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From today's featured article 

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Barack Hussein Osama Obama II (born August 4, 1961) was the 44th President of the United States, the first to become so without the benefit of white skin, and the first to admit to being under the influence of marijuana and cocaine during most of his presidency. He was the perfect choice for a nation that, for two decades, had dealt with global adversaries and foreign invaders mostly by singing "Kumbaya".

Obama got his start as a young, shiningly optimistic upstart community organizer in Chicago. He served as an Illinois state senator from 1997 to 2004, and as a U.S. Senator from Illinois from 2005 to 2008. Obama was elected president in 2008 and reelected in 2012, setting out to shake up the system for a brighter and better tomorrow. He also had a cup of coffee in the Senate before starting his successful campaign for the presidency. Black coffee. In a white cup.

As president, Obama's chief accomplishments were policies to stabilize the weak economy, some of which gave the government an alarmingly larger role in the everyday life of citizens, and in turn, created a larger number of alarmed citizens. Critics claimed that Obama's authoritarian tendencies resemble the dystopia portrayed in the book 1984 by George Orwell. Obama responded with a curt "That's double-plus-ungood," and subsequently banned Fox News from the press pool. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
  • ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
  • ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
  • ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
  • ... that Africa's space program, AIDS, has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?

In the news 

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On this day 

No! they expect one of us in the wreckage brother.

May 24: Collective Bra Burning Day

  • 1431 - Joan of Arc's sitcom, "That's My Arc", officially cancelled. Riots ensue.
  • 1830 - Mary's Lamb (of nursery rhyme fame) is the perfect ingredient for my Great-Grandmother's pot roast.
  • 1917 - Protesting suffragette accidentally burns her brassiere trying to light up some citronella torches.
  • 1937 - Fred Astaire declares himself to be "bigger than Jesus", angry Christians throw their radio sets in a giant fire.
  • 1980 - After years of searching, archaeologist Baba Ganoush finally finds Elton John's cheese grater.
  • 1998 - The Simpsons is cancelled, replaced by show with identical name, characters, and shitty writing.
  • 2016 - In his final act as President, Barack Obama bans Axe Body Spray, the only bi-partisan bill he's ever managed to pass.

Picture of the day

Donald Tusk
 An affront to science, nature and human decency itself. A true monster the world has ever known. The unholy, amalgamated horrors of Donald Trump stitched together with the Kevin Smith film Tusk.

Image credit: Supergeeky1
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