Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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KDE, or the K Desktop Environment, is a desktop environment package - essentially the stuff on the computer people actually use - originally designed for UNIX-like systems and developed around the idea that proper software will always use all available resources. This is more difficult than it might seem; not only do other running programs not wish to share a system's resources, but as time passes and technology improves, the available resources keep expanding, well beyond the capabilities of a single group of applications to effectively hog. Even the primary competitors in the realm of system-hogging, OS-X and Windows, have fallen short of similar goals, despite their more financially-driven reasons for doing so.

Featured Image
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Some toasters came with the ability to burn CD-R and DVD-R, connected by then lightning fast USB 2.0., however, consumers were put off by the smell of burnt plastic
Did You Know...
  • ... that millions of people once used dial-up?
  • ... that floppy disks are still used today—in some airline and military systems—for critical legacy operations?
  • ... that Google was originally called "Backrub"?
  • ... that millions of people once used dial-up?
Notable Nerds
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Nikola Tesla (Serbian: Кицк Асс; 10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943) is one Croatian bad mofo and a god of electricity in Norse mythology. He is also a scientist, inventor and visionary. Worship him for you cannot win, he shall disarm all your petty weapons.

Though commonly believed to be human, Nikola Tesla was actually born through a small discharge of static electricity caused by his mother rubbing up against the local pizza delivery boy during a lightning storm, or at least that's what she told Tesla's father. Another lesser known theory claims that he actually was hired to construct himself by his father in the summer of 1883 for 5$ per hour. The story has it that Tesla had already been working on plans for himself in secret for several years so was able to start right away. Unfortunately, because he revealed his plan to Thomas Edison, Edison patented him before he could build himself and then had Tesla's legs broken for copyright infringement.

Technology Spotlight
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A rake is a tool that is used to collect leaves, gather rocks, sweep up pebbles, and dry my tears. While seemingly simple in nature, it has been the work of many generations. At first, the rake started out appearing much like a stick and was used by European peasents or Japanese time travelers, depending on what story you believe. Then, Alexander von Rake came into picture and had the idea of putting something onto the rake to enhance it's abilities. Looking back, it seems obvious to us in the future, or futurians for short, that to attach metal to the end, but this idea did not come as quickly to yo mama, I mean yo forefather. At first, Alexander tried using the hands of children on the end of rakes, but this was a colossal failure. Since failure is not tolerated in Germany, he was sent to jail. His apprentice took up someone else's work and made the rake as we know it today. Still, one question remains about rakes. What will rakes be like in the future?

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