User:Coffi/Under/American economy
Unfortunately for Americans, as of this article's creation (circa April 2025), it's has choked on it's own daddy and died, but this article does cover some of the things it went through while it was still in operation in the "As a living thing" section.
It may be revived once the internal politics of America are restabilized, but for now it is no longer in any operational existence. Also, I'll just call it the U.S. Economy.
As a living thing[edit | edit source]
Humble Beginnings[edit | edit source]
The U.S. economy began in 1776, as widely known. The economy was severely underdeveloped (at the time) as it was battling the call center army of the Indians, who used incredibly effective moccasins to beat the American army's ass hindquarters in Michigan, before suddenly, foreign-related complications killed them all. As this resulted in America being able to consume as much of great plains as possible, the economy utterly skyrocketed, and continued to do so until a bunch of racists seceded and then got their asses HINDQUARTERS kicked, continuing America's era of economic success.
The 1900s[edit | edit source]
Then a bunch of Europeans went into a great war over a field in France, resulting in America intervening so instead they fought over a field in Belgium and then the defenders (Germs) surrendered. Then the economy shot up again...like antennas to Heaven. But then it fell because the monopoly man orchestrated it, nearly killing it. The US economy was then placed in the Intensive Care Unit for nearly a decade by the Hoover dam administration, but then the FDR (Fucking Dead Rabbits) administration took it out, discovering the Hoover Dam administration was not nurturing the economy and was poisoning it.
The Fucking Dead Rabbits administration then went on to enter Europeans and Asians fighting over a big field in Europe and Asia respectively, causing the mess of a country called China during that time that was actually in the middle of a civil war to kill Japanese before America dropped the Sun TWICE on Japan, turning it into weird anime and weird sex anime, whilst they then dropped a smaller suns onto Germany. This event somehow caused the economy to spring up again.
Modernity[edit | edit source]
Basically, America and Russia stared at each other after that stuff. Then the economy shot up a lot as Russia blinked and lost the competition, shattering into about 13 pieces that tried to kill each other. But as it became an antenna to Heaven again, it leaned a little too far from Wall Street and into the Twin Towers, before then falling and causing the death of the Twin Towers. It then tried to stand up for a second, but then America went to war, saying Iraq pushed the economy. Then it fell again, and it broke its arm. Eventually it sprung up again, then got COVID and was put in the ICU by the Biden/Dementia administration, before being brought out and beaten to death by the Trump dictatorship with a baton named affectionately "Tariffs".
As a corpse[edit | edit source]
As a corpse, the American economy has been lying dead on Wall Street (pictured) since early April, 2025, and has not at all gotten up, and is in fact laying in a pool of its own blood. Nobody has bothered to touch it (except for Trump and Epstein's ghost) since it collapsed and died.
Potential revival[edit | edit source]
The American economy is dead. We know that. However, Trump has so far desperately tried to lean in for a kiss give it CPR by putting his tariff baton away for a few moments, or something like that.