MORE KITTENS!
Oh god! You're playing those scary games and having horror film marathons again? And I suppose you're going to have horrifying nightmares for the next three months straight? Put Amnesia down, never click on the Slender game icon again. Stop watching Saw, stop watching Friday the 13th, stop watching Silence of the Lambs, stop watching Scream, stop watching Child's Play, stop watching Paranormal Activity, stop watching Psycho, and for god's sake what the hell this 2 Girls 1 Cup sorcery? You sicken me.
What is this evil presence?[edit | edit source]
What? You mean there is actually an evil demon within your own home? How many times have you seen this paranormal being? More than once? Twice? Even more? About 450 times?! WOWZA, THAT'S ALOT! Jesus, kid... is this ghost even friendly? Does it want to cause harm? Will it touch you at night? Do you have any idea of the ghost's intentions? Have you considered it might rape you? Golly gee! That'd be downright weird! WHAT?! You're already getting sucked off by paranormal spirits every night before bed on a daily basis? That one's gotta be somewhere on the List of Sins! YOU PLAYED VIDEO GAMES WITH THIS GHOST?! Wowza is this weird!
Wait... what? I pissed off the ghost? No, I don't feel anything touching me... wait... you kno-WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SORCERY?!!! I'M GETTIN' THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
MOAR KITTENS! MOAR KITTENS! MOAR KITTENS! GOOGLE SEARCH TAKE ME AWAY!
Why is this guy following you?[edit | edit source]
So, let's get this straight. I just make my way through this dark forest looking for eight pieces of paper and nothing bad will happen? The graphics are scary and that piano pianist is psychotic! So weird... Okay. Sounds really, really fun...
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So what is this movie about? A hockey player?[edit | edit source]
Why are you always watching movies? Why don't you ever go outside and play? You're never too old to play! Just make sure you bring all your juice boxes to keep yourself hydrated! What? You want me to fuck off? What is that? Is that like having me leave you alone? Yes? Um, I will fuck off. I just wanted to know what movie you were watching. Friday the 13th? Is that like a comedy about bad luck? I wanna see it! Hmm... this isn't about bad luck. This is like a hockey movie. I like hockey. I also like movies. Wait, since when did hockey consist of machetes being a piece of equipment? So, I suppose the guy who plays hockey is going to... OH GOD! WHY?! WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?! DAMMIT! GIMME YOUR COMPUTER FOR A SECOND! THANK YOU! OKAY... GOOGLE.COM! OKAY, NOW IMAGES...
What is this fruit dance?[edit | edit source]
Hmmm... Lemon Party. I like lemons. I also am a fan of parties! Yes, yes... WHAT IS THIS?! OH MY GOD!!! Google Images take me AWAY!
Lesson Learned[edit | edit source]
Kittens are the best technique of calming down after scary moments!