User talk:Mhaille/archive30

Self Abuse

Take it, bitch... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

No, no, no that is not how this works.

Your archiving reward. The Woodburninator The vote was legitimate! ™ 16:25, 22 July 2015 (UTC)

What's not to love..... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Hai

I'm new, please don't hurt or archive me. Thanks, MUN MyOwnBadSelf, The BFDI Fan (talk - stalk - block) 01:04, 22 July 2015 (UTC)

Not even if I greased you up with vaseline first? Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Nope. MUN MyOwnBadSelf, The BFDI Fan (talk - stalk - block) 22:46, 29 July 2015 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Time!!!

Happy Monkey has been scratching his coconut sized balls for days almost bursting with anticipation of the competition. Remember...the articles are not judged by which is most likely to be a featured article. 30 points are awarded...10 each for originality, creativity and making you laugh. Don't forget the originality and creativity. You can slightly modify the topic if you wish to put it in a different space (unbooks, unreviews, unpoetry etc). If you have any doubt...ask Shabidoo.

Your topic is:

This is it. Where is the money?

Good luck and have fun. You have 48 hours from the moment this was posted. Happy monkey has very itchy and blue coconuts to take care of! RAH RAH RAH!!! ShabiDOO 22:58, 31 July 2015 (UTC)

So....

You're back. First of all, congratulations. Secondly, for how long? User:Matthlock/sig2

wow, you've been here 10 years and you're still around. truly hardcore --HM (T) 22:31, 4 August 2015 (UTC)

Who can say, who can say? Got to add to my edit count somehow... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Sounds like someone's upset they aren't first on the slut list anymore... The Woodburninator The vote was legitimate! ™ 23:25, 4 August 2015 (UTC)

Slut list you say....time to whore this ass raw.... Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Swag. User:Matthlock/sig2

Life as a metaphor for money

Hey Mhaille, what did you say you'd do if you managed to track down the guy who gave you the money? Anton (talk) 19:07, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

It looks like you got more than you bargained for, because the bastard is Devil Man. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:17, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

Wait a second, I was only doing that in exchange for his soul. And now you're saying he's the real Devil Man? Then who am I - his son? Anton (talk) 19:24, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

No, Anton, you're still the Devil Man. That above sentence was intended to be read by Mhaille. I assume you know why I call you Devil Man. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:29, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

Wait, I actually don't. I'm honest. Why? Anton (talk) 19:35, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

Here's why. Will you think differently of me because of this? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:39, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

I've have gone for Chekhov... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Or Vanko? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I actually had to look up Anton Vanko. Congratulations, Mhaille. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:46, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

mhaille's talkpage is the happenin spot for accusations and fights --HM (T) 22:28, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

What are you talking about? Mhaille and I are bros. We've been bros from the start. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:33, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

Hey Mhaille, the hypocrite who is going to win the contest and complain about the topic he received, what I gave you wasn't some "shitty reference to Michael Jackson" but absolute freedom. You could have written about anything, Michael Jackson was your choice. :) Anton (talk) 16:27, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Be honest, given a choice between Michael Jackson and "Inappropriately Designed Light Fixtures" you'd go for the light fixtures every time.... ;) This is it! wasn't that bad, just one of those hour long "WTF do I do with that?" moments when I first saw it. Never done one of the these flash writing things before, so the extra pressure of getting something done quickly probably doesn't help the thought processes...

Also, I might not win, still looks quite even at the moment, could go either way. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I got no shot. Apparently 3600 words are too many for these PHILISTINES! I'm not bitter. The Woodburninator The vote was legitimate! ™ 16:44, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Even I had to read it in two sittings, with a cup of tea in the middle... Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Believe it or not, I didn't have Michael Jackson in mind for this one. Imagine my "WTF do I do with that?" moment when I saw "UnBooks:Jacomo's Belly Fluff Part 15". Part 15. Seriously. Now if I track down the guy who did that... Anton (talk) 17:07, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

It wasn't me. My topic was My Hyundai is ruining my sex drive! and Syndrome treated that topic with the respect it deserved. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:32, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

In fact, if I was a judge, I would give My Hyundai is ruining my sex drive! 30/30. Not because it was my topic, but because how greatly Syndrome wrote it and respected it. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:32, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Think it did deserve a bit more good lovin' than it received.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

(with arms outstretched) Thank you!

