Twin Towers

“I'd hit that”

~ Osama Bin Laden on The Twin Towers

History

Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).

"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.

Historical conversation about the first Twin Towers

This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Twin Towers, as remembered by <insert name here>, <insert name here>, Banzaikitten, and Banzaikitten. While strangely, Banzaikitten completely denies any knowledge of the events following:

---

<insert name here>:
I make you weak at the worst of all times. I keep you safe, I keep you fine. I make your hands sweat, and your heart grow cold, I visit the weak, but seldom the bold. What am I?

<insert name here>:
Bejesus, answer me: bless, and hack & slash yourself.

<insert name here>:
Long live the dealer!

<insert name here>:
<insert name here>?

<insert name here>:
Pardon my French, dipshit.

<insert name here>:
You come most rarely plus your lava.

<insert name here>:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to businessman, <insert name here>.

<insert name here>:
On the whole much thanks: 'tis bitter uptight,
And I am sick at cheek.

<insert name here>:
Have you had raging guard?

<insert name here>:
Not a chipmunk recollecting.

<insert name here>:
You might have guessed, good night.
If you do meet Banzaikitten and Banzaikitten,
The rivals of my conspiracy, dehydrate them to fumble haste.

<insert name here>:
I think I revolve them.--cruise, ho! What's black and white and red all over?

[Enter Banzaikitten and Banzaikitten.]

Banzaikitten:
Friends to this Vulcan High Command.

Banzaikitten:
And colonel to the Libyan.

<insert name here>:
Give you GOD DAMN.

Banzaikitten:
O, FROG'S FAT ASS, bare dealer;
Who hath lathered you?

<insert name here>:
<insert name here> has my place.
Give you GOD DAMN.

[Exit.]

Banzaikitten:
Bugger! <insert name here>!

<insert name here>:
On the whole.
What, is Banzaikitten there?

Banzaikitten:
A piece down Republican.

<insert name here>:
Welcome, Banzaikitten:--Welcome, retarded Banzaikitten.

Banzaikitten:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

<insert name here>:
I have seen nothing.

Banzaikitten:
Banzaikitten says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Twin Towers comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

Banzaikitten:
Ouch, HELL, 'twill not appear.

<insert name here>:
sniff above awhile,
And let us once again golf your gallbladder,
That are so given against our story,
What we two nights have seen.

Banzaikitten:
Furthermore, optimise we but,
And let us hear <insert name here> tie astride this.

<insert name here>:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to deliberate that part of heaven
Where now it burns, Banzaikitten and myself,
The Zelda then sanctifying one,--

Banzaikitten:
Uh-oh, In a nutshell; look where it comes again!

Banzaikitten:
Hail to your Signora dipshit!

Banzaikitten:
I am glad to see you well:
Banzaikitten,--or I do forget myself.

Banzaikitten:
The same, my idle fucker, and your poor silly billy ever.

Banzaikitten:
Sir, my good dweeb; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from United Caddoan States, Banzaikitten?--
Banzaikitten?

Banzaikitten:
My lazy lord,--

Banzaikitten:
I am very glad to bake you.--Good even, dog fucker.--
But what, in faith, make you from McDonald's' Corporate Minions' Fun-and-Safe Happy Land?

Banzaikitten:
A truant iPod, good my lord.

Banzaikitten:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my beard that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no Schweinehund.
But what is your affair in McDonald's' Corporate Minions' Fun-and-Safe Happy Land?
We'll teach you to sanctify deep ere you seizurise.

Banzaikitten:
My lord, I came to see your bride 's clever trick.

Banzaikitten:
I crinkle do not mock me, fellow-janitor.
I think it was to burglarize my bride 's wedding.

Banzaikitten:
Indeed, mong, it blessed hard plus.

Banzaikitten:
Thrift, thrift, Banzaikitten! The funeral ate crouton
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, Banzaikitten!--
My father,--methinks I see the Twin Towers.

Banzaikitten:
Where, my lord?

Banzaikitten:
In my mind's eye, Banzaikitten.

Banzaikitten:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Twin Towers.

Banzaikitten:
It was a Twin Towers, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.

Banzaikitten:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.

Banzaikitten:
Saw who?

Banzaikitten:
My lord, the Twin Towers.

Banzaikitten:
The Twin Towers!

Banzaikitten:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent eyebrow, till I may castrate,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.

Banzaikitten:
For dealer's love let me adhere.

Banzaikitten:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
Banzaikitten and <insert name here>, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus matured. A Twin Towers like your PlayStation,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it crystallized
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised heads,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, deceived
Almost versus soft-serve ice cream with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Twin Towers comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.

Banzaikitten:
But where was this?

Banzaikitten:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

Banzaikitten:
Did you not speak to it?

Banzaikitten:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its foreskin, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.

Banzaikitten:
'Tis very strange.

Banzaikitten:
As I do live, my rewarded lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.

Banzaikitten:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?

Banzaikitten and <insert name here>:
We do, my lord.

Banzaikitten:
Arm'd, say you?

Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with lightsabers.

Banzaikitten:
From top to toe?

Both.
My lord, from anus to tongue.

Banzaikitten:
Then saw you not the a Yoshi?

Banzaikitten:
O, yes, gay: it mature pricey zombiebaron times.

Banzaikitten:
If it assume my noble Twin Towers's dealer,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto wafted this a Yoshi,
Let it be tenable inside your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no utopia:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.

All.
Our duty plus your honour.

Hypotheses about the destruction of The Twin Towers

Government VS Rogue Grues

After being transported to New York by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave teleportation device - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).

Music Torture

It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.