teh Thunderboi - Join Everquest! ( Talkpage • Sign • Contributions ) 13:04, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

1. Don't shout.
2. New stuff on bottom please. It says in big red letters and everything.
3. I had no way of knowing that, so I thought I'd leave a message on your talk page. I could have banned you, but I was trying to give you a chance first. A simple "won't happen again" would have been fine, instead of rubbing me up the wrong way. --UU - natter 13:12, Apr 4

Remind me again?

Is this guy your sock or mine? Take a look at this from his Blackadder article:

"Mr. Bean is the arch nemesis of Dr. Blackadder after the Daleks. With an array of tools at his disposal including a time machine of his own, and the ability to make a range of silly voices and pointless expressions, Mr. Bean has been a constant thorn in Dr. Blackadder's side. His plan is simple. Taking the exact form of Dr. Blackadder he produces a series of appalling TV shows pretending to be Dr. Blackadder in an attempt to tarnish his reputation. His most successful attempt being the movie Johnny English, a film so terrible that Sir Ian Fleming spun in his grave so quickly that if wire had been coiled around him and then placed in a magnet he would have powered a small town for 7 weeks."

We will soon outnumber the Americans it appears! MmmmHaaaa!!! MrN 14:18, Apr 4

I propose we change the adress to Uncyclopaedia.co.uk! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:43 7 April 2009

Question

Hey. I am whiteanddark. Creator of Resident Good, the article you huffed on the fourth of April due to...unknown reasons. That's why I am here. The question I have for you, should you choose to answer it, is this. Why did you huff my page? I just want to know why, I am not mad at you. If I have the reasons, then I can correct them, and make it funnier next time. I know that it is in my userspace for me to edit whenever I please, then I will have to ask you if it's good enough for it to be an official article. If you could state the legit reasons why you thought, in all of your awesomeness, that Resident Good was not funny, or any other reason why it did not deserve to be an official article, I would certainly consider them, and try to make corrections. Also, I know that the main problem with Resident Good is that the pictures on it are not properly formatted. The reason for that is that I tried to properly format the pages, it couldn't work out. Perhaps I made a mistake. What I did was copy the image locations, then paste them into the article. If we could talk in a chat room, or you could simply answer how to insert pictures right, I would be very grateful. Thank you very much for your time, energy, and effort you might be able to put into answering my questions, thanks.--Whiteanddark 07:25, 5 April 2009 (UTC)

I deleted it because it had both a work in progress and an ICU tag on it that had expired, and looking at your contributions, you hadn't edited since then, so I had no way of knowing if you were going to return to finish it. I did, I believe, say in the delete reason that you could ask for a copy back if you wanted one. It needs a lot of work - as you say, the pictures need formatting. But more than that, it is very random - have a look at HTBFANJS - this is not to imply you're stupid, many of our best writers use it regularly, and so do I - it's a collection of comedy writing tips that may help. A wall of quotes at the start is not a good sign as well - we had a project called "quoticide" going to cut down such quote sections to one or two. It is also pretty long. As MrN said on his talk page, upload the pictures you use with that handy "upload image/file" link on the left menu, then look at other articles to see how the images there are formatted (click to edit the page, find and steal the code you want, don't save the page, voila!) Then comes the hard part - being ruthless with yourself. Go through and read it again slowly, taking out any bits that might not make sense to other people, cutting out the more random elements. Then see how it goes. If you want more feedback at that point, try getting a pee review. And have patience - articles in userspace won't be deleted, so take your time, make it good there, don't get impatient and move it back to mainspace before it's done, or it may just get huffed again, and that won't do your confidence any good!

In conclusion: have fun writing, but remember you are writing for other people to read - leaps of logic and random ideas that seem funny to you may make no sense to any other readers. So bear that in mind, and have fun! --UU - natter 08:04, Apr 5

Drive-by Retaliation

Bless you for your intervention. I'm gonna try and clean up the corner a bit. And I'll do as you suggested on Modus' talk page. I would appreciate it if you could just have a look later on to make sure a haven't made any collosal errors as I am still technically a quasi-n00b. --^Dame 18:45, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

It was completely unexpected

And it felt great! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:23, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

yet another header under which our heroes discuss the signpost

afternoon UU...or is it evening to you? i never can remember how many hours you chaps are ahead of the states. anyway, i'll be off-wiki thursday through sunday, so i'm trying to get the signpost done early this week. i've gone and done most of the sidebar garbage, and i have an article lined up. will you be writing anything, or shall i go ahead and round it off? cheers, SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:07, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

