User talk:Aleister

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Walk into a bar collab
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Contents

[edit] POO

IM GOING TO DIRTY YOUR NEW CLEAN AND ARCHIVED TALK PAGE WITH DIRTY WORDS AND YOU CANT STOP ME.

Poo poo shit fuck poo poo shitty poo poo prostitute slut poo poo anus poo cock poopoo shit shitty crap poo poo crappy prostitute cum poo whore penis bimbo poo poo crappy shit whore slut poo poo poo. Leverage (talk) 13:07, 27 November 2013 (UTC)

I think the second poo should be slut slut. I'm just saying. --ShabiDOO 04:42, 28 November 2013 (UTC)

[edit] eh up

Laptop died and destroyed the last version of IUnseen. Must stop refusing to accept that as an excuse when kids haven't done their homework--Sog1970 (talk) 23:37, 12 December 2013 (UTC)

?????? ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs)Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 23:35, 12 December 2013 (UTC)
Ah, it's Sog1970. Makes a little more sense now. And welcome back. ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs)Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 23:39, 12 December 2013 (UTC)
Sog! Laptop where the iun intro is being worked on isn't on Wi-Fi, so when I get to a public Wi-Fi I'll upload it onto email. F-y says just the intro, up to the river bit. Not best, but progress. Thanks. Aleister I don't know what time it is, my upper limit of the screen and lower, where my uncyclopedia and personal toolbars are, won't release. I can't edit here unless in sections because my screen doesn't go high enough to reach the history and edit buttons. Suggestions anyone? thanks. I do know it's 13-12-13.
What do you do to your computers, Aleister? Leverage (talk) 17:59, 13 December 2013 (UTC)
My fingers do the walking, and then they trip all over themselves and then the ice cream comes and sparks flying everywhere. And to think I worked on the moon project (Apollo 13 to be exact, where I was fired for some reason). Aleister 13-12-13 I don't know the time, sometime after 20:00

[edit] Hello!

Hi Aleister. I hadn't dropped by in a while, but I have read your messages, and I voted on your article. You can see my reaction at the nomination page itself. I have so much to tell you. 7 November, my mom died. I am still sad about it, but not as sad as I was when it happened. So then I went to Mexico to meet my mom's mom and her sisters (my aunts). It was a fantastic time, and I totally want to live in Mexico. My grandma and my aunts also want me to live in Mexico. haha. My aunt Lucy actually gave me her schnauzer (but since I couldn't bring him to the U.S., my aunt is currently taking care of him). His name is Prince. Below is a drawing I made of me hanging out with Prince and his lady friend, Pecas ("freckles" in Spanish, because she has spots). At the time I was visiting, I couldn't play with Pecas because she had ticks. So in the picture, she is saying "Bathe me!" On the couch is a green toy that sort of looks like a spider. I made it. I haven't actually given it to Prince, because he is in Mexico and I'm not. So this picture is in effect a prospective image.

Anyway, did you see my latest UnNews? If so, I hope you enjoyed it. --Care for a rose? the dorky contralto Proudly Mexican Did I mention I'm like 1/8 or 1/16 Korean? It's a long story. Brazil is very fascinating... 21:45, 17 December 2013 (UTC)

Me and my aunt-s dogs.jpg

I wasn't joking, I really could see five points on the tiara. And I know how to resize pictures: you can go to a website called resizr.com. However, this won't make the pictures clearer (although it has a "sharpen" tool, which might work), so I'm sorry that I couldn't answer your question entirely. And yes, I have one brother, he is doing fine. Too fine, maybe. I also have a best friend who is like a sister, and she was there for me. And as for you, thank you for your support. I totally understand "isn't it fucked". Thank you very much. God bless you Aleister! --Care for a rose? the dorky contralto Proudly Mexican Did I mention I'm like 1/8 or 1/16 Korean? It's a long story. Brazil is very fascinating... 14:13, 18 December 2013 (UTC)

Added a new section to the Simone article. See: Simone Bittencourt de Oliveira#And you didn't think she had a crush on him? It is a gallery of photos with (hopefully) hilarious captions. XD --Care for a rose? the dorky contralto Proudly Mexican Did I mention I'm like 1/8 or 1/16 Korean? It's a long story. Brazil is very fascinating... 03:33, 22 December 2013 (UTC)
I'm glad you enjoyed my revisions. And the music video is definitely a must-see. The audiovisual quality is crap, but the song is great. Especially the "ziziziziziziz" sound effect they do... which makes sense as the song is "Cigarra" (cicada)!!! Have a nice day, and enjoy your life! --Care for a rose? the dorky contralto Proudly Mexican Did I mention I'm like 1/8 or 1/16 Korean? It's a long story. Brazil is very fascinating...

[edit] hello again!

