User talk:DougalthePanda

Welcome, initiate, to Uncyclopedia!

Father Why do I need to provide this? welcomes you to the wondrous world of Uncyclopedia!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Greetings, Initiate DougalthePanda, and welcome to the Temple of Uncyclopedia! (If you aren't yet ready to accept Sophia as your Holy Potato, see your alternate secular welcome).

Thank you for your current and future contributions, assuming, of course, you aren't possessed with the spirit of a vandal. I pray that you have a long, happy and productive life here. But if you really want to leave, you can pass through the door that says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." But I wouldn't recommend it.

BEGINNING YOUR NEW LIFE

Want six fun things to read?

This series consists of six lessons designed to Uncyclopedically guide you, the new believer, to living the life that would be pleasing to Sophia. These lessons will show that Sophia has given the new Uncyclopedian specific instructions as to how to live the very best life here possible, which means avoiding getting ceremoniously fried in boiling oil. (We don't really do that. Honest. Would I lie?)

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we sadly do not accept articles about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

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What can you do?

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your Sophiacal creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:DougalthePanda/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold, cruel world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - on the top of it.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, you might browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid of the unknown depths - dive right in!

And speaking of the depths, there's Imperical Colonization, of which I am currently Buccaneer Admiral, which means I took over when no one was looking. There's also the fine community service.

Where can you go for help?

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. I was an adopted noob, and it kept me out of trouble. Well, some of the time. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to apply to be adopted. Again, welcome!   Father WHY??? (confessions)  03:30, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

About quotes and IC

I noticed that you've been adding a lot of quotes to the top of articles, and even say you'll do that with Russian Reversal. I would advise you not to do that. It's an irony of Uncyclopedia that what you find plastered on lots and lots of articles is not what you find on featured articles, articles that get chosen by active users and admins. I would advise no Russian Reversal, Captain Obvious, Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde stuff unless it works really, really well. Those things have been done to death here, unfortunately.

I'm going to sound like a stuck up elitist snob here, so I'm apologizing in advance for that. But I would be happy to welcome you to work on IC if you'll refrain from that sort of thing. Check HTBFANJS which is a very good guide--I've read it more than once. Then let me know if you're still interested in IC either by posting a note here or on my talk page. I'll keep this page on my watch list for the next couple days--after that you'd probably be better posting a response on my talk page. Happy editing! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:40, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Response

Ok done, i'll give up my beloved russian reversals and put more effort into actually being funny...however I should warn you that im rather limited in how much I can do as I mostly just mess around during breaks at work...--DougalthePanda 15:49, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

That's no problem. And by the way, when I first started visiting this site, I thought having an Oscar Wilde quote at the top was virtually a requirement. So I understand where you were coming from. I'll add you to the IC list, so do what you can! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:20, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

I like Russian reversals too, esp. really creative ones. No offense meant at the Gay Jesus talk page, just playing along with the joke that Modus is writing so that Peacebyjesus thinks he's his ally on the page. Peacebyjesus is so serious I think some people are trying to both play with him and make it alright with him to be played with, which would lighten him up a bit. But that's probably hopeless, he's soooo tied up into his Bible literalism that when he's confronted with people with, I assume, less limites on imagination than he's used to, he has to cling to his belief system even more. An interesting page, and please participate further. Good to meet you, Aleister in Chains 14:00 25 2 2MX

lol my bad then. Ive actually gone off russian reversals a little since I starting writing them, they got old very quickly. But the occasional gem makes it all worth while.

A pleasure to meet you too --DougalthePanda 14:08, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Meh. You kids. Your flamewars suck these days! :-) MrN 14:12, Feb 25

“In Soviet Russia flamewar sucks you!!!”

