User:Andorin Kato/Laws of Anime Physics

“Well, coming from a book that's read back to front...”

~ Oscar Wilde on anime physics

Origin

The title page of the first discovered manga book.

The Laws of Anime Physics were found apart from the laws of normal physics by Isaac Newton. It was co-began by the philosopher Goa Tse, and Tsoa Moyazaki or some other name you read past because it's complete babble to you, the date was somewhere between 450 and 500 AD. Moyazaki, after perilous study of the back-to-front books, traveled to the land of Patents where he patented anime.

Tsoa's Studies

Upon studying the books, he realized a few things. Of course, this wasn't everything to realize, but it was a ground to work on for the laws that were found many centuries later.

1. The book is read back to forward. What a crazy thing!
2. The naughty page is always page 69. That is the eternal rule.
3. Most importantly, the physics of this "manga" world were noticeably unrealistic compared to ours.

Mass Production

Moyazaki used each and every one of these attributes to make a huge profit. He realized he could sell such things as pornography for the men, and extremely complicated love stories for children. In 521 AD, he started mass-producing these erotic pieces of literature with pictures, and he was a millionaire ever since. It should be noted that anime is currently drawn and printed with animo acids.

Discovery of the Laws

In the few years before 1669, while Isaac Newton was furthering his research on the Laws of Physics, he probably got drunk and bought a few now-world-popularized manga books. This is disputed, as nobody really knows how he acquired such things, but another theory is that he was a nerd in the first place. Regardless, he started studying manga books, and found the simple laws that make the manga reality different from ours. On August 5, 1669 he announced to the world that he had an official list of physics that applied to manga. This discovery is what bolstered others to give him their money so he could go on to discover more ACTUAL laws of physics and invent more things.

The Laws of Anime Physics

We have explained to you the history of manga, the life of Tsao Moyazaki, the works of Isaac Newton, and the becomings of these laws. So, finally, we will be able to introduce the Laws of Anime Physics (in 3-D High Definition). Note that all of these are provable by concrete mathematics, however you wouldn't understand them because you spend time reading Uncyclopedia instead of studying math. It should be pointed out that none of these laws apply to Sosuke Aizen as he is the only anime character to which none of the rules apply. Why they don't still remains to be a mystery, but one can assume that he is an asshole.

