Moonwalk

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An American footballer, trying to moonwalk. The cleats aren't helping.

The moonwalk is a technique that propels a martial artist backwards while walking forward. Since ancient times the move has effectively stunned opponents, as the sight of someone evading gravity is surprisingly surprising.

History

Ancient China

The moonwalk originated in the early Shang dynasty, where imperial soldiers used the dance to beat the Guifang, nomads who kept entering dance battles with the Chinese as they couldn't admit they were sore losers. The first confirmed moonwalk occurred around 1200 BCE, when Chinese king Wu Ding used the dance to beat some nomads after receiving a vision from a shaman, where he got to see the future, which included "a white monster, with an unsightly chin".

After the Eastern Zhou took over China via a dance battle in 1046 BCE, they cleansed out all of the old dances, including the moonwalk, and introduced new forms of dance. This caused the moonwalk to fall out of style and be discarded until 800 BCE, when an old kung fu master rediscovered the ancient move. He had been about to jump off a very high cliff, but was hit by a brick, causing him to miss the jump and slip onto the floor. Somehow, he managed to do a perfect moonwalk, preventing him from dying. However, the shock of living caused him to have a heart attack and die.

Not so ancient China

After spreading Buddhism to Padawan, Ahsoka became the first alien to do the moonwalk, doing it during her battle with Darth Vader. Sadly, she woefully failed the moonwalk, nearly causing her death. However, she did inspire several aliens to travel to Earth around 945 AD to learn how to do it correctly. Sadly, they were killed and served as food by starving Chinese peasants.

Meanwhile, the Song dynasty would take power in China a few years later, introducing a renaissance in China's music. The moonwalk was rediscovered again during this time, and people discovered that it was an essential kung fu move. As a result, many schools began popping up to teach this move, which stunned enemies during dance battles. Even when the Mongol Empire took over China in the 1270s, the moonwalk was commonly used as a supporting move by rebels, defeating the barbarians who didn't know how to dance.

Modern times

For a while, the moonwalk was confined in China. But after the Opium Wars, British merchants learned the dance, exposing it to the world. Despite having limited success in most of the world, minstrel performers would do the move, foreshadowing its most influential use.

Nowadays

The moonwalk was tinkered with by Charlie Chaplin and Cab Calloway. It was eventually used in World War II as a way for Allied soldiers to evade capture.

After the war, the moonwalk lost popularity, as conformity ruled the 1950s and 60s. However, Bobby Brown learned the move while married to Whitney Houston and, after having his solo career, taught it to Michael Jackson, who was still black at the time.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, Chinese people with nothing to do have learned the move. The government is cracking down though, and some dissidents have stopped doing it as the Chinese government knows that the only people in China who do it are lazy. In North Korea, the move is extremely popular.