User:Skinfan13/Upsilon Sigma Sigma/Collaboration/June2011collab
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"The Committee will come to order. Thank you. Congressman Spensor, will you give us an overview of the committee's objective."
"Thank you Chairman Cronkite. Todays's meeting of the House Committee on Inspirational Mammals (HCIM) will focus, as we have many times in the past, on muses."
Sometimes Muses smell bad, most the time, they don't[edit | edit source]
Testimony to the committee from Walter J. Lipinskiish, a well-known wall-street investor, who used his muse to amass a fortune in everybody elses's pension funds. Mr. Lipinskiish:
"Muses smell funny. At least, mine do. Might be a side effect of having kidnapped them from their rightful keepers and locked them in a small metal cage for the past three months as part of a diabolical scheme to hoard all the creativity of the world for myself, but somehow I doubt it. I mean, they're muses, not livestock. Gods and whatnot; they don't even eat or drink or poop or anything, don't need to. Don't clean themselves, either, but again, they're gods... shouldn't have to. Should they?
"But these days they hardly even move anymore. It's like being caged has gotten to them, stolen their inspiration and their hope and now they just sit there. And stink."
"Does anyone have any questions for Mr. Lipinskiish? Alright, Rep. Cornpone K. Kissington. "Mr. Chairman, honored committee, valued witnesses. Mr. Lipinskiish, we know you don't have all the muses in the world, you have about 10. Do you know how many muses are walking around just ready to muse? About a billion. There's a muse for every seven people. You've captured a cluster, and from the looks of it not a very smart cluster either. My question is: Why do you think they don't clean themselves? They stink because they need to wash. What's wrong with you? Why don't you just give them a bath, or access to s sink if they stink so bad?
I'll field this one, Mr Lipinskiish[edit | edit source]
The committee recognises Blake Flamingson:
"Thank you, Your Majesty. Now, I have absolutely nothing to say on the subject, however, I have my muse with me right here - say hello, Fruitcake - and am therefore bound to come up with something inspired nevertheless.
"Having said that, a muse cannot always guarantee you a masterpiece. You have to catch them in the write mood. Mine works best in the middle of the night when the last thing I should be doing is getting myself all worked up over a piéce de résistance. Nothing gets you sweating quite like a piéce de résistance, I always find. The point is, it's got to be a very specific moment. The kind of moment when only chocolate will do, and every little thing reminds you of her. These aren't the kind of moments you can set your watch to; and trust me I've tried. Fruitcake here even helped me design a new watch; look, it's green o'clock already! How time flies...
"Anyway, to slice a long story in twain; muses don't wash because they're artists and artists are all idle pigs."
Would you say that was a true statement, Mr Lipinskiish? What are your opinions on Mr Flamingson's assertion that the refusal to wash is inherently linked with the creation of art?
I wouldn't know. My muse died in a rubbish bin years ago. It's not that I tried to get rid of it or anything; that's just where it lived. And then where it died.
If you don't mind...[edit | edit source]
Yes? Please carry on, Mr Flamingson.
I still don't really have anything to say, but I think I've tapped a well of inspiration and simply had to carry on talking. So... uhh... yeah. Actually, I just had an amazing thought: You know when your mother masturbates? Does that technically make her a motherfucker? You see, that's exactly the kind of gem a muse can dust off for you. If you haven't got one, I would recommend you do.
Hey, let me try it.[edit | edit source]
Mr Lipinskiish, everybody.
What's the deal with eggs, hey? Why are they so elliptical?
...Obviously it does not always work, as Mr Lipinskiish so aptly demonstrated.
Can muses be bought and sold like cattle?[edit | edit source]
Rep. Sayers from Louisiana has a question for our legal counsel, Mr. Satchimando. Can muses be bought and sold like cattle?
Satchimando: It is the adminisrations position that yes, they can. You see, muses, like any other mammal, aren't human, and if we gave them rights - any rights at all - we'd have to give it to the other mammals. And there's a whole kettle of fish waiting their turn too. Is anyone here in this chamber today who can say they want to give mammals rights?
Dennis Kucinich: (heard faintly yelling from the back of the chamber) I do!
Speaker of the House: Duly noted, Mr. Kucinich.
The house then met in private rooms and hallways and kicked each other a little over what to do next, giving the guys from the top what they wanted, grabbing some for themselves, and making sure the parties and the girls kept coming. Muses were the least of their worries. So they decided to play it by ear.
The committee has reconviened. Dorothy Lawrence from the great pretend stste of the District of Colubmia, wishes to ask a question of Miss Tinkerbell, the muse owned by _____________________