User:BANG
mêni aeide thea Pêlêïadeô Achilêos oulomenên, hê muri' Achaiois alge' ethêke
BANG[edit | edit source]
Born from the great double big[GANG]BANG, 9+ years after Assfing had already occurred. Being the only survivor of being fused with Nail, he has become the definitive and only true BANG.
Daily Routine[edit | edit source]
KILL DARKIESBANG MANY WOMENEAT MOSTLY TITANIUMWATCH TRANSFORMERS
CHRONICLES OF BANG: THE BEFORE[edit | edit source]
During the great BANG wars, BANG fought against many common brethren, including his father, Wolf Gang BANG. This caused a lot of confusion within the still young seedling BANG, when he was forced to anally rape his father while holding down a collapsing ceiling. Wishing to be brave and self-sacrificing, Wolf Gang BANG offers his life to save his sons, but suddenly BANG reaches his finale, and not even his father could survive the manly spray. Only a mere 300 seconds old, BANG was forced to lay dormant under the rubble until later being released to a very enraged Darkletirpoop.
CHRONICLES OF BANG: THE SLIGHTLY BEFORE DURING[edit | edit source]
At a young age, BANG emerged from the gravel-marked womb of his former home with the help of Darkletirpoop and his hilariously over-dramatic reaction to the second live-action Transformers film. Darkletirpoop, fooled by his far more intelligent(and more white)companions, was led to believe that the film was relatively low-quality. As such, he was a dumb spook, and thoughtlessly supported the facetious opinions of his vastly superior comrades. His bros then laughed at his silly ass, and promptly left him in the company of a beached whale.
Infuriated by the whale's fatness, Darkletirpoop went on a rampage, storming across BANG's homeland and wrecking up the joint. When his rage subsided, however, the regretful darkie traveled the land in search of survivors of his astoundingly silly escapades. It was then that he stumbled across BANG, buried beneath a mound of building-stuff and dried semen.
BANG then kicked Darkletirpoop in the dick, triggering the Calamity.
BANG's Insatiable Desire for Nigger Blood(featuring the dirty nigger who bled on Him), the Chronicles of[edit | edit source]
During one of BANG's arguably more canonical adventures, he meets a strange midget named Petiro. This dark creature(one of the shadow lemurs... an underdeveloped scavenger race which mostly feeds itself off cow patties) invites him to his collection of whale larvae, still too young to even be considered edible. BANG questions the intentions of Petiro and the well-being of the whale larvae, so much to instigate his own investigation.
What BANG learns in this tale is not all creatures are as pure and manly as he. He discovers that some beings have few standards, little money, and are willing to consume fragile, innocent, and naive creatures. BANG cries for most of eternity, until he finally realizes, justice is due.
Being the upstanding guy BANG is, he decides to eradicate the source before it is too late. However, he has waited too long. BANG's first mistake, and possibly his most heartfelt, has lead to the birth of a new race of human-kind: niggerus bangus whalus.
BANG took up arms. Despite their overwhelming numbers, nothing will stop BANG from eradicating this foul breed of shadow lemurs. While darkness remains, BANG may never rest.
Eventually, BANG comes across a rather large hideout of shadow lemurs. This is the chance he had been waiting for. Leaping from the rafters, BANG shoves his mighty nail simultaneously in all 32 shadow lemurs anuses. He is then confronted by Petiro in a short, however meaningful, confrontation. BANG quickly and easily subdues the much dumber Petiro, yet still Petiro had a trick up his sleeve: his armpit reeked of darkness.
BANG had become victorious. But that smelled really bad.
BANG OF PERSIA: The Nigger Within[edit | edit source]
Consumed by the foul scent of victory, BANG traveled to the far east. He made his way through Japan, Korea, Thailand, and eventually China, where he met a bunch of U.S. Navy chumps, fucked a dead whore, and partied hard with said whore's gimp father. It is during this time that BANG encountered Big Boss, and the battle between the two will forever remain recorded in the an(n)als of history.
During a particularly heated battle, Big Boss raised a coarse, working-man's hand to wipe the sweat and blood(and nigger semen)from Bang's brow. The two shared a tender moment before bursting into tears and holding one another. This occurred just before an unfortunate instance of Brawling with the Kid, which YOU do not do. Big Boss was forced to copulate to death upon the mighty SPIRE OF JUSTICE what had at one point belonged to BANG, but was lost in a poker game to Johnny Cage. BANG's tears for his lost love flooded China and killed all of the yellow sons of bitches who inhabited it. Unfortunately, in the 1986 adaption of the film by Jet Li, this scene culminated in one of Big Boss's faggot comrades being cremated alive. Born to Defense, like many film adaptions, is considered non-canonical by true fans of the Gawjema Saga, and is fucking gay.