Main Characters, Villains, and General (F)laws

1. The more idiotic a plan is, the more likely it is to work. (ex. Evangelion, Naruto, Gurren Lagann)
   1. If a plan is talked about beforehand, it will never work.
   2. In the event that a plan is talked about beforehand, the entire plan will be scrapped moments before it is put into motion and will be replaced by an improvisational plan. This new plan has a 100% chance to succeed.
   3. Sometimes they simply make backup plans that are so kewl, kickass, lengendary, epic, etc that all other plans simply MUST fail.
2. In cooperation with the first law, if an antagonist has a plan, it will fail. It may appear to succeed at first, but the end result will always be failure.
3. The main protagonist should preferably always be an orphan; otherwise, a single-parent household will do.
   1. The main character should have an incredibly powerful dad, who he either doesn't know he is exceptionally powerful, or has never met him, however, he may find out eventually. (Naruto, Bleach, Code Geass, One Piece, Hunter X Hunter, FMA, Yu Yu Hakusho)
4. The protagonist is not allowed to use his most powerful, unique ability until either a fellow protagonist is severely harmed or fake-killed, or the protagonist is essentially defeated. (Dragonball Z)
5. There is always a lovable jerk and a hard-working, determined and kind dude. The jerk gets the girl and somehow saves the day, while the hard-working kid gets ignored in the end or gets run over by a tank.
6. Characters who gain control of giant robots become gifted with the knowledge to utilize those robots, especially if the robots are designed from the characters' parents. (ex. Gundam, Evangelion)
7. The strength of the antagonist is always proportioned relatively to the length of the series.
8. Really good-natured protagonists have ridiculous appetites. (Bleach, Dragonball Z, One Piece, D. Gray Man, Darker Than Black, Saiyuki,Trigun)
9. Main characters and villains cannot be killed by filler characters. This is because main characters have plot protection from filler characters. In essence, even if they are, oh say, brutally stabbed multiple times and seem dead, they aren't really dead. Guess someone should have told that to those filler Arrancars. (ex. Bleach)
   1. In exceptional situations, this may happen, but only at the very last of the series (ex. Nabari no Ou)
10. Villains never have normal appearances, they are either butt-ugly monsters, or incredibly good-looking emos. Some exceptions are an amalgamation of both. (esp. InuYasha)
    1. The bad guy has fan girls. (ex. Garry Oak) Unless Especially if he's a transvestite.(ex. Sasuke)
11. The main character is small and wimpy-looking, only to hold a tremendous secret power explained to him by a wise old person.
12. If a villain laughs his head off like a retard, no one will make fun of him; they might even turn the other way. (Bleach, Naruto)
13. The quicker someone dies off, the more likely they are not really dead. (ex. Bleach)
14. Getting stabbed multiple times only kills you if you are unimportant. Remember that, Kazuya! Just ask Ulquiorra.
    1. Additionally, unimportant characters may never initiate combat. If a character attempts to break this law, they are met with a harsh and quick defeat.
15. When a character performs an attack, they MUST yell out its name, therefore giving their opponent the obvious advantage of knowing what they're going to do, but rarely doing what they can do to prevent or counter it. If they don't yell out the name, it doesn't count because that's cheating.(ex. Gurren Lagann)
    1. This was first used in popular anime The Bible, in which the main character God, unleashes his signature move 'LET THERE BE LIGHT!'
    2. The louder said character shouts the name of an attack, the more powerful that attack will be. (ex. Dragon Ball Z)
    3. The more stupid the name of the attack is, the more damage it will do (this effect works in reverse for unimportant characters).
    4. No matter the name of the attack, merely naming an attack increases its power tenfold. (ex. Bleach)
    5. On rare occasions when people actually do something to avoid/stop the attack, it will be always succeed. If it was the villain attacking the hero, the hero will quickly counter and beat the villain. But if it is hero attacking, expect to see either new attacks or power-up version soon. (Dragonball Z)
16. No matter how long the preparation to an attack, and no matter how many spangly things are created, the preparation cannot be interrupted before it is complete. This is known as "filler courtesy". The attack is permitted to miss, however. (ex. Sailor Moon)
    1. Whether this is due to some unwritten warrior's code or just stupidity, it is yet to be determined.
    2. Certain characters that exist solely to be either badass or to instruct the protagonist may temporarily distort this rule. (ex. Blue Dragon)
17. A character's power level is directly proportional with the amount of grunting they do (ex. Dragon Ball Z)
    1. Once a protagonist attains a certain power level or ultimate attack, they can never defeat an antagonist more than once using a power level or attack at or below this level. If the protagonist attempts to use an ultimate attack more than once, it will have absolutely no effect on the enemy. This does not apply to filler episodes. (ex. Naruto, Dragon Ball Z)
18. An antagonist can never use their full power or ultimate attack until they are extremely close to losing.
19. There must be at least one guy who can control (and is usually obsessed about) animals. (ex. Naruto).
20. All characters are allowed to jump and float in the air for obscenely long amounts of time, allowing the character more than enough time to have an internal monologue about the enemy's attack. (ex. Naruto)
    1. While this allows a protagonist to always counter the attack, an antagonist is not allowed to counter, and must use this time to simply think about how powerful the protagonist's attack is. This does not apply if the protagonist is using an ultimate attack he has already used before.
21. The magical tools necessary to kill someone are commonplace. (ex. Death Note)
22. Internal monologues and/or long emotional conversations may never be interrupted, even if they take place in the middle of world-deciding battles. (ex. Death Note)
23. When in doubt, scream loudly and sacrifice yourself to have no effect on the enemy. (ex. Dragon Ball Z, Naruto Shippuden)
24. If the protagonist has something everyone else has, the protagonist's is much more powerful and useful. (ex. Digimon, Pokemon, Blue Dragon)
25. The antagonist must dismiss the protagonist(s) as a minor annoyance, but never suspects them to have superpowers and might even go so far as to pass up the opportunity to kill or maim him/her on several occasions. (ex. Shaman King, Bleach, Naruto)