I saw your latest message. I'm glad you liked my drawings! Happy new year to you too! How has your life been? --Care for a rose? the dorky contralto Proudly Mexican Did I mention I'm like 1/8 or 1/16 Korean? It's a long story. Brazil is very fascinating... 00:28, 7 January 2014 (UTC)

[edit] ATDB

Brilliant article! You need therapy. Elephants in lederhosen! 02:34 22 Dec

Well thanks, for both compliments, and right back at you. I decided to enter the contest because of a discussion on Leverage's talk page, after reading The Aristocrat (joke) page on Wikipedia to finally get the importance of at least telling the joke once (and the accepted structure, supposedly not based on funny but just a straight-forward telling, with a flourish at the end) and then was glad to see that you were giving it a go. If you notice in my story it can all be explained as an act with props, I left that possibility open, so that nothing described in it is real but is sleight of hand with props and misdirection - a well practiced act by a talented family of the aristocracy. If I read the scores right my story may have just squeezed past years, which is not the result I'd like - I usually lean in the direction of ties (except for that stupid choice of Academy Award Best Picture last year). Tuajos! And thanks again! Aleister 11:38 22-12-13
It was a close run competition, although I'm surprised Shabby's effort didn't rate higher. Elephants in lederhosen! 01:37 22 Dec
I'm one of those four-way tie kind of users, let everyone have the template for jobs well done. I reread mine again, keeping in mind that it was an act, and tried to imagine the props and sleight of hand that was used. Maybe at the end the father could show the talent agent a few of his major props, and the talent agent could say "Bravo! Bravo!" because he realizes how talented the act really was. They all still had to get naked, but no sexual act was going on, it all smoke and mirrors and aquariums. Cool. Thanks for inspiring me by making me read it again to see if I was right about the props. Some are tricky to imagine how they did it, lol, so it works on several levels (was it really all props?) Aleister 18:55 22-12-13
I knew I wasnt going to score much. I wanted to reinterperate the aristocrat joke this time and take it to the most surreal extreme. That's not a winning aristocrac kind of joke. I liked yours puppy. You reinterpreted it without losing the edginess of the joke. Aleisters grossed me out and honestly after seeing videos like two girls and a cup and reading about donkey rape...its not easy to gross me out anymore. My friends stopped reading Ali's a few paragraphs into the dirty part...and now officially they think (this being the last of many straws) we are insane and should be treated for it. --ShabiDOO 22:33, 22 December 2013 (UTC)
Then my mission here is complete. Why did you let your friends read that? They are now no longer your friends. As I understand it from the Wikipedia page, the aristocrats joke has a long history and is supposed to be as gross as possible. Your friends, who may now not even acknowledge ever meeting you, can sooth their nightmares by reading the page again (hair of the dog). Aleister 2:43 23-12-13
Why don't we have a 'best video' category? That would ensure none of us have any friends left. Elephants in lederhosen! 04:16 23 Dec
It seems that you two are my only friends left. And that makes me want to simulcast my suicide online. Do you know any good websites that will host it? --ShabiDOO 05:10, 23 December 2013 (UTC)
Do it on Chatroulette. Nothing like masturbating middle aged men to add that air of gravitas. Elephants in lederhosen! 05:42 23 Dec
Promise me you'll join me in heaven one day. I'll sit next to Jesus christ our lord and saviour and you two can tell us nasty horrid dirty aristocrat jokes :) --ShabiDOO 05:58, 23 December 2013 (UTC)

[edit] Catching up!

We have much to do, so glad you are still going strong :) I was wondering what was to become of your bar collab? Seems to me it is long and hilarious enough! Talk Mattsnow 02:40, 10 January 2014 (UTC)

Jeez, I forgot about that. Even though it's linked on this page. I'll look at it later and see what needs to be done to whip it into shape (after I get whipped into shape). Thanks. I'm not writing here as much, although when I was writing here as much I wrote a lot, can't believe I wrote all those things (I didn't, copied most of it from bathroom walls and tape-recording drunken Freemasons at their Shriner-sponsored orgies). I'm glad you're back, and writing strong as ever or better. I just thought of a great tee-shirt: "I have crabs, do you want some?" with a picture of a guy both itching his pants and herding a dozen crabs around the floor. On a more serious topic, I think MrN may be gone. Aleister 9:49 1-=1=14

[edit] I have something wonderful to tell you!

I use facebook with reasonable frequency, as you may have found out from the source of my last UnNews. Well, two days before the new year, this strange man called Raya friended me. I was like, OK, I will accept this request. So we started chatting, and I was like, who are you? He was like, "I am Raya and I am from Indonesia. I love dogs." And I was like, OK. And we continued to chat, and he sent pictures of himself, his dogs, and his little brother. Fair enough. I became worried, however, when he started sexting me, but then I was like, whatever, boys do that. So, anyway... he wants to marry me, and I was like, "OK, but you have to wait until I grow up." And he was like, OK. So... we are dating. It is an unusual relationship, and probably illegal, but I know what I'm doing. :) So, how are you? --Care for a rose? the dorky contralto Proudly Mexican Did I mention I'm like 1/8 or 1/16 Korean? It's a long story. Brazil is very fascinating... 17:23, 2 February 2014 (UTC)

