User:Aleister/archive15

I shall be the first to comment on your freshly archived page

I like chicken. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:04, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

"That's it? That's the rape?"

That's it? That's the rape? You like chicken? Where have the real rapists gone, like flowers in the wind. Al seconds later

Real rape is so overrated. Random opinions are where it's at. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:10, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

Oh jeez, you lay down, hike up your dress, and wait, and you get a discussion about the principals of rape and its relationship to cultural mores, and further discourse about how the taming of the natural and hard-wired urge (reptiles rape like mofo's) into legal systems and monkey-troop bonding rituals have determined the direction of structured civilizations. Al minutes later

I also like spaghetti. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:36, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

Let the record show that I, too, enjoy chicken and spaghetti. -- 02:40, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

I like raw chicken on a slab of uncooked pumpernickel dough. --ShabiDOO 02:42, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

I like boobies. Pup 03:37 29 Feb '12

I like all of the above. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:30, 29 February 2012

I like a lovely young lass in a sundress. A flattering sundress -- none of that muumuu silliness, mind you -- which lies across her curves like a gossamer cloud lying athwart the gentle curves of the lower Pyrenees in mid April. And above her, as she lies, oblivious, in the grass, floats a dirigible, heavy with young men in cravats and spats who look down at her from beneath their silk stovepipe hats and long for her. They'll never have her, for she'll never have them, but, oh! The longing.

So, yeah. Weirdly oblivious chick in a sundress, dudes ogling her from a blimp. ~Captain Random B. Thunderpants 07:09, March 2, 2012 (UTC)

HowTo:Get a suntan

Sorry. Nothing personal, but it's just a tad lacking. Mind you, User:PuppyOnTheRadio/YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL MOTHERFUCKER! could probably have the same criticism labelled on it. Pup 11:57 29 Feb '12

And Wikia have apparently killed my signature. Pup 11:57 29 Feb '12

Serves you right. Yay Wikia! And remember, I was there that night that YMSCIHM was born. I fed it it's first drink of something stronger than mother's milk. Aleister 13:26 29-2-'12

You won!... or lost, take it as you will.

Wowee! It appears that you have won PERVY! Congrats! In addition to getting to add "The Pervy" to the beginning or end of your signature, and getting this awesome template for your page, you also shall get funny looks from all your peers! Once again, congratulations-- now vote for next month! ~Pleb the magic! 05:51, 03/01/2012

HI!

I just read the message you left me! Thanks for your input! :) Keep up the good work! -- the dorky contralto 01:13, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

WTF???

WTF Aleister...I can't believe you just did that you no talented piece of feces from a polish furnace! You second rate mother fu**ing slippery ass edits where I'm trying to edit is fu**ing up this entire damn piece of feces website. Why don't you go to some piece of feces other website and take out your bull feces writing where they deserve it, and put your god damn feces ass over there you feces smelling poop face jerk! ;) --ShabiDOO 03:30, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

Oi! Watch your mother fucking language! Pup 05:01 03 Mar '12

Dont get me started you kangaroo eating sack of menopause. You are even more of a poop face jerk than this second rate mother fu**ing feces factory! Your whole family hunts dingos and eats aboriginee feces for breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and a double course for dinner! Yeah! How does that feel being a poop face jerk in the Southern Hemisphere? Why don't you get on a boat and paddle to Antarctica where your descendents will end up when they run out of aboriginee feces? Both of you...that's right...both of you are the poopiest faced pop-faces that this world spat out. ;) ;) ;) --ShabiDOO 05:25, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

Pop-faces? Are you telling me that I look like Justin fucking Bieber? Pup 05:30 03 Mar '12

Yeah...this dickery competition isn't really going quite as I had planned. --ShabiDOO 20:53, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

Huh? Rule 2. Aleister 21:40 4-3-'12

this

You think you could use it? Pup 11:15 03 Mar '12

It's pretty good money. I've always done my dishes by hand (near vegan makes that quite easy). Do you mean for a news article? You do it, you Sun huffer (I loved how you blamed Socky). But thanks for the thought. In America that chimpmunk Mitt Romney was caught saying ^ (what is ^ supposed to be anyway?) $350,000 wasn't very much money. Al days later

I've read articles like this in the past. I could do it but I'm not a fan of UnNews articles. I have only done a few of them in the past and the format is more restrictive then elsewhere, and breaking the format either works really well, or has hideous results. Pup 11:30 03 Mar '12

Thanks. I'm not feeling this one though. UnNews is fun to do when the mood hits me, they almost write themselves sometimes (when I'm asleep mostly, and I get a pleasant surprise when I wake up and find a new article in bed with me). At one point I decided to write one UnNews for every month I was here, and have surpassed that due to a recent spurt (but enough about my sex life). I'm glad you went neutral on that Goldstein award thing, although a yes vote would probably save the sucker. It's been awarded 42 times if I remember my count, which is just about once every two months of uncy's existence. And where is Mordillo, who likes the award? Raising kids I guess. No UnNews is good UnNews. Al weeks later

It has enough support to survive, from what I can see. Good work on Yangtze River by the way. I knew it wouldn't take much to turn it around. Pup 01:14 03 Mar '12

Uncyclopedian

Hi Al, I noticed there was no article on Uncyclopedian. So I started one HERE. Can you give a hand with this? Hopefully we can work it up. I should be speaking with you by phone next month if all goes as planned. BTW: I put Womp Rat on VFH. Cheers, mate!--Funnybony    13:23, Mar 3

Hey Aleister!

What do you think of the new title I gave for my user page? Does it sound likes it's a bit too soon? Tell me what you think -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 00:49, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

So wait, are you saying that being a Commie is good? or bad? -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 00:58, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Neither or both. It's just a philosophy, as wide or as tiny as you want to make it. As long as a dirty commie doesn't hurt any other dirty human or animal, it's all good. And you being a commie has been reported to the proper authorities. Comrade Aleister 1:04 4-3-'12

Kidney Stones

Wow, I didn't even notice how much he attacked my article until I checked its history to see what the @#$% you were talking about. If you look at what I reverted, it was only his changes to the symptoms list, but it looks like he made the entire thing all gross and Wikipedia-ish. Now that you brought this to my attention, I can properly remove all his "fact"-based nonsense. I don't know what your strange obsession with water is (aquaphile?), but I suppose I can work some more in about it without making the whole thing look like it was ripped from Wikipedia. ◄► UnUnUn ium ◄► 02:59, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

I just wrote a new article!

Here's what I think. I know I'm different, but there is no reason to be all bummed out about it. I like to laugh and joke about my difference. So here it is, an article about dyscalculia!
- the dorky contralto 18:22, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Whoa, it sounds interesting. I'll read it now. Thanks for telling me. Aleister 19:02 4-3-'12

Different should never be seen as a bad thing....you should celebrate your differenceness. Just as long as different doesn't mean fantasising about your sister or try electrocuting stuffed toys. Its better you don't celebrate that. VIVA LA DIFERENCIA! --ShabiDOO 20:50, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

I celebrate mine, by fantasising about your sister and her and I electrocuting stuffed toys. Aleister 21:00 4-3-'12

I electrocute my sister and fantasise about stuffed toys. Pup 09:27 04 Mar '12

Fantasise? Ha! Once you've had Beanie Babies you don't go Creamy Ladies. Aleister 21:36

Nobody can get you there quite like a carebear. Pup 10:43 04 Mar '12

OK! Back to the original topic-- thanks for the encouragement, Aleister! -- the dorky contralto 02:45, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

Back to the secondary topic. Turns out this whole electrocuting and sibling incest isn't as taboo as I thought! Is there anything taboo in fact ... that is possible ... on these talk pages? --ShabiDOO 01:28, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, you can find it somewhere on my secret saving things page, but you have to look for it. Besides stuff like that, probably not, except corpses and huge wounds and crap like ED used to do. Aleister seconds later

Pee on your Goddess

The Imperial Colonization Discordianism has been Pee Reviewed. I have no authority anymore to tell anyone to do anything, but check it out anyway! Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Discordianism (2) User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:16, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

Your article about Rolex watches

It's a humor masterpiece! -- the dorky contralto 03:25, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

It's a me- the anonymous one

How do I add construction tags?--2757xx (talk) 11:40, March 6, 2012 (UTC)

I'll pop it on for you, and you can look at the code via the edit button. And feel free to ask me or anyone else here any questions. Enjoy. Aleister 11:41 6-3-'12

Heyyy!!!

