Sosuke Aizen
“Well, at least he's one guy that doesn't fit the normal description.”
Sosuke Aizen or as he is known to legend, Aizen the Asshole, is a former member of the Gotei 13, renowned interior designer, demigod worshiped in most third-world countries (and by numerous fangirls whom adore geeky Japanese nerds), and founder of the hit rock band the Espada. Aizen is a well-known fashion designer whose work is surpassed only by his renown as the biggest asshole on the face of the planet.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Aizen's early life is shrouded in mystery. Many believe him to be the successful outcome of a genetic experiment combining the DNA of George Clooney and Sephiroth. Others believe him to have been born by normal means to a simple Japanese family and then later kidnapped by members of the Gotei 13, where he grew up under training to become a Shinigami death god Soul Reaper Shinigami. While some believe that he is actually Kubo Tite in disguise, trolling everyone with his plotkai.
What is known is that as he underwent his training, Aizen became an intelligent, smooth-talking, popular and insanely-Japanese nerd ultimately worshiped by most of the women in Soul Society. He would later go on to become the nerdy lieutenant of renowned wizard vizard and hard-core, Mello fan, Shinji Hirako. Of course, little did he and everyone else know that in his spare time, Aizen would study the works of many evil minds such as Adolf Hitler, Karl Marx, George Bush, Sephiroth and Bowser. Not to mention he became a massive fanboy for renowned evil fashion designer Madara Uchiha, founder of smash-hit fashion syndicate the Akatsuki. Aizen's mind became corrupt and, aspiring to one day become an evil fashion designer with an incredible mind and overly-dramatic god-like powers, Aizen sent his former captain packing and continued to work his way up the ranks whilst continuing his evil acts in secret.
Sometime after, he became a captain and took on now well-renowned pop artist and son of French Stewart, the fox-faced Gin Ichimaru as his lieutenant. The two earned a reputation for their vigilant acts of heroism (not to mention their ability to do away with hollows in the most fashionable and creative ways possible) and were responsible for the recruitment of prominent current Shinigami Renji Abarai, Izuru Kira (no relation to the Kira of the same name), and Momo Hinamori. Momo would later become Aizen's sex-slave tool cover up scapegoat to safely continue his secret studies without a snoopy lieutenant looking over his sholder lieutenant and fan girl following Gin's promotion to the 3rd Squad as captain.
Invasion of the Soul Society[edit | edit source]
Aizen did almost nothing to assist the other captains and their soldiers following the invasion of Ryoka lead by well-known Bleach fashion model Ichigo "Strawberry" Kurosaki. He mostly stood by and looked incredibly fabulous with his nerdy glasses and his flowing, nerdy, shaggy hair. Of course, he would later turn up dead under "mysterious" circumstances.
Betrayal Of the Soul Society[edit | edit source]
Of course, this was all part of his genius plan. Using Momo as his scapegoat and with the assistance of 3rd Squad captain Gin Ichimaru and 9th Squad captain Kaname Tosen (a.k.a Rick James), Aizen was able to successfully shift the focus of the Soul Society on his death to the Ryoka whilst he secretly moved to take the Hogyoku cube from Rukia to make a race of hollow/Shinigami hybrids. Of course, his betrayal or the Soul Society has been acclaimed by numerous anime fans as the most overly-dramatic, ridiculous, and yet strangely entertaining clusterf*** of a betrayal act. He first took down his own lieutenant Momo; causing her to drop into a week-long coma after telling her he was gay (although Aizen today has stated in multiple interviews that he merely bullshitted to get Momo off his belt buckle once and for all). Next he took down Toshiro (Bleach's #1 Most Appreciated Male Model), 6th Squad lieutenant Renji Abarai, 7th Squad captain Sajin Komamura, and Ichigo Kurosaki.
Of course, the rest of the Gotei 13 arrived on the scene to apprehend Aizen and his subordinates and stop their evil plans. Unfortunately for them, Aizen had sold his soul to the hollows and after a mere several seconds of waiting he, Ichimaru, and Tosen were teleported up by the Mendos Grandes' teleportation jutsu and were carried off into Hueco Mundo, apparently to continue doing various evil things in his mom's basement. Of course, before he disappeared into the land of shadow and death, the members of the Gotei 13 bore witness to his now-infamous farewell speech (which he originally practiced to 13th Squad captain, Jushiro Ukitake). This is the final speech in its entirety:
“Oh don't kid yourself, Ukitake. You and I both know you ain't got no style. We all know tuberculosis is so last year. No one has ever perfected the ultimate fashion-endorsing rock band--if there was such a thing. Not you...or I...or Madara Uchiha...or even the gods. I just can't stand the world's lack of style and music any longer. Somebody has got to end the reign of unfashionable clothing lines and horrible musical acts. However, that lack of a fashion-endorsing rock band ends now. From now on, I will stand above all that is fashion and good music, bitches!”
