UnNews:9/11 reminiscent of that other time when stuff happened

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11 September 2006

We will always remember how succulently the mustard swirled across the lettuce.

NEW YORK, New York -- On the fifth anniversary of the tragic destruction of the World Trade Center, we are reminded by countless media sources that this was just like that other thing. Exactly which other thing is the subject of much debate with some sources citing Pearl Harbor and others reminding us of the terrible attacks the terrorist organization Vesuvius unleashed upon Pompeii. A History Channel representative supports his own interpretation:

He continued for another forty minutes, closing with "at least we didn't turn this into a WWII documentary like we've done with everything else for the past 61 years." Viewers were impressed.

Fortunately, UnNews can settle the debate once and for all. The historical event that 9/11 is most like, and indeed the only one that has not yet been used, is the time last Thursday when a senior writer dropped his sandwich. An eyewitness comments:

UnNews had previously considered comparing 9/11 to the Irish Potato Famine or maybe the Cuban Revolution, but decided that this had almost certainly been done already, and acknowledges that commemorating a steak sub, delicious as it may be, is a paltry last resort. Sources in the mainstream media, however, call the sandwich story "uplifting" and "a ray of hope in troubled times," and have already begun comparing it to other historical disasters.

Recognizing the lack of an official holiday to commemorate 9/11, members of Congress have begun consideration of a bill to change the observance date of Bring a Terrorist to Work Day. The initial approval committee approved resoundingly, and a final vote is expected to take place next week.

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