Babel:W2
May 9: Unusual Bears Day (Arctic)
- 1628 - Edict passes in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodeling. (Pictured)
- 1671 - Pope Clement X is captured by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for that guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume.
- 1861 - At the age of seven, Oscar Wilde begins his first job, working as a Witticist's Apprentice in a local Humor Emporium.
- 1919 - Radical suffragettes burn down factory that makes posters comparing suffragettes to smelly dish rags, constabulary cries, "A step too far, ladies!"
- 1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the Aardvark, seeking the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications.
- 1945 - The Americans celebrate single handedly defeating all of Nazi Germany, no thanks rest of the world.
- 1991 - Small and Medium file a complaint with the U.N. against Large, who claims, "Size does matter".
- D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
- Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
- Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
- NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
- Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
- Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
- Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
- Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
- Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
- Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
- Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
- Santa's Elves on strike
- UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
- Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?
Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe)
- Why is book?
- Halloween Ends
- Stranger Things (rw)
- G.I. Jane
- G.I. Jane 2
- UnTunes:Santa Baby
- This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich
- Fairytale
- UnTunes:Shoes
- Uncyclopedia:Business (rw)
- Halloween Kills
- UnTunes:Perry the Platypus
- Elon's Musk
- UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw)
- UnTunes:Rio
- Herodotus (rw)
- Brawny
- Lawnmower-Humvee (rw)
- Steve Wozniak (rw)
- Narrative (rw)
- Bryan Adams High School
- Alex Trebek
- Lincoln Logs
- Brexit
- Where Is Everybody?
- UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals)
- Avi Toledano
- Eli Roth
- Film (remake)
- African American
- Worst 100 Reflections on 2018
- Ray Charles
- Bernardo Butterlucci
- Urban Dictionary
May 9, 2024
Okay guys, today you get the usual bidaily update of the featured article. Here comes the synopsis!
BOGOTÁ, Colombia, Fake America -- Millions of rioting Colombians are being thrown into giant paddy-wagons by Bogotá police in a tense standoff. The people are violently rioting for the right to take part in the annual Eurovision Song Contest, a European song contest in which Israel and Australia have been permitted to participate.
Colombia has a rich music culture where their very simplistic yet camp and cliché musical style would fit in perfectly with Eurovision. However, for many years now, Israel has vetoed Colombians from joining the contest, claiming that "Colombians just can't be gay" (a prerequisite for any group to perform at Eurovision). In a recent interview for CNN, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu raised serious questions about the ability of Colombian people to be flamboyant homosexuals. As we all remember, the best TV show in the history of mankind, Yo soy Betty, la fea, is actually a Colombian show; but that show is so rampantly homophobic that, along with Colombia's brutal machista culture, Israel has concerns about how much Colombians are able to express their gayness at the Eurovision. Netanyahu was quoted as saying: "Colombians are so manly, you can smell their ball sweat from a mile away. No one would take them seriously dancing around on stage in plastic pants singing about forbidden love". (Full article...)
As usual, you can vote for the featured article at Uncyclopedia 2.0:VFH, and don't forget to visit the archive! Rc out.
May 9, 2024
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
And some others, in case you missed them...
May 9, 2024
One more image added to the collection. The list rotates randomly, so try reloading the page to see others...
Hunted almost to extinction for their magnificent plumage, the booby population has exploded thanks to careful protection by ornithologists of the final breeding pair. Two boobies, in the vernacular of birdwatching, are known as "a pair of tits". Image credit: Modusoperandi |
Or if you're so impatient, see Template 2.0:FI/all for all currently featured images. This creap of the crop may be less AJAXy than Flickr, but way less crappy.
May 9, 2024
Congratulations for May's Writer and Noob of the Month!
Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! | ||
Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. | ||
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