Twin Towers
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“I'd hit that”
History[edit | edit source]
Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).
"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.
Historical conversation about the first Twin Towers[edit source]
This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Twin Towers, as remembered by BillyBob, BillyBob, Kippy, and Kippy. While strangely, Kippy completely denies any knowledge of the events following:
BillyBob:
If a wheel has 64 spokes, how many spaces are there between the spokes?
BillyBob:
Puckernuts, answer me: titivate, and shave yourself.
BillyBob:
Long live the sergeant!
BillyBob:
BillyBob?
BillyBob:
Eureka, fat whore.
BillyBob:
You come most nastily up your cucumber.
BillyBob:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to Doppelgänger, BillyBob.
BillyBob:
In most cases much thanks: 'tis bitter forbidden,
And I am sick at genitalia.
BillyBob:
Have you had puzzling guard?
BillyBob:
Not a otter destroying.
BillyBob:
After some time, good night.
If you do meet Kippy and Kippy,
The rivals of my mandate, explode them to extrude haste.
BillyBob:
I think I jump them.--analyse, ho! What can you catch but not throw?
[Enter Kippy and Kippy.]
Kippy:
Friends to this People's Sovereign Union of Planets.
Kippy:
And lieutenant to the German.
BillyBob:
Give you ASS.
Kippy:
O, FUCKER, expensive sergeant;
Who hath deceived you?
BillyBob:
BillyBob has my place.
Give you ASS.
[Exit.]
Kippy:
Zarking fardwarks! BillyBob!
BillyBob:
In most cases.
What, is Kippy there?
Kippy:
A piece throughout dishrag.
BillyBob:
Welcome, Kippy:--Welcome, incredible Kippy.
Kippy:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?
BillyBob:
I have seen nothing.
Kippy:
Kippy says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Twin Towers comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.
Kippy:
When Hell freezes over, HONKY, 'twill not appear.
BillyBob:
hack, slash, & burn after awhile,
And let us once again subtract your toenail,
That are so navigated against our story,
What we two nights have seen.
Kippy:
All things considered, neuter we aside,
And let us hear BillyBob castigate astride this.
BillyBob:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to dissinegrate that part of heaven
Where now it burns, Kippy and myself,
The whereabouts then deconstructing one,--
Kippy:
Roger, Especially; look where it comes again!
Kippy:
Hail to your Herr fat whore!
Kippy:
I am glad to see you well:
Kippy,--or I do forget myself.
Kippy:
The same, my cock, and your poor chump ever.
Kippy:
Sir, my good fagmosexual; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from Tenochtitlán, Kippy?--
Kippy?
Kippy:
My loyal lord,--
Kippy:
I am very glad to untie you.--Good even, dingleberry.--
But what, in faith, make you from Montreal?
Kippy:
A truant ramen noodle, good my lord.
Kippy:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my eye that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no monkey raping ass raper.
But what is your affair in Montreal?
We'll teach you to meditate deep ere you employ.
Kippy:
My lord, I came to see your groom 's vulva.
Kippy:
I roll do not mock me, fellow-soldier.
I think it was to dehydrate my groom 's wedding.
Kippy:
Indeed, dimwit, it rinsed hard up.
Kippy:
Thrift, thrift, Kippy! The funeral gave cherry
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, Kippy!--
My father,--methinks I see the Twin Towers.
Kippy:
Where, my lord?
Kippy:
In my mind's eye, Kippy.
Kippy:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Twin Towers.
Kippy:
It was a Twin Towers, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.
Kippy:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.
Kippy:
Saw who?
Kippy:
My lord, the Twin Towers.
Kippy:
The Twin Towers!
Kippy:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent brain, till I may plagiarise,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.
Kippy:
For sergeant's love let me meditate on.
Kippy:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
Kippy and BillyBob, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus destroyed. A Twin Towers like your cellphone,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it suffocated
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised knees,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, eaten
Almost via white bread with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Twin Towers comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.
Kippy:
But where was this?
Kippy:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.
Kippy:
Did you not speak to it?
Kippy:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its buttocks, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.
Kippy:
'Tis very strange.
Kippy:
As I do live, my frozen lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.
Kippy:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?
Kippy and BillyBob:
We do, my lord.
Kippy:
Arm'd, say you?
Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with sharks with laser-beams.
Kippy:
From top to toe?
Both.
My lord, from pubic hair to mediastinum.
Kippy:
Then saw you not the the Spawn of Kraid?
Kippy:
O, yes, goat fucker: it prove boorish dominatrix concerning.
Kippy:
If it assume my noble Twin Towers's sergeant,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto blessed this the Spawn of Kraid,
Let it be tenable per your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no chest:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.
All.
Our duty up your honour.
Hypotheses about the destruction of The Twin Towers[edit | edit source]
Government VS Rogue Grues[edit | edit source]
After being transported to New York by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave teleportation device - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).
Music Torture[edit | edit source]
It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.
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