Yikes. Be careful if he shows up at your door, and please don't tell him too much about yourself. Sounds like a predator, and his brother, dogs, and such may be just stock photos. But maybe not, so....good luck??...and you may get a good article or two out of it. And boys don't sext girls they just met on the internet unless he has very little respect for women. So if you need any more water dashed on your relationship, keep the pepper spray handy! Me, I'm doing alright, bouncing around from thing to thing, going from place to place, up in the air and then looking at the air. hee hee. Aleister 20:20 2-2-14 (almost all twos, except the 14)
^ ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs) 21:37, 2 Feb 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia
Glad to hear that you are OK. Have fun looking at the air! hee hee. --Care for a rose? the dorky contralto Proudly Mexican Did I mention I'm like 1/8 or 1/16 Korean? It's a long story. Brazil is very fascinating... 15:06, 6 February 2014 (UTC)

[edit] Your next UnNews

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-26182790 Leverage (talk) 08:59, 14 February 2014 (UTC)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-26017956 I especially liked the headline, the difference in cost of the various solutions, and the paragraph beginning, "I've gone down the river." Leverage (talk) 13:04, 18 February 2014 (UTC)
I thought the war with Asian carp was won in '45? I myself have gone down the river and been slapped in the face. Not by a fish though. Thanks for the fishheads up! Aleister 14:50 18-2-14

[edit] Question

Are you my mummy? --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 01:42, 3 March 2014 (UTC)

Busted! You are not supposed to out users here, or anywhere (bad form and bad boy, to your room). And wipe your shoes before coming in next time, we had a hell of a time cleaning the blood and drool off the floor. "Aleister" 2:42 3=3=14

[edit] Cosmos

Hey, did you watch the premiere of the new Cosmos tonight? If so, what'd you think of it? -- Kip > Talk Works Sophia It's Peanut Better Jelly Time!!! Carlton2.gif Rotating Rick Astley.gif derp Sexy Knight of the Order USA! 08:05, Mar. 10, 2014

[edit] BOOM!!!

YOU GOT SERVED !!! --ShabiDOO 01:56, 11 March 2014 (UTC)

[edit] Hilary

0303 hilary duff a.jpg0303 hilary duff b.jpg
Sincerely,

Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 18:08, 11 March 2014 (UTC)

Thanks! Aleister 18:09 same day same almost time

These two girls have nothing in the slightest to do with Oscar Wilde, Belgium, or BUTT POOP!!!!

[edit] Argylesocks

Since you weren't on irc last night, and you're rolling back all his edits, I think I'll let you know now that Argylesocks is TKF come back to improve his own articles, and the reverting admins thing may apply as well but anyway you should know who he is. Meanwhile I seem to be reverting your reverts. ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs) 18:16, 14 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

So he came back to vote against all the good VFH's? From his edits he seemed like a vandal. I didn't know he was improving his own pages, but he seems to be against rape now. thanks. And socks isn't an admin, I guess TKF is though? Aleister few minutes later
No reverting admins cowering under sockpuppets? Ek-squeeze me? Leverage (talk) 18:24, 14 March 2014 (UTC)
Cowering? He scrambled his password. And good vfh's is in the eye of the beholder. ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs) 18:25, 14 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia
Nah, I saw a vandal voting against Funnybony's and my stuff, and lots of other VFH's, and when I heard it's TFK that explains that. He knows one vote can sink a VFH on this site, as well as one the other. Aleister minute later, Ali-gator
AGF please. ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs) 18:31, 14 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia
There is a trend which I watched for years. Good faith indeed. Funnybony was almost set to play here for good. Aleister
Not sure what you mean by that. ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs) 18:37, 14 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia
Neither am I. Can never be sure, can we? Aleister
I just looked over the edits to the feature articles again, and if, like me, you didn't know they were the authors, objectively they seemed like vandalism. Aleister

[edit] MrN

Hey Aleister. Any updates on MrN? I hope everything's alright. MadMax (talk) 20:03, 15 March 2014 (UTC)

No, which is why I put the forum up. The only good thing is that he's gone "missing" before for very long periods of time. He and I had good communication going on emails, then he went somewhere, and emailed me, and then was gone. He hasn't posted here since last April. Al 22:04 15-3-14

I wish I could be of more help but I don't really have any contact with users outside of Uncyclopedia. Has anyone seen him on IRC in the past few months? MadMax (talk) 19:37, 17 March 2014 (UTC)

Not me. ~ Spoony-fork.svg (talk) (contribs) 19:40, 17 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

[edit] The Tao

O! The Follower of The Tao! As you are the only one who had the courage to defend it from my sinful vote against, could you please tell me whether User:Anton199/TaoismReskin would be a noble way of rendering homage to this tree of knowledge on our principal tablet? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 20:59, 15 March 2014 (UTC)