User:JJPMaster/mp

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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Come in my face, in my hair, Treat me like your little whore, In my ear, in my rear, Till I’m crying out for more, In the car, behind the bar, Up against my bedroom wall, In my bed or in the shed, Till I’m crying out for more.

Till I’m crying for more

Come between my cheeks, on my feet, Treat me like your little whore, On my toes, up my nose, Till I’m crying out for more

Till I’m crying for more And I swear that I won’t tell my mum

Solo

Till I’m crying for more And I swear that I won’t tell my mum (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)

... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?

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In the news [edit]

Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured)
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game

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On this day [edit]

July 6: Man Milk Day

3100 BC – Village idiot starts sucking on a cow's titty; discovers milk.
2300 BC – Chinese religious officers declared that drinking milk is a sin.
1609 – Bohemia is granted freedom of religion. The Bohemians snap their fingers in approval.
1732 – The 'Running of the Bulls' Festival in Pamploma, originally, 'The Drowning of the Animals' Festival, undergoes Major overhaul. PETA established.
1946 – George W. Bush born; record numbers of brain death recorded in America.
1977 – Idiot deems day "Man Milk Day" and proceeds to schedule lame events (Editor advises they read the article "How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid")
1978 – Margaret Thatcher blesses the first man to be milked.
1986 – Mike Portnoy founded the band Dream Theater
1988 – Shemales riot near Rio de Janeiro to obtain the rights for selling their milk to earn a living.
1996 – Mike Portnoy travels back in time to found the band Dream Theater
2004 – Man Milk is found to be an excellent source of energy for athletes. Naturally, using it in this fashion is outlawed by the U.N. under pressure by the Gatorade overlords of the universe.
2006 – San Seattle Riot kills 6 Caloringtons

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Picture of the day

Even the plants are weird in Japan. This particular pot plant features multiple smaller pot plants in carefully crafted pots created specifically for the occasion. Or in the words of the artist, "I got stoned and spent three days trimming my pot plant. Now I'm gonna smoke it."

Image credit: Lyrithya and some stoned guys
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