    1. For protagonists with exceptionally large egos, this rule can work the other way around, except for the fact that the protagonist still wins. (ex. Bleach, InuYasha)
26. There is no anime without the presence of at least one samurai. (ex. One Piece)
    1. Anime circulating around school life is not an exception (ex. Shugo Chara)
27. There must be a point at which the protagonist is shot down by a single bullet, missile, or, in the case of the End of Evangelion, gigantic naked lady that wants to merge with the world. At this point, peaceful Latin music will play for many minutes as the protagonist (or his robot, in the case of Evangelion and the Gundam series,) falls to the ground in slow motion.
28. If a male character has pink hair, he is either homosexual or bisexual. This does not apply to the protagonist, unless it is a yaoi. No other hair colors apply. (ex. Szayel Apporo Granz of Bleach)
29. If a character's hair is hiding some disfiguring mark, laser beam, etc, no amount of force will move that character's hair until permitted. (ex. Descendants of Darkness, Marta Lualdi, Code Geass, Erementar Gerad, Yu-Gi-Oh!)
30. You may not start owning the bad guy until the cool music starts (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
31. The more an enemy brags about easily owning the protagonist, the easier that enemy will be defeated.
32. By rules and standards of many fighting groups, a final showdown starts with a half hour staring contest. At this point the protagonist must use a series of flashbacks to remember how he/she got to this point. Spectators who may also be classified as secondary characters are also allowed to comment during this time. (ex. Bleach, DragonBall Z)
33. The protagonist is allotted a maximum of two special abilities that
    1. Nobody else has.
    2. He is unable to control. (ex. D N Angel, Naruto Shippuuden)
34. The protagonist may power up using emotional memories until he is able to defeat the antagonist.
35. The protagonist is allowed to teleport large distances in order to save secondary characters from giant fucking monsters. (ex. Bleach, Inuyasha, DragonBallZ)
36. If the protagonist goes into a state of depression, his/her powers are revoked until he/she removes the depression. (ex. Bleach, Moyashimon, Kiki's Delivery Service)
37. The protagonist may show physical characteristics of exhaustion and wounds, but is not affected by them. In fact, the power of the protagonist rises as he becomes more exhausted. (ex. Bleach, YuYu Hakusho) However, this rule does not apply if an appendage is rendered useless. (ex. Dragonball Z)
38. Bandages heal everything, no matter how deep the wound, except if they lose a limb which is soon to be reattached, replaced, healed by a side character, or regrown.
    1. However, a powerful attack against characters will always cause them to bleed from the mouth. Punched in the gut? Blood escapes from the mouth. Stabbed in the shoulder? Blood in the mouth. Shot in the leg? Blood in the mouth. (eg. Naruto, Bleach, Dragon Ball Z, One Piece, BoBoBo-Bo Bo-BoBo)
39. If the antagonist is in a weakened state or transforming, protagonists may not harm him/her/it. Protagonists may only initiate combat with a villain when he/she/it is at full power. (ex. Dragonball Z)
40. Antagonists that seem too cool to be villains often end up turning into anti-heroes. (ex. Naruto Shippuden, Bleach, Dragon Ball Z)
    1. Conversely, secondary protagonists that seem too badass or powerful early in the the series will often end up turning to evil (lookin' at YOU Sasuke Uchiha!) or reveal that they were villains from the very beginning.
    2. The same can apply for secondary antagonists that seem too badass or powerful throughout the series will often end up being heralded as a tragic hero (yep, lookin' at you Itachi Uchiha!) or revealing that they were heroes throughout the very beginning.
    3. If this secondary antagonist does not turn out to be a tragic hero, they will become the primary antagonist if the original primary antagonist dies.
41. Antagonist groups must be themed and in uniform. (ex. Naruto, Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon)
42. Both the protagonist and antagonist can wield incredibly large and heavy looking weapons despite possessing no muscle mass whatsoever. (ex. Naruto, Bleach, Final Fantasy 7, One Piece)
43. The amount of damage to apparel is directly correlated to how much damage the character has taken, the power they have, and how pissed they are. (ex. Dragon Ball Z)
44. Very deep cuts or several gallons of blood loss are non-fatal unless the person is unimportant. (ex. Naruto, Rurouni Kenshin, Bleach)
45. Arch-villains must send their important bad guys one by one only, to maximize their chances of defeat, instead of performing one major attack to crush the protagonists. Exceptions ( allowing 2 or 3 bad guys max ) may happen at the end of the season of a show. (ex.Sailor Moon)
46. No deal (or statement) is legally binding until a gust of wind (may or may not include, but not limited to debris, leaves or fallen flower petals) blows after the proclamation is made. But remember, if it is a humid day and there is an absence of the gust, then please do not hold the characters responsible (ex. Naruto)
47. If the title theme (generally the original theme) begins to play... dood, the bad guy never had a chance!
48. The death of a character is ABSOLUTELY certain if:
    1. They reached their goal.
    2. A second character has had the chance to converse with named person (preferably a woman, childhood friend or the closest comrade) (Gurren Lagaan)
    3. An exclusive flashback is seen where all questions around named character are answered.
    4. The episode is a one hour special. (Naruto)
    5. A last very important hint was given, allowing the other characters to move on.
    6. When eyes are closed another character starts crying or screaming hysterically. (ex. Code Geass)
49. The amount of weaponry a character is carrying is in no way related to the visible storage space on the person's body.
50. A person can be shot at with an automatic assault rifle or rocket launcher or even smashed through 3 mountains and have half of the last one fall on his/her head and come out uninjured but if when he/she is not prepared/powered up, a small rock 2 inches in diameter thrown at his/her head by a normal person will put him/her in extreme pain and have a grapefruit sized bump on his/her head (ex. Dragonball Z)
51. Whenever an antagonist is blasted, thrown, flung or propelled (non-fatally) in any other way into the distance so far that they can not seen, they appear to be a star (ex. Pokemon, Super Smash Bros.)
52. A super powered attack is strongest when it is first used. It gets weaker and weaker the more the character uses it. (lookin at YOU, Dragonball Z)
    1. This applies mostly to the main character.