After all, a one-paragraph HMC entry is a stroke of pure genius, of pure originality, plus every word of it made me laugh, even "late," a word which doesn't usually make me laugh. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:37, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

In fact, I'm so outraged by this I'll protest. And by protest, I actually mean walk away from Uncyclopedia, buy some junk food and root beer and head back home. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:43, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Yeahhhhhhhhhh. You won your first competition. Loved your article...made me laugh a lot, was impossible to know where you were going to take the reader next and slapped together several concepts that seemingly shouldn't be part of the same article...yet wonderfully was. Thanks bitch-face...your faggoty-ass has gained you a prestige that all 15 active members of uncyclopedia have of you! ShabiDOO 20:10, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Congrats Mhaille! 20:14, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

I have taken the liberty of composing a short acceptance speech, ahem........."Lord Nelson, Lord Beaverbrook, Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana, we have beaten them all, we have beaten them all. Maggie Thatcher, can you hear me? Maggie Thatcher....your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!" Shit, that's the wrong one.....thanks to the organisers, judges, and especially the fellow writers, even the lousy bastard that gave me some crappy thing that it turns out wasn't really about Michael Jackson to write about that wasted an entire hour of my life just staring at the screen wondering what the bloody hell I could write about, and even then I was worried that it was just a weird rambling mess, but then I remembered that this was Uncyclopedia and probably 73% of the site can probably be catagorised under that, now I have a chance to go and change that one typo that I've not been able to touch for days whilst the voting was going on. OCD, FTW! -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Curious...

how am I supposed to pronounce your name? MUN MyOwnBadSelf, The HMC Writer (talk - stalk - block) 10:14, 14 August 2015 (UTC)

However you like... ;) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Like Niles. Or Nile (as the river). Or Nails. Don't remember which. Or like Mail, as in the "mailbox". I personally prefer to pronounce it either like "Miles" or "Miley". But it could also be a very odd version of the Russian name "Mikhail", but with a lot of typos. Anton (talk) 11:04, 14 August 2015 (UTC)

Everytime somebody has asked this question my response used to be "doesn't matter how you pronounce it, the important thing is you'll remember it". :) Just for the record its the Gaelic spelling of my surname, so its closer to "mallie" or "malley" in how its pronounced... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Huffing

Just a thing I noticed: you seem to be deleting spam with no comment, which means that some of the content will be in the deletion summary and sometimes even tbe spam link will be there. I think this can easily be avoided if you simply write "spam" in your deletion summary. Anton (talk) 11:07, 14 August 2015 (UTC)

Once I've finished nattering on IRC I'll be banning the spam-merchant... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

HFV

Mhaille, I don't know you if you've read the pages I nominated, but do you consider them as below the FA-quality? Zombiebaron voted against all of the recent ones and though it's a bit disappointing to me, I still greatly prefer it to people thinking they're bad and not voting at all (if they're really thinking that - that is). Because when it concerns my articles, I'd love to know what people think to try and improve on them. Our goal is not get to the main page but to make people laugh, after all. Anton (talk) 17:49, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

I believe Zombiebaron to be Canadian. How that reflects on what he finds funny or not I couldn't possibly comment. I'm just going to leave the names Jim Carey and Seth Rogan right here. As to my opinion on the articles, I'd say they were about as important as anyone elses, just because someone might have been here longer (or not) shouldn't really dictate what the community see's as funny (or not). If I was to offer any advice for writing here its this, "write for yourself, if you laugh at your own stuff chances are others will too". I get that most of us want to be a part of something, and that sometimes we feel we have to conform to some idea we might have of the standards of that community, but personally speaking some of the best stuff I've seen on here doesn't conform to anyone's standard. :) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Thanks. I was mostly referring to your comment on Leverage's talk, though. Just wanted to know your opinion. But your advice is most appreciated. I never conform to anyone's standard, but I am pretty willing to rewrite my work if anyone explains what doesn't work and what could. Anton (talk) 18:11, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Wait til you've been here a few years and you start wondering if your humour is too 2015.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Star Wars

I need help finishing the Star Wars prequel articles. Sir Peasewhizz managed to do most of the Phantom Menace article, but left before doing the other two. I've started work on them, but I need someone with his sense of humor to finish. Do you know anyone who can?--EpicWinner (talk) 22:10, 18 August 2015 (UTC)

I've had a go at summoning Sir Peasewhizz's spirit to try to write in his style, but I'm having trouble overcoming the urge to run naked down the street smearing myself with peanut butter. I think I may have to arrange an exorcism... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Nice job. However, I think I the characters section could use fleshing out.--EpicWinner (talk) 23:28, 18 August 2015 (UTC)

Agreed, but I might have to stop this channeling before I get arrested... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Formatting

I noticed that on TPM article, you italicized the Ebert quote, as well as the mention of the Clone War. Is this how it's done in the UK? Being a typical Amerilard, I'm used to quotes not being italicized. Which one is the "correct" way?--EpicWinner (talk) 14:51, 19 August 2015 (UTC)

I tend to do it because its easier for people to read, and adds some variation to the layout of what otherwise would be a big ugly block of text. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Attack of the Clones FA?

