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From today's featured article 

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The People's Republic of China is a pivotal support mechanism for the retail industry worldwide, although some believe they may have their own agenda.

China is populated by perhaps the most resourceful hardworking people on Earth, yet despite some of the strictest social engineering known to man, the Chinese still hog all the best quality crab legs in the buffet rather than waiting in an orderly line. Chinese moms force their babies to play violin until their fingers bleed; the dumb ones learn viola instead. Also, they put a fuck-ton of MSG in their food, which is actually pretty tasty.

Everything was invented in China, including gunpowder, paper, the compass, opium, pandas, panda-huffing devices, avian flu, SARS, bat recipes, COVID-19, USA's debt, Amazon Prime and CCTV; you name it, they invented it before anyone else. They also invented rhino horn aphrodisiac powder, Confucianism (a severely autistic, highly regimented version of Filial Piety), kidney harvesting and the Wu Tang Clan. While they didn't invent babies, they do mass produce them deep inside the VaChina. Bada bing! The male babies are then sent to work producing industrial glycine, and the female ones are sent to the streaming mines to post pirated clips of TV shows, except the captions are wrong and the video gets horizontally flipped every 2.7 seconds. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
  • ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
  • ... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?

In the news 

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Goodbye, pennies...

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing "Mamdani the Commie" • Larry Sanger trying to kill Wikipedia

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • Mark Butt-fumble's TV career • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Bruce Willis

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Coral reefs • NYC's capitalistic economy • Bills Mafia's livers and kidneys after losing horribly to the Miami Dolphins • Weed • Stranger Things

On this day 

Prior to the famous apple-shooting incident, William Tell actually had thirteen other children.

November 18: Constantly Hum the William Tell Overture Day, World Kool-Aid Day

  • 1307 - William Tell (pictured) shoots an apple off his son's head. What they don't tell in the history books is that before this day, Tell had thirteen other children.
  • 1626 - Due to an unfortunate typo, St. Peter's Basilica is accidentally desecrated instead of consecrated.
  • 1978 - Jonestown incident: In Guyana, Jim Jones leads his People's Temple cult in a mass murder-suicide that claims 918 lives, leading Kool-Aid to revoke their sponsorship of Jones.
  • 2001 - The Nintendo GameCube was released. It sells considerably better than the Nintendo Hypercube, which requires users to push buttons in four dimensions.
  • 2009 - Spongebob Square pants attempts to try on round pants. The resulting wedgie places him in a 2 month long coma.

Picture of the day

Death of Porchesia
 It was a sad sad day in the Mediterranean region, as thousands of Porchesians were incinerated by the Wikipedia adminatti, who deny the incident ever took place, and indeed, the existence of Porchesia.

Image credit: RadicalX
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