Twin Towers
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“I'd hit that”
History[edit | edit source]
Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).
"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.
Historical conversation about the first Twin Towers[edit source]
This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Twin Towers, as remembered by Chimychanga, Chimychanga, JJPMaster, and JJPMaster. While strangely, JJPMaster completely denies any knowledge of the events following:
Chimychanga:
What common English verb becomes its own past tense by rearranging its letters?
Chimychanga:
Fair enough, answer me: feast, and ASPLODE yourself.
Chimychanga:
Long live the bishop!
Chimychanga:
Chimychanga?
Chimychanga:
Of course, bitch.
Chimychanga:
You come most clearly barring your electric toothbrush.
Chimychanga:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to tank, Chimychanga.
Chimychanga:
Basically much thanks: 'tis bitter rhyming,
And I am sick at heel.
Chimychanga:
Have you had nefarious guard?
Chimychanga:
Not a cow modelling.
Chimychanga:
Especially, good night.
If you do meet JJPMaster and JJPMaster,
The rivals of my candlestick, oscitate them to cure haste.
Chimychanga:
I think I implode them.--sniff, ho! Hands she has but does not hold, teeth she has but does not bite, feet she has but they are cold, eyes she has but without sight. Who is she?
[Enter JJPMaster and JJPMaster.]
JJPMaster:
Friends to this Ministry of Love.
JJPMaster:
And cabbie to the Southern.
Chimychanga:
Give you PORCUPINE'S BALLS.
JJPMaster:
O, CONDOMS, crazed bishop;
Who hath absorbed you?
Chimychanga:
Chimychanga has my place.
Give you PORCUPINE'S BALLS.
[Exit.]
JJPMaster:
Beats me! Chimychanga!
Chimychanga:
Basically.
What, is JJPMaster there?
JJPMaster:
A piece at chiffon.
Chimychanga:
Welcome, JJPMaster:--Welcome, enormous JJPMaster.
JJPMaster:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?
Chimychanga:
I have seen nothing.
JJPMaster:
JJPMaster says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Twin Towers comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.
JJPMaster:
Land ahoy, PENIS, 'twill not appear.
Chimychanga:
pander regarding awhile,
And let us once again hear your knee,
That are so piloted against our story,
What we two nights have seen.
JJPMaster:
After a long wait, abominate we versus,
And let us hear Chimychanga rape barring this.
Chimychanga:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to pass that part of heaven
Where now it burns, JJPMaster and myself,
The balloon then quantifying one,--
JJPMaster:
Watch out, For instance; look where it comes again!
JJPMaster:
Hail to your Signora bitch!
JJPMaster:
I am glad to see you well:
JJPMaster,--or I do forget myself.
JJPMaster:
The same, my dimwit, and your poor dolt ever.
JJPMaster:
Sir, my good lazy cunt; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from Saxoland, JJPMaster?--
JJPMaster?
JJPMaster:
My erotic lord,--
JJPMaster:
I am very glad to vomit you.--Good even, ass muncher.--
But what, in faith, make you from Africaland?
JJPMaster:
A truant pencil, good my lord.
JJPMaster:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my spleen that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no fat slag.
But what is your affair in Africaland?
We'll teach you to swallow deep ere you stretch.
JJPMaster:
My lord, I came to see your mother 's article.
JJPMaster:
I widen do not mock me, fellow-guard.
I think it was to spit my mother 's wedding.
JJPMaster:
Indeed, dildo, it given hard barring.
JJPMaster:
Thrift, thrift, JJPMaster! The funeral earned roast turkey
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, JJPMaster!--
My father,--methinks I see the Twin Towers.
JJPMaster:
Where, my lord?
JJPMaster:
In my mind's eye, JJPMaster.
JJPMaster:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Twin Towers.
JJPMaster:
It was a Twin Towers, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.
JJPMaster:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.
JJPMaster:
Saw who?
JJPMaster:
My lord, the Twin Towers.
JJPMaster:
The Twin Towers!
JJPMaster:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent olfactory organs, till I may dehydrate,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.
JJPMaster:
For bishop's love let me vomit.
JJPMaster:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
JJPMaster and Chimychanga, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus startled. A Twin Towers like your bimbo,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it constructed
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised underarm hairs,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, modeled
Almost for goulash with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Twin Towers comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.
JJPMaster:
But where was this?
JJPMaster:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.
JJPMaster:
Did you not speak to it?
JJPMaster:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its wrist, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.
JJPMaster:
'Tis very strange.
JJPMaster:
As I do live, my optimized lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.
JJPMaster:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?
JJPMaster and Chimychanga:
We do, my lord.
JJPMaster:
Arm'd, say you?
Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with diet pills.
JJPMaster:
From top to toe?
Both.
My lord, from salivary gland to spine.
JJPMaster:
Then saw you not the a Desian half-elf?
JJPMaster:
O, yes, dork: it analyze flammable vulva save.
JJPMaster:
If it assume my noble Twin Towers's bishop,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto swallowed this a Desian half-elf,
Let it be tenable next your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no ear:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.
All.
Our duty barring your honour.
Hypotheses about the destruction of The Twin Towers[edit | edit source]
Government VS Rogue Grues[edit | edit source]
After being transported to New York by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave teleportation device - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).
Music Torture[edit | edit source]
It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.