What's up? :DD --Mimo&maxus 12:36, March 6, 2012 (UTC)

Hello strangest of the strangers. Not much, when I'm here I wander around for awhile, write for awhile, clean up things for awhile, wander around again. Like a drunk, more or less (although I seldom drink, don't get me wrong there. Drinking is for losers, man, unless it's an occasional pitcher of Margurita at a good Mexican place). What's up with you, and your locale. Lots of news coming from there. And are you doing much here anymore, or on any other uncyclopedia's? Since Lollipop and you are gone most of the time, things quieted down here and we actually have to bring in people to wake everyone up once in awhile. Yawn, gotta go and sleep. Good to "see" you! Al hours later

Something weird I just noticed...

I don't know if you've ever seen the Monkees' movie, Head, but there is something really weird about that movie. It's very psychedelic, and the closest thing to a plot is: The bad guy tries to get the Monkees into a box. Whenever they get out of the box, they lose Davy. Where's Davy? Somewhere else. When they finally find him, they're all in the box again. (In a darkly humorous way, I suppose that now, literally, you can only find Davy in a box.) Also, there's this one scene in the movie where somebody is playing the violin in a sad way, and your first thought is, Who died? And then the camera pans down a bit and there's Davy, pretending to play the violin. It's like somebody already knew that Davy was going to die first. But how did they know? I'd like to know what you think. -- the dorky contralto 23:15, March 6, 2012 (UTC)

On one level things do foreshadow themselves, and on another level any one particular incident has multi-viewpoints. If Peter Tork had died first, maybe Head (which I haven't seen, I think it was a satire of The Beatles "Help" or something) could be interpreted that way. Our brains are such wonderful creatures that they format the world into our specific belief system (what Robert Anton Wilson calls BS - have you been turned on to him as yet?). You probably find that when you think of a new way of looking at something, within hours or days at the most lots of connections to those new interest areas pop up in your personal universe. Way of the world. The only Monkee I haven't seen interviewed this week is Mike Nesmith - I should check him out of wikipedia. You seem like a bright new light on the site, I hope you are liking it here. It's a pretty wide-open playground for those who "get" that. Yay Uncy! Al 1:20 7-3-'12

Colab

Ali...you mentioned the two of us doing a colab...but I can't find it anywhere. What was the topic (you mentioned it during the happy monkey thing! --ShabiDOO 01:46, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Ah jeez, I'm just not into the topic right now. It was Hubble Space Telescope, which if you start I'll be very glad to run away (or maybe join in). The latest space thing I've worked on and added quite a bit to an existing page is this thing which I really like. In fact I'll put in an edit or two there right now. Yay Hubble Space Telescope (yeah, I could get more excited if it became a reality. My writing enthusiasm wanes or divides itself sometimes, and I'll write or edit five or six of "my" pages at the same time). Thanks for the reminder. Al minutes later

I will work on the hubble telescope.

I also work on six pages at a time and have set new priorities. Count them! Six! 1 2 3 4 5 6 --ShabiDOO 02:07, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Ok, Hubble it is. There's a pic of Hubble on the Frankly Disappointing Telescope page, and I had fun with the caption. How many features do you have? I checked the Hall of Shame and couldn't find your name there. Six pages at a time should have got you loads of features by now (Isasc Asimov used to work on several books at the same time in the age before computers. He'd have several typewriters set up in his office and had a rolling chair, and when he got bored with one he'd roll over to another typewriter). Hubble! (if I wasn't semi-tired and watching America's Super Tuesday primary night I'd be more excited, so I know I'm excited about it but not feeling that yet. Hubble!) Aleister minutes later

Rock and Roll ALI! Working on six uncyclopedia articles at a time in combination with working on my professional writing and my poetry means I'm not getting much published or featured these days. I enjoy writing here in fact way more than anything else, because I have zero limits on what I write and the critical feed back is really great..and colabing is even greater...and so I care far less if the community approves of it. Of course ... getting it featured is nice (i.e. exposing it to a lot of readers) but I've had quite a few nominations bomb as some people don't care for what I write and my coloquial English grammar and polishing is pretty bad. I'm sure we can get Hubble telescope featured if the two of us put are beaudacious radical awsomeness into it! --ShabiDOO 02:24, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

I bet lots of no money that if you polish your pages you'd have a string of features. Gotta get into the Hall of Shame at least, so you can be ashamed as much as possible. And all that stuff --poetry, professional writing, death threats, (I make most of my money writing suicide notes for other people, it pays well and they don't seem too concerned about the size of the check). Why don't we not put too many rules on Hubble, just go as wild or as scientific as we'd like, with different sections, and then we can pull it all together even if it takes weeks or months. It looks like Santorum might win Ohio, which would be an upset. His daughter Elizabeth Santorum is very hot. If Romney losses Ohio he's in trouble, because of his recently uncovered lies. Aleister

Here is a haiku about you:

Writing their final notes

Their uncredited end notes

Anonymity

I combined our two professions!!! --ShabiDOO 03:05, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Dis-a-yours, too, mate

Funnybony    08:09, Mar 7

Thanks! I will spend it on ads trumpeting your amazing anti-war article which I was lucky to join in on. You are an anti-war Soma loaded genius. Al spending it now

Here is an article I wrote several weeks before I was blessed with your acquaintance.

You might not "get" the jokes I used here, but I think it's okay. I'd like to know what you think. Also, fun fact: I wrote the Spanish version of this article as well. -- the dorky contralto 13:07, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

Hi. Thanks. I was going to sign off now, and will shirley look at this later. Roberto! Aleister seconds later

Gobshite

Somehow, due to your inability to score correctly and nobody realising, I've managed to beat you at UGotM last month. However, in the spirit of the award, I'm not giving it back. Pup 02:15 10 Mar '12

I forgot I was nominated. You won it fair and square though, because I kept changing my name to Mordillo's name, and at least one person and maybe more voted for me thinking it was Mordillo. I do have a favor to ask though. Can you reach into wikipedia and grab the Oz tattoo pic and bring it back here (probably at Oz (TV series) when you have time in the next month or so. I want to put it where the potato is on my Oz page (have you seen the TV series Oz? If so, please read my page, I've had no feedback on it yet). Thanks for all the jizz. Al 2:20 10-3-'12

Thanks a lot!

Thanks for your encouragement about my article. I'm going to write UnNews now. :) -- the dorky contralto 15:56, March 11, 2012 (UTC)

I think blue is a sad color...unless it's this kind of blue...

HAHAHAHAHAHA

-- the dorky contralto 16:20, March 11, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome a lot. I must read what you've done with RCB, I see he is in blue here and holding a rose, so I will put the picture into Category:Roses! You're going to do an UnNews, nice. I should do a few more of those soon, they usually come quickly when something pops into my mind, although on some of them I polish for quite awhile (especially if they are just nonsense or other UnNews which isn't current UnNews.) Did you see that Puppy is organizing an UnNews contest for April - writing and recording. I kind of nudged the contest into existence by just yakking, but Puppy did something real with it. UnNews is GoodNews. Al 19:15 11-3-'12

Latest UnNews

UnNews:Spring break not a break for anybody

Enjoy!