53. Protagonists can instantly recover from exhaustion of half-a-day-long battle by simply declaring, "I want to become stronger". In addition, such a declaration also actually makes them stronger than they were at the beginning of the battle. (ex. Naruto Shippuden)
    1. In addition, receiving encouragement from people close to them and/or they are trying to protect during a battle will increase their power immeasurably for a short amount of time. (ex. Bleach)
54. A technique cannot be used until the smoke or dust created by a previous technique has settled down, and the opponents are able to see each other clearly. This does not apply when the smoke or dust is intentionally used as a diversion, especially by cool characters. (ex. Naruto Shippuden)
55. If a villain who is extremely powerful divides himself into more than 50 clones then they are incredibly easy to defeat.
56. The main character's strength : He/she can be either weak or strong in the begging. He/she will then get totally owned by a villain. Then, he/she will gain a new ability, become immensely stronger in the next battle, and totally owned the previously owning villain.
    1. After a few battles the main character becomes weak again and has to get a new ability or do an extremely short amount of training. (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
57. The antagonist, at some point in time, must reveal his/her weakness to the protagonist, believing that the protagonist is too weak to exploit it anyway.
58. The success and amount of damage any robot/vehicle has is directly proportional to the importance of the character driving it.
59. During a battle, time can be slowed down or stopped to make a technique work. (ex. Naruto Shippuden)
60. Tools used by Shinigami (Death Gods) to kill people have about 100 rules to be followed concerning their proper and improper use. Out of these about 90 rules tell how these tools should be used by humans. (ex. Death Note)
61. If a character has a mask or some type of head covering on, it makes them a hell of a lot more harder to kill. (ex. Bleach, Darker Than Black, Elfen Lied)
62. If the protagonists ever start combining their mecha with something, they must never stop this. Even if they have to combine with spaceships, the moon (which is actually a giant spaceship) or even their own fighting spirit (Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
63. If the protagonists manage to create a giant mecha out of their own fighting spirit, it will be at least 10 million light years tall. The antagonist will then create a slightly more powerful mecha out of nothing.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
64. If the antagonist forgets to put visible weapons on his mecha, he/she will pick up the nearest improvised weapon, whether it'd be sticks, stones, mud or galaxies.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
65. All mecha will be themed. The protagonist or his allies (never both) will make changes to any mecha they capture.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
66. Once the protagonist's mecha combines with a spaceship, the spaceship will be turned into a large mecha with the smaller one piloting it. The more times this is repeated, the more mecha you have inside eachother.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
67. Lasers can create holes in reality that you can jump through, in order to appear wherever you want.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
68. The little mecha the protagonist finds in the first episode is not strong enough to defeat any enemy except the first they encounter as well as the last enemy.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
69. Writing names of people you don't know personally is a serious crime. (Death Note)
70. The protagonist must always hold a badass speech during the middle of an epic battle, after which his own power will increase hundredfold. The antagonist's power will drop by an equal amount.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
71. If the protagonist starts out with a close friend, this friend will only say things that makes no sense and the protagonist will be responsible for the death of his friend, after which he loses all of his power for a few episodes.(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
72. If you expose a forcefield to a powerful enough attack, the forcefield will shatter as if it was made of glass.
73. No show is without filler.
74. The enemy will always have energy enough to keep dodging the protagonist's attacks.
75. The best way to accomplish your goals is to "INGORE THE IMPOSSIBLE, CURB STOMP REALITY AND GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE!"(Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
76. If the episode begins to get more and more awesome, it's either because it is about to end or because the advertisements are coming up.
77. Being badass is just as effective as wearing a bullet proof vest.
    1. People that are badass also have the ability to disintegrate bullets with their minds.
78. If a finishing blow is dealt to a main character or a supporting character that is not a nameless grunt, a 3 second interval will transpire before any actual sign of physical damage is apparent.
    1. This law can be ignored if an internal monologue precedes the finishing blow.
79. If there is a rival or minor enemy of the main character, this character will join the main character in the final battle, be recruited by, become, or even already is, the main antagonist. (ex. Aquarion, Yu-Gi-Oh)
80. If the main protagonist is betrayed by a close friend/relative, they will most likely/always rejoin the main protagonist in the end, regardless of how evil/messed-up their views are. (ex. Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist)
81. Any one who is considered elderly will either have thin slits for eyes or have glasses. There are however a few exceptions.
82. All masters will make their pupil attend a bathhouse with them during training,usually at the end of the day.
83. Should a supporting character that seems to always be smiling explain something, tell a story or day dream, anyone within a 35 ft radius will turn into midget versions of themselves. Exceptions to the distance law include when they note a character who is either in a different form, somewhere else, dead or otherwise never existed.
84. During a battle, a bystander who realizes or explains the protagonists technique to another person on the sideline will not be heard from by the antagonists.
85. The first episode of an anime will always involve the protagonist meeting some random person and saving them from a villain who will never appear in the show after that. (ex. Bleach, Naruto, D N Angel, Full Metal Alchemist)
    1. These random characters may or may not return as supporting characters.
86. When switching to a new settings, conversations can be heard as far back as beyond a planet as if they were speaking in the same room. This is referred to as mini-filler.

