User:Jack Cain/Uber-Loki
Uber-Loki, or just Loki, or, just on Saturdays "SexGodLoki-Sama." A Jack-of-all-trades. Sitcom star, detective, author, peadophile, norse god, trickster, pop idol, master gamer, sex machine, magician, shapeshifter, artist, landlord of Houston and head of the Uber-Houston Project
History[edit | edit source]
The god of chaos, gaming, shapeshifters and hot sexing, his patron animals include the Fox, the Rabbit, the Dragon, the Bull, the Tiger and the Bishonen.
Adopted by Lord Odin, raised along side Thor(moron/total closet case), he spent most of his life alone, watching TV, and occasionaly having great adventures, working his way out of deadly situations with his wit and magic. He had a childhood ambiton to join the muscial group They Might Be Giants, but he had no musical talent aside from his voice. Although, later in life he found success with his Visual Kei style career. He founded the video game company Nippon Ichi Software and has heavy involvement in game development.
He currently resides in his summer home in Uber-Kyushu, but often visits his most favorite consort and soulmate, Freya, at her home in User: Jack Cain/Uber-Hokkaido.
Worship[edit | edit source]
Loki has many shrines in Japan, particularly User: Jack Cain/Uber-Hokkaido and Uber-Kyushu, aswell as in Uber-Texas, Uber-Philadelphia and Uber-Jersey.
The official days of worship for Loki are April 1st, May 3rd and September 19th, some say his powers are greatest on these days, while yet still others believe that he wants offerings specifically on these days.
Loki accepts the following offerings:
- Junk/Fast Food: The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch is a favorite of his.
- Gaming Materials: Magic: the Gathering, any product or single will do.
- DVDs: Mostly Anime, and a few American DVDs.
- Video Games: Both platform and PC, he likes Tactical RPGs and games with Monster raising/creating elements.
- Music: No Doubt, Smashmouth and Daft Punk are all great. But he has a special place in his heart for They Might Be Giants.
- Women: Schoolgirls, preferably pregnant, but he isnt picky.
- Money: He likes giftcards for Best Buy, Boarders and Walmart. Or cash, cash is good too.
Relatives[edit | edit source]
Loki is the adopted son of Odin, and thusly Thor's adopted brother. Loki has had dozens of lovers, but only three children.
- Fenris Fenrir, a busty Werewolf sorceress.
- Yamino Jormagund, a large snake. He aspires to be a Japanese butler. Dislikes Thor because Thor keeps trying to strangle him.
- Hela Mon, a rebelious, Goth obsessed girl with a father complex and naturaly pink hair who has a strange attitude towards rabbits.
Friends & Allies[edit | edit source]
One of Loki's most loyal disciples is Mark Rosewater. Loki has also been known to go out drinking with Jack Cain and Bruce Campbell.
Loki on Thor[edit | edit source]
"Loki: Its not like that. You know how you have this one friend who is tall and kinda dumb, so you try to stay on his good side? Yeah, its like that."
Adaptations[edit | edit source]
Many, many works of have been based on Loki's life.
- Detective Loki Ragnarok: Based mostly around his several year vacation in Tokyo.
Likewise, many characters are said to have been inspired by Loki.
Many of these adaptations contain fictional accounts, or simply rumors, for example:
- Uber-Loki was in charge of converting Pagans to Christianity, which he did as a prank on the other Gods. This is how Christianity spread so fast and so far.
- Uber-Loki likes to hide your car keys and wallet, so that you'll be late for work.
- Uber-Loki personally goes inside of your dryer, and steals one of your socks each time you use the dryer, so you'll never have a matching pair.
- Uber-Loki had a hand in getting George W. Bush elected as US President twice in a row.
- Uber-Loki started the war in Iraq and hid the WMD.
- Uber-Loki had created the lions for Ultra Jesus.
- Uber-Loki is really The Great Pumpkin.
- Uber-Loki is really Oscar Wilde.
- Uber-Loki's name is actually spelled Loke.
- Uber-Loki is the god of Change Management.
Oscar Wilde on Loki[edit | edit source]
- "DADDY!"
- "omg, teh sexxings!"