Hoover Dam
“Dam it!”
“In Soviet Russia, Dam hoovers YOU!”
The Hoover Dam (also known as the 17th dam Wonder of the World) is a large dam wall in Seattle, Washington, constructed entirely out of dam concrete illegally obtained from Canada. Hoover Dam actually started out as a bridge to nowhere and back.
The dam was also the site of an attempted overthrowing of the U.S. government (the famous one) by "native" Americans. They claimed that the dam altered the water's cleanliness and fish populations that they depended on for water and food. This was shown to be a wide hoax by the creators of the dam, as the "natives" were actually just liberals trying to prevent American prosperity, again. Americans can rest peacefully knowing that real Native Americans died long before European settlers arrived in North America, and the few that survived happily sold the land on the river to the setters in exchange for being civilized.
The Dam Name[edit | edit source]
The original dam name of the dam structure was "Boulder Dam", however since it was constructed near Hooverville, it took the name from this city. Hooverville (or St. Thomas or Old Vegas) was upstream of the present dam and is now under 500 feet of water. Many people left Hooverville as the city receded under the impounded water. Hooverville had taken its names from President Hoover. During the Great Depression, the dam builders were running out of dam money. The Roosevelt Vacuum Cleaner Company, which had an image problem of not sucking bought the rights to the name of the dam thing and has been known as the Hoover company ever since. The Hoover vacuum cleaner suddenly took on the aura of President Herbert Hoover, who has been said to have "sucked as President". Another dam theory was that the dam was named for J. Edgar Hoover who sucked as Headjob of the FBI.
Proposal for a Dam[edit | edit source]
Motorola had just invented the television remote control that consumed thousands of double-D batteries. Motorola concluded that to make the remote practical they needed a battery eliminator. Motorola scientists determined that a dam on the Colorado River could supply enough energy to power a TV remote and save the need for millions of batteries a day.
The Dam History[edit | edit source]
In the 21st Century instant dams are the norm. Because of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers they now come with instructions to just add water and you have a dam. The Corps of Engineers have cursed and dammed more rivers than anyone.
The Beaver Dam[edit | edit source]
The first attempt to dam the Colorado River was carried out by a family of beavers who lived in the area. The dam was dam well built, but the dam beavers did not have the dam building permits, and so the dam thing was demolished.
The God Dam[edit | edit source]
The next attempt to dam the river dates back to the 1700s when the Pilgrims wanted a way to recreate the Great Flood. They built what was then known as the God Dam and it survived for several years before it dam broke, and instead of creating a flood upstream, it flooded all the dam towns and cities downstream.
Hoover Dam[edit | edit source]
The Hoover dam was built by a bunch of dam companies with a lot of dam concrete and was possible with the combined dam knowledge of the dam engineers. The biggest problem with this project was it was built in the desert. The first eight attempts at creating what is now Hoover Dam failed because of lack of water. President Roosevelt had originally proposed to have water trucked in. Fortunately a local prospector with a divining rod had gone out dowsing and found water near the Colorado River. Every time a well was started the river would flood and wash the welling equipment away. Finally it was decided to dam the river and several years later the well was finally dug. Many dam people thought the dam thing would be dam near impossible to make and thought President Hoover was just dam crazy.
The Hoover Dam is responsible for the creation of Lake Mead (also known as "That Dam Lake") which supplies the dam water to the dam idiots in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. Currently the Hoover dam's main purpose is to charge people a lot of dam money to go on a dam tour which consists mainly of going through dam tunnels and seeing the dam turbines that generate dam electricity.
The Recent Years[edit | edit source]
Recently, the Hoover Dam has found to be a breeding ground for large robots, getting their dam power from the dam generators. There are a large number of Transformers at the site to assist with regulating the voltage of the power generated by the dam thing.
When the dam water comes in contact with the dam robots, the Dam Oscar Mayer function of the robots turn on, causing massive quantities of dam bologna to fire out of its enlarged chest cannon. This dam bologna is generally considered to be "dam awesome" and quite possibly "The dam tastiest thing ever!"