Women and Love

1. All girls and women teenage and above, including grandmothers are Megan Foxes, no exceptions.
2. One in five female characters are taller then the central male characters.
3. Both the female protagonist and antagonist appear to have long hair that regually blows in the wind.
4. Woman appear to have an eight inch waist, or at least what appears to be eight inches for the program.
5. Female characters cannot wear more than a miniskirt, a t-shirt and stiletto heels (See schoolgirls) UNLESS they're in a cat suit (OR ELSE).
6. An ascendant hot air current is always present where miniskirts are. A descending cold air current is present where breasts are.
7. Female antagonists have unattainable beauty, and therefore must be destroyed.
8. In anime, the ratio of female nudity to male nudity is 90 to 1. Censors have absolutely no problem with this, because it is for "educational purposes."
9. A woman's breast size is determined by $h\leq \;b$, whereas h equals head size and b equals breast size. There are no exceptions to this law, unless the woman in question is underage and/or a tomboy, or is directly, and sometimes openly, involved with the main protagonist.
10. Breasts have nothing at all to do with nursing infants. They are in fact battery cells that generate, store, and distribute pure heroism energy. Thus, as a female character assumes her ass-kicking form, it is always accompanied by an increase in bust size as her body adapts to the added power demands being placed on it (ex. Rosario + Vampire).
    1. This law also explains why female characters are consistently always able to overwhelm male characters into submission, as the males themselves have no such batteries to draw on, and therefore are at an infinite disadvantage, even against A-cup sized highschool girls.
    2. This natural law also works in reverse -- the more easily a female character is able to beat up the bad guys, the larger her breasts will likely be. She does not necessarily have to be bad-ass, only well-endowed (ex. Orihime Inoue).
       1. There are exceptions to this law. Some females have malfunctional breasts, that are ample but drain energy. In this case, a girl of large breast size will be proportionately helpess against any and all threats (ex. Mikuru Asahina). Note that the A-cup highschool girls mentioned above do not apply to this as they do have functional, if low-wattage, batteries.
11. Women fall in love with guys who are in yaoi. Listen up, you won't get with them. They're gay!
12. Women experience puberty at 6 years old, unless small breast size is used for comic effect.
13. Women walk around in the nude together if they're in a women-only facility. (see Yuri)
14. If men see them while they're nude (which is actually very likely), women can punch men so hard that they are thrown into the atmosphere or possibly the stratosphere (no matter how incredibly powerful they are in combat) then fall down and only obtain minor bruises (ex. Love Hina, Naruto). Interestingly, ballistic properties are not taken into account, so that the aforementioned male character is always back by the next key frame, even though he traveled a few tens of miles.
15. The protagonist's first female anti-hero (or innocent, shy, and distant friend) will end up falling in love with him.(ex. Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Death Note, Bleach)
16. If, at any point, a man (even a gay man, in some cases) sees a naked woman, he will come down with an instant and explosive nosebleed. The amount of blood and the energy released by said blood depends on how many women there are, how naked they are, how large their breasts are, and how inconvenient it is for the main character to have a nosebleed at that precise moment and/or how funny the situation is. This law doesn't apply to lesbians. It should be noted that blood emitted from this cause is subject to disappearing from existence after a few seconds.
17. In any situation where a male character is supposed to avoid touching the breasts of a a female, he will be drawn to them whether or not he desires to touch them, in a magnetic effect similar to a lodestone's attractive properties. This results in name-calling (i.e, pervert, lecher, etc.), often accompanied by some form of savage beating.(ex. To Love Ru)
18. No matter how ugly you are, nobody wears braces.
19. While in no way stronger than the protagonist, the female counterpart possesses the ability to beat the protagonist at anything she wishes. (ex. Ranma 1/2, Naruto).
20. If the protagonist is a nerd like you, the female counterpart is a space alien who has been unexposed to any earthly themes ever. (ex. Onegai Teacher).
21. Fat was never introduced to a woman's systems. In a bizarre and complex system of organs not found in the male body, they are able to retain energy without becoming larger. The exception of this is breast fat.
22. Women are either
    1. Naggy and hot
    2. Helpless and hot
    3. Rescueing and hot
    4. Horny and hot (However, these women are far and few in between. They don't want to be too obvious.)
23. In addition, antagonist women may also be:
    1. Shy and hot
    2. Murderous and hot
    3. Austere and Hot
    4. Or any combination of up to 3 of the above 6 (note that the with the combinations, the hots stack up)
24. When a tough tomboy girl dresses in a girly fashion (often in order to enter a contest) and trains in being ladylike, she will loathe everything she does, but eventually find that such feminine content isn't bad at all. She will either win the beauty contest hands-down or be in a tie with a nameless woman who will soon become a secondary character.
    1. After the contest, the tomboy girl will adopt a feminine trinket worn from the contest for many episodes to come, sometimes even over the entire series.
    2. This law is contrast to American "Animation", where tomboy girls look extremely silly in a dress. They risk everything the lead cast has ever done to enter the contest, and win hands-down.
25. If a woman is even remotely undesirable, she is evil a secondary character.
26. In most ancient cultures, it is a custom to rip a large-breasted woman's shirt open at least once every fifteen minutes. (ex. Tenjho Tenge)
27. A girl who wears glasses will gain unrivaled beauty when she removes them, often causing all of the opposite gender to have severe nosebleeds. (ex. Ichigo100%)
