User:ArrowFlint22/HowTo:Walk your duck on Sunday
Hello! Have you ever wanted to learn how to walk your pet duck on Sunday?
Do you even have a pet duck?
Do you even like this article?
Are you gay?
If you answered "No" to any or all of these questions, then great! I am here to help! If you answered "Yes" then you can go fuck yourself!
Waiting for Sunday[edit | edit source]
Walking your duck on any other day just doesn't feel pleasurable! First off Mondays as proven by Garfield really suck ass! Tuesdays are well....... What do people think about Tuesdays? Thursdays may give you more pleasure as it is close to the end of the week, and Friday will do the same as well as Saturday, but Sunday is clearly the BEST day to do so! You wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait until...................... YES! IT'S FUCKING SUNDAY! HELL YEAH!
Why you should walk your duck on a Sunday:[edit | edit source]
Well Sunday's are cool, because they are cool like an Ice Cream Sunday and Duck's must do they're daily pilgrimage to Duck Mecca to worship Duck Jesus! If they don't do this they will go to Duck Hell! You don't want that to happen to your cute little ducky wucky so you should make sure they get there!
Walking techniques[edit | edit source]
These are some VERY IMPORTANT walking techniques you should make sure Mr. Ducky understands to make the walking experience more fun and immersive!
Duck shoes[edit | edit source]
Duck shoes are state of the art walking devices for helping your duck walk faster than the average duck! When your duck wears them and walks around in them it will make them feel like they're flying even though they can ACTUALLY FLY. Duck shoes are also rocket powered so they can give your duck speed hacks so they can run at the speed of light and get Jesus hacks so they can walk on water! The Duck Shoes were invented by Aperture Science during their Duck Walking Testing Initiative which was one of their less successful projects, but you can still acquire this AMAZING footwear nonetheless!
Crippled Duck cripple mobile[edit | edit source]
"What if my duck is a cripple?", you might ask. Well FEAR NOT... For I have the most amazing solution for that! That's right! The Cripple Duck cripple mobile! A perfect support device to help your crippled feathered friend walk! It's easy! Just put your duck in the cripple mobile and watch as the magically walk all by themselves! No you'll no longer have to carry them everywhere. "Wait! What if my duck has crippled wings and can't fly!?", you may ask. Well either you did that when you adopted it by capturing it from the wilderness in order to keep it from flying away or because you love abusing animals like the sick bastard you are! There's no way to fix this issue so I'm sorry, but I can't help you on that one...
Duck stilts[edit | edit source]
That's right! Your duck can now walk 20 feet in the air! Duck stilts will help your duck go as high as they can go if they were flying! It may seem pointless (Yes it is actually...), but it is actually very fun!
Making sure that your duck stays safe when walking[edit | edit source]
It is important that you follow some safety rules when walking your duck on a Sunday! Many things can go wrong that could result in you getting an aneurysm or getting blown up by Tsar Bomba! If you don't want this to happen then you shouldn't really follow these safety procedures!
Life dingy[edit | edit source]
Make sure you have an inflatable life dingy to help your duck if they get stuck in your neighbor's yard! We don't want old man Jenkins getting really pissed off over that and beating your duck to a pulp! Throw them a life dingy and your duck should be safe!
Stay away from suspicious vehicles![edit | edit source]
It is very important to stay away from very very scary vehicles! Stay away from shitty looking vans that look like they're from a foreign country with the words: "FREE CANDY" written on the side! There are very BAD BAD BAD NO VERY GOOD PEOPLE in there that wish to do bad, terrible things to your duck!
Always wear a party hat[edit | edit source]
Make sure you and your duck wear party hats! This shows you are in a Political Party and you are not to be fucked with! This also will make others vote for you.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
Congratulations! You now know how to walk your duck on Sunday! Just don't do it in Minnesota, because it is illegal there! If you do it in Minnesota then your sure to get maced!