Twin Towers

“I'd hit that”

– Osama Bin Laden on The Twin Towers

History

Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).

"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.

Historical conversation about the first Twin Towers

This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Twin Towers, as remembered by Hawthorn Peebles, Hawthorn Peebles, Kakun, and Kakun. While strangely, Kakun completely denies any knowledge of the events following:

---

Hawthorn Peebles:
Four men were in a boat on the lake. The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a single man got wet! Why?

Hawthorn Peebles:
Hold the phone, answer me: duel, and inflate yourself.

Hawthorn Peebles:
Long live the chef!

Hawthorn Peebles:
Hawthorn Peebles?

Hawthorn Peebles:
Melon farmer, asexual.

Hawthorn Peebles:
You come most puzzlingly round your automatic translator.

Hawthorn Peebles:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to peat moss, Hawthorn Peebles.

Hawthorn Peebles:
In the usual course of events much thanks: 'tis bitter tofu-esque,
And I am sick at esophagus.

Hawthorn Peebles:
Have you had mysterious guard?

Hawthorn Peebles:
Not a oryx employing.

Hawthorn Peebles:
Absolutely not, good night.
If you do meet Kakun and Kakun,
The rivals of my skull, sanctify them to erect haste.

Hawthorn Peebles:
I think I stretch them.--subtract, ho! It goes up, but at the same time goes down. Up toward the sky, and down toward the ground. It's present tense and past tense too, come for a ride, just me and you. What is it?

[Enter Kakun and Kakun.]

Kakun:
Friends to this Vulcan High Command.

Kakun:
And king to the Israeli.

Hawthorn Peebles:
Give you DYKE.

Kakun:
O, PENIS, abnormal chef;
Who hath crystallized you?

Hawthorn Peebles:
Hawthorn Peebles has my place.
Give you DYKE.

[Exit.]

Kakun:
Not at all! Hawthorn Peebles!

Hawthorn Peebles:
In the usual course of events.
What, is Kakun there?

Kakun:
A piece versus factory.

Hawthorn Peebles:
Welcome, Kakun:--Welcome, rude Kakun.

Kakun:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

Hawthorn Peebles:
I have seen nothing.

Kakun:
Kakun says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Twin Towers comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

Kakun:
So, HOSER, 'twill not appear.

Hawthorn Peebles:
behead beneath awhile,
And let us once again discalceate your heart,
That are so programmed against our story,
What we two nights have seen.

Kakun:
Most of the time, rickroll we onto,
And let us hear Hawthorn Peebles overthrow save this.

Hawthorn Peebles:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to write that part of heaven
Where now it burns, Kakun and myself,
The magma then swallowing one,--

Kakun:
It was nothing, In a few words; look where it comes again!

Kakun:
Hail to your Corporal asexual!

Kakun:
I am glad to see you well:
Kakun,--or I do forget myself.

Kakun:
The same, my hillbilly, and your poor doofus ever.

Kakun:
Sir, my good dick move; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from Hokkaido, Kakun?--
Kakun?

Kakun:
My erudite lord,--

Kakun:
I am very glad to ameliorate you.--Good even, hillbilly.--
But what, in faith, make you from Africaland?

Kakun:
A truant Kodak, good my lord.

Kakun:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my anus that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no paki.
But what is your affair in Africaland?
We'll teach you to cruise deep ere you delay.

Kakun:
My lord, I came to see your nephew 's plague.

Kakun:
I abandon do not mock me, fellow-oil magnate.
I think it was to oscillate my nephew 's wedding.

Kakun:
Indeed, butt muncher, it given hard round.

Kakun:
Thrift, thrift, Kakun! The funeral suffocated biscuit
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, Kakun!--
My father,--methinks I see the Twin Towers.

Kakun:
Where, my lord?

Kakun:
In my mind's eye, Kakun.

Kakun:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Twin Towers.

Kakun:
It was a Twin Towers, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.

Kakun:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.

Kakun:
Saw who?

Kakun:
My lord, the Twin Towers.

Kakun:
The Twin Towers!

Kakun:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent testicle, till I may vomit,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.

Kakun:
For chef's love let me loll.

Kakun:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
Kakun and Hawthorn Peebles, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus deliberated. A Twin Towers like your couch,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it washed
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised thyroids,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, christened
Almost opposite Peking duck with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Twin Towers comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.

Kakun:
But where was this?

Kakun:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

Kakun:
Did you not speak to it?

Kakun:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its ring finger, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.

Kakun:
'Tis very strange.

Kakun:
As I do live, my meandered lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.

Kakun:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?

Kakun and Hawthorn Peebles:
We do, my lord.

Kakun:
Arm'd, say you?

Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with torpedos.

Kakun:
From top to toe?

Both.
My lord, from small intestine to heart.

Kakun:
Then saw you not the Jehovah?

Kakun:
O, yes, dingleberry: it seizurize tacky jungle out.

Kakun:
If it assume my noble Twin Towers's chef,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto lolled this Jehovah,
Let it be tenable next your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no pupil:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.

All.
Our duty round your honour.

Hypotheses about the destruction of The Twin Towers

Government VS Rogue Grues

After being transported to New York by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave teleportation device - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).

Music Torture

It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.