    1. This girl is subject to personality changes, from creepy, to nerdy to shy, to kind and sweet chick (i.e. Gundam Wing). Note that this law only applies to a good girl; evil girls still gain the unrivaled beauty but have an even more devious personality.
28. A female alien can be incredibly beautiful by human standards. If the heroine is alien, she will look like a typical Japanese school girl, even if the rest of her kind look like relatives of Cthulhu. (ex. Eureka Seven)
29. In mecha anime, underage girl pilots possess unique mechs. This is partially because said girl has exceptional skills or special abilities, but mostly because it will please the audience.
30. If a girl has a brother anywhere in the series, there will be 10-45% chance of incest. This statistic is increased to 95% if she has a long lost brother. This chance is further increased to 125% if it is explicitly stated the siblings are not blood related. (ex. Onegai Twins, Koi Kaze)
31. Women are 200% of the normal human being.
    1. They are 150% pornography and 50% PMS.
32. No matter what she's accused of doing or how mysterious her origins are, the protagonist must be ready to fight to the death for any girl he met three seconds ago. (ex. Bleach, Code Geass)
    1. In conjuncture with this, any woman will do anything for a guy if he is remotely attractive, has done something for her, and/or has good looking siblings.
33. Anything created by humans, that may or may not be human, will be female. In conjuncture with this, she (If you can call what was created a she. Yes, you can.) will also become a main plot point for the story to revolve around and the main character, supposing it is not the thing which was created, will fall in love with her. (ex. Chobits, Wolf's Rain) In some cases, though there is no recorded evidence of this yet, the feelings reciprocated by the main character may not be returned.
34. If a girl is part of the active main cast, all of her gear will be pink and/or girl themed (ex. Power Rangers, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Pokemon, Naruto)
    1. There is also a 95% chance that a female character will have pink hair. (ex. Naruto, Bleach, Rosario + Vampire, To Love Ru!)
35. Women are either there to be rescued or are blood fueled killing machines. They can make the transition from one to the other between episodes (ex. Hellsing, Eureka 7, Cowboy Bebop).
36. No matter how many women with enormous breasts attempt to seduce or just plain chase after the male protagonist, he has a small chance of noticing and must not do anything, even if he does notice. If he does do something, the women, despite being sluts, will call him a pervert. (ex. Ichigo 100%)
37. The bigger the breasts, the more charismatic and perky the female is.
    1. In correlation with this, the more perky and charismatic, the more the female wants to hook up with the main character.
    2. In addition, the perky charismatic female with huge breasts who wants to get with the main character will either be
       1. Very open about it, constantly shoving her boobs in his face.
       2. Very secretive about her love.
       3. (tumbleweeds, blowing in the wind)
    3. In rare contrast, however, the shy girl of the series, who still very often wants to get with the protagonist, will sometimes be blessed with extremely large breasts. (ex. Naruto,Shuffle!,Clannad)
38. While male characters are rarely seen taking baths, a female character will be seen bathing a few times in the series. Combined with other times the audience sees the female character walk out of a bathroom in a towel, it appears that female characters bathe more often than sleep. (exceptions: Shaman King, Eureka Seven)
    1. Early observations suggest that the bigger the breasts, the more often a girl will take a bath. Yet, the only type of girls that seem to bathe more than those with large breasts are flat-chested children.
    2. Every bathroom used by female has a peephole or crack in the wall. It is speculated that women install these peepholes themselves. You know, so it doesn't get too steamy.
    3. If, by any chance, you will see men take a bath more often then women, there is a 120% chance that you are watching a Yaoi.
39. Every plot in the anime dimension undergoes a period of time - frequently referred to as an Episode - during which all characters of importance or personal charisma visit the same hot spring or spa at the same time. This is often seen in correlation with the previous law. (ex. Naruto)
    1. (Exclusive to 12 - 24 episode anime)The characters must go to the beach/hot springs between episodes 5-10. (ex. Shuffle, Gurren Lagann, Love Hina, Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Green Green, Yoake Mae no Ruriiro na -Crescent Love-, Myself;Yourself)
40. In nearly all romance themed animes, there is at least:
    1. A Childhood Friend who is either:
       1. A self-nominated guardian
       2. Been in love with the protagonist ever since they were 5 years or younger
       3. Holds a secret about the protagonist (this might be the previous statement)
    2. A love interest that appears randomly who almost always ends up as the final choice for the protagonist
    3. Some type of representative, either the class representative or student council president.
       1. This only applies to school life settings.
       2. This can double as childhood friend.
41. If you're watching a body swap anime, the hot and extremely big breasted evil villain will always want to trade bodies with the cute looking friend of the (usually male) main character.
42. While there are all variety of technology applied to male's powered armor (a full-body suit can develope into either spandex or walking tank), female's armor only get skimpier . The full-body suit will become soft armor spandex with mechanic parts on it. Then soft armor swimsuit with mechanic parts, soft armor see-through swimsuit with mechanic parts on it and finally, soft armor bikini with mechanic parts. No, they don't develope bareskin with mechanic parts - fact that the so-call soft armor will be ripped in battle is already fufill that purpose.
    1. Don't underestimate said soft armor. Sure, it can be melted, shredded or ripped easily. The girl's skin rarely injure more than minor bruise or skin-depth cut by the attack that completely anihilate whole building...unless it's plot related.
43. The first mostly non-blood related person the main character meets is always a love interest. There are zero exceptions.

