User:Orion Blastar/Loke
“Loke is the real thing.”
Intro to Loke[edit | edit source]
Loke is the correct spelling of the Norse God in charge of Change Management. Many mistake the "e" for an "i" after his name was translated from Old Norse to English. It was later found that Loke and other Pagan gods were really angels who were confused for being gods because of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy spreading lies about their origins and promoting the Holy Bible: Revised Liberal Edition using time travel so it went back 10000 years to become a part of pagan writings and holy text. Original Jesus later converted him to Christianity to help convert Pagans to become Christians. Loke agreed, as it helped him change the course of history and religion. It lead to the Neo-Pagan movement which currently runs the USA government. He is also known as Loke Loki-Lowkey Christ. Some say he is the Christian counterpart of Eris.
Misinformation[edit | edit source]
Loke has been a victim of fiction, rumors, and lies spread about him by the other Norse Gods and Goddesses. Some of the more popular misinformation are as follows:
- The article on Uber-Loki, not only did they get Loke's name incorrectly, but entirely got his entire history incorrect. Mostly because it references an otherdimentional being named "Loki", with no connection to Loke. Only serious people make this mistake, and we at Uncyclopedia wish to correct this misinformation to make things more factual and less fictional. Pay no attention to that other being, no relation to Loke, DNA tests have proved it. I mean come on, we don't want to end up like Wikipedia, now do we?
- That Loke killed Balder, not true. This was to be the mother of all betrayals, but Balder still lives and works for Microsoft now in charge of Windows development. I mean who ever thought that a stick of Mistletoe could kill anyone, let alone an immortal God?
- That Loke is really Satan, not true. At parties people have seen Loke and Satan sitting away from each other. True, they do tend to throw Cheetos at each other, but God likes Loke better.
- That Jesus does not like Loke, not true, Jesus is actually a big fan of Loke and Change Management. Jesus is very much like Loki/Loke apparently.
Loke's family tree[edit | edit source]
Loke's step-father is Odin who treated Loke like he was a red-headed step-child. Odin always gave Thor birthday presents like that magic hammer, but never any presents for Loke. Odin wanted Loke to worship him, but Loke broke away and joined Christianity in rebellion.
Thor is Loke's half-brother who is a bit brain-damaged. Thor and Loke fought over who gets to play the PS2, who gets to drive Odin's car, and who gets to date Lady Sif. Thor, the steroid using thunder god, usually uses his magic hammer to cheat.
George W. Bush, great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson 23 times removed. Has the power to hear God and allow him to make decisions on what God says.
Adam West triple twice removed clone of Loke's great-great-great-great grandson who used to call himself Karl Marx.
Oprah great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter of Loke, runs her own media empire.
Oscar Wilde great-great-great grandstepson of Loke, who inherited Loke's powers of change which allow him to time travel and write a lot of books.
Your mom great-great-great granddaughter of Loke, she used to run the USA as has the power of being a great whore.
Captain Obvious great-great-great-great-great-great grandson of Loke, who might actualy be a mutant because he is so annoying. His powers are obvious.
Loke's acheivements[edit | edit source]
Loke has been the creative force behind the following inventions. He seems to be into technology and other things. He has lead the market into great change. With great change came great marketing plans. Loke owns shares in the companies he invented these devices for, but he isn't credited with creating them.
- iPod
- Macintosh
- Amiga
- TV
- Radio
- Kitten Huffing
- Psp
- Linux
- Nintendo Entertainment System
- Playstation
- Starcraft
- Sega Genesis
- Xbox
- Game Boy
Loke's investments[edit | edit source]
Loke has help start up many corporations, and helped them to change for the better.
Loke has provided venture capital for the following companies:
Modern Times[edit | edit source]
Loke kept himself busy with helping Saddam Hussein run for US President and help hide W's Missing Donuts for him as a joke on his descendant George W. Bush who ironically Loke had helped get elected to US President twice. Loke had helped create the video game The War Against Terror. Loke co-wrote the comic book series Crisis on Infinite Earths and then helped write Infinite Crisis to try and change things yet again in the DC Universe. He was succesful in helping The Punisher escape his comic book and become a deadly video game that kills people.