MediaWiki

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“MediaWiki is the worst wiki software, except all those other wikis that have been tried from time to time.”

~ Winston Churchill[citation needed]
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about MediaWiki.

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Introducing MediaWiki. The internet-based collaboration technology[1] that allows journalists, biographers, and other "writing professionals"[2] to fabricate truths[3] with greater ease and under shorter deadlines[4] than ever before.

Write What You Know[edit]

Whether you can't get your subject to commit to an interview, don't have enough lead time to do in-depth research, or are just too lazy to even Google, MediaWiki can help. Why spend countless hours gathering data and checking facts when you can write what you already know. Or, what you think you know. After all, it's true.[5] Probably.[6]

The Power of Many™[edit]

As we all know, no-one knows everything, but everyone knows something. Many someones know a lot of somethings, and thousands of someones know almost everything, you know. Or did you? We know. But even if you don't (or didn't), it doesn't matter. You don't have to, because other people do (or did). That's the power of many.[7]

The Power of Free Software™[edit]

Your system administrator will love you installing MediaWiki. With the proven security of PHP and the robust database power of MySQL, MediaWiki is the Sherman Tank of collaborative software.[8]

Safety in Numbers[edit]

Question: With some reporters being threatened with imprisonment for refusing to reveal their sources, and others being fired after allegations that they completely made up entire stories, what is the future of journalism? Answer: MediaWiki. MediaWiki's complex and patented WikiWeb of Trust™ ensures that no single writer is responsible for the total content of any document[9], and each writer serves at the source of other writers.[10] They[11] can't imprison/fire/sue you all. Let them[12] try.

Free to Try[edit]

It's free.[13] It's easy.[14] Just start typing the first thing that pops into your mind, and see what happens.

MediaWiki. Because it's fun to lie together.[15]

Unfriendly with Uncyclopedia[edit]

We are allied with Wikipedia, but not in the war right now. Feel free to make a friendly treaty with us and we will bow to you!

Our Shogun is so badass!!![edit]

We are annoyed with our ruthless n00b shogun so much that we want a new bakufu. Quick, overthrow Wikipedia or else we will commit seppuku! You don't want us to cut our stomachs, right? Then attack now!!!


Click here to begin your 60 year free trial.



Notes[edit]

  1. Buzzwords from our marketing department. Don't even think about copyrighting it, because we already did that. Screw the Creative Commons license. We'll see you in court.
  2. Literally, "people who profess to write".
  3. Lying may be wrong, and possibly illegal even with that much bandied-about "freedom of the press" thing. Consult a lawyer before publishing anything that you possibly completely made up by accident.
  4. Delivered in 30 minutes or less, or it's free.*
  5. As we don't actually know you personally, we're in no position to vouch for the scope of your knowledge, or the integrity of your character. So, you may not be truthful, and we won't be held legally responsible if you are found out to be a complete liar. And we also won't let you try to pin it on us that we told you that you were without-a-doubt telling the truth.
  6. See? We're off the hook.
  7. Don't kid yourself. Even Plato (427-347 BC) admitted 'The only thing I know is that I know nothing'.
  8. Specifically, the gas mileage of a Sherman Tank and the turn-on-a-dime handling of a Sherman Tank. Not the robustness or firepower, sorry.
  9. Don't interpret this as legal advice. We're just some cubicle-imprisoned schmoes trying to push our software.
  10. Literally, "the blind leading the blind".
  11. Excludes Microsoft.
  12. Excludes Microsoft.
  13. As in freedom, not beer.
  14. Not on the first date.
  15. In the non-biblical sense. Or not. Your choice really, but play safe — always use protection.

* Just kidding.


~ MediaWiki is a product of Uncyclomedia Foundation ~