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Cold War Update 3: Drama!
- By Meganew
Well, this one's a bit late, but still important. Illogicopedia has considered moving their hosting over to the Free Uncyc servers, netting a nifty anti-Wikia deal. As well, a series of "hate bans" occurred recently, involving ChiefjusticeDS banning people on the Wikia site, and a sockpuppet of his being banned on this site.
More info will be available when I find out.
Cheers!
Robot invasion
- By Dawg
 Slender! What are you doing? Slender! STAHP! It has come to the attention of this fine news source that Uncyclopedia is being overrun by robots, displacing tens of writers on a daily basis. After we realized they might be useful (in spite of lacking a sense of humour and soul), we captured and trained a couple of them to deliver the UnSignpost for us. To appease these ravenous automatons, we were forced to switch to categories from our archaic signup list. You may have noticed a new template on your page, which should be placed on the page you wish to have your UnSignpost delivered, where it will be dropped at the bottom (as always). Please refrain from petting the robots, as they may bite (we're working on that with them).
One of these 'bots (as we call them) was easier to train and has assisted us in huffing literally hundreds of old (pre-2011) User: and User_talk: pages for anonymous IPs. They're now working deep in the bowels of the site removing crap categories and fixing broken stuff.
The one attached to Dawg has the painfully unfunny name of DawgBot, and the one attached to Sir Peasewhizz is suspiciously not a bot at all. He's the... the... OH GOD NO. HE'S THE SLENDERMAN. AHHHHH!!!
DEATH TO BRONIES IS AT HAND? OR IS IT THE DEATH OF THE INTERNET???
- By Mr-ex777, buster of gheys
 Will this message be the discovery of the century???? Well, I was cracking codes in wingdings this day and I found the message at the right when I typed "MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC" In ALL CAPS in wingdings. This magnificent message, according to our codecrackers, might mean that the death of the Internet is caused by bronies. This message starts with a bomb and a Jew star, in which the bomb represents October 10, 2010 while the Jew star represents the money-makers of Hasbro. Then it is followed by a sadface, a palm, 2 snowflakes, another sadface, and a finger pointing left. This might mean that 2010 is the winter and sorrow of all franchises, caused by cooperate corruption and...bronies. Both can be read as: "In the day of the bomb, all franchises will be corrupted".
The third sentence is pointed flag, flag, skull, Jew star and computer, which might represent the death and conquest of the internet. The fourth sentence is a finger pointing right, a sun, a finger pointing left, a skull, a thumbs down finger, a water drip, a palm, and a pointed flag. This possibly represents that a dawn of death will rise, all the straight men will fight, and finally the dawn of death will make them bleed.
The fifth sentence is palm, water drip, bomb, two fingers, one finger, palm and thumbs up. This might represent that we are currently on a countdown to demise. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT??????
Fortunately, there is good news. The good news is that the same might be used against the bronies, and if this happens it might read as:
The bomb had set by the Jews and franchises are corrupted. But now, we will conquer over the terror. they might fight the dawn but they will bleed. The bronies are on the countdown to demise.
This is a two sided prophecy. nevertheless, The war against faggotry will eventually prevail.
Aleister snags the Hall of Shame lead with 67 features!
- By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
 This is Aleister's stoner monkey. As of February 19th of 2013, Aleister (formerly Aleister in Chains) leads the Hall of Shame with 67 features. Which article robbed Soggy's and Aleister's tie at 66 features? None other than probably the most boring material to work with, but it happened; UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap! Go read it! And also, you must go read the rest Aleister's features. Or else. You can access them here. Remember, we're watching!
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Ask Zombiebaron
- Dear, Zombiebaron, please explain the 2nd law of thermodynamics in six words or less. (asked by RAHB)
- Hot stuff is thermodynamic, that's it.
- Zombiebaron, mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you? (asked by Aleister)
- Yeah probably, if I was really hungry and there was no real food.
- What is the meaning of undeath? (asked by Socky)
- Nothing means anything. Everything just is. There is no meaning of undeath.
- Zombie, what is your favorite weight-loss diet? (asked by Simsilikesims)
- Life is short, eat whatever you want. Don't change your diet to conform to society's outrageous standards of outward beauty.
- Hypothetically speaking, say you and I were to suddenly decide one day to sail the Mediterranean Sea in search of various treasures, and hypothetically, we crash our boat on a deserted island. Now... hypothetically, we try to signal for a rescue for any planes passing by, but hypothetically, that proves uneventful, seeing as this island is buried under massive amounts of fog. However, we are able to setup a hypothetical shanty campsite using nothing but bamboo and wood we've collected from fallen trees, and eventually (but hypothetically), we're even able to create a water purification system after our supply of bottled water runs out. But one day, while attempting to catch fish, we discover this hypothetically deserted island is not deserted at all. In fact, it happens to be populated by a completely hypothetical tribe of cannibals who are fresh on our trail. Hypothetically, we must build a raft and escape the island. After two weeks of evading the cannibals, we finally manage to build this raft and we set sail once again. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Sadly, we only manage to make it less than a mile from the island before a giant hypothetical wave forces us to crash and endure the cold, murky waters. Hypothetically, we're able to swim back to the shore but because of the time we spent in the water, I've contracted a hypothetical case of pneumonia. What's worse is that we've hypothetically used all of our Kleenex supplies in our old water purification system, meaning I'm left with a very runny nose and no hypothetical way of treating it. My question is, will you let me blow my nose in your butt cheeks? (asked by Supergeeky1)
- Sure why not.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!
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From our logs:
- 10:02, February 20, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 seconds (Put this in your USP and smoke it.)
- 03:20, February 17, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You hath been fought. You lose!)
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Featured Article of the Week
The featured article of the week is: Saw
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IRC Log of the Week
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: faggotry is the biggest sin.
[12:57] HERO no
[12:57] HERO its one of them
[12:57] Mr-ex777 HERO: of the internet
[12:57] HERO you damn skippy
[12:58] HERO turns into a black cat and jumps on Mr-ex777's head. Looks down in his face."Meow?"
[13:00] HERO Stays on Mr-ex777's head. Just sits there.
[13:02] Mr-ex777 HERO: Jews did wtc? nope, YOU did WTC
[13:02] HERO ?
[13:02] Mr-ex777 they just mistook you as jew
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Select User of the Week
The select user of the week is again, Dawg for lots of hard effort in deleting outdated pages!
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Confucius says
- If you wiggle your pinky up and down inside your ear, it sound like pacman.
- Rock and roll make good half breakfast.
- Girl named Paige Turner love to read.
- Dieting is wishful shrinking.
- Sexy typist will bang on keyboard.
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Biopic of the Week
This week we spoke with RAHB over the IRC. We did a Q&A of 3 questions.
USP: First question. If you had to fuck a Muppet, which Muppet would you fuck and why?
RAHB: Lola because I bet she could turn me inside out with those lips. Wait. Is her name Lola? The one with big lips and no eyes? Janice. That’s the one. Yes, Janice.
USP: Second question. If you could kill any musician, which musician would you kill?
RAHB: If I could kill any musician I would kill the first musician ever, just to see if it would have any effect on the development of music beyond that.
Like, if I went back in time and killed Ugg before he found out he could make a percussive sound out of two rocks, would today's contemporary music be entirely recorded in reverse?
Who knows?!
USP: Third question. Do you come here often, baby?
Only when I get a tip that there's some good zombie dick hanging around.
And there you have it, folks! RAHB!
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Nothing is happening here at all. So stop looking. Wait, look at this picture!
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