Svalbard and Jan Mayen
United Kingdom of Svalbard and Jan Mayen | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| |||||
| Anthem: Scotland's with different lyrics | |||||
 Not Norway | |||||
| Capital | Frankhofstadt | ||||
| Official language(s) | English but everyone knows one word in German so it's basically official | ||||
| Government | Absolute monarchy under parliamentary governance | ||||
| National Hero(es) | George E. Swezchowski (capitalist communist)
Timathy McKuutio (balding racist) | ||||
| Currency | Stolen euros from Germany | ||||
| Religion | Fishing | ||||
| Population | One crazy dude from Iceland | ||||
| Major exports | Snow, ice, more snow, and more ice | ||||
| National pastime | Incest | ||||
| National sport(s) | Crack addiction | ||||
| Drives on | Garbage cars from the Soviet Union | ||||
The United Kingdom of Svalbard and Jan Mayen (or Svalbard and Jan Mayen for short), not to be confused with the autonomous territory of Svalbard (which they don't recognize), is a country located on Svalbard which has inhabited the island since 1984 after they invaded and took over the island.
History[edit | edit source]
The island of Svalbard was settled in the 1980s with the United Kingdom of Svalbard and Jan Mayen being established in 1984 where they took over the island and kicked the Norwegians out. Svalbard and Jan Mayen, thanks to being such a new nation, has no culture to flex on other countries on effectively turning it into the world's "at least im not that guy" for other countries to make themselves feel better.
Because of the country's government not much is known about it other than that they love incest, and that they stole the euro and made their own "European Union Lite" for countries like Belarus which have "a too corrupt government" to join the EU – which of course, according to national hero and president of five consecutive terms George E. Swezchowski, is "absolute bullshit" and "fake news" in true Donald Trump fashion).
Geography[edit | edit source]
The country has four countries (because it's a United Kingdom like the United Kingdom).
- New Scotland, where around 93% of the population lives in the totally not poor city of Frankhofstadt famous for being located "coincidentally" right where the old town of Longyearbin, Svalbard was once located.
- New England, a puppet state of New Scotland inside of the United Kingdom of Svalbard and Jan Mayen. Its only purpose is being responsible for 93% of the country's incest rate and for landfills.
- Bernenstein, a tiny microstate squished between New Scotland and New England. It is used only for housing the international airport, which nobody has ever seen, George Swezchowski International Airport.
- Jan Mayen (disputed) between Norway and the United Kingdom of Svalbard and Jan Mayen for the only purpose of being able to fish for less disgusting fish than at home in the Arctic Ocean.
Climate[edit | edit source]
Due to Svalbard and Jan Mayen's location within the Arctic Circle it's pretty much dark 24/7 during winter and bright 24/7 during summer. It constantly snows during winter and everyone has to stay indoors so during the Coronavirus pandemic of 2020 pretty much nothing changed since nobody could go outside either way. During summer the sun shines outside but not enough to grow a single patch of grass before the snow comes again and makes it smell moldy and disgusting.
Economy[edit | edit source]
Svalbard and Jan Mayen, officially speaking, gets all its money from taxing the life out if its citizens and companies (which still somehow put up with it) but in reality everyone knows it comes from foreign investors who look at the real corporate tax rate and get so excited that they bribe the government to let them store all their money there.
Euros stolen from Germany is the official local currency, although other accepted ways to pay in the country's grocery stores and e.t.c. may include rotten fish, Icicles, Rotten shark & Norwegian bear fur. Throughout the country you can find currency exchanges that not only trade these items for stolen euros but also trade foreign currency for stolen euros or any of the previously listed items.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Places |
Norway • Bærum • Beiarn • Breim • Halden • Kongsberg • Oslo • Røros • Solemskogen • Stavanger • Svalbard and Jan Mayen (Svalbard • Jan Mayen) • Trondheim • Tromsø |
| Stuff |
History of Norway • Karsk • Norse • Ødemarksism • Rovdism • Sami • Smalahåve • Waiting For Breivik • Waiting For Breivik 2 |
| People |
Anders Breivik • Alexander Rybak • Edvard Munch • Pompel and Pilt • Jonas Gahr Støre |
| Music |
A-ha • D.D.E. • Dimmu Borgir • Fenriz • Mayhem (band) • Satyricon • Varg Vikernes |