Thanks in no small part to you, this article looks REALLY good. Do you think it'll be ready for an FA soon?--EpicWinner (talk) 17:48, 19 August 2015 (UTC)

I'm wondering if its lacking due to its no photos of Padme's ass? Its details like that which can make or break an article on VFH.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

If it's not too much trouble, could you help with the Revenge of the Sith article as well?--EpicWinner (talk) 18:16, 19 August 2015 (UTC)

That thing

So I did that thing with the thing you were asking about. [taps nose with finger]. The eagle flies at midnight. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Aug 26 '15 20:51 (UTC)

Lookin' good... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Hello

Will you come on IRC a second? I want to ask for help with something I think you will be suited for. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?)B 11:38, 2 September 2015 (UTC)

NEVAR!!!! -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

:'( - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?)B 11:57, 2 September 2015 (UTC)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MHALE!

Everybody here on the site pitched in to get this for you.

I hope you can tell just how much we truly care about you from this cake. Happy birthday! The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 15:22, 2 September 2015 (UTC)

YOU DO LOVE ME!!!!! <gushes off to eat cake> -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I saw that

I'm almost finished - I need some help with the 'Choosing Your Destination' area, the three 'H' headings.. care to have a go? ~Formerly Annoying Crap 09:44, 4 September 2015

Moving the Tumblr article to the main namespace

I do know how to do this, but you told me to let you know if I was looking to do so, which (when combined with the tone of your edits) leads me to believe you might not be sure whether you want this to happen or not. Seeing as you're an administrator, I have felt it wise to ask first. Kazimiera (talk)

Hiya, I've moved it for you and I'm fairly sure I didn't screw anything up in the process. Yay!. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?)B 11:42, 4 September 2015 (UTC)

Tumblr

Yeah, I see what you did. The reason I made those edits is because I've lurked 4chan a lot and, personally, I think it would be funnier if the article tried to satirize its tone. Like, I know Tumblr is a liberal hellhole, but 4chan is basically the opposite of the coin. Every thread about the new Star Wars, for example, devolves into rants about how the oy vey goyim Jews cast John Boyega so they can racemix/force their cuck marxist liberal agenda. It's hilarious.--EpicWinner (talk) 16:34, 4 September 2015 (UTC)

I totally get what you're trying to do and I agree with the message behind it, but I personally don't feel like in something that I was writing, I would want to use that sort of language even in a satire. I realize this is a collaborative Wiki and that there is a whole article on the n-word, but I can't personally condone using it; I'm pretty iffy about "Kike" but seeing as I'm Jewish I was willing to let that one go in order not to seem like I was asking for some sort of special treatment on a site like this. But seeing as I have no idea whether someone reading that article will take it seriously or not (and note that there is a big difference between reacting negatively to the n-word and the sort of overblown hypersensitivity that was rightly parodied in the Trigger warning article), and knowing the sorts of visceral reactions that a lot of people have to words like that, I can't really condone that, even though I completely understand what you're trying to do and that you're not literally being racist by doing it. Kazimiera (talk) 17:16, 4 September 2015 (UTC)

I think the key part of the humour in the article is the whole undercurrent about the narrator's girlfriend, rather than the site itself, or the others mentioned. I think some vitriol helps in the article, but it needs to be sharp and biting rather than a broadstroke approach. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

A Quick Favour...

Could you please hack up Who Love Cheesy Poos (and images?) into my userspace? Thanks love! ~Formerly Annoying Crap 17:31, 5 September 2015

Oh, also GUIdos pretty please. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 17:33, 5 September 2015

I was only looking for that article the other day... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Sega Genesis

Should this article be named "Sega Mega Drive" and not "Sega Genesis"? I know the majority of the editors here are British and might feel an allegiance to that name, but I feel as though "Genesis" is far more widely-recognized in the context of retrogaming and 16-bit legacy.--EpicWinner (talk) 17:48, 17 September 2015 (UTC)

This has been an ongoing back and forth since the site began. To be honest I don't think there is one answer to this, so I've just pointed Sega Genesis at the same article, I might see if I can change the code to use the title in the page dependent on which people have clicked on. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Some Legacy and Shit

---

Congratulations You have won the Unsung Hero Award!

