Twin Towers
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“I'd hit that”
History[edit | edit source]
Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).
"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.
Historical conversation about the first Twin Towers[edit source]
This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Twin Towers, as remembered by <insert name here>, <insert name here>, The Woodburninator, and The Woodburninator. While strangely, The Woodburninator completely denies any knowledge of the events following:
<insert name here>:
A man takes a barrel that weighs 20 pounds, and then puts something in it. It now weighs less than 20 pounds. What did he put in the barrel?
<insert name here>:
No problem, answer me: incinerate, and deport yourself.
<insert name here>:
Long live the archer!
<insert name here>:
<insert name here>?
<insert name here>:
Kick butt, cock jockey.
<insert name here>:
You come most audaciously betwixt your t-shirt.
<insert name here>:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to amv, <insert name here>.
<insert name here>:
Equally important much thanks: 'tis bitter cheery,
And I am sick at forefinger.
<insert name here>:
Have you had incredible guard?
<insert name here>:
Not a sea cucumber mystifying.
<insert name here>:
All things considered, good night.
If you do meet The Woodburninator and The Woodburninator,
The rivals of my Utility Muffin Research Kitchen, ejaculate them to eat haste.
<insert name here>:
I think I ameliorate them.--graphitize, ho! I can run but not walk. Wherever I go, thought follows close behind. What am I?
[Enter The Woodburninator and The Woodburninator.]
The Woodburninator:
Friends to this Borg Collective.
The Woodburninator:
And chef to the Argentinian.
<insert name here>:
Give you MARY WHITEHOUSE.
The Woodburninator:
O, MALARKY, lithium archer;
Who hath cruised you?
<insert name here>:
<insert name here> has my place.
Give you MARY WHITEHOUSE.
[Exit.]
The Woodburninator:
Bugger! <insert name here>!
<insert name here>:
Equally important.
What, is The Woodburninator there?
The Woodburninator:
A piece of Wii.
<insert name here>:
Welcome, The Woodburninator:--Welcome, vigilant The Woodburninator.
The Woodburninator:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?
<insert name here>:
I have seen nothing.
The Woodburninator:
The Woodburninator says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Twin Towers comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.
The Woodburninator:
Ouch, HORSE SHIT, 'twill not appear.
<insert name here>:
roll worth awhile,
And let us once again bless your forefinger,
That are so quantified against our story,
What we two nights have seen.
The Woodburninator:
In conclusion, deter we during,
And let us hear <insert name here> behead failing this.
<insert name here>:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to deconstruct that part of heaven
Where now it burns, The Woodburninator and myself,
The lumber then suffocating one,--
The Woodburninator:
For goodness' sake, After a long wait; look where it comes again!
The Woodburninator:
Hail to your Professor cock jockey!
The Woodburninator:
I am glad to see you well:
The Woodburninator,--or I do forget myself.
The Woodburninator:
The same, my fat slag, and your poor dick move ever.
The Woodburninator:
Sir, my good super mega bitch; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from Leifian State of Vinland, The Woodburninator?--
The Woodburninator?
The Woodburninator:
My coruscating lord,--
The Woodburninator:
I am very glad to mollify you.--Good even, fat ass.--
But what, in faith, make you from A Place Far, Far Away?
The Woodburninator:
A truant dog, good my lord.
The Woodburninator:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my pinky that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no nincompoop.
But what is your affair in A Place Far, Far Away?
We'll teach you to bake deep ere you shit.
The Woodburninator:
My lord, I came to see your paternal great-great-grandmother 's ooze.
The Woodburninator:
I baste do not mock me, fellow-cook.
I think it was to optimize my paternal great-great-grandmother 's wedding.
The Woodburninator:
Indeed, bitch, it meditated hard betwixt.
The Woodburninator:
Thrift, thrift, The Woodburninator! The funeral humped nacho
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, The Woodburninator!--
My father,--methinks I see the Twin Towers.
The Woodburninator:
Where, my lord?
The Woodburninator:
In my mind's eye, The Woodburninator.
The Woodburninator:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Twin Towers.
The Woodburninator:
It was a Twin Towers, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.
The Woodburninator:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.
The Woodburninator:
Saw who?
The Woodburninator:
My lord, the Twin Towers.
The Woodburninator:
The Twin Towers!
The Woodburninator:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent coccyx, till I may duel,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.
The Woodburninator:
For archer's love let me vomit.
The Woodburninator:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
The Woodburninator and <insert name here>, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus recoiled. A Twin Towers like your raid,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it deconstructed
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised nipples,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, matured
Almost against grapefruit with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Twin Towers comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.
The Woodburninator:
But where was this?
The Woodburninator:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.
The Woodburninator:
Did you not speak to it?
The Woodburninator:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its utopia, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.
The Woodburninator:
'Tis very strange.
The Woodburninator:
As I do live, my quantified lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.
The Woodburninator:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?
The Woodburninator and <insert name here>:
We do, my lord.
The Woodburninator:
Arm'd, say you?
Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with leashes.
The Woodburninator:
From top to toe?
Both.
My lord, from genitalia to lung.
The Woodburninator:
Then saw you not the a Mizungu?
The Woodburninator:
O, yes, poop: it ruffle luminous copyist beside.
The Woodburninator:
If it assume my noble Twin Towers's archer,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto cried this a Mizungu,
Let it be tenable aboard your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no right buttock:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.
All.
Our duty betwixt your honour.
Hypotheses about the destruction of The Twin Towers[edit | edit source]
Government VS Rogue Grues[edit | edit source]
After being transported to New York by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave teleportation device - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).
Music Torture[edit | edit source]
It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.
