Solomon J. Grundy Foundation

“To have a thumb on the scales of history is an honour. To possess those scales is just pure f**king pwnage.”

~ Solomon J Grundy on dominating history

The Solomon J. Grundy Foundation is a global research concern whose work appears in all aspects of modern science and technology. Named after its founder, Solomon J. Grundy, it has been involved in many pivotal moments in human history.

Timeline

9 - Bowser provided re-animation tech by a man called "Solomon."

24 - "The significance of years and energy" is a thesis published by Doctor Johnathan Smith of the Solomon Foundation.

29 - Scientists predict that on the 29th day of the 29th month year 2099, the Earth will be restored. This research is carried out in Falmouth, home of the Solomon Foundation.

42 - 42 is found to be an answer to a large amount of equations accumalated by the Solomon Foundation.

238 -

Emergency Protocol X, on display to corporate execs visiting Falmouth

Emergency Protocol X invented by Solomon Foundation.

313 - Solomon Foundation invents the Cannon.

347 - A new Moon is constructed by the surviving inhabitants of the old Moon. Aid is provided in this endeavour by the Solomon Foundation. Myspace and the Trojan Virus created. Trojan Virus found to be created from Project: Heart of Darkness, a research project begun by the Solomon Foundaton.

359 - Sol Inc, Solomon Foundation's first splinter corporation, is founded in Toronto.

360 - Microsoft executives meet in this guy's basement and begin development on the Xbox 360. Bill Gates collaborates with designers from Sol Inc to create the specs.

397 - October 23 - Jesus X is killed by an meteorite on Mars while studying Proust. This event is later discovered by observers from the Solomon Foundation.

403 - It is discovered that comedy helps extend life expectancy by 10 years. This is published by Doctor Johnathan Smith of the Solomon Foundation in his thesis "The use of comedic talent in the human genome".

420 - Marijuana is invented in Chiba, Japan, via research scientists of the Solomon Foundation. Subsequently, God creates the duck-billed platypus. The Great Marijuana War starts in England. The war began when a man, in protest at the smoking of the "evil herb", killed two who were using it. Friends of these men went and alerted the guards, but the killer had already started a guild to end the use of Marijuana. The opposing sides would then go out onto the fields and have several great battles with more than 2000 men on each side. (Marijuana was, in fact, legal before the end of the war in 425.) Weaponry was provided via Sol Inc.

425 - The non-users win the Great Marijuana War on April 20. Marijuana use is then declared a violation that is punishable by beheading by the king. According to well-known historians, the reason the non-users won the war was because the users were so smashed that they didn't know which side they were on and began killing their own men. If this hadn't happened, Marijuana would still be legal. Marijuana users then complain, "This sucks." Before being beheaded. Axe used for the act was inscribed as being created by Solomon J Grundy.

486 - The Uncyclomedia Server Project gets underway. The technology used to run the Server, as well as the money, are provided by the Solomon Foundation.

512 - Plasma is discovered by George Washington. In his asshole. This shocks resident Solomon Foundation scientists.

573 - Konami becomes the shadow government of Japan; the Dance Dance Revolution Ninjas are formed. Conspiracy theorists believe that the money used by the government is provided by Sol Inc.

643 - Sol Inc release's their annual report on world progress. Their verdict? "Snail's Pace".

666 - Church of Scientology put under reveiw by Solomon Foundation, to seek truth in claims. Harry The Hamster is horribly thrown from his ever powerful perch of leader of the United States. Beliefs that this was due to influence via Sol Inc were unconfirmed. People fear the end of the world. Sol Inc reps assure public of chance of happening being low.

667 - Research into the chav via the Solomon Foundation reveal a lower capacity of brain power. This is published by Professor Oscar Strife, with aid from Doctor Johnathan Smith, in the thesis, "The reduction of intellect in the alien species IV "Chav".

701 - Robots invade the earth, humans become slaves. Solomon Foundation go underground to study the new race.

704 - Solomon Foundation return to active status amid the rubble of the Robots vs Human wars. Their findings indicate how evolution is what contols the outcome of these wars.

1191 - Solomon J Grundy reportedly killed in his holiday home in Masyaf by a man in white robes.

Notable Members

Solomon J Grundy

The founder of the Foundation, Grundy's interest in all things scientific began at the age of 8, when he saw an older boy who lived across the road staring through a magnifying glass at the driveway leading to his house. When the young Grundy, amazed by the interest shown in something as apparently simple as tarmac, inspected further, he found that the older boy was in fact using the tool to focus the rays of the sun in order to burn the crap out of some luckless ants. As he watched this wanton display of violence caused by a misuse of science, Grundy was struck by inspiration:

“I knew in that moment that if I took the reins of science into my own hands, such barbarism would never again take place. Instead, I would harness the sun to burn more important things, such as people and cities.”

~ Solomon J Grundy

Professor Oscar Strife

The young Oscar, seen here on his adoptive daddy's chocobo ranch, dressed as his clone in the Strife family tradition.

Abandoned by his parents at the age of -1, Professor Strife was raised by peas in Iowa under his original name (unrecorded). Although a career as a professional banjo-player initially seemed likely, he was again adopted by Oscar Wilde and Cloud Strife at the age of 12 and moved to their chocobo ranch, hence the name change. Impressive abilities at maths, science, and murder saw him accepted into MIT on a scholarship, and was part of the same graduating class as such luminaries as Gordon Freeman. After a period as a freelance researcher (taking contracts for a perfectly moral coffee company, a thriving energy concern, and, well, something downright evil) Strife was hired by Grundy himself. In a disgusting example of corporate pluralism, he is now head of Solomon Foundation's key MacGuffin and Human Behaviour research divisions.

Doctor Johnathan Smith

Johnathan Smith was born in an average district of an average suburb of Glasgow in the average year of 1975, at the average age of nine months. Having the average number of parents (two) and three siblings with average names (Paul, Mary, and Anne) led to Johnathan having a distinctly average life. That was until Johnathan discovered at the age of 16 (the average age for such discoveries) that he wasn't all that average at all. In fact, he had SUPER POWERS! Of mathematics, that is. Unfortunately for Smith (or "John" as his average nickname was), the comprehensive school he attended was a place where those who could count to twenty without removing their shoes were dismissed as freaks, let alone someone who could find the square root of a million in their head. Despite the adversity, "John" studied hard and was accepted into the University of Glasgow (a university in Glasgow). He was lucky enough to have his career as an under-graduate, post-graduate and PhD student followed by Professor Oscar Strife, and was hired by the Foundation as part of the professor's staff following the submission of his doctoral thesis.

Known Affilates

• Sol Inc (like, duh)
• Microsoft
• The Knights Templar
• The Illuminati
• Tesco