I have an article planned, but I'm not sure if I'll get time to write anything yet again. The good news for me is the impending 4-day weekend that should see me catch up with important Uncyc duties, but the bad news is trying to fit about 8 days' work into the next 2! If you have time to finish it off today, and it's not a problem, go for it. If you don't, I'll wrap it up tomorrow evening when I get home. Now, off to check ban patrol and then get down to what I'm paid for. Toodles! --UU - natter 08:03, Apr 8

alrighty, i'll fill up this week's issue. but don't let that planned article get away; if you get it written, toss it in this week's and bump one of mine to next week's. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:12, 8 April 2009 (UTC)

update: i've thrown in a story about skull's new creation. if you want to bump out a story, you can move the VFS one to next week, as technically the voting is still open and nothing has been decided. otherwise, write one for next week, before i burn out again and go off-wiki for three months! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:08, 8 April 2009 (UTC)

The sandbox blanker IP guy

I've looked around, and it seems WP got hit by him too. Anyway, any chance of rangeblocking 151.49.0.0/18? Apparently that's the subnet he's on. –—Hv (talk) 9/04 11:53

Hi Hv. Work is fucking insane right now - I'm trying to squeeze about a week's worth of stuff into this afternoon, so not gonna be about much. I just slapped an initial ban on the prick, and if I can figure this rangeblock thing out I'll give it a go. I won't be banning a whole country or anything, right? ;-) --UU - natter 12:08, Apr 9

I don't think a one day block is gonna stop him. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:41, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, well, I am often a little nice for my own good. --UU - natter 14:46, Apr 10

Not to me, apparently... —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:44, 11 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost April 9/10th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

April 9th, 2009 • Issue 42• We Give the In-jokes Recycling Center 90% of Their Business!

Cabalists Decide Cabal Membership At Adequate Amount, Deny Existence of Cabal By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia administrators this week decried the lack of need for new recruits, as they are wholly confident in their ability to secretly control the wiki from behind a moth-eaten curtain. On the voting page, which this reporter will probably be banned for pointing out to the common folk, the current cabal members expressed their desire to see more normal non-admins, or 'normies', be involved with the recent changes page. However, the option for another member being inducted into the cabal was declined, as things like the ban patrol and the Cajek Alert System seem to be running just fine, thank you very much. Cabalists were adamant about their opinions. RAHB had the following to say: "I cannot confirm the non-existence of the non-existent cabal, being that it does not exist, and I'm no Harry Potter-reading fantasy boy. I can however confirm the existence of puppies. THEY'RE ADORABLE!" The non-existence of the cabal was further emphasized by Mordillo who declined comment when approached as he was leaving the Secret Cabal Headquarters & Tiki Lounge. Experts were skeptical of the existence of the cabal, but point out that nothing should be ruled out. "Woof," said UnSignpost political correspondent DogNewspaper (pictured), citing the low level of vandalism and general dickery since the recent opping of Under user and MrN9000, who have become known to Uncyclopedians as "The Redcoats". Co-Creator of UnSignpost Introduces New Creation By Gerrycheevers Dr. Skullthumper, co-founder of the very newspaper you are reading right now, has unrolled his newest creation, the NetBar. UnSignpost editors were too busy and ridden with jealousy to investigate the nature of this new invention, but our technology correspondant DogNewspaper (pictured) was willing to speculate on the new gadget. "Bark bark," he proclaimed, elaborating that this new thing is most likely some sort of candy bar or online tavern. This is not the first time the good doctor has abandoned the UnSignpost to work on other equally trivial projects. Fnoodle, disguised as a harmless spellcheck wiki-bot, is actually a perfect one-eight replica of Skull. This entity has nearly 20,000 edits, mostly vandalisms of pages in Thekillerfroggy's userspace. However, Fnoodle has sat abandoned in the doctor's sandbox since last October, since all of said doctor's time recently has been poured into his new project, the NetBar. Uncyclopedians had mixed reactions today. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user had this to say: "What the fuck is a NetBar?" A gathering in the Uncyclopedia break room formed, with users misguidedly attempting to ward off squirrels with the NetBar. When reached for comment, Dr. Skullthumper said, "What's an UnSignpost?"

Check out these pages! Click for great deals on Uncyclopedia merchandise! Filthy Sluts Our lovable mascot returns From our logs: 13:33, 4 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.10.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(we apologise for taking so long to ban you for this, but don't blank pages. thanks for waiting!) 19:28, 4 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.155.30.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Go play in the sandbox, little boy. Uncyclopedia is for grownups.) 22:34, 6 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute, 32 seconds ‎(There's this guy sitting next to me and he's all "man, I'm pissed off at that MrN9000 guy" and I'm like "okay") Biopic of the Week Continuing in our series on Uncyclopedia legends, Cap'n Ben is one of those legends who is actually active. Since his first edit in March of 2005, the Cap'n has been makin' it happen in various ways: via awesome writings, breaking news stories, or intructional guides. He is even up for Writer of the Month for a second time since his first WotM came back in a time when Uncyclopedia kind of sucked. But it doesn't anymore...thanks to Cap'n Ben. Cajek Ban of the Week 20:16, 2 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 78942 seconds ‎ (Unsignpost is resorting to "Old School Cajek Ban" now. It's time to bring the real deal back.) Old School Featured Article of the Week Alternative Medicine is what the cool kids used to use in high school instead of going to the nurse like the other squares. Now that those kids are all grown up, they have continued this tradition of using such non-mainstream remedies such as Extreme Colonic Irrigation, Ass Candling, Homopathy, and Inacupuncture (pictured). Space-Filler of the Week If Einstein was so smart, how come he's dead?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:19, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Pardon me

