Uncyclopedia talk:No Adverts
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Uncyclopedia: No Adverts Personal Ads[edit source]
Whimsical Frail European Man Seeks Statuesque Statue[edit source]
- I never thought I'd be making a personal ad, let alone a personal ad on Uncyclopedia, but here goes:
- 39/M/Spain with 8" toungue seeking statue of Natalie Portman or other inanimate object to cover with a bowl of hot grits and then lick off with my rather well endowed tongue. I want our love to be concrete as only the love between a man and a statue (covered in hot grits) can be. As I am European, I only bathe or shower fortnightly, resulting in sexiness. I am frail and whimsical and I long to be crushed to death under the weight of a very tall statue. The Burghers of Calais need not apply as I am a down to earth traditional girl and not into group sex and other weird scenes. I'm really the romantic type, even though I am frail, weak, and sickly.
- My other interests include Penis Puppetry, sucking my mother, the hermaphrodite, and having a go with my sister. Not all at the same time, of course! LOLocopters! Please respond care of Uncyclopedia: davidbravo@uncyclopedia.org
Leather Dyke Seeks Same, but Less Dykey[edit source]
- Me- Into Harleys, drinking endless shots of espresso in sidewalk cafes, smoking stinky French cigarettes, arguing philosophy, visiting the optometrist, clog dancing, and fisting.
- You - Into being fisted.
- And did you get a load of that guy with the ad above mine? What a Freak!
Kinky Older Gentleman Into Lawn Care[edit source]
- You kids get of my lawn!! Right this instant! I know your mothers you little vandals! Don't think I won't call them, because I will, goddammit! I swear to god, if I catch you little hoodlums out here again, wrecking my lawn, I'm going to call the cops and your mothers! Goddamn kids. No respect for their elders. No respect. Goddamn punks. Ruining the country. When I was a kid . . .
- I am seeking a young woman, no older than 27, with wide hips and her own lawn edger. Must like TV shows such as Lawn Order: Special Victims Unit. and anything else on the HG Network.
- I'm on Myspace. Search for Grouchy Old Tom. Look for me and comment on my blog.
This is not a picture of Alfred Williams[edit source]
Alfred Williams, the name of a Nigerian government official who has access to significant amounts of West African money ripe for transfer to “your country” in a fee-sharing arrangement, apparently resides in Lagos, according to his IP address. His business practices – which weak-kneed naysayers call “419”, "Nigerian Money Scam", or “advance fee fraud” -- are clearly meant to benefit you, should you be fortunate enough to come in email contact with Mr. Williams.
Having high-level government connections, Alfred has been associated by some with Greatman Nwachukwu of Cotonou, Benin; Addisa Williams of Lagos (possibly related); and Kcopr Tve, who is a Mauritian politician running for president but uses a Lagos IP address. Mr. Williams’ many, many high level connections throughout the West African bureaucracy and political structures will assist you in procuring the many forms and specialists you need to assist you through an easy acquisition of your funds, which often range between USD$1 million and USD$50 million.
[author’s note: While we have yet to see the funds promised by Alfred, and others, we are certain they will arrive just as soon as we send a non-traceable Western Union money transfer for USD$3500 to him. On top of the $16,500 we have already sent.]
There have been many, many unsubstantiated reports of Alfred William’s bizarre sexual habits, including predilections for mice, hares, hogs, bonobos, barbary macaques and infant mandrills. These are unsubstantiated, but we note that many of his peers, such as Greatman Nwachukwu, Addisa Williams and Kcopr Tve have similar rumours about them, and bestiality practices among money-transfer email businessmen are widely believed to be rampant.
A new and successful strategy is this: if asked to transfer money, offer them an animal with which to have “relations”, rather than provide them with funds. Based on the widespread bestiality reports, it is believed that this will speed along the transaction [author’s note: we have been trying this and are certain it will work to recover the former finance minister’s brother’s son’s money].
... and others just waiting to hear from you![edit source]
- For more images, see here If adding a new entry, please remember to write in the style of a typical personal ad.
Why does this still exist?[edit source]
It seems to be a system like CVP, CRP, and UN:VPV, the first two of which have been replaced with salting. Why can't this be replaced by salting as well? --Pentium5dot1 (semi-retired) t~^_^~c 06:20, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
