User:Black flamingo11/Final Fantasy Football

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“...”

~ Cloud Strife on Fantasy Football


Final Fantasy Football is a game in which participants play the role of a football club manager, assembling a fantasy team (or party to use the sporting parlance) made of their favourite players. After forming a party of 3 footballers (4 in older versions), the manager then earns points based on how well those players perform in real life. It is typically run in magazines, over the internet, or in your imagination[1].

Americans may find this confusing, but should take note that this really is Football, they just call it something different.

Who Plays it?[edit | edit source]

A typical sports fan.

The game is played by people who have no skills on the pitch themselves, but believe that they could manage a team better than Omega Weapon himself if someone would just give them the chance, despite the fact that the only real experience they have of the game is watching it on TV.

The league has become a very popular hobby as of late, it has been reported that some play it as regularly as 12 hours a day. This has obviously caused great concern, and many people have called for the game to be banned, accusing it of promoting childhood obesity, lack of social skills and copycat crimes. Others see it as no more than a harmless surrogate for a failed athletic career.

History[edit | edit source]

Like folk music, the idea of a fantasy league is so old that no one can remember who came up with the idea. It has been suggested that it was the same legendary traveller, known only as 'Scrotum Joe', who invented both of them. This is unlikely however, since Joe never lived to see Football invented, and it would mean that the fantasy league would predated the real one[2].

The idea was patented by the Final Fantasy Football League Ltd. in 1987, and published in their two supplements, Official Nintendo Magazine and Match!. The very first Final Fantasy Football League[3] was played in between the pages of those two magazines, with a few curious readers sending their team list in via post.

It wasn't until 10 years later however, during the 7th official league, that the game really took off. During this time, people from all over Europe (who had previously dismissed it as something only teenage boys do) signed up for the first time in legions[4]. It became a worldwide sensation, garnering excellent critical reviews from top punters such as Gary Lineker and Hironobu Sakaguchi. It also spawned a successful TV series, hosted by 'laddish' comedians Frank Skinner and Yoshitaka Amano[5].

Since 1997, every league has been dedicated to the memory of Aerith Gainsborough, a world-famous City of the Ancients FC striker who tragically died of liver failure (brought on by being stabbed through the abdomen)[6]. Fans have tried endlessly to recruit her as a player since, although it always causes their game to crash, even when they're playing it in a magazine.

How to Take Part[edit | edit source]

To play, one must sign up to one of the various competitions, and then at the start menu, select new game. You will start with a small amount of cash, normally no more than 1,000 Gil. However more can be acquired on the pitch, either from chests or lifted from the dead bodies of slaughtered players.

This money is used to purchase the members of your party. All real life players are available to you, there are, however, certain limitations. For instance, many of the best players are unaffordable early on, and traditionally every team much include at least one Cid.

Participants are offered the choice of naming their team. If they choose to do so, the commentators will not be able to pronounce it, as their AI is not very advanced. They will subsequently refer to them as "that team" or "you there", or sometimes "star player of the Final Fantasy Football League". Alternatively, there are a number of automatic names, which in Final Fantasy tradition are all weather-based. They include:

  • The Tornadoes
  • The Sunshine Squad
  • The Knights of Mist
  • The Windy Wanderers
  • The Raindrop Rangers

If you decide at a later date that you don't like your name, you can recruit the rare player Namingway who will change it for you. He plays for The Midgar Chocobos and is a mediocre defender.

Your chocobos must have reached their light blue form to compete otherwise they will drown.

As you move through the league, your players accumulate experience points. These can be used to increase your players' stats, to learn new abilities, or to kill large amounts of time while you wait for death. However, the ultimate aim of the game is to win all four leagues with your chosen team. The prizes are as follows:

  • Coca Cola League - Fire Cup
  • Premier League - Ice Cup
  • Tactics League - Earth Cup
  • Crystal Chronicles League - Wind Cup

There is also a hidden sidequest that allows you to play another secret league, based on the real-life Chocobo Waterpolo League. From this it is possible gain the ultimate weapon, namely; The Ultimate Weapon.

Once you have acquired all four cups, you will be transported to the final boss - Manchester United.

Gaining and Losing Points[edit | edit source]

Points, known as 'exp', are awarded depending on how well your players perform in their actual teams. So, for example, attackers get points for scoring, keepers for saving goals, and midfielders for... well, whatever it is they do.

You will receive exp for the following actions:

  • Playing in a match
  • Scoring (refers to both scoring goals and scoring with members of the opposite sex)
  • Blocking a goal
  • Making an assist (I don't know either)
  • Keeping a clean sheet (very important as dirty sheets mean dirty minds)
  • Being man of the match
  • Maintaining hairstyle
  • Killing one of the opposing team (fouls however, count against you)
  • Performing your victory pose correctly

And you will lose exp for these actions:

  • Conceding
  • Being offside
  • Receiving a yellow or red card (yellow = poison, red = death)
  • Scoring an own goal
  • Getting ko'd
  • Calling the referee a 'spoony bard'[7]

The Players[edit | edit source]

The Final Fantasy Football League is noted for its detailed re-creation of real life sports[citation needed], and as such a whole pantheon of top and bottom league players are available.

