UnNews:I Love Lucy coming back in April on CBS

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14 February 2013

Classic sitcom I Love Lucy will return for a seventh season in April, despite the fact that everyone is dead.

HOLLYWOOD, California -- In a shocking move, CBS has announced that the classic sitcom I Love Lucy -- whose reruns have been shoved down our throats perennially -- has been renewed for a seventh season, despite the facts that 56 years have passed since the sixth season (not counting The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour) and that principal actors Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz, Vivian Vance, and William Frawley are all dead.

"I know, shocking isn't it?" says Viacom head honcho Sumner Redstone, sworn enemy of Youtube and all that is public domain, of the announcement.

CBS has released his ad, which will debut in the next issue of Mad Magazine.

Elizabeth Perkins (Best known for her role as Wilma in the 1994 film, The Flintstones) is confirmed to be taking over the role of Lucy, and George Lopez is on board as Ricky Ricardo. Rosie O'Donnell (also of The Flintstones film) and Don Rickles are rumored but unconfirmed for Ethel and Fred Mertz, respectively.

"We tried digging up the dead actors and negotiating deals, but we couldn't agree on salaries," Redstone says. "Little Ricky's gonna look awful strange playing in the sandbox when he's 56."

As for how the show will compensate for the 56-year gap, Redstone says he'll take the Beavis & Butthead approach. "We're gonna act like no time has passed. Transition them to the present day seamlessly like they did with Beavis & Butthead. Also, we did the same thing in those Brady Bunch movies back in the 1990s; just put the Ricardos and the Mertzes on a floating timeline."

When asked why they even bothered, a spokeswoman for CBS responded, "When it was announced that 'I Love Jenni' would return [on the Mun2 channel, despite the recent death of star Jenni Rivera in a plane crash], somehow people mistook the show for 'I Love Lucy' and we've been bombarded with phone calls since then. We just decided, 'Hell, let's just do it.'"

However, Redstone claims that the decision was more monetary than that. "We were losing viewers in infinite reruns, and the syndication rights are set to expire soon, and so we figured the only way we can get people to watch some old show is if we made it new somehow."

The new season will reportedly be written by veteran writers of such established sitcoms as Married with Children, The Simpsons, The Office, The Critic, Modern Family, My Name is Earl, and 30 Rock, and Family Guy.

"We'll hire any kid off the street if we have to," Redstone says.

The long-running and oft-reran series is about the misadventures of Lucy, her Cuban bandleader husband Ricky, and their wacky landlords and friends Fred and Ethel Mertz. The new season debuts on CBS in April.

Sources

• Bob Aloo "I Love Lucy to return for new season despite impossible odds" Access Hollywood, February 12, 2013