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From today's featured article
For every 10 production workers a company has, there needs to be at least one employee who stands there with his arms folded and watches them. However, in modern times, it's not uncommon to have a single yet highly devoted control freak to supervise scores of employees. HowTo: Be A Production Manager is the perfect guide for anyone who finds themselves thrown into this lucrative position through nepotism, extortion or influential friends.
A Production Manager essentially acts as the liaison between the office staff and the dregs of society known as production workers. The unpleasant part of the job is that sales and management are able to use you as the focal point of their rage, due to the inherent responsibilities of the position, and the traditional purpose of the Production Manager is to transfer that abuse to the bottom of the employee food chain. When you play your cards right, everyone will be fighting amongst themselves and the winds of blame shall never touch your sails. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ...that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
- ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
- ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
- ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
- ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
- ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
In the news
- Trump ought to create Nazi tanks, with the help of Elon Musk (Pictured)
- Support our fake album and win a free Palestinian!
- The Philadelphia Eagles steal the NFL's script and prevent the Kansas City Chiefs from 3‑peating
- Philadelphia will burn to the ground as a result.
- Taylor Swift also begins writing her new breakup song for Travis Kelce; it goes something like "Dreamed of a 3‑peat, but you fumbled the play – Lost the Super Bowl and me the same day."
- Ye has officially lost his fucking mind for the millionth time
- Donald Trump announces grand opening of the Sierra Gaza
- Biden announced as new Bond after signing with CAA
- Trump Taken audition leaked
- Kendrick Lamar wins five Grammys AND performs Not Like Us at the SuperBowl to over 100 million people, much to Drake's dismay
- Smokey the Bear revealed to be cause of LA fires
- NASA headquarters explode as major star goes on break
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • Eagles fans rioting and eating horseshit in celebration, again
Recent deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright • The Kansas City Chiefs Dynasty and Patrick Mahomes's legacy • A One Direction reunion
Upcoming deaths: Philadelphia • Travis Kelce's sham relationship with Taylor Swift and his career • TikTok, for real this time • Bashar al‑Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse
On this day
February 23: Vin Diesel Saying the Word "Family" Day
- 1455 - The Gutenberg Bible is first printed, God brags that he is now a published author.
- 1923 - Werner Heisenberg plans to describe the uncertainty principle to his peers, but is unsure if they'll like it or not.
- 1941 - Scientists first create Plutonium, but instead of getting cool superpowers they just get cancer and die.
- 1947 - The International Organization for Standardization is founded to make Americans feel insecure about the customary system.
- 1999 - Kurdish leader Abdullah Öcalan is sentenced to death by Turkey due to mustache jealousy.
- 2015 - Vin Diesel (Pictured) says the word family so many times it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.
Picture of the day
...the Hundred Acre Wood-wide police crackdown netted Piglet, shown here in his mugshot after being charged with vagrancy, operating a wheelbarrow while intoxicated, hunting woozles without a licence, smuggling of unpasteurized honey across state lines... Image credit: Modusoperandi |
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