UnBooks:The Pet Goat

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Goatse? (Why would you be looking for that?)

Lets open the book, shall we?

8:58 a.m.

AGENT: Excuse me, Sir.

SIR: What is it, Chip?

CHIP: Sir, we've just received word from Washington. About 12 minutes ago a plane crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center.

SIR: How big?

CHIP: 767, Sir.

SIR: I got a bad feeling about this one, Chip. If that tower comes down, New York is going to look all... unbalanced. Unbalance makes me queasy, Chip. I don't know if I can be President of a city that makes me queasy.

CHIP: Sir, you're President of the United States, not New York City.

A school bell rings.

BUSH: Oh! That's my cue. How's my tie?

CHIP: Fine, Sir.

BUSH: Okay. Chip? What are those four-legged blanket things that eat thistles? You know, the horn-head things?

CHIP: Uh... goats, Sir?

The Pet Goat, Part 1: Of Goats and Eating Things.

a girl got a pet gōat.

she liked to go running with her pet gōat.

she plāyed with her gōat in her house.

she plāyed with her gōat in her yard.

but the gōat did some things that made the girl's

dad mad. the gōat ate things. he ate cans and he ate canes.

he ate pans and he ate panes. he even ate capes and caps.

one dāy her dad said, "that gōat must go. he ēats too many things."

the girl said, "dad, if you let the gōat stay with us, I will see that he stops ēating all those things."

her dad said, "we will try it."

so the gōat stāyed and the girl made him stop ēating

cans and canes and caps and capes.

This girl is a go-getter! Goat seems like fun too.

This is getting tough. I could sure do with a holiday.

Canes and panes...

...What are these things?

...Are they goat food?

Seems like everything turned out okay for the blanket thing. I need a break.

9:05 a.m.

"Dammit, Chip!"

BUSH (whispering): Chip! Hold up two for "balanced", one for "unbalanced"!

Chip holds up a closed fist.

BUSH (whispering): Dammit, Chip! Give me something to work with here!

CHIEF OF STAFF (whispering): Sir, a second plane has hit the World Trade Center. America is under attack.

Bush looks confused.

BUSH: ...uh... Chip? Where's Laura?

CHIP: According to the manifest Sir, she's performing a "closing forever" ceremony at the New Orleans Emergency Response Centre.

BUSH: Okay Chip, I want you to call her and tell her "George needs more disposable razor blades." She'll know what to do.

The Pet Goat, Part 2: More Things about The Pet Goat.

but one dāy a robber came to the girl's house. he saw a big red car nēar the house and said "I will stēal that car."

he ran to the car and started to ōpen the dōōr.

the girl and the gōat were plāying in the back yard. they did not see the car robber.

more to come

If you wanna steal stuff, you should only tell the folks on the Supreme Court who're gonna give it to ya.

Wait, more to come? I can't wait 'til later!

Later: our Reluctant Hero goes to spread democracy

BUSH: Laura! They're talkin' about me on the TV again!

LAURA: That's nice, honey.

BUSH: Boy, Chip. That cardboard thing sure taught me a lot about foreign policy.

CHIP: It's called a book, Sir. It was about a goat.

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