HowTo:Properly Whore Your Article
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
“Article whoring is only for people with good articles.”
You've just created your first article. Now you want to share it with everyone, right? Sure, you might wait for someone to find your article and link to it from other articles, but this process is long and your article is likely to be deleted during this time as it is orphaned. (This means no pages link to it.) One popular way to make your article known by the masses is article whoring. This is the action of posting links to your article so that it may have more pages link to it, thus saving your page from being orphaned and forgotten. After reading that last sentence, you might want to do it now. Well, don't do it just yet. Before you do this, you must first learn how to whore your articles properly. This is where this guide comes in handy. With the useful tips you will find here, you may now safely whore your articles without the admins coming down on your ass about it.
One of the most important things that most people do not always seem to understand when whoring their articles is a frequently forgotten tactic called subtlety. This means implementing clever methods to conceal your whored article when editing another page. The key to successful article whoring is to not have your whored article stick out like a sore thumb on a page and have it hide in the shadows. Below are some bad, and good examples, of using subtlety while article whoring.
- Read it ass hole. You will change forever. [[crappy article]]
- Bad - your whored article(s) stick out like a sore thumb this way, and if you go around calling everyone an asshole while doing this, you will end up causing everyone to hate you.
- Good - your whored article(s) is/are more concealed this way, therefore making your articles better-received by the masses.
If you master this one tactic, then all of the other strategies on this page will be useless to you. That doesn't mean you can't use them anymore, but they will no longer provide you with enough satisfaction if you use them.
If you want to be more than just subtle, then you can link to your article from other articles. Just make sure that the article you are linking from are in some way related to the articles that you are whoring.
- Bad - *Crappy article* is in no way related to HAL 9000. Neither is any article that's related to Powershot related to HAL 9000.
- Good - Acute Haemorrhagic Pneumonosyphilaidsorrhea Pox Virus Syndrome is a disease. Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis is a disease as well. Therefore, it makes sense to whore an article about a certain disease on an article which is also about a disease.
Link to your article on templates
Another nifty way is to whore your article on templates. Remember the rule that if you whore your article on a template, be sure that the template is in some way related to your whored article.
- Bad - *Crappy article* is NOT a news article.
- Good - Fall Of The Roman Empire (video game) is a wargame article, so it made sense to whore it on the wargame template.
Link to your article in edit summaries
Use square brackets to drop a link to your article in an edit summary. Again, the key here is subtlety. Don't just vandalise a page to do this; make it a payload on a useful edit. If you have nothing useful to contribute, don't worry!
The accidental edit
This is the epitome of smooth moves, and it goes like this. "Accidentally" add some stuff, that really belongs on the article you're trying to whore, to a prominent page. Then revert it back, with a message like this one:
- Rv self Oops, meant to add it to Whore (23:29, 2 January 2007 (UTC))
Although this doesn't last, it produces a concentrated result for a short period. You'll be well on your way to "enhancing the ontological wikilink structure of the project," ie. whoring like a pro.
Whoring your article on the IRC channel
There is another special way to whore your article, and that is to post the link to your article on the IRC channel. It's quite simple to do. First, copy the URL of your article, go to the chat page instead of the cabal instead of doing anything else as there are no alternatives whatsoever to this step, hop on the chat channel, and post your link along with a friendly message such as, "Hey guys, check out the new article I wrote! [URL to article goes here]"
- There are many people that use IRC, so this means many people will view your article.
- Using an IRC client is easy.
- Admins will ban you from the IRC channel if they catch you whoring your article on there.
- Admins will ban you.
| Quasi-Featured Article (1 June 2007)
This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a Drakeling, it didn't make the cut (10/18.5). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.