General Physical Laws/Inexplainable Phenomena

1. Acceleration is not affected by friction, air resistance, or any other natural force, but rather an independent variable sometimes called "whatever I feel like". This allows anyone with no real training and/or experience to jump over buildings, accelerate to unhealthy speeds from a dead stop in a second or less, change the direction of their jumps (and start spinning) in midair, and many other feats that make the real world seem boring and pointless. (ex. Bleach)
   1. In correlation, gravity does not affect the lead cast. Except when it does. Surprise! (ex. Air Gear)
   2. Additionally, if the character feels like it, they can create friction with thin air even when they have no powers of flight. (ex. Bleach)
2. Missiles, artillery and other tissue-degrading devices are designed to explode, usually performing a sharp turn just before hitting and exploding pointlessly, with little or no lasting effect on the character's aesthetic appearance. Lasers and directed-energy weapon systems do less damage.
   1. This also affects water. Characters' bodies and clothes will dry in seconds. Except when they're soaked for days. Surprise!
3. In the event of a foreign character being present in Japanese anime, the foreign character will look Japanese and have a Japanese name. (Exceptions: Gundam)
   1. Most characters are white, but their names and nationalities are probably Japanese. Then again, modern Asian are mix of yellow and white.
4. Hair and clothes are indestructible. After a long intense battle, the shirt is either missing completely or loses a sleeve .(ex. Dragon Ball Z)
   1. Girls' clothing is much easier to rip than a guy's, and when ripped will rip everywhere except the most convenient (or inconvenient) spots. It is possible that girl's bra and panties are made with same material that men's pants are, as the clothes always cover a girl's explicit areas no matter how badly damaged they are (this rule applies in an opposite manner when watching hentai, in which bras and panties are often simply not worn, or capable of being removed/destroyed by so much as a gentle breeze).
5. In correlation with the previous law, if a character's clothes are either ripped off or explode due to the muscle mass of said character, the person who performed it will instantly gain incredible speed and power. (ex. Dragonball Z)
6. In a face off, both characters have their hair blown backwards by the wind, regardless if they are facing opposite directions.
7. When a person jumps an innumerable amount of feet in the air, makes a killing blow, or both, they fall at one fifth of the force of gravity while the rest of the world is affected normally.
   1. Long capes are the only thing subject to wind. Unless they are not (ex. Vincent Valentine).
8. In all no-way-out situations, 1 + 1 really does equal a window/weak spot in a wall.
9. Any otherworldly being is able to adapt to the language and/or breasts of the culture in which they are present in (i.e. Keroro).
10. Drastic and dire injuries that nearly kill the protagonist are subject to ten, even twenty times the realistic rate of healing. (ex. Dragonball Z, One Piece)
    1. This law is lost on medical professionals, who will insist that the hero continue to rest even though he's perfectly fine and can start getting injured again immediately (ex. Bleach.
11. The larger a mech is, the more swift and agile it will be. However, if piloted by the antagonist, the opposite is true.
12. Transformations, whether mech or monster, are a long and arduous process the first time it occurs. However, the process becomes instantaneous every time afterward. (ex. Digimon, Bleach, Dragonball Z)
13. People normally dress up in what people today at any time period would consider embarrassing (see cosplay).
14. The amount of blood in the average human's body has been measured from 13 to 25 gallons (ex. Bleach).
    1. In addition, blood pressure is selective and does not affect health. Blood pressure rises exponentially when you are cut.
    2. In the few instances where this is not the case, all humans should be treated as pressurized blood bags capable of spraying blood mist at any time.
15. According to the Anime Face Expansion theory, which was turned into a law on the seventeenth of September, two thousand six, people may stretch their mouths past their faces into a two-dimensional space that has no real existence.
16. Hair has a unique property, where it becomes translucent when placed in front of the eyes or eyebrows. This is due to a special chemical, which is less prominent in more timid or emotional characters, it also can determine the characters mood; if the character becomes enraged, their hair will slowly start to rise. this will tell you exactly how pissed off they are. (EX. Kiki's Delivery Service, Princess Mononoke)
17. The amount of energy exerted while jumping has absolutely nothing to do with how long one remains in the air, or for that matter, how many times you can kick someone before coming back down.
18. Time, along with inertia, is applied selectively. Seconds can easily become hours, especially if the lead cast needs a great amount of time to do something like stop a bomb, run out of a building, read a book about butterflies (in Kakashi's case, an adult book about a paradise in which people make outside), or create an improvisational plan during combat. This law may also be applied by the power of love.
19. Hair-care products do not exist. The chemicals in products we use are already present in anime-dimension hair, allowing the cast to sculpt their hair in bizarre ways and then remain that way for several years without having to wash their hair.
20. Eyes are subject to being necessarily larger than open mouths and five times as large as noses.
21. Any substance or place containing the word "Tokyo" in it is 10 times more explosive than your mom after she comes home from work. Use of the Neo, Neu, or Mega prefixes increases this to 100 times. If a city has been christened Neumeganeotokyo, it will be the site of an inter dimensional rift that will summon Tentacle Monsters that eat your fucking face.
22. Whenever something witty or plain stupid is said, the heads of any intelligent being are jettisoned towards the ground. The cast may also summon a giant drop of sweat on their forehead.
23. Armies do fucking nothing. Either...
    1. They don't exist, or
    2. Their most powerful forces don't have any effect on the enemy. Great fucking job. (ex. Bokurano, Neon Genesis Evangelion, MD Geist)
    3. Military leaders hire 2 to 3 different soldiers to yell "Oh my God, I've never seen anything like- (scream)"
    4. They show up at the very end and just stand around looking moronic (ex. Hellsing anime)
24. Similarly, in accordance with the previous rule, the police are worthless. (Angel Cop, Cowboy Bebop, Bubblegum Crisis)
25. No matter what time-frame the show is set in -- past, present, or future -- swords will be the main form of attack. Swords are much more powerful in the anime dimension, and are capable of laser-like distance attacks.
    1. A sword can cut through everything except other swords (including wooden swords). The only exception to this rule is if you don't have faith in your sword. (ex. Bleach)
    2. No matter how fucking big that sword is, nobody will notice you. So stop showing off already.
    3. No matter how many times you use that sword to strike armored targets or fire that gun on full auto mode it will never break, jam, or need any form of maintenance unless it is critical to the story that the weapon breaks, jams, or needs maintenance. (ex. Fullmetal Alchemist)
    4. If a sword is swung rapidly in every direction it can block millions of flying objects.
    5. The "Invisible Sheath" (definition: A sword can be attached to a person's side or back without a belt or a sheath to hold it in) is present in all scenarios. If the protagonist has a sheath, that just means his sword is too small or too weak, or to be slowly brought out of the sheath with the blade glowing
26. Whenever the main character thinks to his or herself, their body (including eyes and hair) may glow in the color that best describes their personality. (ex. Death Note)
    1. The antagonist's eyes can glow in dark in evil colors such as red, yellow, green, or black. Some scientists speculate that in the anime-dimension, when ocular vein hemorrhages occur, particles in their blood react with pure evil to make multi-colored glowing substances.
27. Engaging in combat can cause drastic changes to space-time.
28. Death affects the weather in very depressing ways.
    1. When everyone has gotten over the loss 10 minutes later and remembers how wonderful the person was, clouds subsist. (Ex. Naruto)
29. Also, it is never a full cloudy day unless it will rain, or already is raining.
30. Though any form of attack can be subject to blowing up a planet, engaging in close combat cancels this effect out and only large craters will be formed. (ex. Dragonball Z)
