User:EMC/UnNews

1. NRA approves of law allowing blind to own firearms
2. California police prove they are not racist by shooting black man
3. U.N. warns Syria to halt violence or face further warnings
4. Teenager admits to having fun; D.E.A. moves to classify 'fun' as a Schedule I drug
5. Putin denies voting irregularities; says corruption is “fairly regular now”
6. Utah passes law mandating a nine-month waiting period prior to getting an abortion
7. Nachlader copulates with own mom, arrested for bestiality
8. Italian ship captain violates house arrest; abandons "sinking" house
9. Justin Bieber eats a sandwich
10. Study shows news stories which cite studies are least informative
11. Man goes to work; wife fucks his neighbor
12. Congresswoman survives headshot (so far); Glock considers redesign
13. Alabama hospital launches controversial program
14. Terrorist group claims responsibility for Williams' foot fault
15. Heterosexuality declared "a vile abomination and unnatural sexual preference according to scripture and now according to scientists. Kekekeke!"
16. I love him!!!1
17. Bush declares "Mission Accomplished" in War on E. coli
18. Uncyclopedia editor actually writes an article using a headline from Minitrue
19. Terrorist group claims responsibility for Craig sex scandal
20. Uncyclopedia predicts Benoit tragedy
21. Conflict in Darfur continues; nobody cares
22. ED's new reskin rakes in the lulz
23. E. coli strikes again; US responds again
24. E. coli strikes again; United States declares war
25. Iowa is destroyed in a wildfire; perpetrators lauded
26. Racist fan still thinks a white coach would have beaten Dungy in the Super Bowl
27. Maddox doesn't update; the end is nigh!
28. Strange activity between Area 50 and Area 52 reported
29. San Franciso bans gay marriage, evacuated
30. Germans finally getting tired of the "Nazi" stereotype
31. Britney Spears finally gets her eyes checked, files for divorce from Kevin Federline
32. Spencer claims Hillary is ugly; Bill claims, "no comment"
33. New breed of rat discovered; exterminators called
34. Bin Laden dies; E. coli lauded
35. UnNews:DUMB-asses censored for no apparent reason
36. Kofi Annan's lunch: rap and a cheese sandwich
37. Denny's number one customer dies at 112
38. The Governator hospitalized; claims "it's not a tumor!"
39. Howard Dean intends to campaign on Jupiter
40. Hurricane Katrina: seems as though it just happened yesterday
41. Italy may replace France as main UN peacekeeping force
42. Could Queen Latifah be considered a planet?
43. Airstrike accidentally kills a baker's dozen of Afghan police
44. Three die in airport terminal after dehydration; airport security measures to blame
45. Rumsfeld gives Clinton two options
46. Tropical Storm Chris approaches No Orleans
47. Castro undergoes surgery; citizens flee while they can
48. New amusement park opened in Chernobyl
49. Zawahri claims "entire world is a battlefield"; Switzerland surrenders
50. Recently discovered "blob" the biggest thing in the universe
51. Coauthor of the "Left Behind" series agrees: world will be ending
52. California heat-wave deadly; Antarctica heat-wave deadlier
53. Bush welcomes Sheehan to neighborhood with customary Jello-O mold
54. Lance Bass of 'N Sync reveals he's gay; surprise, surprise
55. World may be ending soon!
56. Hezbollah baffled by Israel's response
57. Former Israeli PM Sharon near death
58. Will Smith alleges racism and leaves Hollywood
59. Pastafarians see "the face of the Flying Spaghetti Monster" in a window
60. Power is still out in St. Louis; nobody cares
61. After 30 years of marriage, a London man discovers that his wife is actually a rare Yucca plant
62. Sex offenders receive Viagra via Medicaid; playgrounds closed

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