Titanic (1997 film)
Are you looking for Twilight?
| Titanic | |
| |
| Directed by | James Cameron |
| Written by | Nobody cares |
| Starring | Leonardo DiCaprio Kate Winslet |
| Produced by | James Cameron |
| Distributed by | Universal Pictures |
| Release date | 1997 |
| Runtime | 311 minutes |
| Language | English |
| Budget | Billions and billions |
| IMDb page | |
“The truth of the matter is those people who died never died”
“Ice was a cruel and merciless monster. THE TERRIBLE MR ICE!”
“I had to get a direct cruise to New York. I can't get a direct cruise they said they were stopping by Iceland first!”
Titanic is a 1997 chick flick made by James Cameron, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. It is one of many movies that are loosely based on the tragic incident that happened to the RMS Titanic, only adapting it for financial profit, without a care of what the victims from the actual event might think for having their lives exploited like that.
Thanks to the corny romantic themes that attracted a female audience, and the depiction of a Hollywood star naked (see picture below) that attracted the straight male audience; the movie became the highest grossing movie of all time - that is, until Avatar took its crown in 2009.
Plot[edit | edit source]
Despite the initial premise of the film, the sinking of the Titanic takes a secondary level and doesn't really appear until the end. Instead, it follows the amazing story of how a rich ass brat meets a kidnapper as they go through Stockholm and Lima syndrome.
In 1996, aboard a Soviet research vessel, former leader of the USSR, Mikhail Gorbachev, and his team search the wreck of the RMS Titanic. They recover a safe they hope contains a necklace with a large diamond known as the Heart of the Ocean. Instead, they find a drawing of a young naked woman wearing the necklace. The sketch is dated April 14, 1912, making it the first drawn porn in the United States. After viewing a television news story about the discovery, centenarian Rose Dawson Calvert contacts Lovett, identifying herself as the woman in the drawing. Hoping she can help locate the necklace, Lovett brings Rose aboard Keldysh, where she recounts her experiences as a Titanic passenger.
In 1912, 17-year-old Rose DeWitt Bukater, her way older fiance fiancé Caledon Hockley, and Rose's widowed mother Ruth board the Titanic. Ruth emphasizes that Rose's forced marriage to Cal pleases her very, very much. Rose, distraught over her loveless engagement, climbs over the stern railing and commits suicide. However, it turns out that the geezer telling this story was hallucinating, and after the members on the ship coaxes her back onto the actual story, she complies. She sees an hentai artist named Jack, who admits that he has feelings for Rose. When Cal and Ruth support this, Rose rejects Jack's attentions, but returns to him after they both threaten to disown her.
Rose brings Jack to her stateroom and requests he draw her nude, wearing only the Heart of the Ocean. They later have sex in a car, which is the cargo hold. However, a disproving God causes the ship to collide with an iceberg as they end their adventures. Cal discovers Jack's sketch, and due to his cuckoldry, approves of this very much. As the ship sinks, the crew prioritize themselves, leaving as soon as possible. Rose finds and frees Jack, and they make it back to the deck, where Cal and Jack urge Rose to board a lifeboat. Cal grabs a pistol and chases Jack and Rose to thank them, but they escape before he can.
Jack and Rose return to the deck. The ship's stern is rising as the flooded bow sinks; the two desperately cling to the stern rail. The upended ship breaks in half, and the bow section sinks. The stern slams back onto the ocean, upends again and sinks. After the story is told, Rose says she heard that Cal committed suicide after his cuckoldry got him a sentence of 20 years. Gazing out into the ocean, Lovett laments to Lizzy Calvert and abandons his search after hearing Rose's story. Alone on the stern of Keldysh, Rose takes the Heart of the Ocean, which has been in her possession all along and drops it into the sea over the wreck site. While she is seemingly asleep in her bed, her photos on the dresser depict a life of BDSM activism.
Cast[edit | edit source]
- Leonardo DeCapri-Sun - Jack Dawson: A nearly homeless hentai artist famous for his cucklordy
- Kate Wiffs-it - Virgin Rose DeWitt Bukater
- Billy Inzane - Caledon Hockley
- David Warner Bothers - Oddjob:
- Ivana Tinkle - Lizzy Calvert
- Yuri Nator - Mikhail Gorbachev
- Milady Potts- Old Rose DeWitt Bukater: Just Rose with Alzheimer's.
- Jason Boo Berry - Leprechaun: A random Irish dude that Jack met before appearing back during the sinking to get shot.
- Danny Nuts- Mario: Jack's Italian friend that was shown for only 6 minutes before being crushed by a smokestack so who cares?
- Bernard Hill - Captain Smith:
- Soccer Mom- Ruth DeWitt Bukater
- Directed by James Cameron
.gif)
- Micheal Bay- VFX artist
Knockoffs[edit | edit source]
Like many films, James Cameron's Titanic has been ripped off several times by people looking to make a quick buck. However, unlike other movies, the movie has been bootlegged by Italian people, specifically, Mondo TV and Titanic Cartoons SRL Roma, who both made animated versions.
North Korea's Titanic The Legend of the Titanic[edit | edit source]
“SEK is soo fucking good, unlike the shity western imperialist Cameron!!!”
In the mid-1990s, Kim Jong-il was desperately looking for respect from the movies he was producing. At the time, ignoring the massive famine persisting in his nation. he didn't really have anything to care about. As a result, when he saw James Cameron release Titanic, he knew what he had to do. Contacting his animation company, SEK Studio, he gave them three months to make an animated movie, which according to him, would "...make the Westerners realize my artistic glory!" The resulting mess was a movie, which if not for the fact that marijuana likely didn't exist in North Korea...at the time, would make audiences say they were tripping when they made it. It got a 2004 sequel, Tentacolino, which failed globally because it wasn't a hentai about tentacles.
Titanic: The Legend Goes On[edit | edit source]
“It's fucking Cinderella.”
“Party Time! Party Time! Everyone's fucking 'cuz its party time!”
A knockoff of the North Korean knockoff of the James Cameron movie, if you do know about this movie, it's most likely because of a two-minute video of a Scottish Terrier responding to a Yiddish mouse thanking him by revealing that he's the first rapper, declaring that it is fucking time, and that we'll be busting a move and he'll be busting a rhyme, which will cause us to burst out laughing. Because it's party time. The rest of the movie...is still shit.
Possible Sequel[edit | edit source]
In 2023 James Cameron announced a sequel called Titan which is set for movie theaters for 2027.