Do you think you might have time for a PEE today? -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:44, 11 Apr

Actually, just as I type this, I hear the timer going - dinner's ready. So probably not. Tomorrow, though, very possibly. --UU - natter 18:53, Apr 11

Well poo. Guildy put his stamp on this and then buggered off. If he hasn't done it by tomorrow would you mind giving us an Under user special? Actually, would you mind just giving an opinion either way? What's for dinner? -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:58, 11 Apr

Hum, it looks like you got a 'review' of sorts. Would have picked it up if not - I'll give an opinion on VFH, seeing as it's up there. And it was Cottage Pie - which is happily both a UU fave and a UU speciality. --UU - natter 08:14, Apr 12

Yeah, TKF kinda jumped the gun a bit there I think. In any case, the "review" was a little lacking... A bit of UU opinion sure would be appreciated, at least by me. What's Cottage Pie? Sounds intriguing. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:14, 14 Apr

Cottage Pie? It's a Brit staple, like a Shepherd's Pie, but with beef instead of lamb. And if you still don't know, it's a basic pie-type filling (mince, onions, veg, all in a bit of gravy) but with a nice mashed potato topping instead of pastry, and grated cheese melted on top. comfort food at its finest. I make no apologies for occasionally being boring on my own talk page, by the way. I may essay an opinion, depending on how much time I have free for such things. But I make no promises as I'm a bit pushed this week! --UU - natter 15:33, Apr 14

Ah, I never realized Sheperd's Pie was strictly lamb, although in hindsight that makes perfect sense. Sounds delicious. Wanna ship me some leftovers? Coincidentally, I was considering adding a secton about Brit food to the article, I just ran out of time. Ta for your time. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:51, 14 Apr

Pee?

I haven't had a salty UU special in ages! *nudge nudge wink wink* ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:51 12 April 2009

Aw sheesh, I was thinking of actually doing some of that writing stuff for conservation week. Haven't done any of that for aaaaages. OK, I'll rustle up a quick review, but then I'm gonna do me some writin'. --UU - natter 16:24, Apr 12

Yay! nice an speedy too. You're the coolest. If had to have any job in the world it would be with you. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:31 12 April 2009

And now that I've read it I love you more! A lot more generous than I really expected and extremely helpful. And now for responses:

• I run my articles through Word for the spell check, why is that not good enough?

  Christ knows - because Word sucks balls? The grammar checker alone is distilled fail. Could just be that because there are a few other words it won't recognise (like "Petie") that you don't spot all of the genuine ones it flags up?

• I do know the difference between you're and your I just forget them.

  *facepalm*

• Also I do have that book and I fully intend to read it, after I get through that something by King and the 9 or so Dr Who books I've not read yet -- not to mention that text book I really should at least open and that..

  I myself have a shelf of books I'm trying to read at once, so I know where you're coming from. It is a very handy read though.

• Thanks for actually explaining what people mean by "Hard to follow"! I always thought that was a way of saying "too much gay", now how do I go about changing the font?

  Like this. For your article, I'd stick to fonts most people have installed on their machines, such as Arial and Verdana, because if they don't have the font it displays as the default, and so would kind of miss the point.

• Would it be cheating to use the kids from Neurotic?

  Nah, as long as they're not ludicrously over-used, there's no harm in re-using pics from a previous article.

• Also commas, I'm always think I'm using too many, You think not enough, correct?

  Oh definitely - there were sentences there crying out for one. Lynne Truss'll set you right on that when you finally read her, but until then, the trick with reading aloud should help.

• You also suggest fleshing out, thats something else that scares me; it being too long. What ever happened to brevity is the soul of wit? I'm not saying you're wrong I think some ideas need a bit more story (perhaps not the kids though as that was already a diversion).

  You sure you know the difference between "your" and "you're"? ;-) Anyway, brevity is all very well, but having an article feel rushed is another thing entirely. It really does feel like you're skipping through to get to the next idea, and that makes the article feel sparse and forced. Look around - there are a bunch of FAs that are far longer. You don't have to go mad, but putting a bit more flesh on the bones of the later sections is strongly recommended.

Thanks again and there shall be a template of some kind coming your way (Probably a ninjastar, although they're a pain in the ass to assemble) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:13 12 April 2009

Answers above in various fonts. No problem. --UU - natter 08:26, Apr 13

Here

~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:59 14 April 2009

Oh and also...