My signature

Due to circumstance beyond my control, I am no longer able to keep a "relative" time as my timestamp in my signature. To alleviate this issue I have included it in a "mouseover" on the new time stamp. I apologise for any inconvenience. Pup 03:08 12 Mar '12

Only me...

Was not sure which pic was best to use for Template:Featuredarticle/queue, so I went with the top one. Do ya think that's the best image to use, or... ? MrN 19:10, Mar 12

The only time is now!

Hope that answers your oft-repeated question. Pup 15 minutes in the future

lies! MrN 14:49, Mar 13

Be Here Now (book). Although I cannot read either of your posts, as I am operating 15 minutes in the past. Al 15 minutes in the past

A rose for you

Somehow, I have gotten the impression that I may be annoying you. If ever I annoy you (I hope not), here is my apology. And here is a nice little song about friendship. And another one. Quite frankly, I haven't got any other friends, and I would feel really bad if I annoyed you...so is this OK? :)

-- the dorky contralto 20:31, March 13, 2012 (UTC)

That last message you sent

It really made my day! :) - the dorky contralto 22:50, March 13, 2012 (UTC)

Not going anywhere

Just cleaning up. Pup 11:53 14 Mar '12

Fuck! This looked like you were running for the hills after getting pissed off at some admins. If you're only cleaning up, why waste your good pages? And your user page? Suspicious, no? Al minutes later

And why are you zapping your awards pages, your sigs PoopyOnTheRadio and stuff. Hey.....are you pulling the wool over my eyes? Al

Good God, I thought it was an epic rage quit! Don't scare me like that, my blood pressure just peaked! Mattsnow 12:03, March 14, 2012 (UTC)

Still suspicious. Maybe he's gone rabid. Al 12:15

Nah. 90% of what I deleted was just coding stuff. What I wanted to keep has been moved to other name spaces, or is left there until I can fix up what links to it. I have killed my user page and talk page because I'm not wanting to deal with some individuals any more. Consider it the wiki equivalent of changing my phone number. I have destroyed some of my old sigs though. It means most of my signatures over the past year or so will no longer be timestamped. And honestly, I'm doing everything I can to try and not rage against someone who I've been doing everything to be nice to and having it thrown back in my face it the most passive aggressive possible way. Pup 12:19 14 Mar '12

You could delete VFD! That would make a lot of people happy and make a lot more people go balistical! :) --ShabiDOO 12:24, March 14, 2012 (UTC)

Ah, see! Rabid! This puppy needs petting and some of those healthy treats. That person you are talking about but who shall remain nameless, as you are now, is a good person too, just getting nitpicky for some reason. I never understood why people need such complicated time-placement anyway, isn't the day and year enough? Why do people need to know things down to the minute? Anyway, destroying your code is a major loss to the wiki, including your sig codes. Ha, I'm writing this long enough so the paravets have time to come toss one of those nets over you. Rabid! Al

I think it would be best if you did leave Puppy. That's my chair you're sat in. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 14:31, March 14, 2012 (UTC)

I was thinking about this thisafternoon. What would it be like if two of the nicest users went nutty. Could you imagine Mattsnow rampaging through the talkpages, hunting down some victims until he had his way with everyone...chewing off hunks of digital pages and spitting it all out? Or Magic man, could you envision Magic man having five of his articles deleted at one moment, and see him asking politely for an explanation...on not just one but FIVE talk pages of admins, and maybe even not using the word please! It would be total anarchy! Just bedlam! --ShabiDOO 19:01, March 14, 2012 (UTC)

HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY GRAND PLAN? XD Mattsnow 00:03, March 15, 2012 (UTC)

We have nice users? Pup 12:20 15 Mar '12

Claudette Colvin

This article is awesome, but there is an awkward sentence:

“Their combined court case, which included Claudette Colvin, then did handstands and cartwheels on the judicial tightrope.”

~ I read it carefully, but didn't get it.

-- the dorky contralto 21:00, March 14, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for reading it. Good catch. I have a tendency to play many things into what I see as a simple metaphor. This one means, to me, that the court case went along happily though the legal system, which, at its worse, is a tightrope that people have to balance on to stay on track. This case, in the metaphor, took to that tightrope and "pwned" it - in essence doing handstands and cartwheels and having no problem at all. I'll try to make it plainer, so thanks again! Claudette Colvin! Aleister 22:52 14-3-'12

Yes! That edit worked! - the dorky contralto 01:39, March 15, 2012 (UTC)

Although if you catch things like that, then please feel free to change it yourself. If the change has removed some of the original meaning, then the original author has the option to tweak it again. Best case - you'll improve the article. Nobody here owns an article. I don't think that there have been any articles on which I claim authorship that haven't been edited by someone else along the way, and usually for the better. Having said that, FFS Al, that was an ugly sentence! Pup 12:19 15 Mar '12

I thought you'd left, and was preparing the kegger for the crowds later tonight. Damn. Oh well, I did fix the page per XDshempXD's critique and left her a note on her talkpage. You are right legally, but I think almost all established users do reserve major changes to established writers who do consider things "theirs". This is just UnHuman nature. Features are even more protected in this, although some features are really bad but most of them which get bad do so long after the original feature date. XD, there is a star in the right-hand corner of a feature which shows what the original feature looked like. (Yeah, ok.) The kegger guy just came by to pick up the unopened kegger. Damn. Al Ides of March

Yes. It was the kegger guy. Pup 12:37 15 Mar '12

UnNews:Spring break not a break for anybody

Edited it a little, how do you like it? - the dorky contralto 01:54, March 15, 2012 (UTC)

It's not bad at all. The pics are cool! But I'm an impostor, (i.e. not that weirdo Aleister) and I wish you welcome to Uncy! Mattsnow 12:03, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

To Al: LMAO, you crack me up, man Mattsnow 12:05, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

upfile

Redlink! Nominally Humane! 12:14 17 Mar

Argh! Redlink! Fix! Nominally Humane! 02:40 18 Mar

Thanks, I'd seen this just haven't gotten to it. Your ghost leaving causes red links. Al

Amero is featured

Many thanks for your positive vote--Funnybony    14:49, Mar 17

St. Patty’s Day

Are you wearing green today? If not, don’t be surprised if I show up. Matthlock 22:12, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

Hello O'Matthlock, may the sod be with you in your beer tonight! May the earth rise to meet ya, and the elves and fairies complete ya. Happy Irish toast to you! Aleister O'Chains sure n begorrah tis the day she is St. Patty's (UTC)

Now this is the kind of spam that puts a smile on a users face! --ShabiDOO 16:20, March 18, 2012 (UTC)

Unashamed whoring

I know you liked my 'chop, but BB has redone it well beyond my abilities. Uncyclopedia:VFP/Graduate peeping tom.png. Nominally Humane! 09:56 19 Mar

Bing Crosby

I read half of it, it is very good! I'm positive this is ready for vfh, I'll nom it if you want. BTW, I received a vitriolic "review" of an article I always thought would spark a shitstorm, it's at the bottom of the page I linked. Do you think he had fun reading it? lol Mattsnow 18:40, March 19, 2012 (UTC)

Huh? Well, thanks, but not yet, more polishing to go. I expected the opposite reaction, carving the page has taken me to the dark side of Crosby and I'm trying to balance his contributions with his obvious assholeness. An interesting character I've known very little about. Ah, the 911 Commission report, always of interest - its two Democratic leaders recently coming out against it (huh?) and calling for more investigation of Saudi connections is particulary interesting and removed from the news quite quickly. Back soon. Al (UTC)

The IP from Houston, Texas has some good points and is all in a twitter, as the myths surrounding 911 take away from some of the real issues. It's easy to satirize, and has to be done really well to satisfy most people. I haven't read your page in a long time, and will do so again with the eye of an eagle and the talons of a sparrow. There is a 911 page which was huffed long ago and which I grabbed a copy of - it's mixed into that page somewhere - and have thought of fixing it up or whatever, and that's another I haven't read in a long time. No, no, every time I try to get out they drag me back in. Al UTC

