UnNews talk:Santa Claus arrested after disappearance
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Shouldn't it be, Santa Claus arrested after being missing? Or, Santa Claus missing on Christmas, arrested? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:05 Dec 26, 2007
From Pee Review[edit source]
| Humour: | 5.8 | Avg of each part
The first sentence is somewhat dry (even though SC isn't). It doesn't matter to me that this is out of season, but it is kind of just... straightforward. The sentence structure is kind of weird too. Here's what it looks like: Santa blah blah blah. Thousands blah blah blah. Santa blah blah blah. Dozens blah blah blah. It needs to flow better, I think. Feels stilted to me.
That quote was okay.
I didn't quite understand. Why are kids knocking out their teeth?
weak ending. It was somewhat abrupt, I think. |
| Concept: | 5 | It's like that Weird Al song, where Santa goes crazy and shoots everybody! Except, it's way watered down. You probably should have more santa quotes: that first one was okay. I guess it's just that this is a seasonal concept, and only works at one time of the year, really. Think about what people will say in March. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | It's okay. But that first paragraph still feels weird to me. |
| Images: | 8 | above avg pic! |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | {{Pee|5.8|5|7|8}}
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| Final Score: | 32.3 | OMG! That's a low score! I thought Cajek liked me! I do like you... as a friend, AE. I guess this article should be seen as an experiment for you. I've experimented 45 times so far, and I've only gotten, like, 1 out of 5 (or 6, or 7) of them "right". In my experience it's good to just write and write, and get reviewed and get reviewed. The pieces will eventually come together. I hope I helped, AE! |
| Reviewer: | • <-> Jan 7 (04:56) | |
Heh[edit source]
NXWave approved. XD -- Kippy the Elf 
Talk Works ☃ 14:10, Jan. 20, 2008