Of course once you earn this award you are no longer "Unsung." Therefore the award is invalid as soon as it's awarded. So enjoy your non-award.

---

I'm handing 'em out like sugar-coated hotcakes, ya seezy?

Cheers brov! ~Formerly Annoying Crap 20:16, 28 September 2015

188.32.107.101 blocked

Block selected "1 year" in open proxy. Mya2ru 10:22, 6 October 2015 (UTC)

You Complete Asshole!

Hello stranger...

Have you seen this?

Do you contribute there? ~Formerly Annoying Crap 09:05, 20 October 2015

Nah, but I have found a number of sites that appear to be sharing our content. I found a few copies of my Star Wars Marital Aids article around the web. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

No

I just didn't look at the date of your previous message and decided it must have been old. -- Style  Guide 19:03, 14 November 2015 (UTC)

You're old! How's it hanging? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Hanging less than I thought it would, at my age. I'll be on chat some time tomorrow (if I remember etc). -- Style  Guide 20:06, 14 November 2015 (UTC)

Will probably go on tomorrow afternoon if you are around, would be great to catch up... :) Hope all is well with you and yours... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Jobless. Otherwise pretty OK. Style  Guide 22:07, 14 November 2015 (UTC)

I'm in chatroom right now talking to you but you're not responding you bitch. Style  Guide 18:14, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

Email me, came back on later. I'd gone for lunch! :) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Keenan

There's a mild version of K. X. Keenan, a slight thingy on his forehead, to start a slander campaign bit by bit. Style  Guide 11:09, 21 November 2015 (UTC)

I have a favor to ask

Hi there. I was wondering if you could do me a little favor. Can you delete the following pages and then restore them with only the most recent edit?

• User:Insineratehymn
• User talk:Insineratehymn
• User talk:Insineratehymn/archive11

I want this done for privacy reasons. I hope this isn't too much trouble to ask for. --Insineratehymn 23:10, 23 November 2015 (UTC)

Done 'n shit. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:32, 23 November 2015 (UTC)

Extensions

Hey Mhaile...would you agree to a three day extension for the tournament

(that is finishing up on Tuesday 23.59 UTC for the aristocrats category? ˜˜˜˜?

and in conclusion, fuck you all! -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

judgery

Hey caybh..competition is over after no one stood up to me with my totally unfair multiple day extension. Go ahead and finish evaluating all the articles and pick a first second and third place. Leave some constructive criticism if you can. ShabiDOO 00:45, 16 December 2015 (UTC)

I've got an extension for ya! Actually glad to see some competition, when I was writing mine I was expecting a sneaky late entry if only to maintain my record of never doing well in this competition. It's like some kind of curse... ;) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Account deletion request

I used to have this account ages ago...nothing much came out of it and I have a new one too now. So could you please delete the old one? Cheers! :D Lord Assbutt the Fourth (talk) 22:22, 16 December 2015 (UTC)

Something troubling this way comes

Your presence is requested to solve a matter of apparent importance, friend. -RAHB 19:29, 19 December 2015 (UTC)

Neglected to mention that I've responded both on the talk page of the article and the user's talk page too. Looks like they've continued editing the article since so its going well... :) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Excellent! Glad it's all worked out and was a simple misunderstanding. Cheers sir :) -RAHB 00:30, 22 December 2015 (UTC)

Judgery

Hey Duderino....we are waiting on you for the final judgement of the bad taste article. Could you please be a lamb ad judgerize the judgable judgery? Thanks for being such a dear. ShabiDOO 14:57, 27 December 2015 (UTC)

My judgery was finished on the 16th December, I believe we are just waiting on Colin now... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Indeedidoo! I'll ask him den. ShabiDOO 00:52, 28 December 2015 (UTC)

Unlocking

Can you unlock this article so I can make a few tune-ups?--EpicWinner (talk) 18:31, 6 January 2016 (UTC)

Re

In the beginning I thought that article was too serious for a humour site... but then I get it the joke (I think). I can not make a further avaliation because English is not my language and I may let pass some references.

