Factuality of the Good Samaritan parable

Attempting to reconcile the overwhelming propaganda in favor of Devilution with the Bible, thus conforming to this world, many Christians had spread the lie that the obviously factual Genesis was just an allegory, thus denying Biblical truth. However, God NEVER EVER lies. When He says something had happened, it had happened.

"Ah, theistic evolutionists say, but He sometimes tells fairy tales like that of the Good Samaritan to spread spiritual truths to those that can't understand it"

But they were afflicted with this world's lies. The story of the Good Samaritan is not a fairy tale; it DID happen. Our UnScientists have discovered overwhelming proof asserting the factuality of the Good Samaritan parable .

Steps

At Jericho, we can clearly see, using radiocarbon dating, that somebody has sat in a place clearly walked by by three people and a donkey, just at it would be expected in the Parable. Now, this can't just be the product of random chance of people walking there, can't it? The 2nd law of Thermodynamics clearly states disorder only increases, meaning no coincidence can bring order. How can random erosion produce the Founding Fathers' statues at mount Rushmore? How can randomly toasting bread somehow create our Lord and Saviour's face? How can random stepping somehow give the appearance of this story having happened? For this reason, we can obviously see there WAS a Good Samaritan, meaning it's not unreasonable to take this literally.

Records of this event

So many cultures such as Judaism have a record of this story having happened. However, in that story, the Samaritan was replaced by a Jewish layman due to racism. This proves that it was true, or else Judaism would not tell that story. Many liberals misinterpret this fact as saying Jesus stole this myth from Jewish folklore, but that's obviously a lie; Jesus just corrected the butchered version!

Jesus took this literally

According to the Jee-man Himself, this really happened as truth, meaning we must take this literally. He asks the man questions about this narrative, as if He took it literally. He tells the man to imitate it. He tells it the way a Jew would tell a thing that has really happened, using verbs Jews use to tell facts. If this didn't really happen, then Christ Jesus is a liar, and thus not sinless, and Christianity crumbles. If He didn't know it wasn't, then He's not omniscient, and thus an idiot, and Christianity crumbles.

So, if you don't take it literally, then you're not doing what Jesus would do.

By disbelieving this historical account, you are calling God a liar and Satan (the Prince of this World, who outright mind-controls those who are not Christians, meaning every single bit of logic which is not found by Christians is from Satan) a truth-teller

Non-belief in the Parable of the Good Samaritan causes atrocities

Disbelief in it is a root component of Atheism, Pantheism, Hinduism and all other religions which deny the authority of a Personal God who begat a Personal Jesus who was baptized through a Personal Holy Ghost. It's also the root of many atrocities such as Nazism, Communism, Sodomy, and pineapple on pizza. Think about it: If they believed it did happen, they would strive to act according to the Samaritan hero's behavior, helping people you don't know, meaning denial of it is the root of all evil and caused out of a desire to ignore the poor and needy so you could do detestable things before God (Ezekiel 18:49). Some had theorized this is more like denial of this story's spiritual message instead of its reality. While they are exactly right! Rather than struggle against a guilty conscience after testing yourself towards that hero, some reject the oh-so obvious factuality of this story and embrace this lie of it being an allegory.

Why it is important to believe in it

If there was no Good Samaritan, then love isn't made out of a desire to imitate him as it should. If there was no Good Samaritan, then why do you help the poor? Is it not to reflect that good man? Then, if you don't believe in it and yet help anybody who suffers, you're a hypocrite, since beliefs about morality are supposed to be grounded in views about facts. If there was no Good Samaritan, then people would not have that conscience which wants them to do good and instill objective moral values in them. However, if these anti-Samaritans did fulfill their goal and brainwash everybody into thinking they were right, everybody with common sense would still know they were wrong. If there was no Good Samaritan, then how are we sure Jericho wasn't a real town? If there was no good Samaritan, then non-Christians can't be good, meaning racism is entirely justified. If there was no Good Samaritan, that means the evidence above is the product of random chance. The same way, how can you be sure the device you're using to read this Uncyclopedia article isn't also the product of geological formations? How can you be sure your watch isn't the product of a tornado? How can you be sure the Founding Fathers statues at Mount Rushmore aren't the result of erosion? How can you be sure the site you're reading wasn't programmed by randomly typing monkeys? This means that this ENTIRELY HISTORICALLY ACCURATE AND FACTUAL ACCOUNT is ABSOLUTELY TRUE, thereby proving that there WAS a Fall of man, and that Darwinism is false.