Looking at the reality for a second, the 11/9 planes crashes have been used as a political tool for a while. The death of Kennedy was used in a similar fashion. Quick answers were required in both cases, and certain conclusions were needed. The upshot of this is that it becomes a political sore point, and there ends up being a backlash against anyone who finds anything that is not in the official report. It took 15 years for an officialreport to suggest there were any issues with the original report, and by that stage so much of the trail had gone cold. The reality is that there is enough obvious issues with the handling of post 911 America (the ties of Bush family and Binladen family, and the treatment of the Binladens immediately after the attack, the invasion into Iraq based on WMDs that the UN coukdn't find sufficient evidence for, and the US's liberal definitions of UN sanctions, the invasion of Afghanistan when Osama was finally traced to Pakistan) that a lot of the conspiracy theories have some weight. I'm too biased myself on this issue, which is why I've held off on doing a review. But I think it should have been featured last time, and will support it (most likely) next time as it's actually a funny article, but the politics behind in make it very dark humour and politically charged. And there is no way to get around that issue. Nominally Humane! 10:11 19 Mar

Thank you for this long and wonderful review of Bing Crosby. Yes, it is a very dark article in some ways, and it both praises and jeers various aspects of Crosby;s public and private life. It is a reflection of the era, the way America got to the 1950a where control was the noirm. Then it goes right into the music that not only knocked Crosby off his throne but lapped him at least 8 times in the next 15 years. (I have to use that). Thanks for calling it funny, but I have a way to go yet and in the polishing the "stuff" will come out. What's that 9 11 stuff? So 2003 dudes, the train has left that station. If the evidence which has been questioned so far added to with those two senators asking for an investigation of the basic premises, and no new look at it has been brought forward, it's over. Nobody cares. 2003 dudes, woo woo. Which makes it ac good place for a satire, although the satire should totally prove the case for your side. That's what satire is, it jokes around with the truth. But, yeah, Crosby is so now, he's so retro he's "Who?" again *ah, that too!), and I best go use some of that. Aleister 23:16 20-3-'12

I usually use google to search instead of bing, so I haven't had a a chance to review it yet. It still amazes me how stills and nash never became popular search engines. Nominally Humane! 12:05 20 Mar

What about Young, which I use as a search engine more than bing, nash, and stills? Not a bad SE. Aleister later, at 1:36 on the 20th, nine hours before Puppy wrote the above, or not (UTC)!

I still haven't worked out what's happening with that timestamp thing. I never look at them myself. I finally read Crosby. Honest opinion - the "unedited" stuff should be culled. The stuff about the Wikipedia editor fan might be a little too in-jokey for non-regulars, but it's not the sole aspect, so you may get away with it. Otherwise, pretty good stuff. And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo, every day you meet quite a few. So you see, it's all up to you!

PS: Have you noticed yourself linking to Wikipedia articles more often recently? I just wondered as I have - even though there is a jokey policy against it - and I think it's down to us just not having enough articles on real stuff any more we can link to. Part of rewriting Mathematics - which reading thereof is guaranteed to never get you laid - was going through the links in the WP article I stole verbatim and working out how many of them we don't have. I know mathematics is a nightmare topic to make funny for the most part, but wow. I've had to leave a bunch of redlinks in at the end of sections as there is just no alternative link I can use. Nominally Humane! 11:55 21 Mar

I'll read the Cosby article a little later on, I'm at work and actually have to go to work outside. The most horrendous part of working is when these lazy asses actually finish doing their job so that it's your turn to work! Mattsnow 12:39, March 21, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for reading it, Puppy, and for some nice corrections. Matt, you would rather work than read Bing Crosby? I don't understand. OK, I'll look to remove the unedited section unless others love it - that was put in when the one forum that mentioned Crosby talked about the different styles of writing at uncy over the years. Editor fan, will look at that too. Thanks for the comments, and for liking some of it. I've linked to wikipedia very often, and one of my own in-jokes on my pages is a link I use in almost every article (and I should go back and put it in pages I don't have it, Crosby might not have it!). Sharing info is one of my prime motives for being here, so lots of educational wikipedia links in PWLTFN, the civil rights pages, Tantra, and others. And of course with the red link thing here now, wikipedia links are almost mandatory in some cases. Too long, too long. Aleister (UTC)

Yes, it's cool to give people a laugh and to inform them at the same time! Tell me when you're through, I already thought when I read it a couple days ago that it was ready to be tested on VFH. Mattsnow 15:30, March 21, 2012 (UTC)

That's satire! Laughing and learning and then rioting and prison-sex. Please, read it anytime. I'd like a second saner opinion on the 2005 section, maybe if it's moved a little down on the page? Lots added since a couple of days ago, the polish has brought out some. Thanks for VFH if it comes to that, and polishing can go on as it garners the necessary 4 votes (what happened to my Oz page? I know what. Fuckin' Froggy listed "Yellow Brick Road" right above it, thus throwing off the people who thought it was actually a page about the Wizard of Oz and went out to Starbucks instead! I'll do a few more minutes on Bing now, a fine gentleman of the worst kind. Al (TCU)

Thought

UnNews:Apple sued for copyright infringement died at VFH due to in-jokey. I'm rather fond of this one, and would like to bring it back to life. I'm thinking an Audio version would add some sparkle to it, but would like to have users record different parts. It refers to a few different users (and the names in the article could be changed to reflect the users making the audio contributions.) with iPad v2 being released (an upgrade on iPad v2), it is somewhat timely, and people are still aware of what they are. What do you think? Nominally Humane! 04:36 20 Mar

Will look at it and thought later. I read it recently, and don't remember being impressed, but maybe I missed the whole point of it. Saw in the news that the new iPad is running 12 degrees or so hotter than the old one. These little fans must be powerful things! Al utc

Might use it on the cannibalism page?

A joke about a lyric from "Coisa bonita" (if you don't get it, look at this page. Not only is it one big sex joke, but also, some of it is a parody of Google Translate! All in good fun, all in good fun.)

On that incoherent note, you might want to have a look at this incoherence. I hope this is not getting annoying....

Also, I hope these extremely rude jokes don't upset anyone, 'cos I just happen to find it funny, don't want to upset anyone. -- the dorky contralto 23:31, March 21, 2012 (UTC)

We have an article on User:Zombiebaron/wip/HowTo:Have safe sex with dogs. I think you're safe. Nominally Humane! 11:54 21 Mar

shemp, your UnBooks gave me my biggest laughs of the month, I went on and on (My next biggest laugh of the month was at a quote you put on another page). You need more opinions than mine, it seems I like your stuff a lot, but the one I put up for VFH failed. This new page of yours is VFH ready, I'd bet on it. Please don't change much or even a thing. If anyone reads this, can you take a look at the page and see if I'm in the ballpark. Thanks. I'll look at the picture closer, I didn't get it before. Thanks for sharing such good writing! Aleister 1:14 22-3

p.s. the other one, I'll have to give it a better read tomorrow. But your UnBooks, yay!

