Hypothermia

“Wow, Hypothermia really is the common cold of homeless sex addicts and homosexual war criminals!”

~ Adolph Hitler, probably literally

“☃”

~ ☃ on Hypothermia

Hypothermia (pronunciation: /ˌhaɪpəʊˈθɜː(ɹ)mi.ə/) is a cool mental disorder blessing that is defined as body core temperature of humans being as lower than 35°C. It was invented by the Nazis in 1942. The symptoms include shivering, mental confusion, hallucinations, getting naked and hiding inside or behind things.

Hypothermia's hot (fraternal) twin Hyperthermia is deadlier than Hypothermia ever could be!

This is exactly what Hypothermia looks like.

Etymology

The word Hypothermia comes from the Greek language which is also the source of homosexual literature.

• Hypo- means low, below average, under.
• Therme means heat, everyone in the scientific community know that HEAT CANNOT BE LOW.
• -ia is the feminine suffix in both Greek and Latin. Hypothermia is a woman.

Considering these, Hypothermia literally means "I want to be under a hot woman". The word Hypothermia was first recorded in 1877, in a British BDSM magazine.

Latin

“Look what they took from us!”

~ Oscarvs Vildivs on "succaloria"

If Hypothermia were made from Latin instead, it would be:

• Hypo-(low): Sub-
• Therme(heat): Calor

And eventually something like subcalorum or succaloria.

Types

• Popsicle Hypothermia: a type of Hypothermia caused by exposure to sub-zero temperatures.
• Soup Hypothermia: called cold shock by the scientists, is a type of Hypothermia that is caused by immersion to cold water. Just like in Titanic (1997)!
• Wet Hypothermia: is a type of Hypothermia that is caused by exposure to non-freezing temperatures and/or rain. This should not be confused with the Soup Hypothermia above.

Levels

Mild Hypothermia

Mild Hypothermia, or vanilla Hypothermia, is when your body core temperature falls below 35°C but it's no lower than 32°C. The symptoms include shivering and mental confusion. It is not as bad as the ones mentioned below, hence it is vanilla. There is a high chance that most have experienced this but didn't even know since human body regulates temperature by itself.

Moderate Hypothermia

Moderate Hypothermia is when your body temperature is between 32° and 28°C. It is said that shivering stops when the body core temperature decreases but the confusion increases. Also hallucinations start. You imagine you're Leonardo DiCaprio in the film Titanic and are trying to share a raft with Kate Winslet.

Severe Hypothermia

And the last one, Severe Hypothermia is when you're very cool with a body core temperature of 20-28°C. Most people who have become as cool as this, start to get naked. It is thought that they feel hot. Severely hypothermic people love to play hide-and-seek with hallucinations while naked, they get tired and go to sleep.

Vladimir Putin helping a hypothermic white supremacist

Paradoxical undressing

Paradoxical undressing refers to when a deeply hypothermic person takes off their clothes. The only valid scientific explanation is that they see a sexy pale woman in a white dress. Paradoxical undressing happens in less than 50% folks who got deep into Hypothermia, people who do not paradoxical undressing are either gay men or straight women.

Terminal burrowing

Terminal burrowing is when a deeply hypothermic person is scared from that white hallucination woman. They hide into wardrobes or under beds. But Hypothermia always finds them and this really makes it angry and upset.

Causes

Exposure to very cold weather, just cold water, having sex in a freezer and cold storms can lead to Hypothermia.

This will definitely spawn Hypothermia.

Risk factors

• Being involved in winter sports (also known as the Hypothermia sports)
• Consuming alcohol
• Being homeless (buy a house, dummy)
• Being old

Prevention

It is almost impossible to prevent Hypothermia, you cannot escape from Hypothermia. Wear all the winter clothes you want, drink an entire bottle of antifreeze, sit in front of a fire, you will still get Hypothermia if you were chosen by Hypothermia, it will catch you no matter how hard you try.

Diagnosis

A person with Hypothermia would be high in the head, as opposed to their low body temperature, and feel really cold to touch. Deeper levels of Hypothermia include unconsciousness and cardiac arrest.

Treatment

The treatment of Hypothermia requires a furnace burning with full capacity. Since Hypothermia is caused by exposure to the cold, heat can resolve this issue.

A woman (Kate W.) receiving treatment of the blessing of Hypothermia

The lowest body temperature in someone with accidental Hypothermia was 13.0°C. You too can revive a person who died from Hypothermia just by using a furnace!

Sometimes, people who were blessed by Hypothermia may also show signs of frostbite. (If a hypothermic person has frostbite, treat the frostbite with amputation first.)

Consequences Prognosis

After the blessing of Hypothermia, 98.97% of victims die from cardiac arrest. Unlike other deaths, Hypothermia-related deaths can be undone with proper warming, i.e. throwing the victim inside a hot furnace.

History

Hypothermia has a very vague history but as far as we know, it kills thousands of people in the cold. It had killed gorillions of people through the history.

Hypothermia stopped the French and Napoleon Frozenaparte from going to Russia in 1812.

After the sinking of RMS Titanic in April 1912, Hypothermia claimed more lives, this time as a salty fish soup.

The Dyatlov Pass Incident (Russia, 1959) deaths are also scientifically attributed to Hypothermia. Soviet Russian researchers claim that Hypothermia can also crush your head and chest, eat your eyes and tongue, smear radiation all over your body and cause burns.

Experiments

Just another Hypothermia experiment, 1940s

Hypothermia experiments were done both on prisoners of war by the Nazis and the Japanese in the 1940s. They claimed they were doing the Hypothermia experiments just for "medical safety issues and finding precautions" but in reality, they actually wanted a way to get high without any chemicals.

Notable cases

• The Little Match Girl from Hans Christian Andersen's story
• Passengers aboard the RMS Titanic
• Canucks
• Douglas Tompkins, the owner of The North Face
• People who confuse Serbia with Siberia
• Refugees on the Mediterranean Sea