Aizen then slowly removed his glasses and combed his hair back with one hand and uttered the last part of his now famous speech.
“To live in Hueco Mundo. All of you must be asking yourselves; who am I to deserve this honor? I'AM! I'am........SUPERMAN!!!”
Following this clusterf*** of a speech, he disappeared into Hueco Mundo to back up his words.
Current Day[edit | edit source]
Aizen eventually made good on his promise to create a fashion-endorsing rock band. His vision created the smash hit rock band, the Espada. The band consisted of #4 Espada Ulquiorra Cifer as lead vocalist, Gin Ichimaru as backing vocals, #1 Coyote Stark as lead guitarist, #2 Barragan Luisenbarn as the lazy grandfather, # 3 Tia Haibel as keyboard, #5 Nnoitra Jiruga and #6 Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez air guitarists, #7 Zommari Leroux on saxophone, #8 Szayel Apporo Granz as flute, #9 Aaroniero Arruruerie as bass, and #10 (or rather #0) Yammy Rialgo as drums.
Since entering Hueco Mundo, Aizen's days consist of watching Hannah Montana, Gilmore Girls, Legally Blonde, and his older brother's unfortunate fate at being a recurring villain instead of a main one, marathoning the Titanic, hosting his own game show called "Aizen's Questioning Time (a game where Grimmjow has techincally won twice, but since Aizen loves Uqluiorra the best, Ulquiorra has been declared the winner of the game since it's inserection), holding meaningless meetings almost three times every ten minutes of everyday (thus far the meetings have covered nothing, but the fact Aizen loves to change his name from Superman to Batman and then from Batman to Captain Sosuke (like Captain Planet), giving sit-down interviews to discuss Las Noches, and spending time with his Arrancar "babies". He has insisted that he be called "Sama"(which is Japanese for "mama") by his children.
At the start, Aizen did pretty much nothing while sitting on his throne and watched like an asshole as he watched his "dear" Espada get their asses handed to them by their shinigami counterparts. Thus far, Aaroniero, Szayel, Zommari, Nnoitra, and Ulquiorra have all fallen with Grimmjow on the injured. Only Stark, Barragan, Halibel, and Yammy remain. Sosuke would lead his remaining Espada and their groupies in a winner-takes-all battle of the bands against the Gotei 13 over Fake Karakura Town. If Aizen wins, he gets to make the King's Key and enter Kingdom Hearts to unlock the ultimate mysteries of fashion. However, if Gotei 13 wins, peace and civility shall reign once more. At the beginning, it looked as though the Gotei 13 were in dire straits, but after some assistance from the Vizards (who were late getting McDonalds), the Gotei 13 had the upper hand. After Tosen turned batshit insane and tried to kill everybody, only Aizen and Gin Ichimaru were the opponents left standing. While Gin stood there and smiled, Aizen proceeded to fight everybody. Since Aizen is an asshole, he can taunt and act arrogant and yet destroy everybody. After some old man blew him up, Ichigo put on his Halloween costume and attacked him. After Ichigo's brave attack, Aizen proceeded to completely heal. Aizen responded that by eating a rock created by a scientist who made it to bend reality which was put into someone which was removed and then somehow in his pocket he became invincible. Ichigo's dad appeared and proceeded to kick ass while Ichigo took his Halloween costume off and attacked Gin. Everyone completely stops what they are doing to stare at Aizen as he acted like a caterpillar and evolved into a white Metapod. Meanwhile, as this is all occuring, some store owner gets pissed at all the noise so he shoots him with his cane. The Metapod decides to put +3 to his arrogance skill and says that he could have dodged but he didn't because he was talking. Other people show up and fight and they all get owned. Aizen decides to evolve again, but turns into his old self but with some weird black eyes. Ichigo proceeds to act like a wuss and his dad hits him. This act of violence makes Ichigo become immensely dedicated to helping everyone and killing Aizen.
Aizen decides that since he killed an entire town that he should go to an exact copy and mess with that one. He takes his pimp Gin to open portals and to kill time he blows up a train. This act somehow makes them warp away from the town and proceed to walk slowly to the town (fighting and standing in the air is no small feat, but walking somehow seems to be appropriate). Ichigo's other friends were simply waking up and Aizen decides to be a dick. Aizen justifies this by saying that by killing them Ichigo will be somehow more powerful. This is a completely logical reason to die and Ichigo's friends are cool with it. Before this, Gin Ichimaru decides to impale Mr. Invincible (aka His Most Asshole-ness) and take his shiny rock. Aizen proceeds to deny that ever happened and kills him for that. Ichigo shows up by landing, which makes the ground explode. He puts down his dad who put a goatee on and tells his friends to stay on the floor. Aizen says that he can't sense his spiritual energy. Ichigo grabs his face and jumps. He proceeds to smash him to the floor and takes his sword out and tells Aizen that he will start "this" at some future point.