I bought Mass Effect when I was away. It was £8, pre owned, so, providing it works I'll let you know how I like it when my friend brings my X-box back. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:59 14 April 2009

Mmm, chocolate... You're welcome. Also, have fun with Commander Shepard - I'm guessing you'll wanna play as the female version so you don't have to try and pull one of the female characters? --UU - natter 18:03, Apr 14

Oh now I have a quandry to pondery: look like a tranny or a straight boy? Which is worse. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:10 14 April 2009

Hey!

Why did you delete that talkpage? We're allowed to give IPs some advice, right? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:28, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Generally, IPs don't get talk pages, unless they show promise and get the ipjoin template, or occasionally the ohdear template if there are no admins around and you think it might stop 'em doing something. But just general talk page thingies like that? Not in my experience. --UU - natter 11:30, Apr 14

I was just letting him know that his vandalism had been noted. His other edits weren't really vandalism, so an Oh Dear template would've probably given the wrong signal. My intent was to discourage him to vandalise. As far as there is a rule about IP talkpages, it's that they are normally not welcomed and if they create it themselves, admins are free to delete it with a comment like "Register for an account". If registered users talk to IPs on their talkpage about the IP's actions and give somekind of advise, it's usually kept.
Some IP talkpages: User talk:85.232.218.171 User talk:71.17.78.167 User talk:60.234.163.106
—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:54, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Hmm, and note who created those pages you link? Yup, admins. Interesting... Not saying only admins should ever create IP talk pages, just as a rule, it's not something we encourage, particularly not in a trivial instance like that. Just sayin'. --UU - natter 20:30, Apr 14

On another note, thanks for banning that IP that was vandalising my userpage. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:56, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

You know Sock, one of these days, one of the admins you keep giving advices to, will ban your socketed arse. ~ 17:02, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

You know Mordillo, if you keep up that attitude, a lot of people you keep giving 'advices' to, will hate your Jewish arse. But I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so sorry for what I said earlier. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:07, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

You know what we need here and now? A Chill Pill! (Pops CD in player) - Oh! Shock 'Um Down! Yeah! That Chill Pill album by Warrior Soul always sorts my mood right out! --UU - natter 20:30, Apr 14

Sockpuppet for admin!!! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:36 14 April 2009

I appreciate your support. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:42, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Anyway, UU, sorry to have bothered you with this. It's not that much of an issue. I really didn't mean to be a smartass or anything (as Mordillo seems to think), I just said what I thought was how it normally worked. Again, sorry for all this mess. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:41, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Socky for admin!!! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:43 14 April 2009

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah!/

Open wide and they'll shove in/ Their meaning of life/ Oh yeah, Oh yeah/ But not for me I'll do it on my own/ Oh yeah, Oh yeah/ Open wide and swallow their meaning of life/ I can't make it work your way/ Thanks but no thanks!" --The Offspring.

Is it just me or is this song talking about oral sex? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:42 15 April 2009

While I'm here, I've cleared up and added to, Why?:Don't You Get a Job?. How does it look now? easier to follow? Better? more funnyier? Also could you be a chocolate-covered ninjastar and look through it for spelling errors. really did my best to get them all but maybe haven't. Anyway, I'm shattered. All jet lagged and messed up, you know? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:46 15 April 2009

The song is about existentialism. --Docile hippopotamus 08:43, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

You want a good song about oral sex? Try Faith No More's "Be Aggressive". I'll take a look at the article when I get a few minutes - as I said to OptyC up there where he requested an opinion, I don't have that much quality reading time right now. Banning and deleting time yes, but that's a bit different! --UU - natter 08:56, Apr 15

Alright, the briefest of squints tells me it looks more balanced, there's a bit more flesh on the bones which is handy. The extra pics work, and are decently captioned. The fonts help a bit with the dialogue, although personally I dislike Comic Sans (I used it above as as example I could easily remember the name of - there are those who really despise Comic Sans as a font, believe me, I worked with a whole bunch!) And it looks like a significant improvement. I'd need more time to say how much of an improvement, and even more time to look at the spelling and grammar (although it looks like simsilikesims might be doing that for you) but yeah, thanks for taking my advice! --UU - natter 09:40, Apr 15

Ok, I took a quick look at spelling/grammar and made fixes where necessary. However, my spelling tends to be American and the article is British, so I deliberately left a few words alone that I recognized as British spellings, probably you'll want an actual UKer to look it over. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 12:29, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, by the way, I've noticed you tend to look over my articles (presumably other people's ones too) and I never get round to thanking you for it, I'll have to prepare a template! What did you think of it though? funny? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:19 15 April 2009

It was a keeper, made me smile. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 13:25, 15 April 2009 (UTC)