Puppy, that's a zombiebaron Happy Monkey entry! I hope he finished it and it gets on the feature track, as with all Happy Monkey entries (even if they've got to be polished for a long time. Talking of - Crosby! I'll spend a few polishing minutes! Aleister

I'm fairly sure this was mainspaced, but now doesn't seem to exist. Maybe another HowTo lost with the Wikipedia "upgrade"? Nominally Humane! 04:24 22 Mar

In answer to your question, Aleister, about whether or not people were crazy for not writing to me; maybe they are, maybe they're not. Anyway, I'm not entirely sure I was supposed to answer that question, but that's my opinion. - the dorky contralto 21:58, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, shemp (can I call you shemp, lower case "s"?), they are all crazy. Every one of them. The only sane uncyclopedian I've ever "met" was a guy named Mimo, but he's since gone crazy. And thanks very much for your vote for Bing Crosby. That was a weird one to write because I didn't know where it was taking me day by day and section by section, and then Puppy helped with some good editing comments, and now it seems to have done some jelling (baked by Bing's ghost when I was asleep) and fits together. So thanks! And again, everyone who is crazy should read your new UnBooks which is too funny to even smile about. What to do next? Maybe I'll put in a few minutes on Laugh track. Or not. Al 00:29 23-3

Yes, you can call me "shemp." -- the dorky contralto 22:57, March 31, 2012 (UTC)

Bing photo

I saw this (originally from IMDB) and though that it would be appropriate for your use. Nominally Humane! 03:31 23 Mar

Wikipedia:File:Bing Crosby on phone.png

Three Bings are better than one! Thanks Puppy. Aleister 12:41 23-3

You'll enjoy what happened over at WP with this. Added image to the article. It was immediately reverted. Added image again and gave a rationale as to why it suited the article. There is now a process on to delete the image from WP. At the same time there is a huge discussion on about images of Muhammed being shown on Wikipedia:Muhammed, where there is a huge part of the community screaming against censorship. WP is fucking weird. Nominally Humane! 04:47 23 Mar

I think all that citiation needed stuff and the anal attitude of everything has to have a third source from a second source and if not, the first source has to be unimpeachable as a second source, drives them nuts. I'll have to look at the fun you've caused. Maybe if you go back you can ask them to take a look at our Bing Crosby page, which is now more honest than wikipedia's. I better put a citiation needed somewhere in the vandal section (I wonder if vandals are going to think it's ok to vandalize that section?) Thanks for the pic by the way, did you like what came of it? Aleister 1:28 25-3

Here is the link to the Mohammad picture discussion. Bring popcorn. Al later

You should get someone to upload it here - there is a chance it could be deleted from Wikipedia any day. Sigh! Nominally Humane! 02:16 25 Mar

7 degrees of separation: Bing's love interest in "White Christmas" was Rosemary Clooney, who is the aunt of George Clooney. Nominally Humane! 02:38 25 Mar

Yes! A true find! But you must pick up all your things and run and go check out the edit link I made on Bing Crosby just above your pic of Bing on the phone, the one about the golf game he was enjoying winning when he left. (If Rosemary Clooney molested George Clooney, there would have been very little separation). Al

*EVIL LAUGH*

There you go! lol Mattsnow 14:50, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for your vote --Uncle J (talk) 23:34, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

You are very welcome. The page looks good sitting on the main page, pimp Obama struts his stuff. Aleister 1:25 25-3-'12

I like Uncle J's UnNews. Raw humor. But the only 2 writer that I can immediately tell by reading the article that they're the one who wrote it is you and Shabidoo. Maybe Lyrithya too. Mattsnow 01:30, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

?. I repeat, ? And again ??? Wait, what's ... ??????? Regards, Al later that season

He's saying that you are predictable, I think. Nominally Humane! 02:07 25 Mar

Uncle J is saying that? I can predict the weather with my dowsing stick! Aleister temperature controlled

If the stick is getting wet, it's raining. Nominally Humane! 02:18 25 Mar

I also wrote part or all of every single article that's been featured in 2012. --ShabiDOO 12:51, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

Suicide note

Thanks for the nom and kind words on Sylvia Plath. Now it's featured I think I'm finally ready to go through with it. Killing myself, I mean. I've written my will and I'm leaving you all my articles, as well as all my Star Trek videos. I'm also leaving you my will, do whatever you want with it. Think of me when you pass Soggy in the hall of shame (which should be any day now). Thanks again. --Black Flamingo 22:33, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

Been good to know ya. Well, you have 41.5 features, so if you leave me those, I will add them on to my few. Star Trek videos, are they of the second Star Trek series, that was the best one. Ya, send over the will and I'll edit it so I get even more stuff. Use the stove, an electric one if you've got it, and let the dog out before you do it because they do get hungry. Alright, see ya. Aleister now with 98 features 23:15 25-3-'12

I'll take the 1.5 articles. Just to keep me ahead of UU. Nominally Humane! 12:17 26 Mar

Since I control the will, sure, take 7. I'm feeling generous. Al 00:22

Cool. And I'll let you have 5 of Soggy's in return. Nominally Humane! 12:38 26 Mar

Let's give most of them to Romartus, who should have about 25 by now. And Mimo, he needs a couple to get into that shamed hall. But I have a feeling Black flamingo is pulling our leg, which is a shame in itself, but we may be passing these out with nothing to back it up. Oh well. I'll settle for The Next Generation Star Trek tapes though! Aleister 1:10

I don't have a Betamax, so you're welcome to them. Nominally Humane! 01:14 26 Mar

Thanks! Ah, to see Seven of Nine pretend to be stupid again! Al

Seven of Nine was never in TNG. Those are Voyager tapes. You lied to me! Nominally Humane! 02:48 26 Mar

Ok, bend over, DORKS. Here come the atomic swirling wedgies! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Mar 26 '12 4:14 (UTC)

We have a main page? Al 11:24 26-3

Okay, now I'm confused. PuppyOnTheRadio talk 12:37, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

That was meant for you, Puppy. You don't recognize one of your own comedic lines on the Muhammed picture thread on wikipedia? I like your sig box there, it stands out easily, as mine would if I used the sig that Zana Dark made for me (it's too noticable to use, in my own humble way). And that one guy you tried to recruit for uncy may like it here, he actually has one of those sense of humour things girls like. I was wrong, of course, on Seven of Nine, all the Borg episodes must have gotten jumbled in my mind and they all run together (irony). Al (U) (T) (C)

I recognised the line - that's why I used the wrong signature here. There are a few people over there with a sense of humour, but they take themselves so seriously. It's enough to make me turn Discordian. Nominally Humane! 01:50 26 Mar

Woooooo I'm a ghost. The videos are actually of Deep Space Nine, which was secretly the best Star Trek (perhaps only ghosts know this secret). I'm a ghost, wooooooo. --Black Flamingo 13:57, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

Ghosts! always welcome here. Deep Space Nine the best in Ghost World? That was the one with Captain Cisco, and his kid, and the capitalist big-eared guys, and the guy from Denny Crain's office, all those people. I guess it was pretty good, but with Picard running the ship nothing can compare to TNG. Videos of Deep Space Nine could make for a nice viewing though. Do ghosts have rollback? Aleister (U) (T) (C)

Welcome Party for Noobs

Hey! I just included it in my super duper welcome message! User:Mattsnow/Welcome message. Just wanted to let you know if you wanted to tidy up the formatting a bit, you know how I suck at this! Then again it could stay like it is right now. Blurb! Mattsnow 20:58, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

Noobs! The thing you might want to check are the links - do all the links go to articles which will assist noobs become really good noobs. Zana Dark designed some of the original dancing and the links nearer the bottom, Zana is bemissed and bemoaned. Aleister 23:37 26-3

HAHAHAHAHA

I fixed more spelling errors. Just one question: What were you talking about when you said I "would not get an oxen"? Just wondering. -- the dorky contralto 12:00, March 29, 2012 (UTC)

Are you after meaning? From Al? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Nominally Humane! 12:38 29 Mar

A little bit of wisdom from a 14 year old kid (aka myself)

“Homework is like a debt. It increases exponentially every day, and you can never pay it back.”

~ my own thoughts on homework

Wonder if anybody will agree. -- the dorky contralto 00:51, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

I remember your article about homework being given over Spring break, which is a crime imnho. I used to do homework either during the classes themselves, and am very proud of the fact that during high school I never took one school book home with me (although I did flunk algerbra because I just couldn't do it). Mimo has a good homework article, I'll find it and link it here. Aleister 1:08 30-3-'12

p.s. And how about the article Homework, or UnNews:Homework can cause more than Papercuts?

