User:JJPMaster/mp
From today's featured article
You are wasting this internet site's time. You should be writing something, but instead you are just sitting there, waiting for it to entertain you. You could even be the Time Magazine Person of the Year. Don't you have any sense of responsibility? How can you live with yourself? Think about all the times you've laughed heartily at some passing rejoinder in the forums, guffawed mightily at a clever turn of phrase on your talkpage, or even politely smiled at some article during your favorite Uncyclopedia program: HumorSearch. Don't you think you owe it to this wiki to put in at least a semblance of effort to return the favor? You should cease and desist all extraneous and benign activity and write an article.
- Okay, that was incredibly rude, mate. Firstly, I think you should be the one writing the article, seeing as you are the one who bloody gives a damn. Secondly, by caring about what I do with every second of my precious time spent on Uncyclopedia and forming an essay on what I should be doing, you have wasted more of the common people's time than I could ever imagine. Thirdly, how can you live with yourself? You think yourself funny, don't you? Well I don't. You are an idiot and have problems. Bugger off.
What? Who says "bugger" besides Captain Price? Probably some British creeper. British creeper, whoever you are, you need to "bugger" off, you filthy "wanker"!(Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)
- ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
- ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
- ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
- ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
- ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
In the news
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured)
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files
Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce
On this day
February 4: Nobody Does Anything Interesting Day
- 220 AD - Emperor Cao Cao of the Han Dynasty, knowing the end is near, has the imperial chef make him his favorite sandwich.
- 1142 - Starving peasants in medieval Germany continue to starve.
- 1877 - Charles Dickens has severe constipation, contemplates going to the doctor.
- 1943 - Hitler finds some time out of his day to play with his dog Blondi.
- 1968 - Lyndon B. Johnson drinks some really bad coffee, tells his wife.
- 1977 - Eric Clapton orders a tuna sandwich from the deli but is given egg salad instead, doesn't notice until he gets home.
- 2004 - Mark Zuckerberg invents the Facebook status, now people can be uninteresting whenever they want.
- 2008 - Parliament forces non-electric cars to drive in a place that is not in London.
- 2017 - Mike in HR spreads butter on a burnt piece of toast on purpose. Many speculate him to be completely batshit insane.
Picture of the day
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Microsoft Internet Explorer's Popup Blocker has always left something to be desired. Image credit: Blah Blah Blah |
Other areas of Uncyclopedia
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
Sister projects
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UnNews
News on crack -
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia -
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Best left unsaid -
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Noisy things -
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HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures -
UnBooks
Content-free books -
Unquotable
Useless misquotes -
Uncycloversity
No student loans -
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred -
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant -
UnScripts
We ruin stage too -
Why?
Because -
UnReviews
Hack frauds -
UnVoyage
Armchair travel -
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,102 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.
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