User:Dr. Skullthumper/Collectible item

Gold had no problem catching on as a collectible, being both a) rare and b) shiny.

A collectible item is a typically worthless item for sale whose value increases dramatically when people decide it is either shiny, rare, or both. The social phenomenon of collectible items comes from the human ability to see something in nothing, the same ability that allows people to survive their hopeless existence without plummeting into depression, and also talk to their dogs as if they could understand English.

What exactly constitutes a collectible item is mostly left up to the collector. Shiny pebbles have always been a favorite, along with misprinted stamps. Tyrants have been known to consider the heads of their enemies and taxes popular collectible items; still, these have not caught on among the common people. Why it is that the common people find bits of earth ground into round shiny rocks more interesting than dead and decaying heads is largely unknown.

Despite this, collectible items have remained prominent throughout history. As soon as someone got the idea that land would make a fine collectible, people were scrambling to get it. Eventually they discovered that it was very hard to carry land around and just decided to draw lines and stick flags in it instead. Many people and governments agreed that land was an awfully interesting collectible, what with mountains and lakes and coal and suchlike. Things got confusing after everyone had their own bits of land, so people started taking other peoples' bits of land out of boredom. This got lots of people angry and wars were started over it, which turned into a fine mess over the course of history, to the point where mapmakers decided to draw the world in pencil in case some poor island got nabbed again before they'd finished.

The most widely circulated trading card is the credit card, surpassing the dollar bill primarily because it has lots more numbers and shinier designs.

Trading cards

In the process of trading cards as collectibles, there is a general agreement that by giving a person a certain number of small stiffish rectangles, one will receive a certain number of small stiffish rectangles in return.

The first trading cards were not cards at all. They were, in fact, enormous and elaborate slabs of stone that had images of gods carved on them, as well as statistics. These were very difficult to trade and to carry around. On the other hand, this also made them next to impossible to steal.

In recent times, trading cards have become smaller and easier to carry. Still, they often have depictions of people on them, along with numbers and statistics, which is generally agreed to give them worth. Despite its plain design, the dollar bill is currently the second most widely circulated trading card in the world.

Paintings

Paintings are a larger form of trading cards, except with frames and usually designed by mentally unstable people. Instead of statistics, they rely on the creator's name to give them value. Paintings are typically more highly valued than trading cards because they feature emotion, beauty, color, and naked women.

The rare 3.9 of clubs, a highly collectible card caused by a computer error.