Question...

How many broken condoms does it take to screw in a busted light bulb? -ShabiDOO 02:37, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Six. Five to pour their liquid into the sixth, and then the sixth condem is sticky enough to pick up the pieces of the bulb and paste it back in the socket. It then sets and hardens, and usually will work again. Aleister 2:39

But then it would have small pieces of glass stuck to it, which if used, would result in commedy...in the most disgusting dark and unimaginable way possible. --ShabiDOO 03:42, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

No, it will light up. Edison invented the lightbulb using used condoms (after trying everything else) which he stole from Tesla's garbage. They do work, try it. Alek 3:48

This section has traveled light years and has gone in new and exciting directions. Where will it go next? --ShabiDOO 03:50, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Talking of light years, did you hear the news about tens of billions of earth-type planets existing in just our galaxy? Al 3:52

In fact ... it was me who invented that entire conspiracy :) Unfortunately, this is the only life forming planet, in the history of the Universe, right now, and for the rest of eternal infinity. I hope that doesn't ruin any plans of your. --ShabiDOO 04:00, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

I wish all the people who pollute the air, cut the forests, and punch holes in the ocean floor had your attitude and actually cared about it. Probably lots of life though, considering the diverse places and temperature's it's found on earth. It pops up everywhere. Al (UTC)

Sorry Ali, I hate to slap you in the face again, but it was also me who invented the ozone, CO2 emissions and animal extinction conspiracies as well. None of it has any meaningful impact on earth. Further more, there are no poor countries and sweat shops is a fictional invention used to make marketing more colourful, and yet another sad plot device to make post modern fiction more readable. I'm sorry all your campaigning was for nothing. --ShabiDOO 04:15, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, all true. But for me, I have to go out on the town now. Good hanging out with you! And your mom! Al'er

Come up with two funny captions for my pictures. First prize is a Cadillac El Dorado!

Anybody want to see what second prize is?

Second prize is a set of steak knives.

Third prize is you're fired.

Each of the following pictures is bathtub-related. I want to use two of 'em on that page. Check 'em out:

• Picture #1
• Picture #2
• Picture #3
• Picture #4
• Picture #5

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Mar 31 '12 11:56 (UTC)

Fap fap....fap, okay, done. I like the shark and the overview of the girl with the horse, and of course the white lined face lady. You should use these three, imnho. Captions? Who needs no stinkin' captions. Aleister 20 minutes later

We need captions. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Mar 31 '12 12:44 (UTC)

1. "While seemingly innocuous, the majority of accidents happen in the bathroom. And the majority of those are shark related"
2. "Although they are referred to as grey, the actual colour of the horses coat is white. To bring the horse back to it's natural colouring regular bathing is required"
3. ^^^^^^
4. "Bathing is best enjoyed while naked. Watching someone bathe is best enjoyed while they are naked as well"
5. "Despite protestations from numerous sources, size is important, but even a small one can bring a smile to the face."

That's all I got. Nominally Humane! 12:54 31 Mar

Well, I uploaded 'em, and I'll be damned if I can come up with captions on my own. Feel free to stick 'em on that page...wherever. I'm taking a break from Uncyclopedia. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Apr 1 '12 8:01 (UTC)

• File:SHAAAAARK!.jpg
• File:Horse in bathtub.jpg
• File:Chick in tub.jpg

About your UnNews

I did like the "whack-a-mole at homework," actually. I will now treat you to an oxen in return...

Thanks for brightening up an otherwise dull day! Mua!

-- the dorky contralto 22:44, March 31, 2012 (UTC)

Yoyoyo!

You think the Romney article doesn't need a rewrite? Mattsnow 01:46, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

So err... You're not in the rewrite team??? I don't get it. Mattsnow 19:56, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Hi. Nah, I'll pass on this one. There's nothing to show worse for Romney than to show the condition of his page up until March 30. Here he is, the leading contender for the gop nomination, and Nobody cared. Few vandals cared. Nobody here cared. It was really a statement! Did you read my stuff on the talk page? No article can do him more justice than that. Nobody ever bothered to change the 2008 template at the bottom. I had added one joke, the first quote about his father, which was up on March 30th. Mitt! But my spot will go to a worthy writer, I'm sure, and Team Romney will kick your guys butt in the competition! Aleister 20:18 April Foolishness.

Yes, I read it... Anyway, our little improvised contest is going strong, and Xam added Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich! Here's your chance to cause me some emotional distress. The Ron Paul article already is not flattering, but it's a mess. Can you make me suffer and laugh at the same time?!? Mattsnow 20:59, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Jesus laying low in heaven. I'll help with Ron Paul. These have to be done by the 10th? At what time? Ron Paul, sounds very boring but I'll try to assist my fine teammates, whomever they will be. Aleister 21:05 April fools night

The rules are on the page. Your Ron Paul light bulb joke would be a great opening quote lol Mattsnow 21:10, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks. I hate rules. I kind of remember the joke, and will look for it either on my page or your page. OK, thanks, still sounds boring though. I like when Bruno got Ron Paul real good, did you see that film? Me, right here on my talk page. Yep. 21:15

That's the funniest scene in that movie, though I never saw the end. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:23, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Yes I saw it: "He's as queer as blazes!!!" LOL, even an attempted molestation will not make Ron Paul say "fag" or "shit" lol Mattsnow 21:28, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

WINRAR!

	Foolitzer Prize Winner March 2012

Congrats! Mattsnow 03:45, April 2, 2012 (UTC)

Whoo, I forgot about this. Thanks! I just realized that's Oscar on the thing. Aleister 10:04 2-4-'12

WOOHOO!

Bing Crosby is a featured article! High five! And here are more oxen!

For being an awesome writer!

-- the dorky contralto 12:02, April 3, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks! High five to you, because just imagine if the page had gone onto the front page without you catching the forty or so spelling errors (seriously, I'm going to have to count them, but it was a high-five number). I would have been run out of uncy, and for good reason. But you saved my hide and for that.....(I'll copy this to your page too, with more oxen) Aleister 13:04 3-4-'12

Oh look, my oxen just had a baby! Isn't he cute? - the dorky contralto 02:49, April 4, 2012 (UTC)

You remember OK Go?

I can see them thinking "We don't have treadmills, so what can we do?" Nominally Humane! 12:09 03 Apr

These

• File:UnNews 7 April.png
• File:Main page 7 April.png

Nominally Humane! 02:53 07 Apr

Thanks Puppy. At least posterity will be satisfied with a memory of times gone by. I'll come by your talk page in a minute. Al 12:08 7-4

Consolation

Thanks for trying to get me into Uncyclopedian of the Month. Maybe if I do more reviews, I could get this. Put me in again next year. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 12:38, April 7, 2012 (UTC)

Bull, or oxen as the case may be. You should have won it long ago. Next year? Bull, or oxen as the case may be. But maybe in a couple or few months, unless you don't mind the naysayers gathering like nays. I've noticed your work since I got here, some good, some fun, some outrageous, which is all good on a site like this. I'm bewildered at the response last month, especially after the huge SOPA success. Yay you! Al 12:43 (UTC)

People have difficulty moving past a preconceived notion. The perception is that Joe is a gobshite - and by which I mean as much of a pest as a boon to the site. He has changed, but it will take a while for people to see it. Joe - keep doing what you're doing - I like the path you're going down, and others are noticing it as well. (You might want to update your user page though - that still drives me up the wall.) Nominally Humane! 01:20 07 Apr

Talkback

Hello, Aleister. You have someone talking to you at Gabriel Turner's talk page thingy. You can get rid of this ugly thing at any time by removing the {{Talkback}} template.

Gabriel Turner (talk) 11:46, April 8, 2012 (UTC)

New article!

