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From today's featured article
The famous Ring Bearer Frodo Baggins of the Shire, is a hobbit who saved Middle Earth. The heroic hobbit never set out to be a hero, or to save anything. But he was talked into it and having a good heart, he agreed with Gandalf's philosophy and being a wizard, Frodo couldn't bring himself to get into a battle of wits with someone much older and much more dramatic. The urgent warnings of doom, dark lords, and horrid creatures consuming all the pumpkin patches, cabbage and tomato gardens and strawberries and cream was enough to send Frodo into unnecessary hysteria. So effective was Gandalf's eccentric performance that Frodo agreed to leave the Shire, embark on a quest to an Elf Lord's secret meeting and then opting to go all the way to Mordor without having a single clue as to where the hell it was. But Frodo became renowned, known as a hard-nosed business hobbit, hell bent on revenge. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)
- ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
- ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
- ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
In the news
- Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago (Pictured)
- Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs
- UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches!
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Baltimore Ravens fans shitting themselves after both their teams choked big-time • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate
Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions', Indianapolis Colts', Buccaneers' and Ravens' seasons • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • Buffalo Sabres' unexpected 10-game win streak
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once again • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Ravens' kicker • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs"
On this day
- 49 BC - Julius Caesar crosses the Rubicon, he tries to turn back but the ferry is out of service on Fridays.
- 1776 - Thomas Paine publishes the pamphlet Common Sense, arguing that anyone who disagrees with American Independence should be institutionalized.
- 1810 - Napoleon Bonaparte and Empress Joséphine separate, she takes Prussia and half of France in the divorce.
- 1920 - World War I officially ends after Germany signs an affidavit promising "not to do this sort of thing" ever again.
- 1977 - Pac-Man is admitted to rehab due to a debilitating white pellet addiction.
- 1979 - Disco dies of a cocaine overdose, grunge soon to follow.
- 2015 - A funeral in Maine ends in tragedy as body is accidentally lowered into an open sewer.
Picture of the day
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Sharks with frikkin' laser-beams attached to their frikkin' heads. Image credit: Rei |
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