31. Animals may take on intelligent properties and vocal skills attributed to humans. Thanks, furries.
32. Clothes are part of the anime body. One may take them off, but may not wear another set unless crucial to the plotline.
33. In each anime dimension, only one black human may exist (exception Boondocks). All other characters are Japanese unless stated otherwise.
34. Some objects on a person may be subject to the owner's gravity tenfold. Belts, scarves, and trinkets may stay on a person even though there is nothing holding them in place. This also applies to the Invisible Sheath.
35. In the event that the protagonist is losing, they will always manage to find or pull the exact weapon/power/card/useful tool that is perfect for the given situation. (ex. Yu-Gi-Oh)
    1. Characters are known to lose said weapon/power/card/useful tool when it will add to the climax, or when the plot wants them to.
36. That bitch is always in it. I hate her. You know the one I mean.
37. The later a character is introduced, the more bad-ass they are likely to be.
38. Badassery is subject to death or evacuation. The more bad-ass someone is, the more likely they will disappear from the anime in question (ex. Nadesico, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann).
39. Everyone is immune to such mundane hazards as intense heat, freezing cold, or poison gas. Except when they're not. Surprise! (One Piece)
40. When the time comes that the protagonist must do something complicated or amazing for the first time, he will beat all known records and one-up any veterans.
    1. However, veterans subject to badassery will not show their skill before the protagonist, and will easily beat the protagonist. They must then assume position as a secondary leader or personal trainer in the cast.
41. Those in the lead cast can fall any distance onto anything without suffering anything worse than brief unconsciousness. In fact, falling a huge distance is an excellent cure for otherwise fatal wounds -- anyone who you see shot, stabbed, or mangled and then tossed off a cliff is guaranteed to return later in the show with new-found power. (ex. Hokuto no Ken)
42. If a character does something slightly interesting, they are instantly teleported to a dimension of epilepsy-inducing backgrounds.
43. Any imaginable feat may be mastered in three days, or five days maximum. This also applies to regaining powers that have been permanently stripped and are unattainable by humans. However, failing to complete the assigned task results in death. Period. (ex. Bleach, Naruto, Ranma 1/2, Dragonball Z, One Piece)
    1. When assigned a task, the protagonist seems doomed to failure and death. However, the more time it takes the protagonist to complete this task the more likely he/she will complete it.
44. Parents either exist and are extremely active or do not exist and are dead or drunk. Active parents are subject to dying for the cause of the protagonist. (exception:Bleach)
45. The strength and clarity of a sound do not weaken with distance or interference. One who is fighting in the air will still be able to hear the regular volume comments of his/her companions as if they were right next to each other in a calm setting.
    1. However, concentration on menial tasks, like eating or date with some chick, has the opposite effect; hearing and listening skills will be impaired tenfold.
46. Limb regeneration is exclusively offered to the lead cast.
    1. If a minor charactor can regenerate limbs, there is a 100% chance they can and will be killed by decapitation. (Ex. Claymore)
47. Archaic Weapons Rankings: Guns < Fists/Martial arts < Large Sword (wielded by antagonist) < Thin Sword (wielded by antagonist) < Object that has no practical use as a weapon, but is magical (Ex. Ribbons/Cloth, Books, Cards, Necklace, Ring. Etc.) (wielded by protagonist) ≤ Large Sword (wielded by protagonist) ≤ Impractical weapons (Scythe, Bow Staff, Overtly Ornate Spear, Etc.) (wielded by protagonist) ≤ Thin Sword (wielded by protagonist) ≤ Bow (wielded by female protagonist exclusively despite the fact a war bow takes far more physical strength to wield than any other weapon) < Two Swords (wielded by protagonist) < Three Swords (wielded by protagonist) (One Piece)
48. Conventional Weapons Rankings: Rocket Launcher/Grenade launcher (wielded by antagonist) < Machine gun/assault weapon (wielded by antagonist) < Sidearm (wielded by protagonist) < Dual Sidearms
49. When someone is in danger, it is possible for any friend, relative, etc. to develop ESP for a short period of time. They will then either rush to save them and make it at the last moment, or fail and commence weeping and staring out of a window.
50. Everything happens in Japan, unless stated otherwise. Japan is subject to major expansion.
51. The word "nyaa!" or "uwaa" must be uttered at least 50 time per episode. This count is increased to 75 if there an alien is involved. Consequences include not enough kawaii.
    1. If the episode should happen to be a tentacle hentai, the frequency is doubled or even tripled.
52. The killing blow will always spray more blood than the human body contains.
53. Whenever the protagonist is in a battle in which they are sure to lose, they will discover some previously unheard of power that completely obliterates the opponent and leaves the protagonist only mildly exhausted, this is sometimes known as 'Overpowered Surprise'. (ex. Bleach, Naruto)
    1. Thereafter, the protagonist may use this incredible power whenever they wish, with no ill effects whatsoever, as well as with no lengthy attack preparation necessary.
54. The removing of one's shirt, either by the process of taking or ripping it off, usually will instantly result in a great increase of speed and strength to whoever does it (ex. Dragonball Z.) Other times it's just for show (ex. Major Armstrong in Fullmetal Alchemist).
55. For whatever reason, all anime characters seem to be ambidextrous, being able to fight just as well with the other hand as the other.
56. The most powerful people are ALWAYS the comic relief, the blind monk, or the pissed off short person (exception: Krillin from Dragon Ball Z).
57. After exiting the body, blood becomes lighter than air.
58. Zombies are much less dangerous in anime than American movie. People have little to no problem accepting that dead are walking and will always aim for head, unless the zombies can be killed like normal.
59. Whenever 2 characters (Usually on two different sides/rivals/enemies) that have any relation to the plot line walk past each other (Usually one suspecting the other), time slows down just for that instant.
60. In any show that takes place in a school, random math equations will be written on the wall, regardless of how appropriate they are.
    1. For example, E=MC^2 will always be shown, no exceptions.
    2. Even if it's a grade six class, advanced math will be shown on the boards.
61. A character/thing is at its most powerful during its first appearance. That character/thing will continue to become less powerful as it is used over time.
    1. A character/thing can maintain its high level of power if it continues to update its abilities, or it keeps abilites secret until needed to maintain its significance.
62. Most women are more than ready to show a large portion of their breasts, however you wont be finding any nipples on them (exceptions: green green)
63. If a main character's hair is longer than it originally was that character is much stronger.
64. Should a male characeter readjust his glasses, the light will work to effectively block out his eyes from everyone else. (ex. Bleach, Naruto, The World God Only Knows, Neon Genesis Evangelion)
    1. It does occur in women but only if they release immense power, are evil, or a mix of both.
65. A blow to the stomach or piercing in any other part of the body will result in blood exiting the mouth.
    1. May be switched with spit if only a slight blow.
66. All hair defies gravity at one point or another.
    1. Hair may occasionally defy the realm of logical physics, such as becoming see through, remaining in perfect order despite heavy rain, and never taking damage due to an attack or fire.

Despite some notable exceptions to these rules, the Laws of Anime Physics are, by and large, binding to the full gamut of anime and manga works.

Formulae

Typical anime follows these formulae:

$Animecasting=80(Japanese)+3(White)+2(Mexicans)+1(Black)*DDcupB00bies>headsize$

$FightScene=Hornyschoolgirl+GiantMonster+SkinnyBisexualHero$

$Yaoi=men^{8}Girls^{-}10$

$Hentai=Slut+Octopus*Squid+(Anal+Vaginal+Oral)penetration$

Failed to parse (syntax error): {\displaystyle Naruto=function(Animecasting)+Romanji^9001*Ninjas-LaserKatana^2+filler² }

$4KidsTV=TerribleRockintro^{2}+Alright^{5}-Boobs-blood+suck^{5}49.75$

See also

• Laws of Physics
• Protagonist's might