How do you like it? Probably VFH-worthy, if I do say so myself. Please reply! -- the dorky contralto 22:07, April 9, 2012 (UTC)

In answer to your question

No, Camilo Sesto was not in any boy bands. He has always been a soloist, and at some point even did something in the Spanish version of Jesus Christ Superstar. And as far as I know, he probably does sing in bars for tokens. I don't know his life, or at least, I don't know more than the Wikipedia says. I hope this was helpful! -- the dorky contralto 20:39, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, very helpful, and your page is zooming to eventually be bigger than any boy band Camilo Sesto (wasn't he one of the Star Trek captains, on Deep Space Nine I think) would have played in. I have to enable something to give me access to You Tube and other videos and audios, if I find one I trust. Aleister 00:31 11-4-'12

Say...

...who was Gerrycheevers?  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Apr 11 '12 14:34 (UTC)

The kids of today! Nominally Humane! 02:43 11 Apr

Um... ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Apr 11 '12 14:47 (UTC)

Fuck you! Nominally Humane! 03:03 11 Apr

One of the greatest hockey players of his generation, and a great writer here, although probably not the same guy. If it was the same guy wouldn't that be funny if he used his own name but nobody thought it was really him, so would he be a sock of himself or just himself? Which is why Al called him a sock. Wayne Gretzky 16:44 11-4-'12

Oh, fuck you. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Apr 12 '12 6:48 (UTC)

Rick Santorum says, "Thanks for the vote."

-- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:18, April 13, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome. But that pic has to go. Aleister 1:29 13-4-'12

Anniversary

Worked all day on this one. A bit time rushed. Title not sure of. Thoughts? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 19:27, April 13, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, but tomorrow, when I'll read it. I took a feeling scan of it and it's bordering on epic. I was going to read some of it but if I read some I'd have to read it all, and there's some writing stuff I'd like to do now, just for the fun of it, so I'm battling what to do and I'll read yours now. Back soon. This should be fun. Aleister

I read until the "1:30 a.m." chapter on the page. Very good, lots of laughs. A couple ruff spots (the Ice Ice Baby thing shook me out of 1912 and into whatever era Ice Cube was involved in. Then I had to get back to 1912 again, which was a trip, so if the trip is what you were writing for, that was good too. More later today. Aleister 00:08 14-4-'12

Boo

Im back from the dead... Again. Talk to me my long lost friend! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Man, it'd be so nice if you could come back and write again. Do you realize your name is legend around here? You're Happy Monkey. Look at how huge the Happy Monkey Contest is every year. Dude! Nothing much going on. Writing here is fun, and you can stretch out some fences in a place like this. I was pretty much gone most or much of last year, so I missed a lot too. Okay, welcome back. Aleister 23:49 13-4-'12

Oh how very much I do miss my days around here. I feel like an old man reminiscing about the days gone by... 16 is a little young for a mid-life crisis no? Both my vocabulary and programming skills have grown by a rather large increment since my parting from this site. I have been reading more sophisticated books, and more frequently for that matter. On top of that I am actually taking a programing course in school, so my knowledge and more importantly, my understanding of computers and programing have improved sufficiently. My humor is still the same, if not rather even better, I have had a big boost in self confidence, something I lacked in my former days of this site.

In all honesty I have no plans on returning for a prolonged period of time, I have a higher priority for my schoolwork than self entertainment, but I shall keep it in great consideration; there is a strong chance I may write more frequently in the summertime.

But it's funny you mention that, I have in fact returned for the reasoning of my event, I know it was sometime in the spring that I originally had it so I decided I would return to host it yet again! I have a twist however this time. I wanna make all the rules for it, I have some ideas to make it a little more snazzy, jazzy and less bedazzly. I hope your interested! And above all.

MORE COOKIES --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Cool. But remember, we agreed on having it as a "You're given a topic by someone else at the exact moment the contest starts, and then have 24 (it's been expanded to 36) hours to write it". That's the core of the Happy Monkey Contest. So some rules are already in place. What are your new ideas? Aleister 00:21 14-4-'12

That's what I wanted to twist a bit. Of course everyone gets a topic at the same time and the time is limited, but rather than giving each other the topic, I, since it is of course Happymonkey's contest, will prepare all the topics before hand and asses them to each member of the contest at the contest time. I have some ideas that I don't necessarily wish to make myself but I would love to see come to play, why not do so in this contest! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Well, Shabidoo is running it, so talk to him. That sounds like it could be worth a one-time try. But would you do it blind, not knowing which topic will go to which user. That sounds like a fair way to do it. Or not. If you are serious about seeing your article ideas written you can, like you say, assess who could write a pretty good article for each specific idea. That's intriquing, so you've been doing some good study work. I don't know how Shabidoo did it, and I really think he should be involved with you in it. He has made the contest what it is today, by deciding to hold it again and to do so and host it so competently that he wrote 16 pee reviews, one for each article, in a week. Shabidoo! And even if you don't write here much, you seem to have this contest plan well thought out and it sounds interesting. We just had a Happy Monkey Contest not that long ago, Winter of 2012. Did you plan on a summer contest, or something earlier? And of course one more thing, dude, I get to assign you a topic at the start of the contest for you to write, so you join the fun and learning curve of creating a pretty good article in 24-36 hours. Happy Monkey Contest! Al 00:44, 14-4-'12

I did plan on assessing the articles based on the user, it could make it more fair, i mean, the more experienced writers get the harder topics and less experienced get the easier ones. And I'm way ahead of you on that. I hope your not offended, but you were not the first person I messaged on arrival, I actually went to him first, then you, and finally Lyrthyia (WHY DID SHE LEAVE... And is happytimes still around?).

I actually visited this site a few weeks AFTER the contest was held, I could not the express my joy and happiness I felt when I came to see I left a mark on such a... well I guess beautiful isn't the word for uncylcopedia is it? Its more of a appealing disaster. None the less, I missed it, but I was joy-filled to find the event turned into a tradition. I anticipate this next event and tbh I would rather judge than participate, but maybe me and you can swap ideas for the heck of it. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Nice sentiments and words. We done good. And come on, you have to write a page too, that's only fair. Swapping ideas would be great! And you can easily beat me, seriously, we have two different styles and if you had 36 hours to write a page, you can do it. Or at least try. Please get in touch with Shabidoo. I don't really know what happened to Lyrthyia, we all miss the banter and playfulness. Needed some time off though, for sure, Lyrithyia worked her nonstop amongst irritable users like me for well over a year, and has done some amazing things. A vacation well-earned. So have a good night, or day, or whatever it is somewhere. It's good you came back for a visit. Al 1:11 14-4-'12

It's night down here. And for the record, when I said I messaged someone else before you it was Shabidoo, he hasn't replied but I hope you all will join me in the 4th edition of Happymonkeys writing contest. I think I aught to go work on some award designs. Ill be online for a while if you need me --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

There, finished. add a date and BOOM, we can spread the word. I want at least 20 people!!!!!!!!!!!... can someone make it smaller... I forget how... --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Yikes. Very nice. If this happens it'll be fun to see where it takes everyone. I for one think it's too soon for another Happy Monkey contest, especially if you want to get 20 users (16 entered the last one, but some others almost wrote something.), but I could be totally wrong. HM! Aleister 2:35 offline too.