Alhazred (talk) 22:18, 10 January 2016 (UTC)

To be fair the Aristocrat's Joke is essentially a bad taste anti-joke, focusing on shock for the majority of its content followed by the antithesis of a punchline as an ending. Each retelling seems to hinge on this, though I have enjoyed some alternative riffs in the competition over the last few years..... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

WINNER

Congrats. You've shamefully won first place in the Aristocrats category and rightfully so. Have a turkey stuffing sandwhich with extra kidney paté and a side of bladder sauce! ShabiDOO 20:00, 12 January 2016 (UTC)

FUCKYEAH!!!! Take it bitches, take it all... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Remember when people used to be active at least once a year?

Kevin Spacey and Brad Pit in the same movie lol

Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! SIGN UP!!! ShabiDOO 14:28, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Confirm the worm

After a lovely wait of 22 weeks...we finally have our seventh contestant for the Forum:Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! competition. That being said...we need all seven contestants so please confirm you'll participate. I'm thinking we can start next Monday. Just confirm here and then you can look after my dog while I go on sabbatical. He's easy to take care of and his earworm medicine isn't so expensive...so thanks for doing that. ShabiDOO 12:24, 9 November 2016 (UTC)

Will there be no unfortunate clashing with Aristocrats? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

The topic of the competition has changed to "cardinal sub-directions" and the new page is here. Your topic is South-South-East . You can write absolutely anything you like as long as "South-South-East" appears in the title. We start on Monday Dec 5th at 13.00 UTC (7AM New York Time) and it lasts for two weeks. Rood wuck! ShabiDOO 16:37, 3 December 2016 (UTC)

Smoothest Aashu

Hello, Why you delete my Article Smoothest Aashu Smoothest Aashu (talk) 07:29, 5 January 2017 (UTC)

Welcome back..

..To writing stuff. This is very exciting. ~ Kakun · talk 15:43, 11 November 2017 (UTC)

I have been watching your recent activity with some interest. We'll have to work on something together at some point.... ;) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Cool. That would be fun :) ~ Kakun · talk 15:53, 15 November 2017 (UTC)

Vote, Please?

Forum:Happy Monkey 2019

Hello Mhaille, would you mind very much to judge this? Thanks. ~ Kakun · talk 21:10, 27 January 2019 (UTC)

Please Mhaille we need you. -- The Zombiebaron 21:40, 27 January 2019 (UTC)

Sorry Chucklenuts, had a REALLY business couple of months, you should have given me a shout on FB. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Congrats

Congrats on becoming Aristocrat en Regalia and winning the Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery for this past Aristocrats' Turkey Day Ball!

 Cassandra  (talk)

Thanks....I am filled with a warm, slushy glow... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Happy Monkey Competition 2021

Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:27, 10 February 2021 (UTC)

Where are you?

	THEY'RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU!
	OMFG it's CARRIE'S SCARY AWARD!!! Awarded On: AJTA/D

You like, used to write stuff and were there for me in case I needed help.  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 16:35, 20 July 2021

I still visit from time to time, to snicker at articles and images young and old. But have to fit it in around work n shizz.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Hey, it's great to see you. Glad you're still around. XOXO  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 01:05, 4 August 2021

DerpShabiDOO 04:55, 4 August 2021 (UTC)

It's beginning to look a lot like…

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

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---

Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?

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Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 15:06, 13 December 2021

Merry Christmas and all that jazz

Santa Baby… Wishing you & yours a Happy Holidays & a Zana Christmas.

I heard that you were single again, well then—we should hook up real soon. Santa baby, Facebook me and give me some likes. Santa cutie, Snapchat me and send me some pix, not dicks—but if you want, I don't mind. Santa cutie, favorite me on Instagram. Slide into my chat DMs—add me to your list and we'll be more than friends. I'll follow you on Twitter too, and this Christmas won't be quite so blue. Santa baby, I saw you had a Tinder and I swiped right—found your Bumble account. Santa baby, Match with me so we can Meetup.

Santa honey, if you call me up on the phone—we'll bone. I won't play hard to get. Santa baby, do you have white hair down there? Santa baby, you don't have to wear a condom, come on—we can play 'Just the Tip'. Santa baby, even if it's just for one night. I haven't been with lots of men—but last time I got laid he said I was a ten. I'm sure that we could have some fun—if you work out and don't weigh a ton. Santa baby, don't forget the presents this year—like beer, or perhaps some good wine. Santa baby— let's get drunk, Netflix and chill…Here's a hundred dollar bill?..I'm on the pill…

 –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 19:24, 24 December 2021