User talk:Nekami

Pre-Rendered Welcome!

Hello, Nekami, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left...Not that far, dammit! ...Yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links, particularly the second one. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
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• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
• The FAQs - a few common editing questions answered for your convenience
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
• Uncyclopedia:Chat - Follow the instructions here to come to the Uncyclopedia IRC channel.

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your username, a link to your userpage, the date, and your social security number. Really, there are only two rules, just make sure you take a brief look at them.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone who cares will come along and help you if they can. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join--but you might want to go and actively ask someone from here, or you might not be noticed. Again, welcome to the machine! 

The balloon welcomes you!

Now, being less formal, you will see the above message in a lot of users' talk page. However, that does not mean this is an automated message. Really, I had to click on your user talk, copy-paste this stuff, and submit it with my own fleshy finger. Now, some personal non-official advice:

• You may think some stuff that appears everywhere here is cool, like Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Kitten Huffing, Russian Reversal, and Mr. T. Those things are completely overused and not really funny anymore. Among us sophisticated intelligentsia, we call this phenomenon cliché. Whatever, these subjects are worn out, near death, and in dire need of being huffed. Just please don't mention them unless you have a very, very good reason. Or if it's funny. And I mean funny.
• Another thing we veterans hate is Random Humor. Don't put chicken from Mars in an article about George Washington. You can put it in an article about, well, Chicken from Mars. That's it.
• Humor is a subtle subject. People will tell you that talking about excretes is just bad taste - count me among them - and others will find this kind of stuff the
  pinnacle of subversive irony. Just stay calm, have a good look at HTBFANJS, and try to learn what works best. No one here will ban you as long as you don't impose your non-conformist ideas on already created stuff.
• Start pages in userspace, first. By that, I mean if you wanted to create a page called "Flappy woo-ha," instead of creating the page Flappy woo-ha, create User:Nekami/Flappy woo-ha. That way, you'll have plenty of time to work on it and it won't be deleted or ICU'd. You can start a page in mainspace, just make damn sure what you put there is long enough and funny enough to not get huffed.
• Never recreate a deleted article. Never redo a reverted edit. Never.
• There are a lot of links I just put on your page. This is the most important one.
• And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 11:14, Mar 3

READ ALERT 3

Hey pal the new pee review is just up and u cant expect me to CHANGE the whole thing immediately. It takes time to imrpove. And u want it deleted. How am i gonna improve it? Tell me? ICU it. --ASHPD 11:49, 9 March 2008 (UTC)

A polite request

I am not really sure what is going on here Nekami but as I said on the VFD page, it appears to me that many of your edit, in particular those associated with ASHPD appear to be in bad faith. I have adopted ASHPD, and can assure you that I will give him all the necessary guidance he requires. With this in mind, I would appreciate it if you would leave ASHPD alone (for now), and have no further contact with him. Thank you. MrN 13:32, Mar 9

I understand. It's not worth it to flame a user anymore, I learned that the hard way. --Nekami 13:36, 9 March 2008 (UTC)

Oh really? I assume you mean, of course, on Wikipedia. Because there's no way you would know what it's like to be on here. Or anything like that.-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 20:52, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

Tick-Tock ~ 20:52, 12 March 2008 (UTC)

Oh right. I just went a little overboard with this user. I'll learn to town it down. --Nekami 22:14, 12 March 2008 (UTC)

Novice Pussy

User:Luvvy/Template:UnSisN We are building a female user group here at Uncyc, and are awarding all established female Uncyclopedians the title of Mistress Pussy. However you are still fresh, and we have a rule about n00bs being Novices first. You are free to use this lovely template on your userpage {{User:Luvvy/Template:UnSisN}} from here on until you are deemed ready for full membership. All praise Sophia! -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 20:51, 11 Mar Thanks a lot! --Nekami 20:53, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

Martial law is now being imposed

OK Nekami, You are hereby placed under the following restrictions:

1. You will refrain from doing any kind of pee review until you write at least three main space articles. And reasonable ones. You will earn the right to write those "expert" pee reviews you are placing all over the place.
2. You will refrain from putting anything on VFD until further notice.
3. You shall also refrain from placing ICU on any article until further notice.

A violation of any of the above will result in a ban.

Now, usually I'd put those in Flammable's office but since we all know who you are and we are only allowing you to play since it amuses us, and it is only a short while before you are banned forever. Again. And let me tell you another thing, this time around - I'm going to set a scorched earth policy, meaning: all the titles your previous socks got will be stripped, your illustrious past user pages will be deleted, there shall be nothing left. I might even go as far as deleter each and every audio file you ever uploaded here.

Hence ends your friendly cabal notice. ~ 19:01, 14 March 2008 (UTC)

I'm following but you do want to put it in Flammable's Office. Just in case. --Nekami 19:41, 14 March 2008 (UTC)

Fallacy. The notice is the precursor. If you do something, then you get the office. Do it again, you get the ban.-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 19:47, 14 March 2008 (UTC)

You know what? You might think that you're disruptive, you may think that you are some sort of a hero fighting versus the community, but what you are is a pathetic person, who have the false belief that his games have some sort of meaning. Now, as I promised, I'm going to strip you of any title you ever got here. And the next time you return, I'll delete every single audio file you ever did for Uncyclopedia. Once again, seek life elsewhere. ~ 23:24, 14 March 2008 (UTC)