User:Megaman2000/Disneyland Arabia

Disneyland Arabia

Disneyland Arabia is the theme park created in 1991 by a consortium of American companys, The Iraqi and Kuwaiti governments and the US State Department to bring death joy to the middle east through the wonderous capering of Micheal Mouse and his friends Minimum Mouse, Donald the Duck and pals. It's the first Disney global pocket lining installation to include it's very own and unique themed characters. These include Muhammad Mouse, Allah The Alligator and Jihad Giraffe. However since openining in late 1991/92 it has seen it's fair share of controversy and conflict peaking in 2001 and continuing until mid 2010. Nobody is quite sure why the disgeement happened and why it took so long to resolve it's self, thus resulting in the closure of the funnest place in the desert in 2010 by the Disney Facilities Management Team acting under direct command of US President Lara Bingle. Political commentators have speculated that this was because the Iraqi administration was using the east facing Disney castle and The Magic Kingdom of Persia area in the park to produce Weapons of Mass Enjoyment upto and including knock off Playstaion 3's.

Origins

The Governments of Iraq and Iran had infact planned a joint coalition on the creation of a Middle East based theme park in the 1980's that was to be called "Uncle Saddams super goodtime funpark" however once at the Negotiating table the Holy Ayatollah, Tulloch Homes of Dingwall and Saddam Hussein failed to reach an agreement on the placement of the new park and thus broke down. Negotiations started again in mid 1980 but once again faltered upon the revaltion that the Iranian Revolutionary Guard had infact thrashed out a secret contract with Universal Studios for a Theme Park on the outskirts of Tehran. It was to be heavily Jimmy Neutron based.

This sparked off furious verbal conflict between The Holy Ayatollah and Saddam Hussein that lasted until September the 12 1989 when both parties exhausted and finacially broken through the constant re-ordering of Kenco Instant Coffee refils and filters along with a substantial invoice from Dominos Pizza from the 9 year takeaway account both sides had set up they realised that no agreement was going to be reached and they went home. Universal Studios had also withdrawn from the contract with the Iranian's prefering to go with a far more lucerative housing project in the United Kingdom of Britannia (and Northern Pangaea) called "Alton Towers: Retirement Living In The Heart Of Greater Alton".

This had set Saddam Hussein firmly on the idea that Iraq should have it's own independant state run theme park, the likes of which had never been seen. Mainly as it wasn't built yet and secondly because it was going to dwarf Disneyland Florida.

1990 Plans Drawn Up

In 1990 the Iraqi Ministry For State regulated Fun concluded that there wasn't a viable space in the country for a theme park in it's current configuration and suggested knocking through into Kuwait for some extra space and possibly reinforcing the country's norther border with Turkey in preparation for a possible loft conversion. The plans were eventually finalised that just Knocking through a non structural border and opening Iraq's western border into a more open plan configuartion was the only financially viable option at the time as the country was still recovering from the fierce 9 year debate and Dominos still needed paying.

In 1991 Saddam Hussein had finally given the construction go ahead to his Construction team the Mhadi Army to begin to knock through into Kuwait in preparation for laying the founds of the park that was earmarked to take it from the outskirts of Kuwait City to the musky banks of the Euphraties river. The plans came to a halt when the local planning officer Mahmoud Bin Salayim came to the site on a routine inspection to check that Saddam Hussein was keeping to his end of the bargin and not digging the founds more than 3 X 4. Inspection of the plans revealed that Kuwait had raised a planning objection in the consultation phase and thus ceasing further construction works. The UN who were at the time offical regulators of all major international construction works slapped the Iraqi Leader with a Chapter 59: segement 1 Para: 12-17 offense "Unlawful construction on non-naturalised land causing distress to neighbouring nations" and gave the Iraqi construction teams 48 hours to withdraw from Kuwait else further measures will be taken. As Expected Saddam was not going to give up on his dream of theme park ownership that easily and ordered works to continue.

United States Consortium Consider Assisting with Theme Park In Iraq

In the United States concerns were growing about the Theme park operation that was running in Iraq at the time would overshadow Disneyland Florida in terms of size and gross GDP ontop of already strained Americo-Arab relations partaining to the hillariously preposterous Iran-Contra Affair and drew up plans to enter Iraq to assist with a slightly smaller but official Disney Liscenced Theme park and thus placing the park under semi US control, however the United States government could not afford such a risky venture alone so recruited the help of Microsoft,General Motors,The Disney Corporation and Maplin Electronics to mount a bid to help secure Iraqi oil relations.

Offical state letters were sent courtesy of the US government on Disney Micky Mouse stationary to the desk of Saddam Hussein asking Saddam if he would consider their proposal. Saddam replied on slightly more grown up stationary (It was Kojak stationary given to him as a Ramadan present by one of his 30 wives. It was headed with the affectionatly eloquent phrase "Who loves ya baby!") requesting that they pitch their idea to him personally at his presidential palace but warned of the strict new proposal procedures put in place after the Iran Debacle. The US accepted. Oh and Dominoes still needed to be paid.

Delegates Head To Iraq

A US delegation comprising of John Kerry,President Bill Clinton, Bill gates, Harry from accounts and a few other interesting guys headed out to Iraq on Airforce 1.5 Millenium Edition on the 3rd of August 1991 to arange the contract with Saddam.

Upon arival and introduction the team now headed by Harry from accounts met the Iraqi Dictator in Fucntion hall 2b of the palace and immediately complimented his mustache and how well the combat green attire made attractive contrast to his facial topiary. The idle chatter ended and business was underway, John Kerry was quoted as saying in an interview with GQ magazine "The man was a brutal murderer but my god can the man dress!". No official records exsist as to what went on with the special application procedures however anecdotal evidance suggests that Hussein now requires a short production of a popular song. It is reported that Hussein even made his Chief Chemical weapons advisors the Chemical Ali Brothers put on a fairly decent rendition of Kajagoogoo's "To Shy". In this instance it is reported that the delegates were led to a tastefully appointed auditroum and asked to perform a cover version of A-ha's "Take On Me". It was reported that Clinton was on lead guitar, Gates was on synt, Harry from accounts was on drums and the other interesting guys were on rythem guitar/Bass while the rest were on backing vocals. A few sketchy transcripts lead to the conclusion that John Kerry did a sterling job on front vox, even hitting the high note at the bit where the singer goes "In a day or TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". Notes taken during the meeting have suggested that Hussein offered Kerry the post of "Minister For State Regulated Funk And Good Times", a post he hastily rejected. Interestingly enough Kerry Penned the Massive dancefloor hit "Alors On Danse" under the name Stromae which was to become the Iraqi National anthem.

Negotiations Underway

The Delegates along with Hussein and two of his high ranking generals