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Going Portal
- by UU
Under conditions of great secrecy, a select group of talented volunteers has been slaving away at the wiki-coalface, dedicating themselves to the selfless task of bringing Uncyclopedia a dedicated selection of portal pages. And now their tireless efforts are starting to bear fruit, with the first few being linked on the Main Page by noted twirly star of David, Mordillo. He proudly flagged them up as "new!", until Bradaphraser, more accurately understanding the IQ of the average Uncyclopedian, flagged then as "newd!" instead.
What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What?
Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia!
- by Docile hippopotamus
Actually, Nile and Nile related articles are not invading Uncyclopedia - we merely wanted to say that to see if you, the reader, were gullible enough to believe it. And you were. More like, "Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia hoax!" Let's find out what Sir Edward Mahm00shA, professor of Egyptian history and archaeology at Oxford university exclusively had to say about this: "It is a lie. And Ra saw it was no good. And the band is with me. And they hath uttered not a word about invading Uncyclopedia. Verily! Ra hacketh off the phallus of he who lieth". See now? Undeniable proof from Sir Edward Mahm00shA that the band is chilling with him and have not even mentioned invading Uncyclopedia.
We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid.
To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal.
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From our logs:
- 19:47, 25 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 88.208.208.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Yep, you're really trying, I see. Great, keep the laughs coming, Mr. Funny Man.)
- 09:37, 25 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.146.77.35 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You meant "make love to me, she dog")
- 20:43, 24 May 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 41.154.2.5 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Vandalizing articles, smearing dog shit all over Todd Lyons's car, etc.)
- 10:48, 23 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.211.138.192 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (don't blank, I'm running out of insulting ban reasons.)
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| Biopic of the Week
Todd Lyons has been on Uncyclopedia forever. No, seriously, he started editing in 2005 - and he's still here! He cut his article writing teeth on Dwight Schultz, and went on to write a further 98 of the buggers, while nailing his first feature with Fecal E.Coli, which started a run of 18.5 front page appearances up to the recent Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters. He's been an admin longer than most of our readership have been users. Put together. And he still has all his own teeth, he tells us!
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| Blatant Filler of the Week
This box here, which is blatant padding so the formatting of this issue looks about right.
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Cajek ban of the Week
- 22:16, 26 May 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Unacceptable username: ...too few recent bans for my liking....)
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