~ Russian Reversal on MrN

Couldnt help myself...--DougalthePanda 15:49, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM

The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:27, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:44, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Please be careful and don't edit my templates

I imagine it was unintentional, but when you posted comments on User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins you were changing a template. This means that your comments appeared on every IC colonizer's talk page, which rather screwed up the message. The reason I did this as a template was so that if I found I'd made an error after I'd posted it, I didn't have to go back and change it on 40 or so users' talk pages, I could just change the template. So I reverted your edits back. I appreciate all the help you've given to IC, and I doubt the effect your edits caused was intentional, but please don't do it again. If you want to make comments on the template, please post them at User talk:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins. Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:38, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

You posted this to me: "What if I wrote alot and at least half of it was edited? admittedly along the same lines that I went with, but still not really my work anymore...--DougalthePanda 16:38, March 4, 2010 (UTC)"

Answer: Don't worry about it. After the Pee Review, a good number of the edits the reviewer thought should be changed were mine; in almost all cases, I agreed, or at least went along with the consensus. In short, it's not my article, it's not your article, it's our article. If this gets featured, you'll get credit or I'm not User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 22:07, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Also I just discovered that the template problem was actually probably caused by some stupid idiot who didn't set it up right. So we'll blame him for this. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:23, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah it was totally unintentional, sorry about that, i thought i was just the one talk page...im still not entirely clear how this whole system works tbh so I expect i'll make a few more mistakes, but i'll try and keep them to a minimum...--DougalthePanda 20:48, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

For Co-creating Creationism

Featured Article: Creationism

This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. Ain't they clever?!

---

You served beyond the call of duty to help create this colonization for God and Country. Be proud! And accept this 1/2 feature credit.

King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:16, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  16:54, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

User:Why do I need to provide this?/Discordianism vote King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:32, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Vote now for Colonisation

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Addendum

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Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC

Reasons not to be a devout Christian

That tag just links to whoever the last person to edit the page happened to be - currently, me. So, in other words, I have no interest in the article and would be eminently unqualified to rewrite it anyway - it's all yours. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:45, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

ok, cheers. --DougalJabber at me. 13:50, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

A volunteer!

Thanks for volunteering to be British. I need help translating all the quotes attributed to Rob Halford in Diamonds & Rust. They don't need to be over the top or campy, just realistically British. Quotes that need attending are

1. Every other line of dialog in the block starting at "[Random Priest song]? We always sing that one."
2. The quote in the last caption in the gallery "It's rare anyone ever..."
3. Possibly the short quote starting "By far, the..."

Thanks. --monika 15:01, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

No worries, by British Im guessing you mean proper english, not welsh or scottish dialect?

He's from Walsall up near Birmingham but he's well-spoken. Mostly looking for the subtle changes in phrasing and spelling that I'm no good at, and also I couldn't find a satisfying way of translating "fuck me up the ass". Thanks. --monika 20:34, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

Shagg me bum. Swaggle my arse tall, hon. A touch to the right there, missy. Aleister 20:38 24 6 MMX

p.s. and it turns out I only like that one video by Blackmore's Night, the one used on the page. I have fallen out of love as quickly as it came on little cat's feet to steal my heart.

I didn't want it to sound ridiculous, just British! Rob Halford talking about butt-sex requires dignity. --monika 21:25, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

Well thats a sentence I never thought i'd read...I'll try and get it done asap.

Award from UN:REQ

This user created Parthenogenesis, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

Raccoons

I just now saw your comment on Hyperbole's talk page about fearing for the raccoons. lol. Thanks for the compliment. Too many raccoons can ruin a good pie, especially when you don't cut the tails off first. Did you know Hyperbole was Horus? He tricked me good, yep. What's your newest project here? Aleister 2:23 16 7

You may be gone, if so I hope you come back again. Raccoons is up on VFH now, and has picked up a quick 9 votes. Thought you'd want to know, if you come back. . . .Aleister 18:55 21 7

Avast me hearties!

By the powers! this e'er be fer a reminder o' tha great, grand Imperial Colonization be startin' up again! Whether you be a sprog or a privateer we be expectin' ya ta come 'round an participate in this sweet trade lessen' you be a lily-livered squiffy, scallywag, or scurvy dog thar. Aye! ~ Buccaneer Happytimes.

(See also: Forum:Drumming up the IC furor!)

The current project: Dinosaur

Now in the writing phase (Oh UN:IC, how your rules are now broken....)

Seeing as no one will respond to me

I've decided to take this into my own hands, I'm going to move Dinosaur into mainspace at ten fourty-five EST tomorrow. Anyone who wants to make their final edits can do so within that time frame. Thanks. -- 15:04, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Pee on your Goddess

The Imperial Colonization Discordianism has been Pee Reviewed. I have no authority anymore to tell anyone to do anything, but check it out anyway! Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Discordianism (2) User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:26, March 5, 2012 (UTC)