Regardless, BANG's encounter with Big Boss enabled him to sweat away the nigger stench. Eternally grateful to his newfound soulmate, BANG left the land of the very-early-morning-but-slightly-after-rising sun and began his journey anew.
A Very Special Episode of Chronicles of BANG[edit | edit source]
The Preamble[edit | edit source]
In a distant time, place, setting, year, day, month, neighborhood, legendary events were about to unfold.
Several thousand minutes predating BANG OF PERSIA, frog remains. This set in motion the events for the most catastrophic event known to another universe.. and they were pretty fucking pissed. There was a dark, tortured soul who was trapped within this wonderful land long ago. He was called Hakumen by his peers, and in ages past he was on the forefront of transexual rights. According to his deep research, a frog bomb used under the right circumstances could bring about his ideal world: a land where he was the final boss.
Meanwhile, BANG experiences a calamity, and what not should have been occurred...
The Hour[edit | edit source]
Sitting atop a high peak, where all could see, sat Hakumen. His plan perfect, his execution flawless, his will unrelenting, the winds of change should now blow. Hakumen began to do what was necessary: the lubrication of the frog bomb.
If the frog bomb were to activate within his most foul nether region(some websites call this "A Place For Friends"), then he would receive the glorious POWA WAVE(BUSTA WOLF!!) which would ignite his burning, passionate power.
The More Before Than Less After Time[edit | edit source]
In an instant, BANG emerged from a portal, still confused as to his mission. Suddenly, spotting Hakumen, one thing became obvious: fags such as this have no place in reality. Hakumen, sensing danger, proceeded with a premature insertation of the device. BANG, sharp and cunning as ever, decided it would be most amusing to plunge his forbidden nail into A Place For Friends.
The device would proceed to exit through the mouth of chagrined Hakumen, while simultaneously a portal transported BANG back home, bringing with him Hakumen.
The Moment[edit | edit source]
A sudden leap into the air, towards the frog bomb. It understood. United they were.
The frogs touched. It was gay.
The Aftermath[edit | edit source]
Failed to parse (SVG (MathML can be enabled via browser plugin): Invalid response ("Math extension cannot connect to Restbase.") from server "https://wikimedia.org/api/rest_v1/":): {\displaystyle Ladies_and_Gentlemen,_the_Johnny_Pissoff_credo: I,.Jonathan.Abner.Tobias.Pissoff, In the presence of the Universal God of Salvation, Do solemnly affirm that I have been chosen to beat up queers. I further affirm, that although I’m a decent God-fearing man with family and property, I, uh, I want to kill, rape, ravish, plunder, pillage, stomp, devour, destroy, hack, smash, slash and bash! All [[gay|queers]], [[communist|commies]], [[jew|sheenies]], hallies and [[polish|hunkies]], All [[italian|greaseballs]], [[crackers|honkies]], [[polish|Polacs]], [[sick people|lepers]] and litwacks, All [[bohemian|bohunks]], [[dumbass|eggheads]], [[ice cream|fudgesicles]] and [[asian|high-slants]], All [[User:BANG|poets]], [[cop|pigs]], [[frog...|frogs]], [[Fag whining|queers]], [[hippie|peace-creeps]], [[Cajun|Cajuns]], [[Midget Power|Dwarfs]], [[Joseph|dipshits]] and [[sluts|teenage loose women]]! In the name of [[Megaman VI|Jesus Christ]], this I do affirm!}
BANGman 8: Adventures of (Steven) Frostman is Clownman's Bitch[edit | edit source]
The Slightly Before: Once Chas During, Deep Tyrell 9[edit | edit source]
Many days ago, before Tyrell said whatever I heard him say, the great and powerful INAFKING lovingly crafted what would later be known as Megaman 8. This arguably canonical artistic endeavor featured not only our intrepid hero, BANG, but two notably less intelligent and exceedingly ignorant dipshits named STEVEN FROST(man) and CHAS DUREN(klown.................), with the former being composed entirely of spare parts from the latter.
During this event, BANG traveled to the furthest rings of the alternate future universe, fully realizing his unequivocal power as BOOM POW BANG- effectively doing the damn thing and proving juggalos everywhere entirely correct. As their convoluted and mostly comical prophecies foretold, the great SPACE GOAT had once more descended from the Plains, Trains and Plantains of the Netherworld, aiming to incite armageddon from its very own anus. It was BANG's responsibility- no, his DESTINY to plunge his holy nail deep into the anus of the GOAT, saving ours and every other parallel universe from its side-splitting hilarity.
BANG's Identity[edit | edit source]