UnNews:California police prove they are not racist by shooting black man
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
13 February 2013
LOS ANGELES, California — Police in California have reportedly killed Christopher Dorner, the ex-cop turned cop killer who was responsible for the recent murders of police officers and their family members in the Los Angeles area. Dorner was the 7,462nd African American shot by California police, but his death will be the first ever to have a posthumous investigation by the L.A.P.D. Initial media coverage of the story came before and during Obama's State of the Union address, a comforting reminder that for every 7,462 black people shot by police in California there is at least one black president.
Dorner was motivated by vengeance against the L.A.P.D. for having fired him. In a manifesto posted to the internet, Dorner claims he witnessed multiple incidents of racism and corruption during his tenure at the department. "How do you know when a police officer is lying?" asked Dorner rhetorically in his manifesto. "When he begins his sentence with, 'based on my experience and training'."
The week-long manhunt that preceded Tuesday's events resulted in numerous tragedies, including one where police misidentified two women delivering newspapers out of their truck as Dorner. Police shot at their vehicle, injuring both women and tragically reducing the salary of the officers involved for one week. Regarding this incident, L.A.P.D. Captain Kimberley Schnerr told UnNews that, "Based on my experience and training, misidentifications of this sort are commonplace. Police officers are not perfect." The L.A.P.D. has already compensated the victims by providing them a new truck from the department's cache of seized vehicles, with 98% less bullet holes and blood stains.
According to police, Dorner was killed during a gun fight with deputies after he barricaded himself in a cabin located in Big Bear, California. Dorner killed one deputy and wounded another before the cabin mysteriously burst into flames with Dorner trapped inside. Knowing there was a black man inside, police refused to enter the burning cabin, believing there could be explosive materials used to manufacture crack cocaine. The scant police investigation thus far has concluded that crack cocaine may have been a factor.