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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

[The Teletubbies are eating their custard breakfast]

LAA-LAA: How many pounds of custard are we talkin' here?

DIPSY: We're talking, like... at least 500 pounds of custard in that vault.

TINKY WINKY: No shit? That's a whole lot of fuckin' custard. That would do wonders for our business, man.

PO: You guys remember that motherfucker, Noo-Noo? Little vacuum thing? Baby Sun told me he's already got information regarding the joint.

TINKY WINKY: Noo-Noo? We worked with him once and I nearly fuckin' died cause of it, remember? His goddamn battery started overheating and he almost exploded! How can we be sure he's reliable for a job as big as this?

(Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured)

... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?

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In the news [edit]

Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured)
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA
Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe)

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On this day [edit]

April 27: When Pigs Fly Day (Chile)

1368 - The Big Bad Wolf is found guilty of vandalism and mouth robbery, and is sentenced to 30 hours of social work.
1509 - Pope Julius II places the Italian state of Venice under interdict. The interdict arose from finding the state warm and moist.
1520 - Magellan arrives in the Philippines. The locals invite him in for some dinner.
1555 - You are born, but die of cholera by age eight. You don't remember this previous life because you were born a moron.
1945 - USA and USSR meet for the first time in Germany, starting a love affair to last several decades.
1949 - Texas becomes the first US State to outlaw Cheese, following the discovery of a Soviet covert cheddar ring operating in Houston.
1966 - NASA scientists propose using Dusty Springfield's 11-mile tall bouffant to get to the moon.
2011 - Pigs are observed actually flying in the Southern United States.

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Picture of the day

A Sumo wrestler dealing his opponent the finishing blow.

Image credit: Okochama
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 37,648 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.