UnNews:Three die in airport terminal after dehydration; airport security measures to blame

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

13 August 2006

The aerospace industry has just been set back five decades.

LOGAN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, Boston -- Three people reportedly died from dehydration after airports banned liquids of all types past security checkpoints. The three people, who reportedly had a delayed flight of nine hours, refused to pay $20 for a bottle of water, despite the fact that water fountains were nearby.

"It's ridiculous. They don't let you bring beverages in, but they let you buy beverages past the checkpoints. But they raised the prices of beverages past the checkpoints, so in order to stay hydrated, you have to pay far out the ass", said one LIA traveler.

On top of security measures at airports, recently bankrupt airline companies were forced to downsize their planes and raise ticket prices altogether. A flight from Boston to Portland, Maine costs about $500 now, and international flights are expensive enough to make even the richest entrepreneurs want to kill themselves.

While most were satisfied at first with the government's actions to boost security for flights, optimistic travelers have begun writing numerous complaints. Tension at airports has also lead to several threats of riots. As a result, gas prices rose by $0.03 per gallon.

Sources

• N/A "ZOMG r dedly cuz tey don't allow lickwids!!!1" CNN, August, 10th, 2006