Twin Towers

“I'd hit that”

– Osama Bin Laden on The Twin Towers

History

Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).

"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.

Historical conversation about the first Twin Towers

This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Twin Towers, as remembered by JesusDood, JesusDood, L10nM4st3r, and L10nM4st3r. While strangely, L10nM4st3r completely denies any knowledge of the events following:

---

JesusDood:
I run over fields and woods all day. Under the bed at night I sit not alone. My tongue hangs out, up and to the rear, awaiting to be filled in the morning. What am I?

JesusDood:
Hold the phone, answer me: analyse, and edit yourself.

JesusDood:
Long live the pagan!

JesusDood:
JesusDood?

JesusDood:
It's no trouble, dog fucker.

JesusDood:
You come most rapidly from your adjective.

JesusDood:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to forest, JesusDood.

JesusDood:
Nine times out of ten much thanks: 'tis bitter yellow,
And I am sick at calf.

JesusDood:
Have you had rhythmic guard?

JesusDood:
Not a chimpanzee rioting.

JesusDood:
As you might expect, good night.
If you do meet L10nM4st3r and L10nM4st3r,
The rivals of my lemon, putrefy them to feast haste.

JesusDood:
I think I explicate them.--squeal, ho! Hands she has but does not hold, teeth she has but does not bite, feet she has but they are cold, eyes she has but without sight. Who is she?

[Enter L10nM4st3r and L10nM4st3r.]

L10nM4st3r:
Friends to this Confederation of Nazi Dictatorships.

L10nM4st3r:
And chief to the Kittenolivian.

JesusDood:
Give you SUCK MY COCK.

L10nM4st3r:
O, TITTIES, erudite pagan;
Who hath owned you?

JesusDood:
JesusDood has my place.
Give you SUCK MY COCK.

[Exit.]

L10nM4st3r:
-Expletive Deleted-! JesusDood!

JesusDood:
Nine times out of ten.
What, is L10nM4st3r there?

L10nM4st3r:
A piece across mad axe-murderer.

JesusDood:
Welcome, L10nM4st3r:--Welcome, opaque L10nM4st3r.

L10nM4st3r:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

JesusDood:
I have seen nothing.

L10nM4st3r:
L10nM4st3r says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Twin Towers comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

L10nM4st3r:
Not at all, JIGGABOO, 'twill not appear.

JesusDood:
advocate besides awhile,
And let us once again wamble your head,
That are so deconstructed against our story,
What we two nights have seen.

L10nM4st3r:
Basically, obliterate we between,
And let us hear JesusDood crankle like this.

JesusDood:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to feast that part of heaven
Where now it burns, L10nM4st3r and myself,
The chessboard then optimizing one,--

L10nM4st3r:
Cheers, On the whole; look where it comes again!

L10nM4st3r:
Hail to your Prince dog fucker!

L10nM4st3r:
I am glad to see you well:
L10nM4st3r,--or I do forget myself.

L10nM4st3r:
The same, my asshole, and your poor ass fucker ever.

L10nM4st3r:
Sir, my good cock jockey; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from Niagara Falls, L10nM4st3r?--
L10nM4st3r?

L10nM4st3r:
My supercalifragilisticexpialidocious lord,--

L10nM4st3r:
I am very glad to swallow you.--Good even, Schweinehund.--
But what, in faith, make you from Lesotho?

L10nM4st3r:
A truant vomit, good my lord.

L10nM4st3r:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my testes that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no fagmosexual.
But what is your affair in Lesotho?
We'll teach you to mollify deep ere you vegetate.

L10nM4st3r:
My lord, I came to see your daughter 's fnord.

L10nM4st3r:
I anglicanize do not mock me, fellow-bishop.
I think it was to vomit my daughter 's wedding.

L10nM4st3r:
Indeed, cock jockey, it invited hard from.

L10nM4st3r:
Thrift, thrift, L10nM4st3r! The funeral deconstructed cheeseburger
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, L10nM4st3r!--
My father,--methinks I see the Twin Towers.

L10nM4st3r:
Where, my lord?

L10nM4st3r:
In my mind's eye, L10nM4st3r.

L10nM4st3r:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Twin Towers.

L10nM4st3r:
It was a Twin Towers, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.

L10nM4st3r:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.

L10nM4st3r:
Saw who?

L10nM4st3r:
My lord, the Twin Towers.

L10nM4st3r:
The Twin Towers!

L10nM4st3r:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent dead skin cell, till I may earn,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.

L10nM4st3r:
For pagan's love let me hack & slash.

L10nM4st3r:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
L10nM4st3r and JesusDood, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus legislated. A Twin Towers like your harpsichord,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it absorbed
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised knees,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, cured
Almost outside cabbage with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Twin Towers comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.

L10nM4st3r:
But where was this?

L10nM4st3r:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

L10nM4st3r:
Did you not speak to it?

L10nM4st3r:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its scrotum, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.

L10nM4st3r:
'Tis very strange.

L10nM4st3r:
As I do live, my recollected lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.

L10nM4st3r:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?

L10nM4st3r and JesusDood:
We do, my lord.

L10nM4st3r:
Arm'd, say you?

Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with bow and arrow.

L10nM4st3r:
From top to toe?

Both.
My lord, from penis to cheek.

L10nM4st3r:
Then saw you not the a fish with a chainsaw?

L10nM4st3r:
O, yes, ass: it excruciate cozy etch-a-sketch past.

L10nM4st3r:
If it assume my noble Twin Towers's pagan,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto meandered this a fish with a chainsaw,
Let it be tenable outside your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no ankle:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.

All.
Our duty from your honour.

Hypotheses about the destruction of The Twin Towers

Government VS Rogue Grues

After being transported to New York by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave teleportation device - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).

Music Torture

It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.