An ostrich-ninjapirate is the result of mixing a picture of an ostrich and a picture of a ninjapirate in Paint Shop Pro or Adobe Photoshop. When this action was first performed in 1966, the ostrich-ninjapirate came to life and multiplied itself twenty times in a matter of minutes. The group then hijacked a spaceship and went on to invade several planets. On earth, they can still be found in several areas in The Netherlands, although some claim to have seen groups of ostrich-ninjapirates in Utah. However, most experts believe this not to be true because Utah is boring.
Creating an ostrich-ninjapirate
Creating an ostrich-ninjapirate yourself might seem easy, but it's not. Professional ostrich-ninjapirate designers (or ONP-designers, as they frequently call themselves) often have problems finding a good images of a ninjapirate to begin with. Images found on websites such as Google are often of horrible quality and some of them are even protected by copyright. It's not recommended to start designing ostrich-ninjapirates if you don't like to be sued. Besides that, most ONP-designers are n00b and don't know how to deal with Photoshop, which makes for ugly transitions, horrible colors and wrong image formats.
Should you still be interested in designing ostrich-ninjapirates, then bear the following in mind.
- Be respectful towards ostrich-ninjapirates. Designing ostrich-ninjapirates is a serious matter and should not be made fun of. Ostrich-ninjapirates are very violent and will kill you without warning.
- Check your proportions! Ostrich-ninjapirates with huge heads and tiny legs may be funny to us, but not to them.
- Don't forget the parrot. It represents the pirate in them and sometimes it is the only way to tell that ostrich-ninjapirate actually have something in common with real pirates. An ostrich-ninjapirate that doesn't have a parrot is not a real ostrich-ninjapirate.
- Use Paint Shop Pro or Adobe Photoshop. Paint is not worthy.
- Be aware of the fact that nearly everything is copyrighted these days. If you get sued because you used a copyrighted image, ostrich-ninjapirates will not support you in court.
Ostrich-ninjapirates vs. ninjapirates
Recently some people have started to doubt the advantages of ostrich-ninjapirates compared to normal ninjapirates. Obviously, these people are wrong, since no ostrich-ninjapirate would ever have been created if these advantages did not exist. These are the most important advantages.
- Ostrich-ninjapirates are faster. Ostrich-ninjapirates can run faster than the speed of sound and the fastest ostrich-ninjapirate on earth has nearly reached the speed of light.
- Ostrich-ninjapirates have longer necks. Therefore, they can see further.
- Ostrich-ninjapirates can reproduce themselves in a matter of seconds without sexual intercourse. Like bacteria, they can simply split up in two and both can go mind their own business again.
- Ostrich-ninjapirates are way more violent, which kicks ass. Unlike ninjapirates, they have an enormous amount of ways to kill people. They like to murder their victims by drowing, eating, strangling, hanging, burning or decapitating them. They also like to impale their prisoners or skin or burry them alive. Sometimes they also just cut people to pieces or stab them. The ancient way of keelhauling is rarely used, since ostrich-ninjapirates don't go out to sea that much.
A new phenomenon in the world of ostrich-ninjapirates is spotting ostrich-ninjapirates in the wild. They are often found in deserted cities in The Netherlands like Amsterdam and Den Haag. This new sport is very dangerous. Celebrities who have already shown their interest in ostrich-ninjapirate-spotting include The Emperor of Japan, Britney Spears and Tom Cruise. As of this day, no ostrich-ninjapirate-spotter has ever made it back alive, so let's hope they take off soon.
Because the n00b who invented ostrich-ninjapirates didn't know how to spell, nobody is really sure how to spell ostrich-ninjapirate. Here is a list of alternate ways of spelling ostrich-ninjapirate. If you see any of these words somewhere, it most likely refers to an ostrich-ninjapirate as mentioned in this article.
- Orson Welles
- Oscar Wilde
- John Cusack