It's impossible to make it smaller. And welcome back. Nominally Humane! 02:38 14 Apr

Why thank you puppy! Long time. Will you be taking part in this phenomena? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Yeah. I enjoyed the most recent one, even though I got soundly thrashed by Al cheating and writing a better article than I. Damned cheat. Nominally Humane! 02:45 14 Apr

Just punish him by chaining him to a chair and eating fresh cookies in his face. I did the same thing with my lover except I wasn't eating cookies... and it wasn't a form of torture, Well it may have been, i wans't very experience. None the less. I have to get in contact Shabidoo and confirm the occasion, then we shall begin the advertising! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

There is a competition about to start the relates to UnNews which will run between now and the end of the month. Early to mid May would be the ideal time to host a new HM as far as I'm concerned. As for topics, try and focus on high need topics (as in vital, most requested, etc). Avoid biographies though - they're a bitch to write. Nominally Humane! 02:53 14 Apr

I already have about 10 crisp topics in the oven, all ranging from one word topics that I was shocked were not selected yet to things to do with nutcrackers and hobo's intertwining... I will disperse the topics based on the individual participants experience with writing on this site and the contest will be sexy. Yes. Just. Plain. SEXY. Could someone do me the favor and make a page for this event, preferably in the forums because I forgot how to. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

As Puppy barked, the contest occuring now is the UnNews contest that he's running, so how about May. I may have to not enter that one (some trips are shaping up) but I will try my hand at an UnNews for his contest. The big thing in Puppy's is making recordings of UnNews articles. Can you make a recording on your computer? Please enter the Puppy palace extravaganza. Aleister 15:56 14-4-'12

Recordings? Like you mean video recordings? Thats a great idea no doubt but I will have to pass. One of the things I love most about this site is the secret identity everyone holds... I rather not see what everyone else looks like nor do I want them to see me... Mostly because I don't want you all to get jelly on how sexy I am. And if thats not what you meant by recordings then I feel like an idiot just ranting on. None the less, that doesnt mean we can't begin to plan my event now! I was hoping to do it sooner but I dont want to interfere with another event, but I want this to be the biggest one yet! MUCH PREPARATION IS MANDATORY. THE HANDS OF 1000 MEN MUST BLEED AND THE TEARS EACH WILL DROP FROM THE PAIN MUST BE FILLED WITH BOTH DETERMINATION AND SORROW! FOR THIS IS NOT AN EVENT... It is a legacy... WHO IS WITH ME. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

No, voice recordings, lots of people have made voice recordings of UnNews and there's even a prize for it. Your contest is creating buzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Aleister minutes later on video

Ahh. Well that I may do... If I had a microphone other than my Guitar Hero one. Are these recordings off of new or previously made articles? Or both? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Both (good sense for contest rules!). I don't have the link handy but Puppy may hear us throwing squirrels at trees and come to link his contest link. Aleister (UTC)

I once considered doing that with the users of the competition (that is...giving them all topics within one category). Happy Monkeys idea of then selecting the actual topics per user, is worth experimenting on...at least once. It would also save all the work involved in collecting and confirming topic ideas, randomly distributing them and tracking it. We cannot have users assign topics when there are more than 10 entrants, as some will not leave the topic on time and thats unfair to the other users.

Happy monkeys ideas here so far are really cool. The poster is AWSOME. I would prefer it was done in say June...so that there is a little more time inbtween this one and the last one...but if you wanna do it in mid or late may...I am definately in!!! --ShabiDOO 18:20, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

The only issue I have with doing it later in the year is that Im impatient, and in my eyes the last one held was nearly 2 years ago. I wanted to have it next week but that was changed since there already is a competition in place. I may not even stay on the site for much longer anyways, I always love my visits but after a few days of it I am either banned or forget about the site altogether :P

Im going to make a forum sometime soon on it with all the rules and such --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Great ideas. Did you know the last one was held not two years ago but about two months ago? Just recently. You may not have known that. But it seems like one of those contest which can happen twice a year sometimes. 'ster (UTC)

Im well aware, but I wasnt present for the last two, it feels like nearly 2 years ago for me. But hey, I was thinking it would be a seasonal thing. Once every maybe January, May, August and November or something. It's a very simple event that takes a bit of organizing, but it benefits the site greatly, look how many articles are made out of it, and better yet, some get featured! Anyways, I will get that forum up sometime later today if not in the next few days and we can really start to discuss a date. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

Just as promised. voila! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

I found out...

...what that picture is, and why it links where it does. The funny thing is I found it out because I was looking for a picture that fits the criterion that make that image unique, saw it, and recognised it as the one on your page. Nominally Humane! 03:52 14 Apr

Nice. You win nothing, but win nonetheless. I was surprised there was actually a list you could just hit something on and that came up. I've used it on one article for "old times sake". Aleister 13:30 14-4-'12

I noticed. I was half thinking of doing it myself for User:PuppyOnTheRadio/History of the world. Nominally Humane! 01:55 14 Apr

Would be appropriate. I haven't read that yet, history of the world is a vast undertaking (like "War", which is a topic that never lacks for new additions on a daily basis). What if you miss something? Aleister 13:57 14-4-'12

It's undoubtable that I will. As long as it's funny. Nominally Humane! 02:15 14 Apr

Oh, it's a long spork. It would be epic if you do it justice, epic. I've only done a few sporks (Todd Palin, Chicago Seven, and Funnybony's and my amazing Jack Dempsey - we both agree that it's the best thing he and I have done together although I'd say Tantra is a close second in not quite a photo finish but maybe a nose separating them. A well-done spork (fading away all but the tiny skeleton of the original, if that) has nice magic behind it, the magic of everyone in the history of the world. Almost as hard a topic as you can find, although the History of Great Britain remains the gold standard of epics, imnho. I'm rambling, but want to say you've been on a great writing roll lately. Aleister (UTC)

Something really stupid I just thought up....

What if Camilo Sesto dies when he's 72? I figured the UnNews would say: Camilo Sesto joins the 27 club. And then the first line of writing would say: "Oh, wait, I'm so sorry. The numbers got mixed up in my head. He was actually 72. That's right, 72!"

I'm not saying he will die at 72, I'm just putting forth a hypothetical case. And here is a bit of stupid humor...

-- the dorky contralto 21:11, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

He'll probably live to 102, and still be performing. And she must have been some character, when you saw her drunk or not drunk. She was not a very smart person. Interesting hair though, mice could hide in there and peek out at her drinking. Aleister (UTC)

Cow tipping

Thank you for your kind vote, good sir... Would you care for some milk? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:14, April 15, 2012 (UTC)

Something which...

...might interest you. While looking around the interwebs for places where my article had been linked from (using <Uncyclopedia "who built the moon"> as search text) I notice that this video which I have linked from the bottom of my article now has the "As Seen On:" thing to displaying a link to "Uncyclopedia - Recent..." which is this. Don't know if you can look at those links or not, they are not really what I'm talking about, more that it's cool that we are actually getting a mention on the wider interwebs somehow! I'm thinking that we need a template to put onto talk pages so that people can list where on the interwebs their pages are linked from. Good idea? Also, I'm hoping that by asking on such a popular page as yours someone will make one, or point me at one we already have. MrN 04:47, Apr 15

No, nobody comes to my talk page except to leave pictures of cows and oxen. Glad that links are forming on the web (scary though, and could be hard to walk through soon), although I'm still surprised the site isn't very well known and this happens on a regular basis. Your moon page is excellent, by the way, and taught me several things I didn't know and followed up on. I like it when real and interesting information can be set in a satirical format, which is actually what it's for. I've made a template for you, and then deleted it, per instruction of the people who run this bot. Continue, motion detected, shut down transmission. Aleister (UTC)

(removed by Al bot) Nominally Humane! 12:57 15 Apr

Ten minutes later, I'm back. That link brought up a list of something called Hiccupedia or something, and then it was overlayed with one of those full page cover everything ads which I couldn't get rid of, and had to reboot the computer. An interesting link for a few seconds, but I'd suggest deep-sixing it. Manipulative and harrassing ads are one of society's curses on good people. Al 17:33 15-4-'12

Ghosts never seem to play fair

I moved those eyes behind the text as they stopped the wikipedia:Sleepy Hollow link. Feel free to undo that change if you prefer. Nominally Humane! 01:26 15 Apr

Thanks, it seems fine, and still very interesting coding. Now the hundreds of people who come to the page every day and click on Sleepy Hollow will get where they were hoping against hope to get to. Al (UTC)

It's finished

I don't think you noticed it earlier so here it is again. voila! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master