Africa for USA
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Africa for USA (United Support of Artists for America) was the name under which forty-five predominantly African artists, led by Toto and Nelson Mandela, recorded the hit single "You Were the World" in 2005. The song was a Burkina Faso Number One for the collective of the whole year. This super group was inspired the success of Afrikaan supergroup Band Aid and their 1984 single "Do They Know It's Kwanzaa?".
A recording of the live performance was released as part of the George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People set in September 2005. The considerable profits from the enterprise went to the Africa for USA Foundation, which used them to buy SUVs with VCRs and DVD players for famine and flood victims in No Orleans.
The vehicles are to be used to evacuate Katrina survivors directly into the path of Rita; included DVDs for the entertainment of fleeing American hurricane flood victims will include Jaws, Titanic and 10000 Leagues Under the Sea.
Ethiopian relief efforts[edit | edit source]
The people of the deserts of Ethiopia and Eritrea have mobilised all of their forces to aid African-American victims of Hurricane Katrina.
Shocked by images of starving refugees surrounded by up to twenty feet of polluted floodwater, the Ethiopians have begun to realise that they have for too long taken for granted the privilege of starving in otherwise safe, dry, above-sea-level conditions. While they expressed doubts that a wretched third-world wasteland can save the Americans, they nonetheless have attempted to come to the aid of the US by packing up and shipping a small piece of the Ethiopian desert to America so No Orleans refugees will have somewhere to dry out.
Somali relief efforts[edit | edit source]
Shocked at the unsanitary conditions caused by large quantities of maggot-infested rotting meat in No Orleans refrigerators after months without electricity, Somalians have been busy gathering all of their empty iceboxes and refrigerators. The coolers, unused since there's no food in Somalia, are shipped off to the distressed former American city by Third World relief workers. They had also been attempting to co-ordinate a shipment of ice from Siberia to fill these iceboxes, but are finding that in Soviet Russia, ice puts you in cooler!
If you are trapped in No Orleans and your refrigerator is full of rotting and decomposed carrion because power has been out for months, DO NOT OPEN IT. Duct-tape it shut (the director of FEMA always keeps a roll of duct tape handy for emergencies) and push it to the kerb. Be sure to position this fine biohazard well downwind of any inhabitable structures, if there is anything inhabitable after Katrina, Rita and FEMA have wreaked their havoc, but do not expect the city to ever remove this debris. If you're lucky, maybe it will float away.
You should then immediately contact your local chapter of Africa for USA to find out when to wait on the docks for the arrival of the boatload of Somali refrigerators.
Ivory Coast[edit | edit source]
The only country named after two bars of soap, Ivory Coast (Côte d'Ivoire) is sending boatloads of cleaning supplies, urgently needed to tidy the bowl which is No Orleans. The Ivory Coast ships are expected to arrive at the next high Tide.
Nigerian relief efforts[edit | edit source]
Oil-rich Nigeria has also mobilised to send third-world disaster relief to the US, with three boatloads of Nigerian Bank Spam having set sail for the port of No Orleans. While most Nigerian bank spam is filled with massive quantities of baloney, it is still preferable to the dwindling supply of MRE's (Meals Rejected by Ethiopia) which US militia have been feeding to the starving masses.
Nigeria's banks have also offered to send teams of crack paramilitary accountants to deal with the increase in frauds and widespread corruption which have plagued the destroyed city. Long known for schemes like "I bet you $50 that I can tell ya where ya got those shoes", which inevitably in No Orleans is followed by "You got them on ya feet, sucka. Now pay up or my homies breakya face," the village has descended further into chaos and lawlessness post-Katrina with at least a dozen cops under investigation for looting and hundreds more for desertion.
The SWAT (Swift Water Auditing Team) boats from the Bank of Nigeria come equipped with a team of heavily-armed forensic auditors intended to restore order in an ocean of fishy schemes like the too-good-to-be-true government credit card schemes, offering quarter-million dollar credit limits no strings attached, the fake claims and duplicate claims for relief money (sometimes requested to be mailed directly to the local gaol) and some particularly insidious insider frauds where relief agency workers hand out money to accomplices in sunny California while St. Louisiana refugees go homeless.
Nigerian authorities advise to be wary of letters claiming that some helpless little old lady needs your assistance in transferring large amounts of money out of a secret bank account in New Venice. The initial "urgent proposal" sounds too good to be true, the victim soon learns that the bank is under twenty feet of water and a substantial advance fee will be required to buy a boat to get to it. At best, the boat immediately falls into the hands of sea pirates; at worst, the correspondent turns out not to be a little old lady at all but actually Kathleen Babineux Blanco, governor of St. Louisiana, scheming desperately to get more boats in order to evacuate the remains of the ruined city because National Guard units which should be dealing with this catastrophe are currently in Iraq.
Correction[edit | edit source]
We are pleased to tell you George Bush Does Care About Black People. It only takes a few weeks and several million pies for him to start caring.