As stated earlier, the better players cost more Gil, meaning those taking part will have to work hard to be able to afford them. Among the most expensive players are:

Christiano Ronaldo is one of the many players available.
  • Tidus - plays for The Zanarkand Abes. He is one of two players able to perform the famous Jecht Shot.
  • Sephiroth - plays for Deling City. He has the best stats of any player and can play in any position.
  • Keepa - plays for Deling United, heated rivals of Deling City. Widely regarded as one of the best goal keepers.
  • Yang[8] - plays for Caves of Narshe Athletic. The master of headers.
  • Jecht - plays for Sporting Lindblum. The best there ever was by his own admittance.
  • Christiano Ronaldo - plays for Real Costa del Sol. When not playing football, he makes a living as infamous sky pirate, Balthier.
  • Gilgamesh - plays for The Moon Sponsored by Pepsi FC. He is the ultimate keeper due to his many arms[9].

Once you have singed who you want, there are a number of job classes available to your players, and you can place them in any of the following positions:

  • Goal keeper (GK)
  • Back row (DF)
  • Left wing (LW)
  • Right wing (RW)
  • Midfielder (MF[10])
  • Attacker (AT)
  • Black mage (BM)
  • White mage (WM)

It should be noted however, that most players are naturally suited to one specific position, so choose wisely.

Extra Features[edit | edit source]

Newer versions of the league also boast a wide array of extra features, with each subsequent version offering more and more add-ons. Some of these have been positively received, but mostly not. This is largely because fans of the series don't like change.

Equipment[edit | edit source]

As well as training and levelling-up players, fantasy managers are given the opportunity to equip their team with items from their inventory. These items have various effects from increasing stats to restoring lost hit points, and can be purchased from the item shop for a small amount of Gil. Notable items are:

Shaun Wright-Philips belongs to the Black Mage job class.
  • Long range materia (allows goals to be scored from further away)
  • Alert amulet (prevents back attack)
  • Thief's gloves (increases chances of stealing the ball)
  • Feather boots (makes you run faster)
  • Save the Queen (a powerful sword)
  • Hyperactivity scarf (prevents slow and stop)
  • Leather shirt (increases defence by 10, give to defenders)
  • Potions, hi-potions etc. (heals an injured player)
  • Ruby ring (protects against berserk, a common status ailment among football players)
  • Hand of God (legendary glove worn by Diego Maradona, allows hand-goals)
  • Mythril socks (self explanatory)

WAGs[edit | edit source]

Another special feature allows participants to recruit WAGs. WAGs stands for White mages And Girlfriends, and these days are a popular part of sporting culture. In Final Fantasy Football they are used to gain extra points, as well as support your squad with their white magic.

There are many WAGs featured in the league, and again they are based on the real life counterparts of famous athletes. WAGs available to players are:

  • Posh Spice
  • Cheryl Cole
  • Nicole Scherzinger
  • that one from The Saturdays[11]
  • Gary Barlow
  • Faye Wong
  • Jennifer Ellison
  • General Beatrix

Also like the players, the points that your WAGs earn depends on the actions of those WAGs in reality. For example, whilst players earn points for sporting triumphs, WAGs will be rewarded for every photograph of themselves in the magazines, every awful single they release, and every affair they survive. The number of points gained is determined by the hotness of the WAG. For instance, a very hot WAG could receive as many as 10 points for each action, whilst a not-very-hot one may be given as few as -10.

Substitutes[edit | edit source]

Early versions of Final Fantasy Football had no substitution system, but later ones have allowed players to emulate the real life practice of using summon magic to supplement their squad. When one of your team is booked, sent off, or ko'd, you are given the option to summon a monster, such as Ifrit or Knights of the Round, to replace it.

Fans and critics agree that the inclusion of sumstitutes[12] makes play far more exciting due to their immense size (almost half the size of Peter Crouch!).

See Also[edit | edit source]

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ Where you always win.
  2. ↑ Which would be really mind-blowing.
  3. ↑ An oxymoron of sorts.
  4. ↑ Although many fans still prefer its less pretentious predecessor.
  5. ↑ Although they spent most of the show just watching replays of Tifa's boobs bouncing over and over.
  6. ↑ Her death is documented in Alan Hanson's Greatest Football Injuries 2: More Mutilation, which is widely available on Betamax.
  7. ↑ One of the greatest insults in sport.
  8. ↑ Wang in the original Japanese.
  9. ↑ And canine companion Enkido, who will attack any player who approaches the goal.
  10. ↑ Samuel L. Jackson plays in this position.
  11. ↑ You know, the one who looks like a 10-year-old boy (but a hot one).
  12. ↑ Or subbons, depending on the translation.
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