Portal:Technology
Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.
With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.
Open source (OS) is a school of discipline that focuses on developing programs without taking into consideration the perspective of an "average" user or clinging to the unnecessary burdens of proper implementation procedures.
Open source programming, in a figurative sense, is a new and interesting way of reinventing the wheel, but all the while making sure that the new "wheel" will not be in any way compatible with existing roadworks or, at the very least, spin.
In other words, OS is the channel through which aspiring programmers convey their visions about life in general.
- ... that Nokia used to sell toilet paper?
- ... that the Game Boy camera once held a world record as the world's smallest digital camera?
- ... that Wi-Fi doesn't stand for anything—it's just a made-up marketing name?
- ... that "Bluetooth" is named after a Viking king, Harald Bluetooth, who united Denmark and Norway—just like the tech unites devices?
Steven Paul Jobs, commonly referred to as Jeve Stobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011) was a prominent American cancer victim and embittered technophile best known for selling monochrome products at inflated prices. An innovator, Jobs pioneered wearing turtleneck sweaters, oppressing Chinese factory slaves, plagiarism, and putting "i" in front of everything.
By the time of his death, he had achieved a near-cult status through his front company Apple. Jobs was able to build Apple into the most valuable organization in the world through exploiting the strata of society known as "hipsters" and selling them already available technology in much prettier boxes. Jobs's legacy is much-debated, but what is certain is that his death by cancer proves that although Apple products are less susceptible to fail from viruses, PCs (pancreatic cancers) are a different matter.
A rake is a tool that is used to collect leaves, gather rocks, sweep up pebbles, and dry my tears. While seemingly simple in nature, it has been the work of many generations. At first, the rake started out appearing much like a stick and was used by European peasents or Japanese time travelers, depending on what story you believe. Then, Alexander von Rake came into picture and had the idea of putting something onto the rake to enhance it's abilities. Looking back, it seems obvious to us in the future, or futurians for short, that to attach metal to the end, but this idea did not come as quickly to yo mama, I mean yo forefather. At first, Alexander tried using the hands of children on the end of rakes, but this was a colossal failure. Since failure is not tolerated in Germany, he was sent to jail. His apprentice took up someone else's work and made the rake as we know it today. Still, one question remains about rakes. What will rakes be like in the future?
| “ | If we keep putting great products in front of customers, they will ignore them and buy Apple instead. | ” |
— Steve Jobs
| ||
-
Art
Peak pretentiousness -
Business
Money, money, money! -
Comedy
The science of funny -
Culinary
Food for the soul -
Film
Enter the Matrix -
Games
Recess time -
Gay
A gay ol' time -
Geography
Get lost -
History
Factually wrong -
Literature
Literally illiterate -
Internet
A series of tubes -
Music
Rock on! -
Politics
Politically incorrect -
People
The people's portal -
Religion
Speak of the Devil -
Science
Playing to be God -
Society
We live in one -
Technology
Breaking stuff easier -
Television
Turn your brain off -
Theatre
To be or not to be -
Video Games
Better than sex -
Zoology
Beware of furries -
Portals
Meta-Portal -
Community
The Community -
Main Page
The Uncyclopedia