After playing Monopoly (which was why they talked and stood for so long without moving) they decide to fight. Aizen acted like an arrogant ass as Ichigo beats the shit out of him. Aizen decides to screw with him and put him into a box. Using his secret training with Snake (the master of all things box) he breaks it with an invisible axe. Aizen decides to pull a Kaname Tosen to kill Ichigo. In turn, Ichigo decides to transform into some guy whom no one has ever seen before and considers this normal. He says a word which makes the world explode.
Aizen is currently serving 20,000 years in prison while wearing some black duct tape which he calls a cool new fashion trend.
Personality[edit | edit source]
Aizen isn't your everyday anime villain. He, like many main villains in the grand tradition, suffers from Sephiroth complex (althought not to the extent that anime stars like Itachi Uchiha do). Sure he has unbelievable power and a schmucky attitude, but he has a nerdy Japanese look that would give most people he comes across the impression that he's your typical good-natured Japanese college student. Ah, but then again that is what they said about Light Yagami before he revealed himself to be a messed-up kid with a sick desire to be a god!
During his time in the Gotei 13, Aizen wore glasses and had this really nerdy mushroom-hair style. Not only that, but he had such a kind look to him that most people felt they were looking at Jesus himself. Of course, compared to some of the other captains such as bad-ass Kenpachi and bat fuck insane Mayuri Kurotsuchi, he looked like some little pussy who lost his way. He spent his nights alone in his room writing some of the most critically acclaimed Japanese poetry to ever be composed by man Shinigami. His works were considered the greatest work of literature since the Bible.
Of course, then he revealed his true colors. In reality, Aizen is just some uberconfident and smug asshole who thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. He sees people as nothing more than sheep that require someone to keep them in line. Oh, and he has possibly the sickest interest in fashion since Madara Uchiha himself.
Abilities[edit | edit source]
Aizen in all ways shape and form, defies almost every single law in the Laws of Anime Physics. He is unbelievably powerful (being able to stop Ichigo Kurosaki's butter knife-like sword with a single finger, perform the highest level kido (Shinigami black magic) and think of it as weak, being immune to almost every single captain of the Gotei 13's bankai, and has the ability to walk on water! Okay, the last one I added, but still for all we know, he could turn water into wine.
Aizen's sword has the amazing ability to hypnotize anyone whom simply looks at it. Also, nobody can become aware of the fact they are under his spell unless he allows them to. He is also able to create illusions of himself or whatever he chooses to whilst putting those whom witness his sword's release under his spell. This ability is also the common reason why many people have begun to prefer Aizen's fashion lines over the Bleach styles. Just imagine what his bankai could be like. If it is what we all think it is, we are truly fucked! Say goodbye to the Laws of Anime Physics because the end is nigh.
Perhaps Aizen's greatest resource is his skill in manipulating and deceiving people. Aizen certainly did a bang-up job of looking like your typical, lovable good guy and his attitude is what made him popular in the Gotei 13 in the first place. His glasses, his hair, and his soft, god-like voice are what made women (especially Momo) throw themselves at his feet. Many women say that he has transcended normal looks and has achieved the limitless bounds of godliness.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Aizen's favorite drink is tea. He especially enjoys drinking it whenever there is a life or death situation because, you know, he's god.
- Aizen cannot be killed by silver bullets, holy water, or stakes through his heart. This is because he is neither a werewolf nor a vampire.
- Aizen had the distinct honor of being the first anime character to completely not follow any of the guidelines of a regular villain. As such, the laws don't apply to him.
- Aizen is known to be very lazy, especially in life or death situations. Whenever somebody asks for his help, he will quickly and coldly (yet somewhat humorously) proclaim in an echo voice, "I'm not here"
- Aizen is a big fan of Hannah Montana. In fact he has all her CD's and has seen every episode.
- Aizen got a random loli and her partner with no useful powers to beat up Orihime just because he looks so good.
- Aizen has only admired one person more than himself and that was Douglas Adams, the god of Life, the Universe, and Everything, who in return gave him the gift of tea.
- Aizen doesn't pick favorites when it comes to the Espada (despite the fact he picks Ulquiorra to do everything for him). However, his favorite Arrancar baby is Wonderweiss.
- Aizen hosts his own television show on Hueco Mundo TV called "Question Time with Aizen". Most of the questions he asked generally concern either himself or himself.
- Aizen is Kubo Tite's troll machine.
- And of course, he is God.
- Don't forget that he's the father of pedobear.
- Also he is married to Alma Wade and Fathered Two Sons, Galactus and Slenderman.