UnBooks:Ronnie James Dio's Big Book of Nursery Rhymes
About The Author
Ronnie James Dio (born July 10, 1942, in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, USA), is a heavy metal vocalist, 42nd level magic user, midget rights activist, and children's author. When he's not recording, touring, or being fired from or rejoining Black Sabbath (or Rainbow), he's reviewing student applications at the Ronnie James Dio Institute of Lyrical Technology. And, when he's not doing that, he's busy penning another kiddie classic in his tireless pursuit of a Newbery Medal.
In this, the long-awaited follow-up to 1980's Children of the Sea and 1985's Rock 'N' Roll Children, Ronnie gives some of the classic children's nursery rhymes his signature treatment.
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Oh, you're such a fool,
Sell your soul in
The fragments of your wool;
One for Mephistopheles
And the minions of the game,
And one for the gypsy girl
Who gives magic pain.
All Around The Mulberry Bush
All around the mulberry bush
The snake pursued the weasel.
The snake bit deep, and blood did rush.
Pop! goes the weasel.
A penny for a shard of light,
That penetrates the darkness.
Who paid the price in mortal fight?
Pop! goes the weasel.
Up and down and in and out,
The path of twisted Evil,
Death awaits the ones who fright.
Pop! goes the weasel.
Thirty pounds of thundering might,
The creature: Satan's beagle,
Out the doggie door from Hell,
Pop! goes the weasel.
Georgie Porgie
Georgie Porgie, mystery eyes,
Tricked the girls and told them lies.
And when his house of cards was falling,
He fled to Hell by Satan's calling.
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To sacrifice a chicken
But Jack the Catholic took offense
To Jill who was a Wiccan.
So Jack seized both
The feathers silk
And hair so soft and wispy
And offered both on altar high
And broiled them extra crispy.
Hey Diddle Diddle
Hey diddle diddle,
The Devil played fiddle,
The night of the full blood-moon,
Lucifer laughed with a hideous snort,
His dish is where your soul will lie soon.
Monday's Child
Monday's child is full of sorrow,
Tuesday's child is born tomorrow,
Wednesday's child walks from the light,
Thursday's child talks to the night,
Friday's child denies the truth,
Saturday's child is long in tooth,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is a dwarven pseudo-poet with a rock star toupee.
Dig-A-Grave
Dig-a-grave, dig-a-grave, cemetery man,
Dig me a grave as deep as you can.
Find it, carve it, and mark it with a "D"
Throw yourself in and send the bill to me.
Peter Piper
Peter Piper prayed a prayer
Of pernicious perversity;
A prayer of pernicious perversity
Peter Piper prayed
If Peter Piper prayed a prayer
Of pernicious perversity,
What's the prayer of pernicious perversity
Peter Piper prayed?
Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Row, row, row your boat
Gently under the stream.
You all shall die in a fiery blast,
What Are Little Children Made Of?
What are little boys made of?
Tyranny, wrath,
And need for a bath,
That's what little boys are made of.
What are little girls made of?
Temptation and lies,
And certain demise,
That's what little girls are made of.
Publication Details
Ronnie James Dio's Big Book of Nursery Rhymes will be published by Houghton Mifflin early next year in a large-format hardcover with copious illustrations by Peter Mihaichuk and (of course) the evergreen children's artist Hieronymus Bosch. Advance copies have been in the hands of critics for two months, and the reactions have been favorable: Andrew Rosenthal of the N.Y. Times wrote, "A refreshing work that any adult will enjoy reading to their child. Hail Satan!"
