UnNews:Lance Bass of 'N Sync reveals he's gay; surprise, surprise

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

26 July 2006

Lance Bass purchasing a shirt he likes only weeks prior to "coming out".

HOLLYWOOD, California: Former 'N Sync member Lance Bass revealed to all today that for years he has been hiding the fact that he is a homosexual. Upon hearing the news, everybody pretended to act surprised.

Lance, who has recently begun an acting career, also tells reporters that he will be airing a new sitcom in which he will be playing himself: a broke, gay, former boy band star. Lance is also noted as being the guy who made plans to go to space after paying the Russian Space Agency an ass-load of money and in the end, being too frightened of heights to go. The space program's spokesman Yuri Goloskavich stated, "Would be first time Russia puts monkey in space."

People within the scientific community now urge Lance to go to space, since NASA wants to see what effects space will have on a gay person. Dr. Charles Elachi of NASA stated, "We predict that they [gay people] turn purple when they go into space."

In light of Lance's "coming out", the Bush administration has raised the terror alert level from yellow to pink, and gas prices rose by $0.02.

Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, "Bi, bi, bi! I'd like that Big Mouth Bass to take me to the river! Meow!" But that's just stupid.

Lastly, Republican Senator Rick Santorum, a huge fan of 'N Sync, suffered an aneurysm when he got word of Lance's real sexual preference.

Sources

• AP "Lance Bass really is gay!" MSN, July 26, 2006